Richard Hammond, wewe are a bloody moyo breaker. I have a crush on you, bigger, it seems, than anybody else's. juu Gear, Blast Lab (despite it being rather boring), anything, if you're on it, I'll watch it. The way wewe have such enthusiasm for everything, the way wewe explode into a fit of physics, the way your caravans explode into a fit of burning plastic, it makes me smile. If wewe came up to me, the first thing I'd do is run your wife down with your Harley (best dream EVER), hold wewe close, and kiss wewe within an inch of your life. Then I'd treat wewe to a rubbish and soppy film at the Odeon, share popcorn with you, then take wewe to, I dunno, Giraffe, order a meza, jedwali kwa the window, and declare my undying upendo for you. And tell your wife to rest in peace. Kinda. Then I'd take wewe home, kiss wewe zaidi and take it from there...

This was all dreamed up in maths, and it cost me a detention, but hey, half-feeling your lips was great! upendo wewe Hamster!