Inspired kwa the song, "Circle" kwa Flyleaf. :)

"His moyo ripped out to onyesha me he loved me, but I wouldn't believe him. He did all that he could, I still would not believe him!"



I sat on the school bench, my head in my hands. The whole world was spinning, and I couldn't keep my balance. My moyo was encased in a thick glass of guilt. Nothing I could ever do would change this...

He had told me he loved me.

But he was my best friend; he couldn't feel that way about me. It just wasn't meant to be...

So I'd pushed it off. I'd laughed, and joked around with him about it. He seemed to go along with it, like he had been joking. I knew he'd been kidding. No one could ever feel that way about me.

A while later, he started to change. His smiles were empty, just like his eyes. They didn't have the same reflective glow, and livelyness about them. They seem glazed, and far out there. I'd asked him if he was ok, and he alisema yes. He was fine. I shouln't worry.

So I didn't.

Days went by, then weeks. He still didn't change back to his happy self. Again, I asked. Still, I should not worry.

Then...on that day...he told me again.

"I upendo you," he said. I bit my lip. I didn't like this. He was my friend; a brother. Of course I loved him, but not like that...I think.

"Don't. Just...don't," I had said, confused thoughts swirled around my head, making me dizzy. I went home, and laid on my bed, my head aching. The truth was, I did like him. A lot. No other guy was as sweet to me, au understood me as much as he did.

The inayofuata morning, I went to school, to confess. Confess my deepest feelings for the man I loved. I couldn't find him. He's probably just running late, I thought. So I went to my locker, where I found a note:

"I loved you. I always will. Without your love, I cannot live. So I won't. It's not your fault. Forgive me."

My moyo started racing, and I couldn't think straight. Where was he?! Was he serious?! He had to be joking! I started to hypervanilate, looking everywhere. He had to come to school today! He had to! I called out his name, and people frowned and looked away, afraid to face me. I walked aimlessly down the halls, asking anyone if they'd seen him. None were direct answers.

Then one girl finally told me; his inayofuata door neighbor.

"He.. He killed himself last night," she whispered sadly. My moyo stopped, and black dots clouded my vision. I burst out the school doors; no one followed me. They understood.

I didn't run for long. I couldn't; my head was hurting too much. Tears ran down my cheek, and froze on my face in the crisp fall air. I stopped at the bench; I had to sit down.

"I'm sorry!" I screamed. "I upendo you!" A couple frightened birds flew away, and I was alone. I sobbed for a long time. This was all my fault. I held my face in my hands, gasps coming through my teeth. Nothing I could do would change this. I was stuck to live with this guilt forever. Even years from now, I'd be guilty. I killed him.

"I'm so, so, so sorry..." I whispered. "Could wewe ever forgive me..." It was a rhetorical question. I knew the answer would be no. Why the hell would it be yes? But then, the wind blew, and the fallen leaves scattered around. A leaf flew in my face, and the wind ceased. It fell into my lap, and I looked at it.

The leaf was broken around the edges... Forming the shape of a heart. For a moment, I Lost my breath. But then I cleared my head. That was ridiculous. I stood up and left, going anywhere. I had no place in mind. I just wanted to forget this day.

"I believe... What if I believe wewe now? Forgive me, relieve me, please come back to life..."