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posted by bonezrulez

upendo thy gaffa as thou would upendo thyself.

Honour thy SM and thy director.

Thou shalt not get caught in light.

Thou shalt not talk louder than a whisper.

Thou shalt not covet another tech's headset, torch au blacks.

Thou shalt not drop things from fly rail au catwalk.

Thou shalt not crave sustenance other than Burger King and vending machine food.

Thou shalt not kill another techie. Actors not inclusive.

Thou shalt assist the actor when walking through the wings of darkness.

Thous shalt be as God like as possible - fast, quiet, efficient.

1

Amen!

added by irkeninvadermay

Source: NOT MINE

50 Things NOT to say.

posted by bonezrulez

1. Why are the lights not coming on?

2. Does anyone remember where I got this fuse from?

3. Well I have a safety chain and a wingnut left over. Can anyone see a problem here?

4. I have just spilt koki on the lighting desk.

5.What does this "delete scenes" thing mean?

6. wewe remember that key for the light dimmers that we were going to duplicate,well its too late now.

7. wewe do know wewe are taking 26 amps from a 13 amp socket.

8. Is that hum supposed to come from the PA when the lights turn on?Oh don't worry it's stopped now.

9. wewe know that no-colour blue, its green.

10. wewe know we just spent...

Techie Gospel

posted by bonezrulez

We hold this truth to be self evident:
That all TECHIES are created superior.

The Book of Genesis
In the beginning there was the Stage, and the Stage was without lights au sets, and darkness was on the faces of the actors. And the Technical Director (hereinafter referred to as the TD) said, "Let there be Lights!" and the TECHIES worked and wired, and there were lights. Spotlights and specials, areas and backlighting - yes, lights of all shapes, sizes and hues. And the TD saw the lights, that they were well aimed and focused, gelled according to the scene, and no zaidi was there darkness on the...

Signs you've been in theatre too long..

posted by bonezrulez

Your weekend consists of Monday, and only Monday.

"Q" is not just a letter.

National holidays that fall on Monday seem pointless to you.

You can only read from a light that is blue.

You can't remember what daylight looks like.

You feel naked without ukanda with your Maglite, Leatherman, and Gerber.

You know tie-line has several uses---shoelaces, belts, ponytail holders...

95% of your wardrobe is black.

You watch the Super Bowl, waiting for intermission, not half-time.

You tell zaidi stories of what went wrong on shows you've done than what went smoothly.

You start wondering what it feels like...

Techie Dictionary

posted by bonezrulez

Actor/Actress:1. Un-important nobody who speaks nonsense in front of admirable sets.
2. Mindless, zombile like people who blindly follow the director's commands. Their success is 99% determined kwa the Techies.

Actor Proofing: Making your set, props, costumes, etc, able to survive the blatant disrespect and misuse that an actor will give it. An actor will break it if it can be broken, lose it if it can't, trip on it if it is minding it's own business.

Black: Every techie's inayopendelewa color.

Catwalk: The hottest place on...

Yet zaidi signs you've been in theatre too long..

posted by bonezrulez

(related zaidi to Techies):
You have an insatiable need to coil all the cable in your house correctly.

The gaffer tape residue on your hands has become a sekunde skin.

In the back pocket of all your black jeans, there is a faded area resembling a wrench.

Cherry Coke, Jolt Cola and Coffee are your new best friends.

Along with the vending machine.

Items on your birthday / holiday wish lists include: Tools, Sleep-in-a-Can, and
InstaRespecta: Simply sprinkle liberally on actors and they will suddenly feel indebted to wewe forever.

You find yourself waiting at the bus stop, in the summer, when it's...

Things wewe never want the director to hear wewe say....

posted by bonezrulez

Famous Words of NCHS Techies
"Work? What is that?"

"What was that?"

"OH SH*&!!!"

"Oops"

"Working hard au hardly working?"

"Thats a sound thing, right?" (Refering to PDA)

"What que are we in?"

"What onyesha are wewe in?"

"Once wewe turn black wewe can't turn back"

"What are we SUPPOSED to be doing?"

"Do wewe mind helping!!!"

"What time is it" (talking to the booth) "7:30" (a few sekunde later) "8:30" (another few sekunde later) "8:40" (yet another few sekunde later) "10:25" (get the idea yet??)

"Falling off the stage HURTS!!!!!!!"

"I'm bleeding"

"I call first blood"

"Move with a purpose" <----VERY IMPORTANT!!

Ways to abuse your power

posted by bonezrulez

1. Bring a teddy kubeba to rehearsal, saying that your kubeba Foo-Foo will be moving sets with the rest of the crew. Refuse to do any work until Foo-Foo does.

2. Ask who else is getting paid $9.50 an hour.

3. Become the lighting designer. Refuse to use anything other than black lights.

4. When asked to come to the onyesha in all black, onyesha up in sunglasses, black boxers, black pants, a black t-shirt, a black sweatshirt, a black baseball cap, herufi kubwa with black lettering, black on black argyle socks, black sneakers, a black trenchcoat, and wrap, upangaji pamoja black gaffer's tape around your face and hands. maoni to members...