Chapter 20
While Alice was dragging me to see her family I was worried what will happen when I see edward I mean after all this years ,we moved on and stuff……..ooh I'm such an idiot what can happen??? Nothing can happed if he remmembers he left ME! I didn’t leave him! So what does he wants now?.....
I was thinking hard not realizing were she was dragging me when someone hugged me
-oh Bella I'm so happy to see wewe look at you!!! wewe havent changed at all!
Then he laughed his booming laugh,awww I truley miss Emmett he always made me laugh and made fun of me
-Bella honey,how are you?
Esme came closer and hugged me and started subing
-we missed you
Then Carlisle came and looked at me with concern in his eyes and hugged me lightly
-its great to see you
He alisema and patted my shoulder
Rosali just smiled at me and she seemed a little guilty about something that I didn’t know about.
Then jasper stepped closer and shook my hand this was the first time he touched me and then smiled
o.h m.y g.o.d
edaward!! What should I do?! What should I say too him………………then someone interupted my thoughts THANK GOD!!
-dear Bella! And Cullen's lets go to the hall!
Aro alisema and patted my shoulder and then took my hand probably kusoma my thoughts and then smiled and alisema
-your welcom!
Under his breath and left the room and I followed him to the hall
We sat there talking for a few mins and I was avoiding edward not even looking at him
I was mostly talking to Alice,Emmett,jasper,jane and alec and Carlisle and esme and avoiding edward as much as possible
-so Bella are wewe staying with us?!?
Jane asked me with hope in her eyes
-I think I am.
I alisema cause I don’t have any other place to stay
-Bella wewe can stay with us if wewe like au visit sometimes??
Esme alisema hope in her eyes too
-esme I don’t know …..um…maybe.
I smile at her and she touched my shoulder thanking me
Then Alice spoke
-oh Bella! Lets go and change your dress you’ve been sleeping in that thing for a 100 years!
Oh great Bella barbie again I sighed but she was right I should change as soon as possible
Alice clapped her hands and went to bring her bag
she came back in 1 sec and dragged me again back to my room when we got there she brought out a beautiful black dress
-wow its beautiful Alice!
-you like it?!
-yup!
-oh this is wounderful so try it on and come down ok??? I'm waiting!
She alisema and went outside I took off my old dress and took a hot kuoga and put my new dress on and thinked about a paire of black high heels and then wore them. I was brushing my haire when someone knocked on the door.
-come in.
I alisema thinking its Alice but someone else came in that I didn’t expected
-you look beautiful
Edward alisema and closed the door behind him
-what are wewe doing here?
I was shocked he is such an bas…..
-Bella I came to apologize..
I cut him off
-there's no need to
-Bella I'm sorry I thought if I leave wewe ,you will have a normal life…
-and I had a great life untill…….
Pain filled my eyes I really wanted to cry,….i really missed matt
-Bella don’t be sad
-I am sad! Edward!you always thinked about yourself wewe never cared about what I wanted!have wewe ever thought about talking to me and ask me if I wanted wewe to leave?huh? au wewe didn’t care what I wanted and just left me bleeding!maybe I wanted to be with wewe no matter what!i didn’t even care if I died the siku jasper Lost it!because I would have died happy knowing wewe loved me……….
I covered my eyes with my hands and started subbing edward came to comfort me but I flinched at his touch and he took a step back pain washing through his eyes.
-Bella I knew wewe didn’t want me to leave so I made this choice myself I wanted wewe to have a big family…
-and die!
I alisema anger in my voice
-no Bella at first that I met wewe I wanted to ask Carlisle to change but that wasn’t faire to wewe that would have been selfish of me
-havnt wewe thought maybe I wanted what wewe didn’t want?!
-Bella I'm sorry I made a mistake! I tried to track wewe down but wewe kept disappearing from place to place………
-Bella I upendo wewe I cant leave without wewe and these years that we were separate I thought I was dead1everyone tried to cheer me up but…….failed.
I snorted
-I guess Tanya didn’t
I alisema bitterly
-Bella I needed a distraction and rose was telling me stuff like I needed to forget wewe live my life…….and all thease crap.im sorry Bella really I cant leavr if wewe don’t take me back!
He cried and held my hand
While Alice was dragging me to see her family I was worried what will happen when I see edward I mean after all this years ,we moved on and stuff……..ooh I'm such an idiot what can happen??? Nothing can happed if he remmembers he left ME! I didn’t leave him! So what does he wants now?.....
I was thinking hard not realizing were she was dragging me when someone hugged me
-oh Bella I'm so happy to see wewe look at you!!! wewe havent changed at all!
Then he laughed his booming laugh,awww I truley miss Emmett he always made me laugh and made fun of me
-Bella honey,how are you?
Esme came closer and hugged me and started subing
-we missed you
Then Carlisle came and looked at me with concern in his eyes and hugged me lightly
-its great to see you
He alisema and patted my shoulder
Rosali just smiled at me and she seemed a little guilty about something that I didn’t know about.
