Okay, I'll admit that I haven't laughed this hard at a film since I saw The Hangover last summer. Seriously, what was the plot here? I actually found the first film to be much better than this travesty. wewe can find my review of the first movie link. I'll go through it like I do with all movies. Pros and cons, then an overall.

Pros

The Volturi

Finally! Some ACTUAL vampires!! The Volturi I found were pretty awesome because, wewe know, they actually were cruel, soulless, mean, and did some actual VAMPIRING. The part towards the end where a tour group of humans is led directly to them and wewe hear their screams was pretty awesome. Come on people, that's what Wanyonya damu do. They drink the blood of huuumans. Sheesh. Also, they were pretty cruel too, what with the whole smack down of Edward and nearly killing Bella (so bummed that didn't happen). Getting a small glimpse of the actor who will be playing Grindelwald in Deathly Hallows was a nice bonus too. So for all wewe Twilight fans, the Volturi are GOOD examples of vampires. Much like the soulless Wanyonya damu on Buffy.

The mbwa mwitu Clan

Now why I didn't particularly enjoy the crappy computer uhuishaji of the Mbwa mwitu loups (more on that later) I did enjoy the characters of the mbwa mwitu clan. The one scene that I really liked is where we see Sam's fiance, with half her face clawed up. My friend and I definitely agree that even with the claw marks she was amazingly beautiful. I would see a movie about her and Sam in a heartbeat. It would be much much better than this terrible film. Pity they were stuck in it.

Jacob

Lautner got hot. No denying that. Other than the hotness factor though, he was probably the only real character with any dimensions and depth besides Bella's father. The way their relationship built to where Jacob fell for Bella, and she pretty much for him, was very realistic and healthy. So wewe can imagine my dissappointment when she chose Edward, who abandoned, controlled, and basically led to much of her depression, over Jacob. wewe Team Jacob fans, I now consider wewe semi-sane because wewe recognized a HEALTHY relationship. heshima to wewe guys.


Cons

Bella...you there?

I hate the character of Bella, I truly do. She doesn't think for herself, is defined solely kwa her relationships, and for some reason Stewart could NEVER SHUT HER MOUTH. Even when she wasn't talking!! What was up with that?! Gaah. The fact too that she dissed her Marafiki at school and put her dad through so much crap with the screaming at night (seriously, wtf, she doesn't have PTSD) made me just loathe her character even zaidi with a passion. Furthermore, her whole obsession over age was just ridiculous. Ohhh nooo you're a whole mwaka older than your 107 mwaka old vampire boyfriend!! Now he's not going to upendo wewe anymore!!! Yea, stupid. Those mashabiki out there that idolize her, please find a healthier role model such as Eowyn, Hermione, heck even Lily on How I Met Your Mother. Bella is a very unhealthy and psychologically unstable character and is an insult to females everywhere. She didn't even drive her own car most of the time! Disgusting.

How is she special too btw?

If someone can explain how Bella is unaffected kwa any of the vampire's powers, it'd be much appreciated. That just seems like something that's just thrown out there. My theory? It's because Bella has no thoughts!

Edward...dude wtf?!

Sooo this guy that supposedly is totally in upendo with wewe throws wewe into a glass meza, jedwali for protection, lies to you, breaks up with you, and abandons wewe in the forest. A car ride nyumbani would have been nice plskthnx. Also, the throwing into the glass meza, jedwali for her protection? That was totally safe. wewe know, because she was bleeding even zaidi profusely after the meza, jedwali than she was after the papercut. Also, who has ever bled that much after a papercut anyways, if at all? Furthermore, the fact that he kept "appearing" everytime Bella had an adrenaline rush was just weird. I think if my ex-boyfriend started inaonyesha up everytime I had a rush, I'd go and get a CT of my brain to make sure I didn't have a brain tumor a la Izzie seeing Denny b/c of her tumor. Also, the fact that Bella takes him right back after all the crap he put her through was just great. Really shows girls that hey, after a guy lies to wewe like that wewe can totally trust him again with no really good explanation other than "I upendo you". Nice.

OMG a Plot Point!!!

Annd what was the plot?? Everytime a possible plot point appeared it seemed to get derailed, such as the shots of Victoria, Laurent, au whenever anyone alisema Bella was uigizaji crazy. If anyone spoke reason au a plot point appeared, it did not onyesha again.

Lupin's mbwa mwitu Looked Better...

The film must have had the world's worst computer uhuishaji department because those Mbwa mwitu loups were a travesty. How about those transf...I mean FURSPLOSIONS eh? Really bad uhuishaji coupled with a laughable transformation sequence (FURSPLODE!) led to even zaidi laughs. Too bad there weren't enough fursplosions.

That's What She Said!

There were way too many lines in the film where one could easily say that. For example- Bella: I'm coming! Me: That's what she said! Edward: I don't want wewe to come! Me: That's what HE said!! If wewe don't get the meaning behind that, then please go watch The Office where it is regularly utilized. Furthermore, the scene where Edward kisses Bella in front of her truck after the party was too funny. Edward acted like...well like link SNL skit. Please be forewarned that that link is meant for those 16 and older. That scene probably got one of the biggest laughs out of me.

Blocked

Finally, all the kiss-blocking that poor Jacob suffered through. Face ngumi, punch high school guy who threw up at an action movie (he's so gay then), Bella denies, and Edward calls just as he macks on the upper lip! Seriously, Jacob should have just pulled an Owen (Grey's Anatomy character), grabbed Bella, and just rocked her world. Doubt she woulda left if he did that.


Overall

Overall, this movie was a travesty to the film community. It was plotless, very poorly acted, and featured a very unhealthy set of characters that girls and women alike should not look up to as role models. Bella should have been thrown in a psych center for the stuff she was experiencing. I'm not going to apologize either if I've offended anyone. This is my honest opinion, and I know I wasn't as kind as I was in my first review. Now you've heard an opinion of an anti-Twilighter. wewe Team Jacobers, wewe got some respect from me now. Please save your brain cells and your money and do not see this movie. Unless wewe want a really good laugh then kwa all means do. Oh and one zaidi thing to note. The ending with the whole Marry me? Ending on the *gasp* garnered a huge laugh from our audience. And just for my own satisfaction, FURSPLODE TIME!!