Later, Blair got us a lot to eat. I was so thankful; I don't think I'd ever eaten that much chakula in one sitting. She let us take showers as well. I was eager to get rid of the dirt and crap. James went to work, but Blair stays home. Jori went off to school. I was kind of fascinated with that. I wanted to ask her what it was like; I'd stopped going to school in third grade. I had no idea what middle school, let alone high school was like. And Sage had never been to school a siku in her life. Good thing Paige was such a good teacher.
"Do wewe girls need anything?" Blair asked. I was pretty much taken care of. I was full, clean, and content.
"No thanks," Mom said. "Thank wewe so much for what you're doing."
"No problem! I'm so glad to see wewe and your girls! Stay as long as wewe need to!" I bit my lip. As much as I liked being here, I was kind of worried Mom would take her up on that offer. I didn't want to be rude. Blair went to the store, to go grocery shopping. This left us all alone at the house with each other.
"Well, this is nice, isn't it?" Mom asked. We nodded.
"How long are we staying here?" I asked.
"I don't know. As soon as I can find a job, and pay for a house of our own."
"Same here," Paige said. As much as she hated working, she hated not working as well. She was so responsible, and always wanting to help out. I pitied her for it sometimes.
"I want to get a job too," I said.
"You're only fifteen, Shelby," Mom said. "You don't need to be working. Same with you, Paige. You've always been working. I want to start supporting this family. wewe girls don't need to get jobs."
"I'm almost sixteen," I reminded her.
"And I want to work, Mom. That way we can get a house faster."
"No. I want to do this myself." Paige and I pursed our lips. We'd learned from experience, Mom cannot keep a job. It'd be easier just to have Paige working. "You girls stay here, ok?" We nodded, and she left.
"What're we gonna do?" Kirsten asked. Paige shrugged. I could tell from her expression that she already felt helpless. Paige without a job was like a samaki without water. The outcome was just not happy.
"Well, I'm going to sleep," I decided. I was happy that I could be home, au somewhere like it, and not have to watch the younger ones like my life depended on it. And since I was so used to that, it took a while for me to feel comfortable enough to fall asleep.
I was woken a couple hours later, kwa Blair coming home. The grocery bags made quite a lot of noise, being set on the counters and jikoni table.
"Hi Shelby," she smiled. I sat up, and rubbed my eyes. I looked around, but saw nowhere else. Immediately, I started to panic. "Don't worry," she said. "Paige took the kids to the park. And I guess your Mom's still out looking for a job. She told me early this morning she wanted to."
"Oh," I said. Blair looked at the clock.
"Jori should be nyumbani soon... What time do wewe usually get nyumbani from school?"
"I don't," I said. She furrowed her eyebrows. "I don't go to school."
"Oh... Does your mom nyumbani school you?"
"Paige did," I said. She stared at me for a while.
"Oh my gosh. Your sister nyumbani schools you?"
"She did," I corrected. "Sage and Kirsten are kind of a hand full, so we decided I was fine."
"Who teaches Paige then?"
"She just teaches us from what she remembers from fifth grade," I shrugged. She shook her head, disbelieving.
"That's... Wow... Well, hopefully when your mother gets the money, wewe girls will all be going to school again." I pursed my lips and shrugged. I never want to go to school. From what I remember, it was never good. A door opened and closed, and Jori came in. "Hi sweetie," Blair smiled warmly. Jori waved.
"Hey," she sighed. "Ugh, I have so much homework. Mr. Henson's insane." Another reason Paige's homeschooling was good. She had never aliyopewa me homework.
"Oh, I'm sorry sweetie. Well, when you're done, why don't wewe hang out with Shelby? She could used some company." Jori looked at me, and raised an eyebrow.
"Um.." she said, looking for an answer. It was obvious she was trying to put "no" lightly.
"Um, that's ok," I said. "I think I'm just going to sleep some more... I'm pretty tired."
"Oh, ok," Blair said. "Why don't wewe go sleep in the guest room? wewe can sleep there." Jori showed me to the guest room, on her way up to her room. It was a big room, much bigger than my old bedroom, and had a kind sized bed, just like ours. Only theirs was cleaner and neat. I collapsed on the bed, pleased to not be squished, and fell asleep again.
Mom came into the room a couple hours later, and sat on the bed. I yawned, stretching out my legs, and wincing as the stitches stretched as well.
"Hey," she alisema softly. I smiled a little bit.
"Did wewe get a job?" I asked.
"No," she sighed. "I couldn't find a place that was hiring."
"Oh... Is everyone nyumbani yet?"
"Yeah. The girls are downstairs. James got nyumbani a while zamani too. Dinner's in twenty minutes." I studied her for a moment. "What's wrong?"
"I don't know if I want wewe to get a job," I admitted. She cocked her head, and ran her hand through my hair.
"Why not?"
"Because. You're finally around now, and a job would only keep wewe away." She smiled sadly at me, even though some tears were starting to well up in my eyes. "I don't like it when you're away."
