[A needle lands on a record. Hurley is in the chakula storage area eating candy, chips, cereal, a steak, and ice cream. Suddenly Jin appears.]
JIN: Hi there, Hurley.
HURLEY: Jin, you're here.
JIN: I sure am.
HURLEY: Dude, wewe speak English.
JIN: No, you're speaking Korean.
HURLEY: [Subtitle: I am?]
[Hurley stands and suddenly there is a chicken-mascot-man standing inayofuata to Jin.]
HURLEY: [Subtitle: What's he doing here?]
[We start hearing the countdown "blip" sound.]
JIN: Everything's going to change.
HURLEY: [Subtitle: What?]
JIN: Everything's going to change. Have a cluckity-cluck-cluck day, Hugo.
[The chicken-mascot-man says "Hurley" in Kate's voice.]
KATE: Hurley.
[Hurley wakes up and we see 3:44 on the timer.]
KATE: wewe fell asleep?
HURLEY: No, I was just -- resting my eyes.
KATE: [touching a post-it on the computer monitor] The Numbers are written right there.
HURLEY: Yeah, I remember the Numbers. [Hurley starts entering the Numbers.]
KATE: Locke went back to the beach. So, I'll be taking the inayofuata shift.
HURLEY: Awesome.
KATE: Jack told me about your job. At least we have jobs again, right?
HURLEY: Hurray for us. [He presses the execute button and the counter resets to 108:00.]
[Sawyer, Michael and Jin in the dug-out prison.]
SAWYER: Ain't life grand. What I wouldn't give for a cup of water right now.
JIN: [says something in Korean. He motions to Sawyer to lift him up again.]
SAWYER: No way. No zaidi human pyramids -- just forget it.
MICHAEL: [yelling] Hey. Hey! Hey, let us out of here!
SAWYER: No. Just -- chill!
MICHAEL: Every dakika I spend down here is another dakika my boy is still out there.
SAWYER: Well, let me break it down for you, Mikey. Right now, Rambina and her buddies are trying to figure out what to do with us. Until they make up their damn mind there ain't nothing we can do.
JIN: [says something in Korean -- points to Sawyer's shoulder.]
SAWYER: Ah, yeah. Why don't wewe pee on it?
[The cover is lifted from the pit and a rope is dropped down.]
LEADER: [lowering a rope and pointing to Jin] Grab the rope. Please.
SAWYER: Don't do it.
ANA LUCIA: [approaching with a gun] Climb the rope au I shoot your friend.
[Jin goes up the rope.]
ANA LUCIA: [to Michael] wewe next.
SAWYER: Don't do it. She's bluffing. The gun's only got 1 bullet. She ain't going to waste it...
[Sawyer gets hit in the head with a rock and goes down.]
SAWYER: Ow, son-of-a-bitch. Ow, God.
ANA LUCIA: [to Michael] Grab the rope.
[Michael climbs up the rope.]
SAWYER: wewe want me, Hotlips, you're going to have to come down here and get me -- [The cover closes and the screen goes to black] -- bitch.
[COMMERCIAL BREAK]
[FLASHBACK]
[Hurley standing with the winning lotto ticket in his hand, watching the TV inaonyesha his winning numbers.]
MARY JO: 4, 8, 15, 16, and 23, with the mega number 42. Whoever has those numbers has won, au will share in, a near record jackpot.
LOTTO OFFICIAL: That's right, Mary Jo, because this is the 16th week without a winner.
[Hurley passes out, and Hurley's mom, Carmen, comes to check on him.]
CARMEN: Hugo? Hu.. Hugo! Hugo, wake up. Wake up. [She slaps his face, vigorously.]
HURLEY: Stop, ow, ow, mom, stop. I just slipped.
CARMEN: Slipped sitting down? Is it your heart?
HURLEY: Mom, I'm fine.
CARMEN: You're lying. I always know because wewe don't look me in the eye.
HURLEY: I'm not lying.
CARMEN: Then tell me what happened, huh?
[Hurley folds over the lottery ticket to hide it.]
HURLEY: It must be something I ate.
CARMEN: Yes, it must be something wewe ate because wewe eat basura, and wewe don't exercise.
HURLEY: I do exercise.
CARMEN: Falling down is not exercise. The only time wewe songesha is to lift a drumstick from the bucket. Everyday it's the same thing, Hugo -- wewe work, wewe eat chicken. wewe have to change your life, Hugo. wewe think someone else will change it for you? Maybe if wewe pray everyday, Jesus Christ will come down from heaven, take 200 pounds and bring wewe a decent woman, and a new car. Yes, Jesus can bring wewe a new car.
HURLEY: Maybe I don't want to change. Maybe I like my life.
[The phone rings.]
CARMEN: Oh, that must be Jesus. [She goes to another room and picks up the phone.] Hola, momento. [Calling to Hurley] Yes, it is Jesus. He wants to know what color car wewe want.
[END OF FLASHBACK]
[Back to the Island. Hurley at the beach, pwani splashing water on his face. Charlie approaches.]
CHARLIE: Hurley, we need to have a little chat. Don't worry, mommy's off for a walk, so it's just you, me and the baby. Spill it.
HURLEY: Spill what?
CHARLIE: What's in it?
HURLEY: Uh, nothing, really.
CHARLIE: You've been out there an entire siku and night -- looking at nothing?
HURLEY: Well, I guess it's kind of like a bunker, wewe know, from WWII, only newer.
CHARLIE: What's in it?
HURLEY: I don't know.
CHARLIE: But somehow wewe know it's a bunker?
HURLEY: Well, I guess someone told me.
CHARLIE: You're going to lie to me? You're going to lie to the baby?
HURLEY: Dude, look, I'd never lie.
CHARLIE: Oh, and the time wewe told wewe were worth 150 million dollars?
HURLEY: It's 156 million.
CHARLIE: I'm sorry, I must have confused it with the 900 trillion I am worth myself. And this baby's made a chokoleti lollipop. So, if you'll excuse us, I'm going to flap my wings and fly off this island.
[Rose doing laundry on the beach. Hurley enters.]
HURLEY: Hey, Rose.
ROSE: hujambo yourself.
HURLEY: So, doing laundry, huh?
ROSE: Indeed I am. wewe want to hand me those dirty clothes over there? [Hurley hands her a suitcase.] Thank you.
HURLEY: Don't wewe want to know what happened?
ROSE: What happened?
HURLEY: wewe know, out there. Everyone's asking me what's in the Hatch.
ROSE: That's your business, honey.
HURLEY: Don't wewe want to know?
ROSE: Well, whatever it is, it's not going to help get this laundry done, now is it?
HURLEY: Well, actually, it sort of is.
[Hurley and Rose walking in the jungle.]
HURLEY: It's around here somewhere.
[Hurley finds the bunker entrance and he and Rose go inside.]
ROSE: Someone actually lived down here?
HURLEY: Uh-huh.
ROSE: Oh. What -- what is it for?
HURLEY: It's kind of a long story.
JACK: [entering] Hurley? Who else did wewe tell?
HURLEY: No one. I swear. Dude, it's a big job. I needed -- help.
ROSE: Hello, Jack.
JACK: Hey, Rose.
