I wanna die. I can't handle feeling this worried and angry and frustrated all the time. I wanna be alone.
I want no one to upendo me, I want no one to contact me.I want to run away from this life because I can't handle it anymore. I've felt this way for 5 years and each mwaka it gets a little bit worse. I need to die. I'm supposed to be the strong one,
the girl that never cries and will stick it out through anything and is level headed and cool and can hold herself together. I'm supposed to be the girl that is alone and doesn't need anyone to help her with her problems. It was like that before!
I didn't need anyone else. I could handle and supress feelings on my own. But now I can't. Honestly, I just feel really pent up inside. Like I need a release. But I don't have one. Everything I do makes me frustrated and its killing me.
Literally. I guess that's why I want to die. I feel like all of my abilities and my potential is fading away and I have no way to express myself. And the worst part? No one'll listen. They're all too obsessed with themselves to listen to
what I have to say. It's embarrassing really, that I can't handle this on my own. That I need Thomas to calm me down when I get angry. It sucks, I wanna do this alone. I don't wanna be a burden on anyone other than myself. But I feel like I'm a
burden to my boyfriend. He probably thinks of me as dumb baggage, only weighing him down. He could do so much if I weren't around, wrecking everything up wherever I go. He could be happy if I weren't here. He could do anything really, with me not weighing him down. I need to learn how to handle this myself. It's either that au I die. I would much rather die than be a burden on his shoulders. I upendo him so much, I hate that I'm doing this to him. He probably doesn't upendo me and is
lieing. Hell, everyone does that. They lie to someone because they feel sorry for them. That's what he's doing to me, I know it. He feels sorry for me because I can't seem to pull myself together. That is the only explaination in my mind.
He couldn't upendo me, how could he when I can't even upendo myself? How could he ever upendo someone as spineless and courageless than me. He deserves so much better. He deserves a girl that can take care of herself, not one that he has
to pull together every second. I'm too damaged, too broken for him. He doesn't deserve me. He deserves someone much less sad and anxious than me. I upendo him. I really do upendo him. I would give the world to make him happy, promise. But I
honestly think that I'm not making him happy. And if I'm not making him happy than I don't want to be with him. I upendo him so much that I would break up with him if it meant putting a smile on his face. I'd like to believe he'd do the same,
but honestly I'm not convinced. I wish I could make him as happy as he makes me but I doubt that will ever happen. I'm too much of a burden. I'm too stupid for him, not pretty enough for him. Like I alisema a billion times, he deserves so much better than me. Why is he even with me? I don't understand. He should've left kwa now. We weren't supposed to last this long. We weren't supposed to fall in upendo with each other. This is wrong. If I would've known 8 months zamani that I would upendo him and trust him as much as I do now I wouldn't have asked him out in the first place. Without me he could actually be happy. I could see that beautiful smile of his forever, through the windows of heaven. au hell, ya know, whichever I end up in. I just want him to be happy and the only way I think he could truly be happy is without me.
wewe know, I talk a lot about how much I upendo him but sometimes I wonder if I really do. Maybe I'm just delusional and I don't upendo him and I just want someone to take care of me cause I can't do it on my own. Maybe this is all in my head, and he doesn't upendo me and he is just dating me because he feels sorry for me. wewe know what? I'm sick and tired with being a burden on him. I wanna die so he doesn't have to deal with me anymore. My flaws are too prominent. He doesn't deserve someone with my number of flaws. I'm not perfect enough for him.
I want no one to upendo me, I want no one to contact me.I want to run away from this life because I can't handle it anymore. I've felt this way for 5 years and each mwaka it gets a little bit worse. I need to die. I'm supposed to be the strong one,
the girl that never cries and will stick it out through anything and is level headed and cool and can hold herself together. I'm supposed to be the girl that is alone and doesn't need anyone to help her with her problems. It was like that before!
I didn't need anyone else. I could handle and supress feelings on my own. But now I can't. Honestly, I just feel really pent up inside. Like I need a release. But I don't have one. Everything I do makes me frustrated and its killing me.
Literally. I guess that's why I want to die. I feel like all of my abilities and my potential is fading away and I have no way to express myself. And the worst part? No one'll listen. They're all too obsessed with themselves to listen to
what I have to say. It's embarrassing really, that I can't handle this on my own. That I need Thomas to calm me down when I get angry. It sucks, I wanna do this alone. I don't wanna be a burden on anyone other than myself. But I feel like I'm a
burden to my boyfriend. He probably thinks of me as dumb baggage, only weighing him down. He could do so much if I weren't around, wrecking everything up wherever I go. He could be happy if I weren't here. He could do anything really, with me not weighing him down. I need to learn how to handle this myself. It's either that au I die. I would much rather die than be a burden on his shoulders. I upendo him so much, I hate that I'm doing this to him. He probably doesn't upendo me and is
lieing. Hell, everyone does that. They lie to someone because they feel sorry for them. That's what he's doing to me, I know it. He feels sorry for me because I can't seem to pull myself together. That is the only explaination in my mind.
