jibu swali hili

uandishi Swali

This is a what a wrote so far in the book I'm uandishi too! I want to know if its good (if its bad give me tips and don't get mad if its bad I'm only 11 and it doesn't have a title yet)

Here it is...


         Chapter one: unexpected things
“This is so much fun!” Alia screamed with excitement. Alia was flying over the greenest forest she ever seen! It was bigger than her families’ garden. (Alia’s family had a gigantic garden, and a lot of money to purchase plants) She wisped through the green trees feeling the refreshing air flow through her long brown wavy hair, making it a humongous mess. She saw something, a shadowy figure. “What’s that, who are you” Alia yelled. The small shadowy thing came closer. It didn’t reply. “Hello?” she yelled again.
Alia noticed it was just a boy flowing through the sky, like she was. The boy got closer. Without even noticing, the boy bumped into her and they both fell through the trees and hit the forest floor. Alia tore part of her bright blue dress on a mti branch. “Ow” Alia and the boy alisema at the same time. “Sorry didn’t see wewe there, I’m Daniel” the boy alisema as he stood up and pulled Alia up as well. “It’s all good” She alisema as she looked at her torn dress.
They began walking toward an oversized tree. “Lia, Lia” a colorful parrot, kasuku alisema in the background. It was standing kwa the tree. It sounded like her mother “Alia Alia, wake up” the parrot, kasuku alisema again. Allia opened up her eyes drowsily. “Sorry to wake wewe honey, but I really wanted to introduce your new kinanda teacher” Alia’s mother said. “What happened to Ms. Harley” She asked with her eyes shut. “She quit and I don’t know why” her mother replied. Alia finally opened her eyes. She looked at her new kinanda teacher. He looked familiar and looked about her age. He’s brown smooth hair even looked familiar. “Daniel!?” She blurted out. “How do wewe know my name I didn’t even introduce myself yet?” Daniel asked with an akward look on his face. “Um… lucky guess” she said.
Alia blushed and then heard the loud door kengele ring and she ran downstairs. Daniel followed her. Al
 coolcatsRus123 posted zaidi ya mwaka mmoja uliopita
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uandishi Majibu

ALN07 said:
I think that the term 'the boy' was used slightly too much in the same paragraph but other wise it's good for an 11 mwaka old
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posted zaidi ya mwaka mmoja uliopita 
Luluthegnomepig said:
Haha, I like the story so far. Keep writing! That's the best thing wewe can do to improve; the zaidi wewe write, the better you'll become. I also recommend a uandishi class. I can see wewe have talent and I think a class could help wewe hone your skills.
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posted zaidi ya mwaka mmoja uliopita 
*
thanks but it didnt put all of it
coolcatsRus123 posted zaidi ya mwaka mmoja uliopita
JAMZ192 said:
ok ive got a title for u :
THE FOREST BOY INSIDE MY DEARMS
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posted zaidi ya mwaka mmoja uliopita 
*
correction THE FOREST BOY FROM MY DEARMS
JAMZ192 posted zaidi ya mwaka mmoja uliopita
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