HURLEY: She's cool. She won't tell anyone.
ROSE: Honey, I don't even know what I would say.
[Claire walking along the beach. She's sees the bottle of messages from the raft, slab wash up in the surf.]
[COMMERCIAL BREAK]
[Jack, Rose and Hurley go into the chakula storage room.]
ROSE: All this is food?
JACK: It's only a matter of time before we have to tell everyone what we found down here.[To Hurley] So, do wewe know what to do?
HURLEY: Inventory of all of it, and figure out how we make it last.
JACK: And in the meantime, nobody gets anything -- no exceptions. That's your responsibility, Hurley. Okay?
[We can hear the countdown alarm start blipping.]
ROSE: What's that?
HURLEY: wewe don't want to know.
[Hurley and Rose doing the inventory.]
HURLEY: DHARMA Initiative saladi Dressing - Ranch composite. Sounds tasty.
[Rose laughs. Hurley opens a box full of Apollo bars.]
HURLEY: Apollo bars? Ever hear of these?
ROSE: Huh-uh, but Candy is candy. That's what Bernard always says. Talk about a sweet-tooth. That man has a mouth full of sweet-teeth.
HURLEY: Bernard, that was your husband?
ROSE: Is my husband.
HURLEY: Oh, but, I thought he was in the back of the plane. [Rose gives him a look.] I'm sorry, I didn't mean...
ROSE: Oh, no, no -- that's okay. Don't feel bad. Bernard is fine. I know it. wewe want to get the canned tuna?
HURLEY: Everyone's going to hate me, Rose.
ROSE: Now that's just plain silly. You're about the only one on this island that everybody loves.
HURLEY: Well, that'll change.
KATE: Hey, wewe guys happen to find any shampoo in here?
ROSE: Yeah, there's some right over here.
HURLEY: Uh, Kate, wewe can't take...
KATE: [grabbing the shampoo] Thanks, Hurley. [She exits.]
ROSE: It's just one bottle.
HURLEY: That's where it starts.
[FLASHBACK]
[Hurley looking at his lotto ticket while he's at work at Mr. Clucks. Hurley's friend, Johnny, enters.]
JOHNNY: Hey, Hugo. wewe okay, man?
HURLEY: [putting the lotto ticket in his pocket] Yeah, I'm fine.
RANDY: [Hurley's boss] Reyes, my office, now.
[Hurley goes to Randy's office.]
RANDY: wewe want to tell me something, Reyes?
HURLEY: Uh, no.
RANDY: wewe sure about that?
HURLEY: Uh, yeah?
RANDY: This is last night's surveillance tape.
[Randy plays a tape which shows Hurley kusoma and eating a piece of chicken.]
RANDY: wewe owe the company for an 8 piece dark meat combo.
HURLEY: I didn't eat 8 pieces!
RANDY: wewe want to watch the whole tape? Oh, and while you're here, how many times do I get to tell wewe those napkins cost money, alright? It's two per customer -- two. We are not made of money here at Mr. Clucks, Reyes. I'm not made of money. Are wewe made of money? Because if you're made of money -- maybe wewe don't want to work here. So get it together. What -- is that a problem, Reyes?
HURLEY: Dude, I quit.
[Hurley is breathing into a Mr. Clucks paper bag in the parking lot outside work. Johnny comes out.]
HURLEY: Oh, my god. Oh, my god.
JOHNNY: Dude, are wewe okay?
HURLEY: I'm, I'm fine.
JOHNNY: Randy's losing his brain in there.
HURLEY: wewe should get back in there au he'll have wewe scrubbing johns for the rest of the week.
JOHNNY: Doubt it. I quit, too.
HURLEY: What?
JOHNNY: Looks like we've got ourselves a siku off. Who needs money when you've got good looks?
[END OF FLASHBACK]
[Locke walking through the jungle. He picks some matunda up from under a tree.]
LOCKE: wewe can come out now. I saw wewe back at the rock, and then at the mangrove tree. In fact, I walked in a big circle. I'm not sure how wewe didn't realize it.
[Charlie comes out.]
CHARLIE: Alright, wewe don't have to insult me.
LOCKE: [eating the fruit] wewe want to tell me why you've been following me, Charlie?
CHARLIE: Yeah. Quite simply, John, there are a lot of secrets around here, and I'm tired of being at the bloody kid's table. I got Claire's baby back. I didn't go swanning off to the Black Rock on the bloody A-Team mission, but I would have if someone had asked me. I think I'm entitled to some sodding majibu around here.
LOCKE: What do wewe want to know?
[Sayid hits a ukuta in the bunker with a large piece of metal, trying to break through. Jack enters.]
JACK: How's it going?
SAYID: It's not. On the other side of this door there's zaidi concrete. I'd say it's at least 8 to 10 feet thick.
JACK: wewe see this? [Jack shows how his key is affected kwa the magnetic field.]
SAYID: Interesting. Good thing this [referring to the piece of metal he's using as a pick-axe] is titanium. Almost no magnetic attraction. But we're not going to get in up here.
JACK: Up here?
[Sayid lifts up a grate in the floor and they look down.]
SAYID: Perhaps we can go under it.
[The "leader" guy of the tail-section group lifts the cover off the dug-out prison and throws a rope down for Sawyer.]
LEADER: Grab the rope.
SAWYER: I ain't doing nothing 'til I know if my Marafiki are okay.
MICHAEL: [coming into frame] So, we're Marafiki now, huh?
ANA LUCIA: [coming into frame] Do it now, au the rope comes up.
[Sawyer gets pulled up out of the pit where there is a group waiting.]
SAWYER: Howdy boys. Thanks for the rescue.
MICHAEL: Everything's cool. We had a talk and they believe we were on the plane, too.
SAWYER: Swell, I guess we can all sue Oceanic together.
ANA LUCIA: [to Sawyer who's trying to hide that he's holding a rock] What wewe got there?
SAWYER: Nothing.
ANA LUCIA: wewe got a rock? wewe looking for some revenge? You've got 3 sekunde to drop it.
LEADER: Ana...
ANA LUCIA: 1, 2...
SAWYER: Now, hold on...
[Ana throws an elbow across Sawyer's face, and he falls to the ground. Leader guy holds Jin back. Ana steps on Sawyer's wounded shoulder.]
SAWYER: Ow, wewe didn't say 3.
[She stomps on his shoulder.]
ANA LUCIA: Shut up. When I tell wewe to do something, wewe do it -- I say move, wewe songesha -- I say stop, wewe stop. I say jump, what do wewe say?
SAWYER: wewe first.
ANA LUCIA: [stomping his shoulder again] wewe don't like the rules, I toss your punda back in the pit right now, wewe understand?
SAWYER: I understand.
[Sawyer gets up in a lot of pain.]
ANA LUCIA: It's getting dark, we're moving out.
SAWYER: Moving out where?
ANA LUCIA: What did I just tell you?
SAWYER: Sorry, forgot. Just one thing, though -- wewe hit me again, I'll kill you.
[Ana just smiles in an amused sort of way.]
ANA LUCIA: Let's go.
[Michael and Jin wait for Sawyer. They all start walking through the jungle.]
[COMMERCIAL BREAK]
[Charlie and Locke talking in the jungle.]