"Shelby, wewe know I'll always come back." I stubbornly wiped the tears away. She hugged me, and I hugged her tight, grabbing my fist with my hand. It felt, for the first time in my whole life, that I was actually happy to have a mother. She was there for me, and it was the greatest feeling ever. It felt like she actually cared. She kissed the juu of my head. She whispered soft words in my ear, calming me down. I knew I'd be ok. "Come on, Honey. Dinner's almost ready." I hugged her again, and then we went downstairs to the kitchen.
"Have a nice nap?" Blair smiled at me. I nodded sheepishly. We sat at the dining table, the only place big enough for all of us to eat at. Blair placed the chakula on the table, and everyone passed it around.
"You don't go to school?" Jori asked me. We all nodded. "Lucky," she scoffed. Blair, James, and Mom talked amongst themselves, and Jori asked us bila mpangilio maswali sometimes.
We were all one happy family it seemed.
"Do wewe girls need anything?" Blair asked. I was pretty much taken care of. I was full, clean, and content.
"No thanks," Mom said. "Thank wewe so much for what you're doing."
"No problem! I'm so glad to see wewe and your girls! Stay as long as wewe need to!" I bit my lip. As much as I liked being here, I was kind of worried Mom would take her up on that offer. I didn't want to be rude. Blair went to the store, to go grocery shopping. This left us all alone at the house with each other.
"Well, this is nice, isn't it?" Mom asked. We nodded.
"How long are we staying here?" I asked.
"I don't know. As soon as I can find a job, and pay for a house of our own."
"Same here," Paige said. As much as she hated working, she hated not working as well. She was so responsible, and always wanting to help out. I pitied her for it sometimes.
"I want to get a job too," I said.
"You're only fifteen, Shelby," Mom said. "You don't need to be working. Same with you, Paige. You've always been working. I want to start supporting this family. wewe girls don't need to get jobs."
"I'm almost sixteen," I reminded her.
"And I want to work, Mom. That way we can get a house faster."
"No. I want to do this myself." Paige and I pursed our lips. We'd learned from experience, Mom cannot keep a job. It'd be easier just to have Paige working. "You girls stay here, ok?" We nodded, and she left.
"What're we gonna do?" Kirsten asked. Paige shrugged. I could tell from her expression that she already felt helpless. Paige without a job was like a samaki without water. The outcome was just not happy.
"Well, I'm going to sleep," I decided. I was happy that I could be home, au somewhere like it, and not have to watch the younger ones like my life depended on it. And since I was so used to that, it took a while for me to feel comfortable enough to fall asleep.
I was woken a couple hours later, kwa Blair coming home. The grocery bags made quite a lot of noise, being set on the counters and jikoni table.
"Hi Shelby," she smiled. I sat up, and rubbed my eyes. I looked around, but saw nowhere else. Immediately, I started to panic. "Don't worry," she said. "Paige took the kids to the park. And I guess your Mom's still out looking for a job. She told me early this morning she wanted to."
"Oh," I said. Blair looked at the clock.
"Jori should be nyumbani soon... What time do wewe usually get nyumbani from school?"
"I don't," I said. She furrowed her eyebrows. "I don't go to school."
"Oh... Does your mom nyumbani school you?"
"Paige did," I said. She stared at me for a while.
"Oh my gosh. Your sister nyumbani schools you?"
"She did," I corrected. "Sage and Kirsten are kind of a hand full, so we decided I was fine."
"Who teaches Paige then?"
"She just teaches us from what she remembers from fifth grade," I shrugged. She shook her head, disbelieving.
"That's... Wow... Well, hopefully when your mother gets the money, wewe girls will all be going to school again." I pursed my lips and shrugged. I never want to go to school. From what I remember, it was never good. A door opened and closed, and Jori came in. "Hi sweetie," Blair smiled warmly. Jori waved.
"Hey," she sighed. "Ugh, I have so much homework. Mr. Henson's insane." Another reason Paige's homeschooling was good. She had never aliyopewa me homework.
"Oh, I'm sorry sweetie. Well, when you're done, why don't wewe hang out with Shelby? She could used some company." Jori looked at me, and raised an eyebrow.
"Um.." she said, looking for an answer. It was obvious she was trying to put "no" lightly.
"Um, that's ok," I said. "I think I'm just going to sleep some more... I'm pretty tired."
"Oh, ok," Blair said. "Why don't wewe go sleep in the guest room? wewe can sleep there." Jori showed me to the guest room, on her way up to her room. It was a big room, much bigger than my old bedroom, and had a kind sized bed, just like ours. Only theirs was cleaner and neat. I collapsed on the bed, pleased to not be squished, and fell asleep again.
Mom came into the room a couple hours later, and sat on the bed. I yawned, stretching out my legs, and wincing as the stitches stretched as well.
"Hey," she alisema softly. I smiled a little bit.
"Did wewe get a job?" I asked.
"No," she sighed. "I couldn't find a place that was hiring."
"Oh... Is everyone nyumbani yet?"