Then jasper stepped closer and shook my hand this was the first time he touched me and then smiled
o.h m.y g.o.d
edaward!! What should I do?! What should I say too him………………then someone interupted my thoughts THANK GOD!!
-dear Bella! And Cullen's lets go to the hall!
Aro alisema and patted my shoulder and then took my hand probably kusoma my thoughts and then smiled and alisema
-your welcom!
Under his breath and left the room and I followed him to the hall
We sat there talking for a few mins and I was avoiding edward not even looking at him
I was mostly talking to Alice,Emmett,jasper,jane and alec and Carlisle and esme and avoiding edward as much as possible
-so Bella are wewe staying with us?!?
Jane asked me with hope in her eyes
-I think I am.
I alisema cause I don’t have any other place to stay
-Bella wewe can stay with us if wewe like au visit sometimes??
Esme alisema hope in her eyes too
-esme I don’t know …..um…maybe.
I smile at her and she touched my shoulder thanking me
Then Alice spoke
-oh Bella! Lets go and change your dress you’ve been sleeping in that thing for a 100 years!
Oh great Bella barbie again I sighed but she was right I should change as soon as possible
Alice clapped her hands and went to bring her bag
she came back in 1 sec and dragged me again back to my room when we got there she brought out a beautiful black dress
-wow its beautiful Alice!
-you like it?!
-yup!
-oh this is wounderful so try it on and come down ok??? I'm waiting!
She alisema and went outside I took off my old dress and took a hot kuoga and put my new dress on and thinked about a paire of black high heels and then wore them. I was brushing my haire when someone knocked on the door.
-come in.
I alisema thinking its Alice but someone else came in that I didn’t expected
-you look beautiful
Edward alisema and closed the door behind him
-what are wewe doing here?
I was shocked he is such an bas…..
-Bella I came to apologize..
I cut him off
-there's no need to
-Bella I'm sorry I thought if I leave wewe ,you will have a normal life…
-and I had a great life untill…….
Pain filled my eyes I really wanted to cry,….i really missed matt
-Bella don’t be sad
-I am sad! Edward!you always thinked about yourself wewe never cared about what I wanted!have wewe ever thought about talking to me and ask me if I wanted wewe to leave?huh? au wewe didn’t care what I wanted and just left me bleeding!maybe I wanted to be with wewe no matter what!i didn’t even care if I died the siku jasper Lost it!because I would have died happy knowing wewe loved me……….
I covered my eyes with my hands and started subbing edward came to comfort me but I flinched at his touch and he took a step back pain washing through his eyes.
-Bella I knew wewe didn’t want me to leave so I made this choice myself I wanted wewe to have a big family…
-and die!
I alisema anger in my voice
-no Bella at first that I met wewe I wanted to ask Carlisle to change but that wasn’t faire to wewe that would have been selfish of me
-havnt wewe thought maybe I wanted what wewe didn’t want?!
-Bella I'm sorry I made a mistake! I tried to track wewe down but wewe kept disappearing from place to place………
-Bella I upendo wewe I cant leave without wewe and these years that we were separate I thought I was dead1everyone tried to cheer me up but…….failed.
I snorted
-I guess Tanya didn’t
I alisema bitterly
-Bella I needed a distraction and rose was telling me stuff like I needed to forget wewe live my life…….and all thease crap.im sorry Bella really I cant leavr if wewe don’t take me back!
