"Sometimes upendo isn't enough"

Those were the last words I ever heard Jacob Black say. At first, I didn’t care. For three years I didn’t care. I was too dark and thirsty to care about any of my past. I almost forgot some of it. I almost forgot him.

It’s been ten years and those fears of mine came true. The Volturi wanted me to jiunge them and I refused. But they didn’t play nice. No, they didn’t, not at all. Instead of letting me walk away, sorry that I had refused their offer, they gave me an ultimatum. Either I joined them au the Cullen’s died. This time, they didn’t find a way out. This time...I Lost everybody. I was forced to watch as Alice’s body was torn to pieces. I saw Edward’s guilty eyes as he whispered goodbye to me before they murdered him before my eyes. Then Jasper, then Esme, then Carlisise...and last was Rosalie.

“Kill me,” I had been freed after they were murdered. I didn’t run away though. I simply fell to the ground; all the Supernatural strength in the world couldn’t hold me together now. “Please,” I begged the Volturi, “Kill me.”

“Sorry,” Jane walked up to me. “That would spoil everything.”

I was set free and I would have exposed myself and force the Volturi to kill me, but they responded with another threat. “If wewe do anything stupid, not only will wewe die, but so will everyone wewe ever cared about.”

“You already did that.” I had told them.

“We mean Charlie, Renee, and Jacob Black.” Jane smiled at me.

If I thought the heartbreaking pain coursing through my body couldn’t get any worse, I was completely wrong. It felt like somebody was stabbing my moyo repeatedly, and crushing my soul with a hammer. This vampire body was not unbreakable kwa any means.

As I sat there writhing in emotional pain so strong it was physical, my moyo reminded me of someone. Every memory, so perfectly clear, was dancing across my mind. Jacob. I was down at La Push, and Jacob was telling me stories of the cold ones; vampires. Just as soon as that memory coursed through me, I was somewhere else. I was recklessly driving the motorcycle Jacob fixed for me. Then, I was walking with Jacob through the woods, looking for the place Edward had taken in the past. So many...so much...I can’t handle it.

“I do believe our job is finished here.” I heard somebody whisper, but I was too far gone to tell just who it was. It was probably Jane though. She really had it out for me.

48 HOURS LATER

I don’t remember exactly what happened after I slipped away from reality. I don’t remember hallucinating au replays of old memories. I just remember being alone. Completely and utterly alone. Then I snapped back. I don’t know what brought me back, but when I came to, my thoughts were centered on Jacob.

Numbness took over, and the pain although close, felt so very far away. I knew this numbness could wear off in an instant, but for the time being I didn’t think about that. I focused on the task at hand; finding Jacob Black. I was in Italy, so I needed to get to Forks. After that, I’d make my way to La Push, and...And...And what? What was I going to do?

How was I supposed to go to Billy’s house, ask for Jake...who might be at college au living somewhere else, and if kwa some miracle Jake is there, what do I say? “Jake, I was right. That night before my wedding, I was right. They came. They killed him. They killed all of him.

Jake wewe told me that it would be okay. That you’d fix me...are wewe still mine?”

Mine. After all this time, I still felt like he was mine. Being with -- no, I couldn’t think his name -- made me forget that, but now that he was gone, it all came rushing back. It seemed inconceivable that Jacob Black didn’t belong to me; soul and body. But I knew, deep down I knew, that zaidi than likely he had already imprinted.

I didn’t know if I could kubeba that.

I found my way to an airport, took the first flight to the U.S. I could catch and worked my way from there. I wasn’t sure if swimming would have went faster, but it seemed like flying was taking literally forever.

Forever. That word sent me spiraling down. That was the whole point, au rather most of the point, of me becoming a vampire; so I could spend forever with Edward Cullen and his family. It all seems like such a waste now. If I’d have just left him alone in the beginning. He warned me that I should leave him alone. Why didn’t I? It’s all my fault. And with that thought, the sweet numbness fades away, and I can’t feel pain attacking.

I wrapped my arms around myself, hugging the pain tightly away. It didn’t work.

“Are wewe cold, miss? wewe look awfully pale. Is there anything I can get you?” I heard the flight attendant speaking to me, but it was nearly impossible to acknowledge her.

“I...I am fine, thank you.”

“Okay. If wewe need anything at all, just --”

“I alisema I’m fine.” I hissed.

I’m fine. Just freaking fine, never mind the fact that my moyo is bleeding, I’ve been separated from my family and from my soul mate.

As the people on the plane fell asleep, I looked out the window. “Edward,” I whispered, “Why’d wewe have to leave me?”

I wondered where he was now. Wherever he was, he was somewhere. Despite everything he may have believed, there is no possible way that Edward could just cease to exist. I refused to believe that.

Don’t worry, I heard his voice whisper in my ear as clearly as if he were sitting right beside me, everything will be okay.

“Edward!” I gasped.

Go find Jacob, his voice whispered firmly.

For a moment, I was thrilled. Then, I remembered, this happened before. Edward wasn’t really talking to me. It was just a delusion.