"Yeah. The girls are downstairs. James got nyumbani a while zamani too. Dinner's in twenty minutes." I studied her for a moment. "What's wrong?"
"I don't know if I want wewe to get a job," I admitted. She cocked her head, and ran her hand through my hair.
"Why not?"
"Because. You're finally around now, and a job would only keep wewe away." She smiled sadly at me, even though some tears were starting to well up in my eyes. "I don't like it when you're away."
"Shelby, wewe know I'll always come back." I stubbornly wiped the tears away. She hugged me, and I hugged her tight, grabbing my fist with my hand. It felt, for the first time in my whole life, that I was actually happy to have a mother. She was there for me, and it was the greatest feeling ever. It felt like she actually cared. She kissed the juu of my head. She whispered soft words in my ear, calming me down. I knew I'd be ok. "Come on, Honey. Dinner's almost ready." I hugged her again, and then we went downstairs to the kitchen.
"Have a nice nap?" Blair smiled at me. I nodded sheepishly. We sat at the dining table, the only place big enough for all of us to eat at. Blair placed the chakula on the table, and everyone passed it around.
"You don't go to school?" Jori asked me. We all nodded. "Lucky," she scoffed. Blair, James, and Mom talked amongst themselves, and Jori asked us bila mpangilio maswali sometimes.
We were all one happy family it seemed.
I'm sat at home
In my cardboard box
I'm scared to death
So I cuddle my socks
I hear the key turn in the door
Fear swells inside of me
My hope plummets through the floor
I peep outside my little box
In time to see my daddy roar
I'm worried now, I realise
Because he's angry I notice now
That what I'm seeing with swollen eyes
I don't know when I don't know how
It may be the last thing I ever see
This may be the last of me
I see his boots come closer, so I shriek
My bruises hurt zaidi than ever
He picks me up, I feel so weak
He shakes me now and calls me worthless
I just want him to upendo me
I just want him to know me
But the broken bottle is against my chest
And is thrust through my cotton vest
Into my heart, the pain is fire
I see myself as I float higher
Now my vision is rimmed with darkness
The end is near, I feel its presence
I just wish that I could tell him
I upendo him, but his upendo is dim
In my cardboard box
I'm scared to death
So I cuddle my socks
I hear the key turn in the door
Fear swells inside of me
My hope plummets through the floor
I peep outside my little box
In time to see my daddy roar
I'm worried now, I realise
Because he's angry I notice now
That what I'm seeing with swollen eyes
I don't know when I don't know how
It may be the last thing I ever see
This may be the last of me
I see his boots come closer, so I shriek
My bruises hurt zaidi than ever
He picks me up, I feel so weak
He shakes me now and calls me worthless
I just want him to upendo me
I just want him to know me
But the broken bottle is against my chest
And is thrust through my cotton vest
Into my heart, the pain is fire
I see myself as I float higher
Now my vision is rimmed with darkness
The end is near, I feel its presence
I just wish that I could tell him
I upendo him, but his upendo is dim
He gives me sight,
Saves me from evil's bite,
Holds me when I cry,
Always kwa my side.
My last breath is taken and aliyopewa to him,
He saves me from the storm I'm in,
He saves me and calls me his,
Have him when I'm in a crisis.
Jesus is everything.
Everything to me,
Helping me see,
Stealing my heart,
Oh how I hate being apart.
Stand here and be moved kwa him,
To feel him in my veins,
To feel him inside of me.
My friend,
My helper,
The great shrink,
I am proud to be part of his link.
Blown away kwa his grace,
Blessed kwa his mercy,
Oh how he carries.
Holds every tear in his hand,
Wipes away our sorrows,
For a better tomorrow.
It’s raining on my window pane,
Inside this house looks so lame.
I’m so funny, so bored hunni.
Nothing much to do but to be a horn dog,
Being bored makes me write in my log.
Are we counting up au down?
Nothing seems to go around.
Boredom, wewe don’t like him.
Boredom, wewe wanna shoot him.
Don’t make that move.
wewe get in trouble when looking for fun,
wewe get so tired when the siku is done.
Soon as wewe get in bed,
wewe remember what should be done instead.
Just forget the problem.
Get a goodnight sleep and dream.
Forget about the boring adventure,
wewe should’ve discovered something in nature.
Boredom, forget them.
Boredom, sleep before the morning.
Inside this house looks so lame.
I’m so funny, so bored hunni.
Nothing much to do but to be a horn dog,
Being bored makes me write in my log.
Are we counting up au down?
Nothing seems to go around.
Boredom, wewe don’t like him.
Boredom, wewe wanna shoot him.
Don’t make that move.
wewe get in trouble when looking for fun,
wewe get so tired when the siku is done.
Soon as wewe get in bed,
wewe remember what should be done instead.
Just forget the problem.
Get a goodnight sleep and dream.
Forget about the boring adventure,
wewe should’ve discovered something in nature.
Boredom, forget them.
Boredom, sleep before the morning.