CHARLIE: He pushed that button every 108 minutes?
LOCKE: He did indeed.
CHARLIE: But how is that possible? I mean, didn't he sleep?
LOCKE: Don't know -- didn't get a chance to ask him.
CHARLIE: And after all that time, he just up and left? I mean, why? Where'd he go?
LOCKE: Don't know. I tried to track him, but he didn't leave much of a trail. I guess he figured he found his replacements.
CHARLIE: Meaning us?
LOCKE: Meaning us.
CHARLIE: It -- sounds a bit nutty, doesn't it?
LOCKE: It is what it is, Charlie.
CHARLIE: And what happens if we don't push it?
LOCKE: We're not going to find out. I'm setting up a system. I'm still working on it, but it looks like it's going to be two person shifts every 6 hours au so.
CHARLIE: Shifts? Pushing a button?
LOCKE: Oh, and there's a record player.
CHARLIE: What's Hurley been doing there?
LOCKE: He's in charge of the food.
CHARLIE: Food?
[Hurley sitting at the beach, pwani alone. Charlie enters.]
CHARLIE: hujambo mate? Where wewe been?
HURLEY: Hey, I've been -- around.
CHARLIE: I know, Hurley.
HURLEY: wewe know what?
CHARLIE: I know about the food. Locke told me everything.
HURLEY: Yeah, well, Locke's lying.
CHARLIE: Oh yeah, is he lying about the button we have to push every 108 dakika au the Island will explode?
HURLEY: It's not going to explode.
CHARLIE: Ah [Charlie points at Hurley like: I gotcha], come on.
HURLEY: Look, Jack put me in charge. Look, I don't even want...
CHARLIE: Is there karanga butter?
HURLEY: What?
CHARLIE: karanga siagi -- nutty, creamy, staple of children everywhere.
HURLEY: Uh, yeah. A couple jars.
CHARLIE: Brilliant. How about wewe give us one? -- It's for Claire.
HURLEY: No can do, man.
CHARLIE: You're saying no to a nursing mother?
HURLEY: It's not like that.
CHARLIE: Oh, it's exactly like that. wewe know, I never thought this would happen but it did. You've become one of them.
HURLEY: One of them?
CHARLIE: Them - the man... management. I thought we were friends. You've changed, man.
[FLASHBACK]
[Hurley and Johnny in a record store looking through the sale bin. They tentatively sing the lyrics to wewe All Everybody while looking at the CD in the One Hit Wonders Section.]
JOHNNY: Drive Shaft - zaidi like Suck Shaft.
HURLEY: I'm going to go check out the headphones.
JOHNNY: Sure, headphones.
[We see a girl behind a counter smile when Hurley approaches.]
STARLA: Hu-go.
HURLEY: Star-la.
STARLA: Why aren't wewe chuckleheads at work?
JOHNNY: We're currently exploring other opportunities.
STARLA: wewe quit?
HURLEY: I did.
JOHNNY: He's mixing it up today. He's off the rail. Somebody get a straitjacket.
HURLEY: [pointing at some headphones] Hey, can I try those on?
STARLA: You're messing with my worldview here, Hugo. You're my rock. I mean if wewe quit your job the inayofuata thing wewe know bees will stop making honey, and flowers will die, and, hell, the whole damn thing will fall apart.
HURLEY: [talking too loud because he has headphones on] So, Starla...
[Starla takes the headphones off Hurley.]
HURLEY: Sorry. Uh, well, The Hold Steady is playing the Troubadour this weekend, and I was wondering -- maybe Friday...
STARLA: Um, I have to work.
HURLEY: Oh, no, I didn't mean...
STARLA: I could probably go Saturday. Is that cool?
HURLEY: Yeah, that's totally cool.
JOHNNY: [as they are leaving the record store] Dude, you've been crushing on this girl for months and doing nothing. Today you're fricking Fabio. Seriously, man, what has gotten into you?
HURLEY: Nothing, I just wanted to ask her out before...
JOHNNY: Before what?
HURLEY: Nothing.
[END OF FLASHBACK]
[Sayid and Jack in tunnels under the bunker.]
SAYID: This is the last duct. I believe we're under the area where we began. They poured concrete all the way down here, too.
[Sayid starts hitting the ukuta with the piece of metal.]
SAYID: Just as thick.
JACK: Maybe there's a way around it.
[They crawl mbele under what looks like pipes.]
JACK: What is all this stuff?
SAYID: My best guess? There's a geothermal generator behind this wall. That's the power source. Careful with these pipes, they're very hot.
[They come to the end of the tunnel.]
JACK: That's it -- nothing -- it's blocked. So what do wewe think, Sayid?
SAYID: What do I think about what, Jack?
JACK: This place -- the computer? What do wewe think is going on?
SAYID: The last time I heard of concrete being poured over everything in this way was Chernobyl.
[They hear loud sound coming from the pipes.]
JACK: Did wewe hit something?
SAYID: I don't think so. It's coming from over there.
JACK: I'm going to check it out.
[Jack climbs up through a grate in the floor and finds Kate getting out of the shower.]
JACK: Hey.
KATE: Hey.
JACK: You, um, wewe took a shower.
KATE: I had to see if it worked.
JACK: How was it?
KATE: [in a towel, trying to pick up her clothes] Uh, pressure sucked, it kind of went cold at one point, and it smelled a little bit like sulfur but -- it was a shower.
JACK: Yeah, I know what wewe mean.
KATE: wewe could use one.
JACK: Maybe a little later.
KATE: [exiting] I'll leave the shampoo for you.
[The tail-section people, plus the raft, slab guys walking through the jungle. Someone stumbles and Michael helps her.]
LIBBY: I'm Libby.
MICHAEL: Michael.
LIBBY: How many of wewe -- wewe know, on the other side of the Island?
MICHAEL: When we left, around 40. How many of wewe survived?
LIBBY: 23 of us.
LEADER: [to Sawyer] Are wewe alright?
SAWYER: Now wewe give a damn.
LEADER: I alisema I'm sorry. It was a misunderstanding.
SAWYER: A misunderstanding is when wewe bring me maji ya limau, lemonade instead of iced-tea.
ANA LUCIA: I said: no talking.
SAWYER: He was talking to me.
ANA LUCIA: [stopping in the jungle] We're here.
SAWYER: What are wewe going to do -- beam us up?
[Ana knocks on the bunker door like the one on station 3. A man opens. They file inside. It doesn't appear to have any equipment au furniture in it. There is a DHARMA logo on the wall. There is only one other woman inside.]
MICHAEL: [to Libby] I thought wewe alisema there were 23 of you.
LIBBY: There were.
[COMMERCIAL BREAK]
[Sun working in her garden. Claire and Shannon enter with the bottle of messages.]
CLAIRE: Hi, Sun.
SUN: What's wrong?
CLAIRE: I -- I found something out in the water, and I told Shannon about it, and we thought wewe should know about it. [Shannon hands the bottle to Sun.] It's the messages from the raft. We thought wewe should decide what to do.
[Locke looking over a rifle. Hurley enters.]
HURLEY: Why'd wewe tell Charlie, man?
LOCKE: Because he asked, Hugo.
