Weston Woods Club
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posted by hornean
One Friday Miss Nelson told her class that she was going to have her tonsils out.
“I’ll be away inayofuata week,” she said. “And I expect wewe to behave.”
“Yess, Miss Nelson,” alisema the kids in 207.

But at recess it was another story.
“Wow!” alisema the kids. “While Miss Nelson is away, we can really act up!”
“Not so fast!” alisema a big kid from 309. “Haven’t wewe heard of Viola Swamp?”
“Who?” alisema Miss Nelson’s kids.

“Miss Swamp is the meanest substitute teacher in the whole world,” alisema the big kid. “Nobody acts up when she’s around.”
“Oooh,” alisema Miss Nelson’s kids.
“She’s a real witch,” alisema the big kid.
“Oooh,” alisema Miss Nelson’s kids.
“I’ll just bet wewe get the Swamp!” alisema the big kid.

On Monday morning Miss Nelson’s kids were all in their seats.
They were very nervous.
Some of them had not slept well all weekend.
“If we get the Swamp, I’ll just die,” alisema one kid.
They heard footsteps in the hall.

Slowly the knob turned.
And the door opened…

It was Mr. Blandsworth, the principal.
“I shall personally take over this class,” he said.

Miss Nelson’s kids were so relieved.
But they soon learned that Mr. Blandsworth was not a lot of fun.

All morning Mr. Blandsworth tried to amuse the class with his corny card tricks.
“Oh, brother,” alisema the class.
That afternoon, Mr. Blandsworth showed the class his inayopendelewa shadow pictures.
“This is kids’ stuff,” alisema the class.

The inayofuata siku Mr. Blandsworth demonstrated his inayopendelewa bird calls.
They were not a success.
And for two days Mr. Blandsworth showed slides of his goldfish Lucille.
Miss Nelson’s kids had never been so bored.

While dusting erasers in the schoolyard, three of the ringleaders of 207 discussed the siutation.
“Something will have to be done,” they said. “We must get rid of Blandsworth.”
And they hatched a plot.

After school they painted and sewed and borrowed some old clothes.
And they practiced some very difficult stunt work in the back yard.

The inayofuata siku they weren’t in class.
“That’s too bad,” alisema Mr. Blandsworth. “They’ll miss all the excitement.”
Mr. Blandworth was about to onyesha the class his collection of ballpoint pens from all over the world, when someone came to the door.

Slowly the knob turned.
And the door opened…

“Oh, look!” alisema the class. “Miss Nelson is back!”
A tall and lumpy Miss Nelson tottered into the room.

Mr. Blandsworth was surprised.
“You’re back sooner than we expected,” he said.
The tall and lumpy Miss Nelson didn’t speak.
“Er,” alisema the kids. “Her throat must still be sore.”
“Are wewe sure you’re well enough?” alisema Mr. Blandsworth.
“She’s sure,” alisema the kids.
“Well, in that case,” alisema the principal. “I’ll be getting back to the office. Nice to have wewe back, Miss Nelson.”
And he left the room.

“Hot dog!” cried the class. “We got rid of Blandsworth! Now we can do just as we please!”
And at the stroke of ten, the kids from 207 left the building.
No one stopped them.

They went straight to the movies, where they saw The Monster That Ate Chicago—twice.
“This is really living,” they said.
Afterward they went to Lulu’s, where they stuffed themselves silly.
But soon they made a serious mistake.

Heading back to school, they passed Miss Nelson’s house.
Miss Nelson couldn’t believe her eyes.
“Those are my kids!” she alisema in a scratchy voice. “What are they doing out of school? And who is that with them?”

Miss Nelson telephoned Mr. Blandsworth to see what was going on.
“You’re not Miss Nelson,” alisema Blandsworth. “Miss Nelson is back.”
And he hung up.
“Can’t fool me,” he said.
“Hmm,” alisema Miss Nelson. “Something will have to be done.”
And she went to her closet.

Back in 207 Miss Nelson’s kids were spending and agreeable afternoon.
They were very pleased with themselves.
“We should do this zaidi often,” they said.
They did not notice the figure out in the hall.

Slowly the knob turned.
And the door opened…

“My name is Viola Swamp,” alisema the lady in a scratchy voice.
“Yipes!” cried the kids. “The Swamp!”

“That’s right!” alisema Miss Swamp. “And I’m here to whip this class into shape. Get back to those desks on the double!”
The class did as it was told.
The big kid from 309 was certainly right—Miss Swamp was a real witch!

She knew how to get results.
The class did a whole week’s work in no time.
“We shouldn’t have gotten rid of Blandsworth,” they said.
“Pipe down!” alisema the Swamp, “or…”
Just then something under a dawati attracted her attention.

It was a mask.
“Ah ha!” alisema Miss Swamp. “So that’s your little game!”
And she tried on the mask—just as Mr. Blandsworth stepped into her room.
“Miss Nelson,” alisema Mr. Blandsworth, “I’m of the opinion that someone has been impersonating you.”
“Uh oh,” whispered the kids.
“You don’t say,” alisema Miss Swamp.
“Probably just come kids uigizaji up. I’m sure it won’t happen again.”
And Mr. Blandsworth left.

“And it won’t, will it?” alisema Miss Swamp to the class.
“Because the Swamp will be watching!”

A dakika later, Miss Nelson appeared.
“I’m back!” she said.

“Hot dog!” cried the kids. “Are we glad to see you!”
“Didn’t wewe have fun with Mr. Blandsworth?” asked Miss Nelson.
“Er,” alisema the kids.
They decided not to mention Miss Viola Swamp.
But they wondered why Miss Nelson hadn’t seen her in the hall.
"How was your class trip to the farm?"

"Oh…boring…kind of dull…until the cow started crying."


"A cow…crying?"
"Yeah, wewe see, a haystack fell on her."

"But a haystack doesn’t just fall over."


"It does if a farmer crashes into it with his tractor."
"Oh, come on, a farmer wouldn’t do that."
"He would if were too busy yelling at the pigs to get off our school bus."


"What were the pigs doing on the bus?"
"Eating our lunches."


"Why were they eating your lunches?"
"Because we threw their mahindi, nafaka at each other, and they didn't have anything else to eat."
"Well, that makes sense, but why were wewe throwing...
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