-Am I tough? Am I strong? Am I hard-core? Absolutely. Did I whimper with pathetic delight when I sank my teeth into my hot kuku kukaanga, kuku wa kukaanga sandwich? wewe betcha.
-"So, Fnick, can I change the channel?" Iggy asked. "There's a game on."
"Make yourself at home, Figgy," Fang said.
-He shrugged looking tired again, and pushed away the chakula tray. "Sure." He lay back down and shut his eyes.
"After all, Fnick is Superman," alisema Iggy.
"Shut up, Jeff," I said, but I was smiling.
-The cool-eyed general spoke again. "The fact remains that wewe are minors, and as such must be under adult supervision and guardianship, according to state law. We're offering wewe such guardianship with a great many benefits and privileges. There could be many less attractive options." He sat back looking satisfied, as if he had just crushed an opponent in Battleship.
I blinked and looked around the room in disbelief. "You're kidding," I said. "We've escaped from top-security prisons, lived through mental and physical torture, lived on our own for years, made tons of smarty-pants grown-ups look like fools without even trying, eaten desert rats with no A1 steak, mnofu sauce, and you're telling me we're minors and have to have guardians?" I shook my head, staring at him. "Listen, pal, I grew up in a freaking dog crate. I've seen horrible part-human mutations die gut wrenching deaths. I've had people, mutants, and robots try to kill me twenty-four/seven for as long as I can remember, and wewe think I'm gonna cave to state law? Are wewe bonkers?"
-"Did wewe know that wasn't me, the other Max?" I asked Fang.
"Yeah."
"When?"
"Right away."
"How?" I persisted. "We look identical. She even had the same identical scars and scratches. She was wearing my clothes. How could wewe tell us apart?"
He turned to me and grinned. "She offered to cook breakfast."
A sekunde later we were laughing so hard it brought tears to my eyes. Fang and I leaned against each other and laughed and laughed, unable to speak for the longest time...
-Then I grabbed her shati and hauled her to her feet.
"Ordering a pizza?" I snarled.
... It's funny how different people are. If I'd been this kid and someone was snarling "Ordering a pizza?" at me, without even thinking, I would have snarled back, "Yeah. wewe want pepperoni?"
-He handed me a sealed can and a plastic cup of ice. Across from me, Nudge sat up eagerly. "Do wewe have Barq's? It's root beer. I had it in New Orleans, and it's fabulous."
"I'm sorry- no Barq's," alisema Kevin Okun, our steward.
"Okay," alisema Nudge, disappointed. "Do wewe have any Jolt?
"Well that has a lot of caffeine," he said.
I looked at Nudge. "Yeah, because after everything we've been through, we're worried about your caffeine intake."
-They turned to Angel. "We will call wewe Little One," the leader said, obviously deciding to dispense with the whole confusing name thing.
"Okay," alisema Angel agreeably. "I'll call wewe Guy in a White Lab Coat." He frowned.
"That can be his Indian name," I suggested.
-Unfortunately, every time someone alisema "debriefing," the entire flock had one image: someone's tidy whities disappearing in a flash.
-"You die when we die." Fang alisema to me.
-Now Fang pulled a smoking, meaty chunk off a stick and dropped it into an empty Baggie, which was Nudge's plate.
"Want some zaidi raccoon?" He asked.
Nudge paused in midbite. "It is not! wewe went to the grocery store. Didn't you? There's no way this is raccoon." She examined the meat critically.
Fang shrugged. I rolled my eyes at him.
"Oh, maybe you're right," he alisema seriously. "Maybe this is the raccoon, and I gave wewe the possum."
Nudge choked and started coughing.
"Stop it," I told Fang, reaching over to pat Nudge's back. He looked at me innocently.
"He's just kidding, Nudge," alisema the Gasman. "Last time I checked, Oscar Mayer wasn't making squirrel dogs."
-The trooper leaned down into Fang's window, her broad-brimmed hat shadowing her face.
"Good morning, sir." She alisema sounding unfriendly. "Do wewe know how fast wewe were traveling?"
Fang looked at the speedometer, which hadn't moved since we'd pushed the car out into the darkness last night. "No," he alisema truthfully.
"I tagged wewe at seventy miles an hour," She alisema pulling out a clipboard.
I let out an impressed whistle. "Excellent! I never thought it'd be that fast!"
Fang shot me a look and I put my hand over my mouth.
-That guy Sam asked me on a date.
"You what?" Iggy burst out.
"I got asked on a date," I repeated, flinging mashed potatoes onto my plate.
"Oh, Max!" Nudge said.
"You're kidding," alisema the Gasman with his mouth full. He laughed, trying not to spit food. "What a loser! What'd he say when wewe shot him down?"
I busily cut my steak.
"Oh, my God," alisema Iggy, his hand on his forehead. "Max on a date. I thought we were trying to avoid tears and violence and mayhem."