HURLEY: Yeah, well wewe shouldn't have. wewe should have listened to me about coming down here, period. Now it's all going to change, everything.
LOCKE: Change is good, Hugo.
HURLEY: wewe know, people say that, but it's not true, man. Trust me, I know. And guess who gets to be the bad guy who has to say: no wewe can't have karanga siagi for the cute blonde and her poor island baby. wewe know who? It's me. -- wewe know what? I'm not going to do it. Find someone else to deal with the chow, man.
LOCKE: No, we all have our jobs, Hugo. My job is to convince people to push a button every 108 dakika without them knowing why -- au for what. Wanna trade?
HURLEY: I don't want to do this, man!
LOCKE: Yeah, I've had a lot of jobs I didn't want to do. I still did them. I'm sorry, Hugo, wewe don't get to quit.
HURLEY: Okay, then.
[Hurley walking through the jungle. He gets the leftover dynamite from a hiding place in a tree.]
[FLASHBACK]
[Johnny and Hurley stealing garden gnomes.]
JOHNNY: Be careful.
HURLEY: Dude, I am!
JOHNNY: wewe got it?
HURLEY: Yeah, I got it.
JOHNNY: Alright, let's go.
[They run to a van and place another gnome with the stash in the back of the van.]
JOHNNY: Do wewe think we got enough gnomes?
HURLEY: Okay, we're good.
[They get in the van and then are in someone else's yard.]
JOHNNY: This is genius.
HURLEY: A little to the left, dude, and zaidi of an angle.
[Someone opens the front door of a house.]
RANDY: Hey!
JOHNNY: Run!
[They take off in the van and leave Randy standing in his driveway in his underwear. The camera pans to the lawn to reveal the gnomes have been used to spell out the words "Cluck You" on the lawn.]
JOHNNY: [yelling out the van window] Freedom!
HURLEY: [laughing] Dude, what are wewe doing?
JOHNNY: Freedom! So, anything else wewe want to do tonight -- wewe better let me know now -- because our siku off is just about over, Huggy Bear. In about 10 hours we going to have to find ourselves some new employment. I hear pizza Bin is hiring, au we could try our luck at, ah, Gyro-Rama. But I do kind of dig the chick who works at the Bin.
HURLEY: Dude, promise me something.
JOHNNY: Okay, what?
HURLEY: Promise me that no matter what happens, we'll never change -- this will never change.
JOHNNY: Okay. Oh, I know what this is about. I know why you've been uigizaji so weird lately. You're getting that, uh, that, uh, stomach stapling surgery thing, aren't you?
HURLEY: I'm not getting surgery.
JOHNNY: Awe, c'mon man, it's cool. I mean, I could still be all surprised and be like, ooh, my, Hurley, wow, is that you?
HURLEY: Listen, Johnny, I'm serious. Promise me that wewe and I will always stay the same.
JOHNNY: I'll do wewe one better. Not only will I stay gold, Ponyboy, I will drink to it. [He looks in his empty wallet.] Can I borrow 2 bucks?
[END OF FLASHBACK]
[Hurley in the chakula storage room, placing a fuse in the dynamite. Rose enters.]
ROSE: What have wewe got there, Hurley?
HURLEY: Uh, it's dynamite.
ROSE: Dynamite? Well, what are wewe doing with it?
HURLEY: I'm sorry, but I can't let it happen again.
[FLASHBACK]
[Hurley and Johnny pulling into a gas station. There's a news crew interviewing the sales clerk.]
JOHNNY: Why is there a news crew here?
HURLEY: Dude, we shouldn't go here. Dude, let's go, they jack the prices here.
JOHNNY: [getting out of the van] Maybe somebody got shot.
[Hurley looks at his lotto ticket.]
[END OF FLASHBACK]
[Rose and Hurley in the storage room.]
ROSE: Why are wewe doing this, honey?
HURLEY: Look, just get out of here, Rose.
ROSE: But you're going to hurt somebody.
HURLEY: Not if I do it from outside the door. It's thick, and I'll make sure there's nobody around first. So, please, will wewe just go?
ROSE: Uh-uh, wewe hauled me off of the beach, pwani and wewe dragged me into this place -- the least I can get is an explanation before wewe blow it up.
HURLEY: wewe don't get it. This is going to mess it all up.
[FLASHBACK]
[Hurley looking at his lotto ticket in the van.]
JOHNNY: Dude, somebody won the lottery!
[END OF FLASHBACK]
[Hurley and Rose in the storage room.]
HURLEY: Let me tell wewe something, Rose. We were all fine before we had any [he pulls chips off the shelf] potato chips. But now we've got these potato chips and everybody's going to want them. So Steve gets them, and Charlie's pissed -- but he's not pissed at Steve, he's pissed at me.
[FLASHBACK]
[The gas station clerk pointing at Hurley in the van.]
GAS STATION CLERK: That's the guy! That's the guy!
[Johnny stares at Hurley, looking hurt/surprised. A brief shot of Hurley and Rose, then shots from the gas station shown during the following lines.]
HURLEY: And I'm going to be in the middle of it. And then it's going to be: well, what about us -- why didn't I get any potato chips? C'mon, help us out, Hurley. Why did wewe give Kate the shampoo? And why didn't I get the karanga butter? Then, they'll get really mad and start asking: why does Hugo have everything -- why should he get to decide? [Quick intercuts between the gas station and storage room.] Then they'll all hate me. I don't know what to do.
[END OF FLASHBACK]
[COMMERCIAL BREAK]
[Hurley and Jack on the beach.]
HURLEY: Come on, Jack. The inventory's done, this is the only way.
JACK: Are wewe serious?
HURLEY: Dude, there's enough chakula in there to feed 1 guy, 3 meals a siku for another 3 months. We have 40 people, it's just not going to work. wewe put me in charge, this is what we're doing.
JACK: [nodding] Okay.
HURLEY: Okay?
JACK: Yeah, okay.
HURLEY: [to himself - relieved] Okay.
[Montage of Hurley giving karanga siagi to Charlie and passing out food; Locke sharing a tin; Shannon sharing with Vincent; Kate and Jack laughing and eating; baby smiling and Charlie giving the karanga siagi to Claire; people patting Hurley on the back; Charlie and Hurley hugging; Sun burying the bottle of messages. Then scenes of Jin, Sawyer, Michael; others talking in the background. The man who opened the door approaches Jin, Sawyer and Michael.]
BERNARD: Um, excuse me. Hi. Back where wewe guys, uh, where wewe came from -- is there a woman named Rose there?
SAWYER: Black chick in her 50's?
BERNARD: [nodding] Is she, is she okay?
MICHAEL: Yeah, man, she's okay.
BERNARD: Oh, oh.
MICHAEL: Michael, I'm Michael.
BERNARD: Thank you, Michael. I'm, I'm Bernard.
MICHAEL: Okay, it's okay. She's good.
[Shot of Rose putting an Apollo bar in her pocket, holding Bernard's ring and smiling.]
Retrieved from "http://lostpedia.wikia.com/wiki/Everybody_Hates_Hugo_transcript"
JIN: Hi there, Hurley.
HURLEY: Jin, you're here.
JIN: I sure am.
HURLEY: Dude, wewe speak English.
