Tears push against my eyes
why can't they come out
frustration and anger filled my eyes
why can't things be easy
Things are filled with pain
why can they be easier
why do they have to be this hard
why does being a friend mean choosing
since when do wewe have to choose which friend wewe keep
since when
Why can't wewe stay fr4iends with everyone
why does this so called life we live
takes everything out of us
so we cannot live
is there somethign out there that wants failure that wants death
because it is drawing me in
i need that death
I need that
i can't even speak
why does friendship kill
WHY?
I can't cry
and pain is horrible
but I need my rae
i need my light
yet she won't stay
she won't speak
all because of a slut
who i upendo
all because !
why do I have to choose?
Since when is talking a feleony
since when?
Why is this like that
I don't want problems
I want piece
I want science
yet I throw that all away
waiting for my light
It kills me to let go
i can't
yet she won't even looka t me
i disgust her
because what
I threw all this away to talk to a slut
a whore
why?
I can't chooose
i think i want to throw my one friend away
i think I want to leave her
i need my light
i can't even futa her texts from my phone
because my light keeps me going
but she is gone
she hates me
I hate myself
i am torn
i am dying inside
and I can't live
I can't live without her
I just can't
i need a light
but she has left me
and there is no one left
all I see is dark
all I see is death
it wants me
but I can't give in
au can I?
I can't do this
I am frustrated
i am broken
my liht has left
and i am left with darkness
and uchungu, chungu hatred
i am left with nothing
how could she do this?
how could this slut hurt me like this
if it wasn't for her i would still have my light
see what is does it tears me apart
i upendo my light
but I upendo the so called slut
I can't do this
i'd rahter die then choose
but my light won't come back
unless i do something drastic
i need my light
au the darkeness will take me
and inside i die
i have no safety
why can't they come out
frustration and anger filled my eyes
why can't things be easy
Things are filled with pain
why can they be easier
why do they have to be this hard
why does being a friend mean choosing
since when do wewe have to choose which friend wewe keep
since when
Why can't wewe stay fr4iends with everyone
why does this so called life we live
takes everything out of us
so we cannot live
is there somethign out there that wants failure that wants death
because it is drawing me in
i need that death
I need that
i can't even speak
why does friendship kill
WHY?
I can't cry
and pain is horrible
but I need my rae
i need my light
yet she won't stay
she won't speak
all because of a slut
who i upendo
all because !
why do I have to choose?
Since when is talking a feleony
since when?
Why is this like that
I don't want problems
I want piece
I want science
yet I throw that all away
waiting for my light
It kills me to let go
i can't
yet she won't even looka t me
i disgust her
because what
I threw all this away to talk to a slut
a whore
why?
I can't chooose
i think i want to throw my one friend away
i think I want to leave her
i need my light
i can't even futa her texts from my phone
because my light keeps me going
but she is gone
she hates me
I hate myself
i am torn
i am dying inside
and I can't live
I can't live without her
I just can't
i need a light
but she has left me
and there is no one left
all I see is dark
all I see is death
it wants me
but I can't give in
au can I?
I can't do this
I am frustrated
i am broken
my liht has left
and i am left with darkness
and uchungu, chungu hatred
i am left with nothing
how could she do this?
how could this slut hurt me like this
if it wasn't for her i would still have my light
see what is does it tears me apart
i upendo my light
but I upendo the so called slut
I can't do this
i'd rahter die then choose
but my light won't come back
unless i do something drastic
i need my light
au the darkeness will take me
and inside i die
i have no safety
When I talk to my Marafiki I pretend I am standing on the wings
of a flying plane. I cannot be trusted to tell them how I am.
au if I am falling to earth weighing less
than a dozen roses. Sometimes I dream they have broken up
with their lovers and are carrying chakula to my house.
When I open the mailbox I hear their voices
like the long upward-winding curve of a train whistle
passing through the tall grasses and ferns
after the train has passed. I never get ahead of their shadows.
I embrace them in front of moving cars. I keep them away
from my miseries because to say I am miserable is to say I am like them.
—Jason Shinder
of a flying plane. I cannot be trusted to tell them how I am.
au if I am falling to earth weighing less
than a dozen roses. Sometimes I dream they have broken up
with their lovers and are carrying chakula to my house.
When I open the mailbox I hear their voices
like the long upward-winding curve of a train whistle
passing through the tall grasses and ferns
after the train has passed. I never get ahead of their shadows.
I embrace them in front of moving cars. I keep them away
from my miseries because to say I am miserable is to say I am like them.
—Jason Shinder
I am mysterious yet sweet
I wonder what the future brings
I hear Mbwa mwitu loups imba to the moon
I see diamonds swimming in a black sea above me as I lay in the grass.
