Ok, this is my first attempt at uandishi a story, if that's what I should call it, I'm not sure. I'm not an experienced writer, and English isn't my mother tongue, so it's not flawless. Please kubeba with me a little. But please feel free to give me feedback on this, positive au negative, either way. :)
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There was a time, when she felt like she could do anything. A time when the world didn't seem as intimidating. When all her challenges and struggles was small, and forgotten kwa the blink of an eye. She doesn't seem to remember a single time when she was younger, when she found herself nervous, shy au held back kwa anything.
But now that she's older, it seems like she's crumbling under the weight of it all. Suddenly she's not forgetting at all. She's remembering and holding on to memories of failures au other unpleasant things, as if that would solve anything. Sadly, but like expected, it hasn't helped her much yet. She's the shy, quiet girl, spending her time over-analyzing everything.
She goes around for days, thinking of whatever activity coming up that she's anxious about. Maybe a school presentation, au maybe something else, involving situations she's not too comfortable with. She sits in class, watching the teacher as he asks the class a question. A short, easy question. Yet, she sits perfectly still, both hands down, hoping that the teacher somehow will miss her presence. Even though she knows the answer. I can see how she tries to take a look around the classroom without moving too much. She's wishing for someone, anyone, to raise their hand. It's so obvious on her face, she wishes to be anywhere but here. Much like seeing her in P.E., how she always look like she wishes to sink into a hole in the floor. She sighs in relief as the boy on the front row, Alex, raises his hand, moving the teachers attention towards the other side of the classroom.
Her life is full of those small, completely manageable situations, that she can't seem to deal with in a satisfying manner. Even though the big deal about those situations are something relatively easy, small au quickly finished, she can't seem to let it go. How she became so shy and at times anxious, is beyond me. I can't come up with anything that suggested her becoming this girl crumbled kwa shyness. To be honest, she has no reason to be crumbled either. She is smart, and I'm guessing she's got the majibu to all the maswali being asked, if she only dared to answer them. She is quite pretty too. Even though she looks average at first sight, she's not. Besides the brain and looks, she's also a very nice and warm person. To me, she seems like the kind of person who could do great things if she only let go of the steering wheel once in a while. And if she would open up a little to the people around her, they would see that too.
I wish I could help her somehow, make that discomfort so evidently in her face, disapear. I guess I could say somehting like "Fake it 'til wewe make it" au "Be seen.Get out there!", but I know she has heard it all before. But not even knowing all the tips and tricks has made a difference yet. I just hope that someday it will.
I wish she remembered that time in elementary school, when she didn't want to go to school. And the time she ran nyumbani from the bus stop, crying, because she had English at school that day? Why can't she remember that, and how she got her act together? How come she doesn't remember the triumph she must have felt when she defeated her fears and shyness, and went to school after all? Why has she forgotten how she ended up being one of the best students in her English class the following years? Why can't she just remember how all her troubles, who at that time, seemed bigger than life itself, ended up being small?
She has done it once. I'm confident in the fact that someday, she will do it again...
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There was a time, when she felt like she could do anything. A time when the world didn't seem as intimidating. When all her challenges and struggles was small, and forgotten kwa the blink of an eye. She doesn't seem to remember a single time when she was younger, when she found herself nervous, shy au held back kwa anything.
But now that she's older, it seems like she's crumbling under the weight of it all. Suddenly she's not forgetting at all. She's remembering and holding on to memories of failures au other unpleasant things, as if that would solve anything. Sadly, but like expected, it hasn't helped her much yet. She's the shy, quiet girl, spending her time over-analyzing everything.
She goes around for days, thinking of whatever activity coming up that she's anxious about. Maybe a school presentation, au maybe something else, involving situations she's not too comfortable with. She sits in class, watching the teacher as he asks the class a question. A short, easy question. Yet, she sits perfectly still, both hands down, hoping that the teacher somehow will miss her presence. Even though she knows the answer. I can see how she tries to take a look around the classroom without moving too much. She's wishing for someone, anyone, to raise their hand. It's so obvious on her face, she wishes to be anywhere but here. Much like seeing her in P.E., how she always look like she wishes to sink into a hole in the floor. She sighs in relief as the boy on the front row, Alex, raises his hand, moving the teachers attention towards the other side of the classroom.
Her life is full of those small, completely manageable situations, that she can't seem to deal with in a satisfying manner. Even though the big deal about those situations are something relatively easy, small au quickly finished, she can't seem to let it go. How she became so shy and at times anxious, is beyond me. I can't come up with anything that suggested her becoming this girl crumbled kwa shyness. To be honest, she has no reason to be crumbled either. She is smart, and I'm guessing she's got the majibu to all the maswali being asked, if she only dared to answer them. She is quite pretty too. Even though she looks average at first sight, she's not. Besides the brain and looks, she's also a very nice and warm person. To me, she seems like the kind of person who could do great things if she only let go of the steering wheel once in a while. And if she would open up a little to the people around her, they would see that too.
I wish I could help her somehow, make that discomfort so evidently in her face, disapear. I guess I could say somehting like "Fake it 'til wewe make it" au "Be seen.Get out there!", but I know she has heard it all before. But not even knowing all the tips and tricks has made a difference yet. I just hope that someday it will.
I wish she remembered that time in elementary school, when she didn't want to go to school. And the time she ran nyumbani from the bus stop, crying, because she had English at school that day? Why can't she remember that, and how she got her act together? How come she doesn't remember the triumph she must have felt when she defeated her fears and shyness, and went to school after all? Why has she forgotten how she ended up being one of the best students in her English class the following years? Why can't she just remember how all her troubles, who at that time, seemed bigger than life itself, ended up being small?
She has done it once. I'm confident in the fact that someday, she will do it again...