JIN: No, you're speaking Korean.
HURLEY: [Subtitle: I am?]
[Hurley stands and suddenly there is a chicken-mascot-man standing inayofuata to Jin.]
HURLEY: [Subtitle: What's he doing here?]
[We start hearing the countdown "blip" sound.]
JIN: Everything's going to change.
HURLEY: [Subtitle: What?]
JIN: Everything's going to change. Have a cluckity-cluck-cluck day, Hugo.
[The chicken-mascot-man says "Hurley" in Kate's voice.]
KATE: Hurley.
[Hurley wakes up and we see 3:44 on the timer.]
KATE: wewe fell asleep?
HURLEY: No, I was just -- resting my eyes.
KATE: [touching a post-it on the computer monitor] The Numbers are written right there.
HURLEY: Yeah, I remember the Numbers. [Hurley starts entering the Numbers.]
KATE: Locke went back to the beach. So, I'll be taking the inayofuata shift.
HURLEY: Awesome.
KATE: Jack told me about your job. At least we have jobs again, right?
HURLEY: Hurray for us. [He presses the execute button and the counter resets to 108:00.]
[Sawyer, Michael and Jin in the dug-out prison.]
SAWYER: Ain't life grand. What I wouldn't give for a cup of water right now.
JIN: [says something in Korean. He motions to Sawyer to lift him up again.]
SAWYER: No way. No zaidi human pyramids -- just forget it.
MICHAEL: [yelling] Hey. Hey! Hey, let us out of here!
SAWYER: No. Just -- chill!
MICHAEL: Every dakika I spend down here is another dakika my boy is still out there.
SAWYER: Well, let me break it down for you, Mikey. Right now, Rambina and her buddies are trying to figure out what to do with us. Until they make up their damn mind there ain't nothing we can do.
JIN: [says something in Korean -- points to Sawyer's shoulder.]
SAWYER: Ah, yeah. Why don't wewe pee on it?
[The cover is lifted from the pit and a rope is dropped down.]
LEADER: [lowering a rope and pointing to Jin] Grab the rope. Please.
SAWYER: Don't do it.
ANA LUCIA: [approaching with a gun] Climb the rope au I shoot your friend.
[Jin goes up the rope.]
ANA LUCIA: [to Michael] wewe next.
SAWYER: Don't do it. She's bluffing. The gun's only got 1 bullet. She ain't going to waste it...
[Sawyer gets hit in the head with a rock and goes down.]
SAWYER: Ow, son-of-a-bitch. Ow, God.
ANA LUCIA: [to Michael] Grab the rope.
[Michael climbs up the rope.]
SAWYER: wewe want me, Hotlips, you're going to have to come down here and get me -- [The cover closes and the screen goes to black] -- bitch.
[COMMERCIAL BREAK]
[FLASHBACK]
[Hurley standing with the winning lotto ticket in his hand, watching the TV inaonyesha his winning numbers.]
MARY JO: 4, 8, 15, 16, and 23, with the mega number 42. Whoever has those numbers has won, au will share in, a near record jackpot.
LOTTO OFFICIAL: That's right, Mary Jo, because this is the 16th week without a winner.
[Hurley passes out, and Hurley's mom, Carmen, comes to check on him.]
CARMEN: Hugo? Hu.. Hugo! Hugo, wake up. Wake up. [She slaps his face, vigorously.]
HURLEY: Stop, ow, ow, mom, stop. I just slipped.
CARMEN: Slipped sitting down? Is it your heart?
HURLEY: Mom, I'm fine.
CARMEN: You're lying. I always know because wewe don't look me in the eye.
HURLEY: I'm not lying.
CARMEN: Then tell me what happened, huh?
[Hurley folds over the lottery ticket to hide it.]
HURLEY: It must be something I ate.
CARMEN: Yes, it must be something wewe ate because wewe eat basura, and wewe don't exercise.
HURLEY: I do exercise.
CARMEN: Falling down is not exercise. The only time wewe songesha is to lift a drumstick from the bucket. Everyday it's the same thing, Hugo -- wewe work, wewe eat chicken. wewe have to change your life, Hugo. wewe think someone else will change it for you? Maybe if wewe pray everyday, Jesus Christ will come down from heaven, take 200 pounds and bring wewe a decent woman, and a new car. Yes, Jesus can bring wewe a new car.
HURLEY: Maybe I don't want to change. Maybe I like my life.
[The phone rings.]
CARMEN: Oh, that must be Jesus. [She goes to another room and picks up the phone.] Hola, momento. [Calling to Hurley] Yes, it is Jesus. He wants to know what color car wewe want.
[END OF FLASHBACK]
[Back to the Island. Hurley at the beach, pwani splashing water on his face. Charlie approaches.]
CHARLIE: Hurley, we need to have a little chat. Don't worry, mommy's off for a walk, so it's just you, me and the baby. Spill it.
HURLEY: Spill what?
CHARLIE: What's in it?
HURLEY: Uh, nothing, really.
CHARLIE: You've been out there an entire siku and night -- looking at nothing?
HURLEY: Well, I guess it's kind of like a bunker, wewe know, from WWII, only newer.
CHARLIE: What's in it?
HURLEY: I don't know.
CHARLIE: But somehow wewe know it's a bunker?
HURLEY: Well, I guess someone told me.
CHARLIE: You're going to lie to me? You're going to lie to the baby?
HURLEY: Dude, look, I'd never lie.
CHARLIE: Oh, and the time wewe told wewe were worth 150 million dollars?
HURLEY: It's 156 million.
CHARLIE: I'm sorry, I must have confused it with the 900 trillion I am worth myself. And this baby's made a chokoleti lollipop. So, if you'll excuse us, I'm going to flap my wings and fly off this island.
[Rose doing laundry on the beach. Hurley enters.]
HURLEY: Hey, Rose.
ROSE: hujambo yourself.
HURLEY: So, doing laundry, huh?
ROSE: Indeed I am. wewe want to hand me those dirty clothes over there? [Hurley hands her a suitcase.] Thank you.
HURLEY: Don't wewe want to know what happened?
ROSE: What happened?
HURLEY: wewe know, out there. Everyone's asking me what's in the Hatch.
ROSE: That's your business, honey.
HURLEY: Don't wewe want to know?
ROSE: Well, whatever it is, it's not going to help get this laundry done, now is it?
HURLEY: Well, actually, it sort of is.
[Hurley and Rose walking in the jungle.]
HURLEY: It's around here somewhere.
[Hurley finds the bunker entrance and he and Rose go inside.]
ROSE: Someone actually lived down here?
HURLEY: Uh-huh.
ROSE: Oh. What -- what is it for?
HURLEY: It's kind of a long story.
JACK: [entering] Hurley? Who else did wewe tell?
HURLEY: No one. I swear. Dude, it's a big job. I needed -- help.
ROSE: Hello, Jack.
JACK: Hey, Rose.
HURLEY: She's cool. She won't tell anyone.
ROSE: Honey, I don't even know what I would say.
[Claire walking along the beach. She's sees the bottle of messages from the raft, slab wash up in the surf.]
[COMMERCIAL BREAK]
[Jack, Rose and Hurley go into the chakula storage room.]
ROSE: All this is food?