He cried and held my hand
Is it possible to fall in upendo with someone you’ve never met
Your only knowledge stemming from information you’ve seen au read
Before I knew of his existence I would have stated no
Yet the first time I saw him my moyo begged to never let go
It isn’t rational
au logical
Though upendo rarely is
I can’t make my moyo stop wishing that I held his
And I know it's stupid and silly to believe
In some kind of fairy tale
The perfect prince for me
But every time I see that smile
I can’t help but feel
That one siku we could share
A upendo that is real
Your only knowledge stemming from information you’ve seen au read
Before I knew of his existence I would have stated no
Yet the first time I saw him my moyo begged to never let go
It isn’t rational
au logical
Though upendo rarely is
I can’t make my moyo stop wishing that I held his
And I know it's stupid and silly to believe
In some kind of fairy tale
The perfect prince for me
But every time I see that smile
I can’t help but feel
That one siku we could share
A upendo that is real
ON STORMY CLOUDS
I’VE SEEN HIM SIT
THIS DARK Angel FAIR
WITH FOLDED AND SHIMMERING
GOSSAMER WINGS
AND MOON BEAMS IN HIS HAIR
WITH BURNING EYES
TO EARTH HE SLIDES
SEEKING TO FEEL THE GROUND
THEN SPREAD HIS
RAVEN FEATHERED WINGS
CASTING HIS MAGICK SHADOW ‘ROUND
THIS ANGELS TOUCH
IS A COMFORTS SONG
SOFT AS A VELVET CLOAK
AND WHEN HE REACHES
TO RIGHT THE WRONG
HIS WORDS ARE FEELINGS SPOKE
ON HOOF AND WING, I WATCHED HIM SAIL
MY DARK Angel FAIR
TO SOME ARCANE ABODE
WE KNOW NOT WHERE
TILL HIS inayofuata ASSIGNMENT
AND THE FUTURE HAS BEEN FORETOLD
FOR THE LAST FLIGHT
THIS DARK Angel TAKES
IS A PIED-PIPERS GATHERING
FOR ALL THE SOULS HE’S TOUCHED
LISTENING TO THE SHADOWY
SONGS THEY’LL NOW SING
I’VE SEEN HIM SIT
THIS DARK Angel FAIR
WITH FOLDED AND SHIMMERING
GOSSAMER WINGS
AND MOON BEAMS IN HIS HAIR
WITH BURNING EYES
TO EARTH HE SLIDES
SEEKING TO FEEL THE GROUND
THEN SPREAD HIS
RAVEN FEATHERED WINGS
CASTING HIS MAGICK SHADOW ‘ROUND
THIS ANGELS TOUCH
IS A COMFORTS SONG
SOFT AS A VELVET CLOAK
AND WHEN HE REACHES
TO RIGHT THE WRONG
HIS WORDS ARE FEELINGS SPOKE
ON HOOF AND WING, I WATCHED HIM SAIL
MY DARK Angel FAIR
TO SOME ARCANE ABODE
WE KNOW NOT WHERE
TILL HIS inayofuata ASSIGNMENT
AND THE FUTURE HAS BEEN FORETOLD
FOR THE LAST FLIGHT
THIS DARK Angel TAKES
IS A PIED-PIPERS GATHERING
FOR ALL THE SOULS HE’S TOUCHED
LISTENING TO THE SHADOWY
SONGS THEY’LL NOW SING
19 December
It's been almost a mwaka since Freak died. For a while, people always used to say to me, "I'm sorry." I hated that. I yelled at them, "Feel sorry for Freak! I'm still alive!"
They shouldn't feel sorry for me. Freak taught me what it meant to walk tall. He tought me that remembering is only an invention of the mind, and if wewe try hard enough, wewe can remember anything. I try to remember everything Freak told me; and sometimes, it works. Then it slips away.
For a while after Freak died, I went back to being the critter hiding out in Down Under. Then one day, it hit me, and hard. If I had died, I wouldn't want Freak to do what I was doing. I would want him to continue Freak The Mighty.
And that made all the difference.
I try to make Freak proud; maybe I'm even succeeding. I just know that Freak changed the way I saw things, and I owe him that much; to keep Freak The Mighty alive.
-Max-
It's been almost a mwaka since Freak died. For a while, people always used to say to me, "I'm sorry." I hated that. I yelled at them, "Feel sorry for Freak! I'm still alive!"
They shouldn't feel sorry for me. Freak taught me what it meant to walk tall. He tought me that remembering is only an invention of the mind, and if wewe try hard enough, wewe can remember anything. I try to remember everything Freak told me; and sometimes, it works. Then it slips away.
For a while after Freak died, I went back to being the critter hiding out in Down Under. Then one day, it hit me, and hard. If I had died, I wouldn't want Freak to do what I was doing. I would want him to continue Freak The Mighty.
And that made all the difference.
I try to make Freak proud; maybe I'm even succeeding. I just know that Freak changed the way I saw things, and I owe him that much; to keep Freak The Mighty alive.
-Max-
Me and Those
Ever noticed that in this life
Everyone wants wewe to do something,
au be something
That sometimes wewe don’t want to be?
They are those!
wewe know them!
wewe probably have those in your house.
They are those who expect wewe to take a path,
Even though,
Sometimes,
wewe don’t want to take.
They are those who expect wewe to be great,
Even though,
Sometimes,
wewe prefer to be small and humble.
But do wewe think,
For the slightest second,
That they care about that?
They don’t!
They are your parents,
Your grandparents,
Your Uncles and aunts,
That since wewe were born,
Came up with a path for wewe in life.
But know this,
And say it to yourself:
They are those, they matter,
But me is I,
And I’m the main character.
Sitting right where wewe are
wewe have no claim on me
I know my own path
I am my own guide
wewe are nothing to me
No matter how wewe try
What do wewe care?
If I'm not doing it right
I'm not following you
I know my own path
I am my own guide
wewe don't know me
No matter how wewe try
Why are wewe here?
wewe know I don't want you
I told wewe to leave me
I am my own path
I know my own guide
wewe can't mold me
No matter how wewe try
Why do I feel compelled to write angsty poetry? I swear I'm not even that angsty. lol Oh well, I hope someone out there enjoys it.