-As it turned out, my "tomorrow" started in the pitch-darkness, with my hands and feet bound, and a strip of duct tape over my mouth.
-"You looove me this much!"
-"I can tell all of wewe are mad at each other," Angel said, stepping to the middle of the aisle. "But I don't know why." She looked at all of us. "Is this what wewe want to do right now? I mean, Max and Fang each have their own flocks. Fang, wewe chose to leave, so wewe can't really argue with anything Max is doing now. If wewe wanted to have an opinion about it, wewe should have alisema something before wewe left."
I was surprised to hear Angel say that, and Fang looked stunned.
"She doesn't have to-" Fang started, but Angel held up a hand, with a stern, no-nonsense look that only a seven-year-old could pull off.
"Max can do what she wants," Angel said. "You can either stay and weigh in, au wewe can leave and have no say. That's how it works."
*I just upendo this one, because Angel really shows Fang where he stands! It's hilarious!*
-Max's poem from The Final Warning:
White is the color of little bunnies with pink noses.
White is the color of fluffy clouds, fluffing their way across the sky.
White is the color of soft-serve ice cream in a cone.
White is the color of angels' wings and Angel's wings.
White is the color of brand-new ankle socks fresh from the bag.
White is the color of crisp sheets in schmancy hotels.
White is the color of every last freaking, gol-danged thing wewe see for endless miles and miles if wewe happen to be in Antarctica trying to save the world, which now wewe aren't so sure wewe can do because wewe feel like if wewe see any zaidi whiteness-Wonder Bread, someone's underwear, teeth- wewe will completely and totally lose your ever-lovin' mind and wind up pushing a grocery gari full of empty cans around New York, muttering to yourself.
-"I vill now destroy the Snickuhs bahs!"
-"You ignorant little sah-vages," Gazzy alisema puffing and screwing his face. As usual, his imitation was uncanny. I almost wanted to turn around to make sure the headmaster hadn't snuck up behind us.
Angel and Nudge were cracking up at Gazzy's recounting of the tale.
"You malignant little fiends," he added and i couldn't help laughing.
"But, sir," Gazzy went on in my voice. "our parents are missionaries. Lying is the Tenth Commandment. They're innocent of all wrongdoing. What's a stink bomb?"
Now even Fang was laughing, his shoulders shaking.
-Angel reached for Total as he plummeted past her, but her fingers only grazed his fur.
"Total!" she cried, and Total started barking and howling., dropping farther away, his voice trailing off.
"Oh, crap," I muttered, then veered down past Fang. "If I'm not back in two minutes, do not let Angel have another pet." Then I tucked my wings behind me and started to drop.
"Max! Get Total!" Angel shouted after me, her voice panicky.
"No, I'm dropping straight down through clouds just for fun." I muttered to myself.
-Basically, I have two speeds... Hostile au smart-aleck. Your choice.
-"I hate this guy," Ari muttered, keeping his head down
"There's a club," I told him. "The Haters of ter Borcht Club. Have wewe gotten your badge yet?
-Some people just don't have what it takes to appreciate a cookie.
-Fang flicked a glance back at me, shook his head, then took a longer look. "What happened to your tan?"
"It was dirt."
He grinned, one of his rare grins that make the whole world spin a little faster. As if he didn't know what he was doing, he reached out and touched my hair where it lay on my shoulders. "You look... like a girl." His voice held bemusement.
"There's a reason for that." I alisema seriously.
"No, I mean like a real-" He seemed to catch himself, shook his head and looked back out the window.
I crossed my arms. "Like a real what?"
While he hesitated, Nudge came up. "Ooh, Max, wewe look great!" she said. admiring my clothes. "That juu is totally hot! wewe look like you're at least sixteen!"
"Thanks," I muttered now feeling embarrassed.
-"Max how are wewe doing?"
Jim Dandy, I thought hysterically. Peachy. Never better.
"Max, do wewe need anything?"
That was such a ludicrous swali that I felt myself smile.
"I need to ask some questions," The voice whispered. "I need to know where the flock is heading. I need to know what happened in Virginia."
That got me. A couple of synapses actually connected in my brain. I pulled the blanket down just a little and opened my eyes a slit. "You know what happened in Virginia," I said. "You were there, Jeb."
"Only at the end, sweetheart." Jeb said. "I don't know what happened before hand, how everything fell apart. I don't know where the flock is headed now au what your plan is."
Now I felt maybe 10 percent like myself. "Jeb, I'm afraid you're going to have to learn to live with not knowing." I chuckled.
"That's my Max." alisema Jeb. "Tough till the end. Even after everything, you're still in better shape than anyone else would be. But I have to tell you, wewe need to get onboard with this saving-the-world project."
"I'll try to pencil it in." I choked.
Wow. Jeez, I guess I ended up uandishi practically all of my favorites. Anyway, hope wewe like them!
~bookworm4life~