JACK: It's only a matter of time before we have to tell everyone what we found down here.[To Hurley] So, do wewe know what to do?
HURLEY: Inventory of all of it, and figure out how we make it last.
JACK: And in the meantime, nobody gets anything -- no exceptions. That's your responsibility, Hurley. Okay?
[We can hear the countdown alarm start blipping.]
ROSE: What's that?
HURLEY: wewe don't want to know.
[Hurley and Rose doing the inventory.]
HURLEY: DHARMA Initiative saladi Dressing - Ranch composite. Sounds tasty.
[Rose laughs. Hurley opens a box full of Apollo bars.]
HURLEY: Apollo bars? Ever hear of these?
ROSE: Huh-uh, but Candy is candy. That's what Bernard always says. Talk about a sweet-tooth. That man has a mouth full of sweet-teeth.
HURLEY: Bernard, that was your husband?
ROSE: Is my husband.
HURLEY: Oh, but, I thought he was in the back of the plane. [Rose gives him a look.] I'm sorry, I didn't mean...
ROSE: Oh, no, no -- that's okay. Don't feel bad. Bernard is fine. I know it. wewe want to get the canned tuna?
HURLEY: Everyone's going to hate me, Rose.
ROSE: Now that's just plain silly. You're about the only one on this island that everybody loves.
HURLEY: Well, that'll change.
KATE: Hey, wewe guys happen to find any shampoo in here?
ROSE: Yeah, there's some right over here.
HURLEY: Uh, Kate, wewe can't take...
KATE: [grabbing the shampoo] Thanks, Hurley. [She exits.]
ROSE: It's just one bottle.
HURLEY: That's where it starts.
[FLASHBACK]
[Hurley looking at his lotto ticket while he's at work at Mr. Clucks. Hurley's friend, Johnny, enters.]
JOHNNY: Hey, Hugo. wewe okay, man?
HURLEY: [putting the lotto ticket in his pocket] Yeah, I'm fine.
RANDY: [Hurley's boss] Reyes, my office, now.
[Hurley goes to Randy's office.]
RANDY: wewe want to tell me something, Reyes?
HURLEY: Uh, no.
RANDY: wewe sure about that?
HURLEY: Uh, yeah?
RANDY: This is last night's surveillance tape.
[Randy plays a tape which shows Hurley kusoma and eating a piece of chicken.]
RANDY: wewe owe the company for an 8 piece dark meat combo.
HURLEY: I didn't eat 8 pieces!
RANDY: wewe want to watch the whole tape? Oh, and while you're here, how many times do I get to tell wewe those napkins cost money, alright? It's two per customer -- two. We are not made of money here at Mr. Clucks, Reyes. I'm not made of money. Are wewe made of money? Because if you're made of money -- maybe wewe don't want to work here. So get it together. What -- is that a problem, Reyes?
HURLEY: Dude, I quit.
[Hurley is breathing into a Mr. Clucks paper bag in the parking lot outside work. Johnny comes out.]
HURLEY: Oh, my god. Oh, my god.
JOHNNY: Dude, are wewe okay?
HURLEY: I'm, I'm fine.
JOHNNY: Randy's losing his brain in there.
HURLEY: wewe should get back in there au he'll have wewe scrubbing johns for the rest of the week.
JOHNNY: Doubt it. I quit, too.
HURLEY: What?
JOHNNY: Looks like we've got ourselves a siku off. Who needs money when you've got good looks?
[END OF FLASHBACK]
[Locke walking through the jungle. He picks some matunda up from under a tree.]
LOCKE: wewe can come out now. I saw wewe back at the rock, and then at the mangrove tree. In fact, I walked in a big circle. I'm not sure how wewe didn't realize it.
[Charlie comes out.]
CHARLIE: Alright, wewe don't have to insult me.
LOCKE: [eating the fruit] wewe want to tell me why you've been following me, Charlie?
CHARLIE: Yeah. Quite simply, John, there are a lot of secrets around here, and I'm tired of being at the bloody kid's table. I got Claire's baby back. I didn't go swanning off to the Black Rock on the bloody A-Team mission, but I would have if someone had asked me. I think I'm entitled to some sodding majibu around here.
LOCKE: What do wewe want to know?
[Sayid hits a ukuta in the bunker with a large piece of metal, trying to break through. Jack enters.]
JACK: How's it going?
SAYID: It's not. On the other side of this door there's zaidi concrete. I'd say it's at least 8 to 10 feet thick.
JACK: wewe see this? [Jack shows how his key is affected kwa the magnetic field.]
SAYID: Interesting. Good thing this [referring to the piece of metal he's using as a pick-axe] is titanium. Almost no magnetic attraction. But we're not going to get in up here.
JACK: Up here?
[Sayid lifts up a grate in the floor and they look down.]
SAYID: Perhaps we can go under it.
[The "leader" guy of the tail-section group lifts the cover off the dug-out prison and throws a rope down for Sawyer.]
LEADER: Grab the rope.
SAWYER: I ain't doing nothing 'til I know if my Marafiki are okay.
MICHAEL: [coming into frame] So, we're Marafiki now, huh?
ANA LUCIA: [coming into frame] Do it now, au the rope comes up.
[Sawyer gets pulled up out of the pit where there is a group waiting.]
SAWYER: Howdy boys. Thanks for the rescue.
MICHAEL: Everything's cool. We had a talk and they believe we were on the plane, too.
SAWYER: Swell, I guess we can all sue Oceanic together.
ANA LUCIA: [to Sawyer who's trying to hide that he's holding a rock] What wewe got there?
SAWYER: Nothing.
ANA LUCIA: wewe got a rock? wewe looking for some revenge? You've got 3 sekunde to drop it.
LEADER: Ana...
ANA LUCIA: 1, 2...
SAWYER: Now, hold on...
[Ana throws an elbow across Sawyer's face, and he falls to the ground. Leader guy holds Jin back. Ana steps on Sawyer's wounded shoulder.]
SAWYER: Ow, wewe didn't say 3.
[She stomps on his shoulder.]
ANA LUCIA: Shut up. When I tell wewe to do something, wewe do it -- I say move, wewe songesha -- I say stop, wewe stop. I say jump, what do wewe say?
SAWYER: wewe first.
ANA LUCIA: [stomping his shoulder again] wewe don't like the rules, I toss your punda back in the pit right now, wewe understand?
SAWYER: I understand.
[Sawyer gets up in a lot of pain.]
ANA LUCIA: It's getting dark, we're moving out.
SAWYER: Moving out where?
ANA LUCIA: What did I just tell you?
SAWYER: Sorry, forgot. Just one thing, though -- wewe hit me again, I'll kill you.
[Ana just smiles in an amused sort of way.]
ANA LUCIA: Let's go.
[Michael and Jin wait for Sawyer. They all start walking through the jungle.]
[COMMERCIAL BREAK]
[Charlie and Locke talking in the jungle.]
CHARLIE: He pushed that button every 108 minutes?
LOCKE: He did indeed.
CHARLIE: But how is that possible? I mean, didn't he sleep?
LOCKE: Don't know -- didn't get a chance to ask him.
CHARLIE: And after all that time, he just up and left? I mean, why? Where'd he go?