I want people to understand me completely
I am bila mpangilio yet shy
I pretend I am always going on new adventures
I feel misunderstood
I touch shards of my past, remembering them
I worry that I won't find someone who can view things the way I do
I am courageous yet cunning
I cry because the blames fall on me
I understand people's problems
I say witty things that persuade people
I dream of an absolution & life of adventure
I try to fit in but it's just so boring
I hope to travel around the world making zaidi Marafiki along the way.
I am all that I am, I am all of me
I wonder what the future brings
I hear Mbwa mwitu loups imba to the moon
I see diamonds swimming in a black sea above me as I lay in the grass.
I want people to understand me completely
I am bila mpangilio yet shy
I pretend I am always going on new adventures
I feel misunderstood
I touch shards of my past, remembering them
I worry that I won't find someone who can view things the way I do
I am courageous yet cunning
I cry because the blames fall on me
I understand people's problems
I say witty things that persuade people
I dream of an absolution & life of adventure
I try to fit in but it's just so boring
I hope to travel around the world making zaidi Marafiki along the way.
I am all that I am, I am all of me
Good and evil
upendo and hate
The balances of life
Makes everything flow just right
Until misery takes control of your world...
Misery is a parasite
Feeds off other's to become stronger
It hunts for those who are happy
Only to bite and infect them
With it's disease
It penetrates deep into your mind
Death and despair flood the thoughts
The virus spreads further...to your soul
wewe are sick with misery
Contagious
wewe don't want to infect
Forced into isolation
A weak body and a weak mind
There is no cure for wewe to find
Until the siku comes when an antidote called Love
Finds it's way inside
And kills the virus
But cures are hard to find
Like any upendo is...
to see, feel, hear, touch and taste
your eyes, your lips, your hands
wewe are everywhere
a touch, soft and tender
a whisper, full of desire
a gasp of sweet surrender
as passion fuels the fire
and though we still have far to go
that's alright, we'll take it slow
and though the days are often long
with wewe here I can be strong
there's no time in life to judge
only time enough for love
so as another night slips by
let’s dance beneath the sky
in our secret garden
upendo took power over our will
progressively, gently, tenderly, lover to lover
love, you’re all I ever needed
and I want wewe now. now being forever.
this is my eternal vow.
A silver glint in your eyes; heartbeats clean.
A simple chord enrages me; warm smiles.
The melody plays slow; performed quite keen.
I stop midway, but memory redials.
The octave jumps to brilliance; intense.
They upendo attention and thought; quarter notes.
Continuous trills and glissandos; dense.
Already chosen hum no other votes.
To accidentals for wit; humor dark.
Yet, the zaidi necessary; balance sweet.
Some kindness with speed; held out at the hark.
Released the pedal to kill the soft beat.
All are strong to my heart’s will; every song.
The echoes beneath that for which I long.
A simple chord enrages me; warm smiles.
The melody plays slow; performed quite keen.
I stop midway, but memory redials.
The octave jumps to brilliance; intense.
They upendo attention and thought; quarter notes.
Continuous trills and glissandos; dense.
Already chosen hum no other votes.
To accidentals for wit; humor dark.
Yet, the zaidi necessary; balance sweet.
Some kindness with speed; held out at the hark.
Released the pedal to kill the soft beat.
All are strong to my heart’s will; every song.
The echoes beneath that for which I long.
through the thorns to the stars
The only one who doesn't know happiness
is the one who couldn't understand its call
I am Calling Calling now, Spirits rise and falling
To stay myself longer...
Calling Calling, in the depth of longing
To stay myself longer...
Stand alone... Where was life when it had a meaning...
Stand alone... Nothing's real anymore and...
...Endless run...
While I'm alive, I can try not to fall while flying,
Not to forget how to dream... how to love
...Endless run...
Calling Calling, For the place of knowing
There's zaidi that what can be linked
Calling Calling, Never will I look away
For what life has left for me
Yearning Yearning, for what's left of loving
To stay myself longer...
Calling Calling now, Spirits rise and falling
To stay myself longer...
Calling Calling, in the depth of longing
To stay myself longer.......
Fearless moyo beats
in my chest,
strong and proud,
sensitive and fragile.
Collecting all these words
wewe gave as if
those are significant,
but your moyo has never
spoken to me.
Empty words wewe gave,
the depth that lies in them
wewe treaded,
though I still remember that
glow in your eyes,
I still remember,
though your false love
is spreading its wings
only in dreams of my own
world.
It was me who left,
and yet
I'm still trying to forget,
still trying to erase every
moment of happiness
we lived.
And my moyo is not weak,
even though it's lonely,
loneliness itself doesn't fear me,
for it loves me,
loneliness chose me.
Loneliness is jealous,
won't leave me be,
loneliness is in upendo
with me,
filled within my heart,
it has chosen me.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~