"Do wewe have asthma?" the gym teacher asked me. My thoughts flickered to Emery. He had asthma, right? Breathlessly, I nodded. "Go get your inhaler. Emery, go with her." Emery helped get me up, and we went inside, as I was taking my last breaths.
"Give me.." I rasped. "Your inhaler."
"What?" Emery asked, unbelieving.
"Get me your inhaler," I alisema through my teeth. My head started to spin. Quickly, Emery ran into the boys' locker room. A couple moments later, he returned with his inhaler, and handed it to me. I pumped some of it into my mouth, and thankfully it helped a bit. I sat there on the floor a few zaidi moments, until my breath returned.
"Shelby, wewe gotta stop these fucking drugs," Emery said, talking down to me like I was a child au something.
"You gotta mind your own fucking business," I said, leaning my head back against the wall.
"Shelby, it's only going to get worse if wewe don't stop. wewe could die."
"Good," I glared at him. That made him speechless.
"What the hell is your problem?!" he shouted at me after a few moments. "You've got your whole life ahead of you! How can wewe just throw it away like its worthless?"
"Because it is," I snapped. "And I've got nothing ahead of me... My life is not worth living. I'm surprised it took me this long to realize it."
"Oh please," he scoffed. "Your life couldn't seriously be that bad. You---"
"My mother abandoned me," I began. "She left me and my sisters a couple months ago. Before that, we lived in a two bedroom house, with nearly no food. My sister Paige worked full time, and had to be Kirsten and Sage's teacher. I watched them all day, when I wasn't out looking for a job. I have four sisters. None of us know our fathers. All of them left us. Same with my mom. I live with my relatives, who are nothing but nice to us, when we don't deserve it. I always feel like I'm a bother to someone. I'm always in someone's way. And I just..." I held my head in my hands, gripping my hair. "I just want it to all end!"
"I... I'm sorry, Shelby. I didn't know..." Emery alisema quietly. I ignored him, trying to take deep breaths to calm myself down. I didn't want to cry in front of anyone. Emery sat down inayofuata to me. "It must be so hard..."
"It's getting better," I admitted quietly. I looked up at him. "When I'm high, I don't have to think about it. It's easier." He sighed, shaking his head at me.
"Temporarily," he reminded me.
"Time doesn't matter. Whatever I can get, no matter how long it lasts, I'll take it. It's worth it."
"Yeah, but..." he sighed, probably not knowing what to say. "You're killing yourself, Shelby." I stood up and shrugged.
"Again, I'll take what I can get."
"Give me.." I rasped. "Your inhaler."
"What?" Emery asked, unbelieving.
"Get me your inhaler," I alisema through my teeth. My head started to spin. Quickly, Emery ran into the boys' locker room. A couple moments later, he returned with his inhaler, and handed it to me. I pumped some of it into my mouth, and thankfully it helped a bit. I sat there on the floor a few zaidi moments, until my breath returned.
"Shelby, wewe gotta stop these fucking drugs," Emery said, talking down to me like I was a child au something.
"You gotta mind your own fucking business," I said, leaning my head back against the wall.
"Shelby, it's only going to get worse if wewe don't stop. wewe could die."
"Good," I glared at him. That made him speechless.
"What the hell is your problem?!" he shouted at me after a few moments. "You've got your whole life ahead of you! How can wewe just throw it away like its worthless?"
"Because it is," I snapped. "And I've got nothing ahead of me... My life is not worth living. I'm surprised it took me this long to realize it."
"Oh please," he scoffed. "Your life couldn't seriously be that bad. You---"
"My mother abandoned me," I began. "She left me and my sisters a couple months ago. Before that, we lived in a two bedroom house, with nearly no food. My sister Paige worked full time, and had to be Kirsten and Sage's teacher. I watched them all day, when I wasn't out looking for a job. I have four sisters. None of us know our fathers. All of them left us. Same with my mom. I live with my relatives, who are nothing but nice to us, when we don't deserve it. I always feel like I'm a bother to someone. I'm always in someone's way. And I just..." I held my head in my hands, gripping my hair. "I just want it to all end!"
"I... I'm sorry, Shelby. I didn't know..." Emery alisema quietly. I ignored him, trying to take deep breaths to calm myself down. I didn't want to cry in front of anyone. Emery sat down inayofuata to me. "It must be so hard..."
"It's getting better," I admitted quietly. I looked up at him. "When I'm high, I don't have to think about it. It's easier." He sighed, shaking his head at me.
"Temporarily," he reminded me.
"Time doesn't matter. Whatever I can get, no matter how long it lasts, I'll take it. It's worth it."
"Yeah, but..." he sighed, probably not knowing what to say. "You're killing yourself, Shelby." I stood up and shrugged.
"Again, I'll take what I can get."
Memories and grief of my heart
Are still buried somewhere
I can’t cry neither I can freely laugh
What if they don’t know my past
I have not forget it yet
I still remember the same Zean with the same Zeal
But not in flashes neither in cars
In backstage of life with trembling hunger
Hunger in eyes and lips dry
No money in pocket but Zeal on shoulder
With memories of ‘Love’ and burning heart
Now my clothes are branded
And my shoes are best, pocket heavy with dollars
But with this all my moyo is all heavy
With secrets of past
Pleasures can bury them but cannot vanish
I still look mbele to death
When all my secrets will disappear, my pain will end
Also with my life..end will come to my BAD MEMORIES.
Are still buried somewhere
I can’t cry neither I can freely laugh
What if they don’t know my past
I have not forget it yet
I still remember the same Zean with the same Zeal
But not in flashes neither in cars
In backstage of life with trembling hunger
Hunger in eyes and lips dry
No money in pocket but Zeal on shoulder
With memories of ‘Love’ and burning heart
Now my clothes are branded
And my shoes are best, pocket heavy with dollars
But with this all my moyo is all heavy
With secrets of past
Pleasures can bury them but cannot vanish
I still look mbele to death
When all my secrets will disappear, my pain will end
Also with my life..end will come to my BAD MEMORIES.