LOCKE: Don't know. I tried to track him, but he didn't leave much of a trail. I guess he figured he found his replacements.
CHARLIE: Meaning us?
LOCKE: Meaning us.
CHARLIE: It -- sounds a bit nutty, doesn't it?
LOCKE: It is what it is, Charlie.
CHARLIE: And what happens if we don't push it?
LOCKE: We're not going to find out. I'm setting up a system. I'm still working on it, but it looks like it's going to be two person shifts every 6 hours au so.
CHARLIE: Shifts? Pushing a button?
LOCKE: Oh, and there's a record player.
CHARLIE: What's Hurley been doing there?
LOCKE: He's in charge of the food.
CHARLIE: Food?
[Hurley sitting at the beach, pwani alone. Charlie enters.]
CHARLIE: hujambo mate? Where wewe been?
HURLEY: Hey, I've been -- around.
CHARLIE: I know, Hurley.
HURLEY: wewe know what?
CHARLIE: I know about the food. Locke told me everything.
HURLEY: Yeah, well, Locke's lying.
CHARLIE: Oh yeah, is he lying about the button we have to push every 108 dakika au the Island will explode?
HURLEY: It's not going to explode.
CHARLIE: Ah [Charlie points at Hurley like: I gotcha], come on.
HURLEY: Look, Jack put me in charge. Look, I don't even want...
CHARLIE: Is there karanga butter?
HURLEY: What?
CHARLIE: karanga siagi -- nutty, creamy, staple of children everywhere.
HURLEY: Uh, yeah. A couple jars.
CHARLIE: Brilliant. How about wewe give us one? -- It's for Claire.
HURLEY: No can do, man.
CHARLIE: You're saying no to a nursing mother?
HURLEY: It's not like that.
CHARLIE: Oh, it's exactly like that. wewe know, I never thought this would happen but it did. You've become one of them.
HURLEY: One of them?
CHARLIE: Them - the man... management. I thought we were friends. You've changed, man.
[FLASHBACK]
[Hurley and Johnny in a record store looking through the sale bin. They tentatively sing the lyrics to wewe All Everybody while looking at the CD in the One Hit Wonders Section.]
JOHNNY: Drive Shaft - zaidi like Suck Shaft.
HURLEY: I'm going to go check out the headphones.
JOHNNY: Sure, headphones.
[We see a girl behind a counter smile when Hurley approaches.]
STARLA: Hu-go.
HURLEY: Star-la.
STARLA: Why aren't wewe chuckleheads at work?
JOHNNY: We're currently exploring other opportunities.
STARLA: wewe quit?
HURLEY: I did.
JOHNNY: He's mixing it up today. He's off the rail. Somebody get a straitjacket.
HURLEY: [pointing at some headphones] Hey, can I try those on?
STARLA: You're messing with my worldview here, Hugo. You're my rock. I mean if wewe quit your job the inayofuata thing wewe know bees will stop making honey, and flowers will die, and, hell, the whole damn thing will fall apart.
HURLEY: [talking too loud because he has headphones on] So, Starla...
[Starla takes the headphones off Hurley.]
HURLEY: Sorry. Uh, well, The Hold Steady is playing the Troubadour this weekend, and I was wondering -- maybe Friday...
STARLA: Um, I have to work.
HURLEY: Oh, no, I didn't mean...
STARLA: I could probably go Saturday. Is that cool?
HURLEY: Yeah, that's totally cool.
JOHNNY: [as they are leaving the record store] Dude, you've been crushing on this girl for months and doing nothing. Today you're fricking Fabio. Seriously, man, what has gotten into you?
HURLEY: Nothing, I just wanted to ask her out before...
JOHNNY: Before what?
HURLEY: Nothing.
[END OF FLASHBACK]
[Sayid and Jack in tunnels under the bunker.]
SAYID: This is the last duct. I believe we're under the area where we began. They poured concrete all the way down here, too.
[Sayid starts hitting the ukuta with the piece of metal.]
SAYID: Just as thick.
JACK: Maybe there's a way around it.
[They crawl mbele under what looks like pipes.]
JACK: What is all this stuff?
SAYID: My best guess? There's a geothermal generator behind this wall. That's the power source. Careful with these pipes, they're very hot.
[They come to the end of the tunnel.]
JACK: That's it -- nothing -- it's blocked. So what do wewe think, Sayid?
SAYID: What do I think about what, Jack?
JACK: This place -- the computer? What do wewe think is going on?
SAYID: The last time I heard of concrete being poured over everything in this way was Chernobyl.
[They hear loud sound coming from the pipes.]
JACK: Did wewe hit something?
SAYID: I don't think so. It's coming from over there.
JACK: I'm going to check it out.
[Jack climbs up through a grate in the floor and finds Kate getting out of the shower.]
JACK: Hey.
KATE: Hey.
JACK: You, um, wewe took a shower.
KATE: I had to see if it worked.
JACK: How was it?
KATE: [in a towel, trying to pick up her clothes] Uh, pressure sucked, it kind of went cold at one point, and it smelled a little bit like sulfur but -- it was a shower.
JACK: Yeah, I know what wewe mean.
KATE: wewe could use one.
JACK: Maybe a little later.
KATE: [exiting] I'll leave the shampoo for you.
[The tail-section people, plus the raft, slab guys walking through the jungle. Someone stumbles and Michael helps her.]
LIBBY: I'm Libby.
MICHAEL: Michael.
LIBBY: How many of wewe -- wewe know, on the other side of the Island?
MICHAEL: When we left, around 40. How many of wewe survived?
LIBBY: 23 of us.
LEADER: [to Sawyer] Are wewe alright?
SAWYER: Now wewe give a damn.
LEADER: I alisema I'm sorry. It was a misunderstanding.
SAWYER: A misunderstanding is when wewe bring me maji ya limau, lemonade instead of iced-tea.
ANA LUCIA: I said: no talking.
SAWYER: He was talking to me.
ANA LUCIA: [stopping in the jungle] We're here.
SAWYER: What are wewe going to do -- beam us up?
[Ana knocks on the bunker door like the one on station 3. A man opens. They file inside. It doesn't appear to have any equipment au furniture in it. There is a DHARMA logo on the wall. There is only one other woman inside.]
MICHAEL: [to Libby] I thought wewe alisema there were 23 of you.
LIBBY: There were.
[COMMERCIAL BREAK]
[Sun working in her garden. Claire and Shannon enter with the bottle of messages.]
CLAIRE: Hi, Sun.
SUN: What's wrong?
CLAIRE: I -- I found something out in the water, and I told Shannon about it, and we thought wewe should know about it. [Shannon hands the bottle to Sun.] It's the messages from the raft. We thought wewe should decide what to do.
[Locke looking over a rifle. Hurley enters.]
HURLEY: Why'd wewe tell Charlie, man?
LOCKE: Because he asked, Hugo.
HURLEY: Yeah, well wewe shouldn't have. wewe should have listened to me about coming down here, period. Now it's all going to change, everything.
LOCKE: Change is good, Hugo.
HURLEY: wewe know, people say that, but it's not true, man. Trust me, I know. And guess who gets to be the bad guy who has to say: no wewe can't have karanga siagi for the cute blonde and her poor island baby. wewe know who? It's me. -- wewe know what? I'm not going to do it. Find someone else to deal with the chow, man.