He couldn't upendo me, how could he when I can't even upendo myself? How could he ever upendo someone as spineless and courageless than me. He deserves so much better. He deserves a girl that can take care of herself, not one that he has
to pull together every second. I'm too damaged, too broken for him. He doesn't deserve me. He deserves someone much less sad and anxious than me. I upendo him. I really do upendo him. I would give the world to make him happy, promise. But I
honestly think that I'm not making him happy. And if I'm not making him happy than I don't want to be with him. I upendo him so much that I would break up with him if it meant putting a smile on his face. I'd like to believe he'd do the same,
but honestly I'm not convinced. I wish I could make him as happy as he makes me but I doubt that will ever happen. I'm too much of a burden. I'm too stupid for him, not pretty enough for him. Like I alisema a billion times, he deserves so much better than me. Why is he even with me? I don't understand. He should've left kwa now. We weren't supposed to last this long. We weren't supposed to fall in upendo with each other. This is wrong. If I would've known 8 months zamani that I would upendo him and trust him as much as I do now I wouldn't have asked him out in the first place. Without me he could actually be happy. I could see that beautiful smile of his forever, through the windows of heaven. au hell, ya know, whichever I end up in. I just want him to be happy and the only way I think he could truly be happy is without me.
wewe know, I talk a lot about how much I upendo him but sometimes I wonder if I really do. Maybe I'm just delusional and I don't upendo him and I just want someone to take care of me cause I can't do it on my own. Maybe this is all in my head, and he doesn't upendo me and he is just dating me because he feels sorry for me. wewe know what? I'm sick and tired with being a burden on him. I wanna die so he doesn't have to deal with me anymore. My flaws are too prominent. He doesn't deserve someone with my number of flaws. I'm not perfect enough for him.
Another poem kwa me. This one came out kinda lame,but I'll let the rating be the judge (assuming there will be any).
That Girl
Have wewe seen that girl,
That goes around here and there?
Nobody knows where she’s going,
Is she even going somewhere?
Pretty face, pretty hair,
Nobody knows her name,
She seems sad, what a coincidence,
I’ve been feeling the same.
She seems lost,
Doesn’t even know where she’s from,
I’m a nice guy so I invite her,
To stay in my home.
She seats in the couch,
My, is she pretty?
I wonder what I can say,
To comfort that girl , so dreamy.
Sarah,
She tells me it’s her name,
She feels sad,
Funny,
Because I’ve been feeling the same
That Girl
Have wewe seen that girl,
That goes around here and there?
Nobody knows where she’s going,
Is she even going somewhere?
Pretty face, pretty hair,
Nobody knows her name,
She seems sad, what a coincidence,
I’ve been feeling the same.
She seems lost,
Doesn’t even know where she’s from,
I’m a nice guy so I invite her,
To stay in my home.
She seats in the couch,
My, is she pretty?
I wonder what I can say,
To comfort that girl , so dreamy.
Sarah,
She tells me it’s her name,
She feels sad,
Funny,
Because I’ve been feeling the same
I wrote this yesterday when me and my boyfriend had a big fight and it's a fight that may go on for a long time. I know I am young to write something like this but, I guess it helps. Plus If wewe don't like it just tell me, ok?
The Power of Words
wewe and I had this big long fight,
It felt like the storm during the night.
It was verry sad and cold,
My Marafiki had to like wewe a lot
and wewe felt like I forgot,
forgot about you.
But I had a prodject due.
wewe think you're mr. I'm so cool
but wewe used to act like a ghool.
Not to the people wewe love,
to the sensetive people like a dove.
How we spoke with eachother,
made wewe feel much better.
But the fight we had,
wewe alisema was nothing but it was bad.
See ya pal we're ova,
take the cell wewe gave me and do me a fava.
Just don't ever,
Never...
Talk to me again!
The Power of Words
wewe and I had this big long fight,
It felt like the storm during the night.
It was verry sad and cold,
My Marafiki had to like wewe a lot
and wewe felt like I forgot,
forgot about you.
But I had a prodject due.
wewe think you're mr. I'm so cool
but wewe used to act like a ghool.
Not to the people wewe love,
to the sensetive people like a dove.
How we spoke with eachother,
made wewe feel much better.
But the fight we had,
wewe alisema was nothing but it was bad.
See ya pal we're ova,
take the cell wewe gave me and do me a fava.
Just don't ever,
Never...
Talk to me again!