LOCKE: No, we all have our jobs, Hugo. My job is to convince people to push a button every 108 dakika without them knowing why -- au for what. Wanna trade?
HURLEY: I don't want to do this, man!
LOCKE: Yeah, I've had a lot of jobs I didn't want to do. I still did them. I'm sorry, Hugo, wewe don't get to quit.
HURLEY: Okay, then.
[Hurley walking through the jungle. He gets the leftover dynamite from a hiding place in a tree.]
[FLASHBACK]
[Johnny and Hurley stealing garden gnomes.]
JOHNNY: Be careful.
HURLEY: Dude, I am!
JOHNNY: wewe got it?
HURLEY: Yeah, I got it.
JOHNNY: Alright, let's go.
[They run to a van and place another gnome with the stash in the back of the van.]
JOHNNY: Do wewe think we got enough gnomes?
HURLEY: Okay, we're good.
[They get in the van and then are in someone else's yard.]
JOHNNY: This is genius.
HURLEY: A little to the left, dude, and zaidi of an angle.
[Someone opens the front door of a house.]
RANDY: Hey!
JOHNNY: Run!
[They take off in the van and leave Randy standing in his driveway in his underwear. The camera pans to the lawn to reveal the gnomes have been used to spell out the words "Cluck You" on the lawn.]
JOHNNY: [yelling out the van window] Freedom!
HURLEY: [laughing] Dude, what are wewe doing?
JOHNNY: Freedom! So, anything else wewe want to do tonight -- wewe better let me know now -- because our siku off is just about over, Huggy Bear. In about 10 hours we going to have to find ourselves some new employment. I hear pizza Bin is hiring, au we could try our luck at, ah, Gyro-Rama. But I do kind of dig the chick who works at the Bin.
HURLEY: Dude, promise me something.
JOHNNY: Okay, what?
HURLEY: Promise me that no matter what happens, we'll never change -- this will never change.
JOHNNY: Okay. Oh, I know what this is about. I know why you've been uigizaji so weird lately. You're getting that, uh, that, uh, stomach stapling surgery thing, aren't you?
HURLEY: I'm not getting surgery.
JOHNNY: Awe, c'mon man, it's cool. I mean, I could still be all surprised and be like, ooh, my, Hurley, wow, is that you?
HURLEY: Listen, Johnny, I'm serious. Promise me that wewe and I will always stay the same.
JOHNNY: I'll do wewe one better. Not only will I stay gold, Ponyboy, I will drink to it. [He looks in his empty wallet.] Can I borrow 2 bucks?
[END OF FLASHBACK]
[Hurley in the chakula storage room, placing a fuse in the dynamite. Rose enters.]
ROSE: What have wewe got there, Hurley?
HURLEY: Uh, it's dynamite.
ROSE: Dynamite? Well, what are wewe doing with it?
HURLEY: I'm sorry, but I can't let it happen again.
[FLASHBACK]
[Hurley and Johnny pulling into a gas station. There's a news crew interviewing the sales clerk.]
JOHNNY: Why is there a news crew here?
HURLEY: Dude, we shouldn't go here. Dude, let's go, they jack the prices here.
JOHNNY: [getting out of the van] Maybe somebody got shot.
[Hurley looks at his lotto ticket.]
[END OF FLASHBACK]
[Rose and Hurley in the storage room.]
ROSE: Why are wewe doing this, honey?
HURLEY: Look, just get out of here, Rose.
ROSE: But you're going to hurt somebody.
HURLEY: Not if I do it from outside the door. It's thick, and I'll make sure there's nobody around first. So, please, will wewe just go?
ROSE: Uh-uh, wewe hauled me off of the beach, pwani and wewe dragged me into this place -- the least I can get is an explanation before wewe blow it up.
HURLEY: wewe don't get it. This is going to mess it all up.
[FLASHBACK]
[Hurley looking at his lotto ticket in the van.]
JOHNNY: Dude, somebody won the lottery!
[END OF FLASHBACK]
[Hurley and Rose in the storage room.]
HURLEY: Let me tell wewe something, Rose. We were all fine before we had any [he pulls chips off the shelf] potato chips. But now we've got these potato chips and everybody's going to want them. So Steve gets them, and Charlie's pissed -- but he's not pissed at Steve, he's pissed at me.
[FLASHBACK]
[The gas station clerk pointing at Hurley in the van.]
GAS STATION CLERK: That's the guy! That's the guy!
[Johnny stares at Hurley, looking hurt/surprised. A brief shot of Hurley and Rose, then shots from the gas station shown during the following lines.]
HURLEY: And I'm going to be in the middle of it. And then it's going to be: well, what about us -- why didn't I get any potato chips? C'mon, help us out, Hurley. Why did wewe give Kate the shampoo? And why didn't I get the karanga butter? Then, they'll get really mad and start asking: why does Hugo have everything -- why should he get to decide? [Quick intercuts between the gas station and storage room.] Then they'll all hate me. I don't know what to do.
[END OF FLASHBACK]
[COMMERCIAL BREAK]
[Hurley and Jack on the beach.]
HURLEY: Come on, Jack. The inventory's done, this is the only way.
JACK: Are wewe serious?
HURLEY: Dude, there's enough chakula in there to feed 1 guy, 3 meals a siku for another 3 months. We have 40 people, it's just not going to work. wewe put me in charge, this is what we're doing.
JACK: [nodding] Okay.
HURLEY: Okay?
JACK: Yeah, okay.
HURLEY: [to himself - relieved] Okay.
[Montage of Hurley giving karanga siagi to Charlie and passing out food; Locke sharing a tin; Shannon sharing with Vincent; Kate and Jack laughing and eating; baby smiling and Charlie giving the karanga siagi to Claire; people patting Hurley on the back; Charlie and Hurley hugging; Sun burying the bottle of messages. Then scenes of Jin, Sawyer, Michael; others talking in the background. The man who opened the door approaches Jin, Sawyer and Michael.]
BERNARD: Um, excuse me. Hi. Back where wewe guys, uh, where wewe came from -- is there a woman named Rose there?
SAWYER: Black chick in her 50's?
BERNARD: [nodding] Is she, is she okay?
MICHAEL: Yeah, man, she's okay.
BERNARD: Oh, oh.
MICHAEL: Michael, I'm Michael.
BERNARD: Thank you, Michael. I'm, I'm Bernard.
MICHAEL: Okay, it's okay. She's good.
[Shot of Rose putting an Apollo bar in her pocket, holding Bernard's ring and smiling.]
Retrieved from "http://lostpedia.wikia.com/wiki/Everybody_Hates_Hugo_transcript"
I remember between seasons five and six, me and my older brother were making a lot of predictions. Right before the season premiere, I realized that I was going to be busy that night, and might not make it in time. My brother joked that he would watch it, then tell me a mix of real and fake spoilers to confuse and annoy me. One of his "spoilers" was that Sawyer would turn evil and jiunge up with the smoke monster. We both laughed and waved that off. Now I look back on that moment and realize how startlingly close that prediction was. I wonder how accurate his other spontaneous predictions were...
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