(The cast of Glee is put in a room, listening to a speech from the interviewer, Anne Parker. Some of the cast members--Cory Monteith, Darren Criss, Lea Michele, Dianna Agron, Chord Overstreet, and Samuel Larsen--were sitting on the brown couches. The rest sat in chairs surrounding the interviewer's desk. They all listened closely to what she was saying.)
Anne: Welcome Glee cast!
All: hujambo there.
Anne: As wewe know already, I'm Anne Parker. I'm the interviewer for the TV onyesha "The Spill on the Stars".
Heather: Does this mean that Brittany has competition for "Fondue for Two" au something? I don't know why we're here.
(Silence.)
Anne: No, dear. I invited wewe all here to ask wewe some maswali about it's all going with wewe guys on the set of Glee.
Lea (grinning): Excellent. It's a pleasure to hear from an amazing person like yourself.
Dianna: One question: Is...well, you-know-who gonna find out about this?
Chris: Yeah, he's been sort of a b*tch lately.
Cory: Stealing words from me again, Chris?
Chris: Yeah, it happens.
Anne: Trust me. I'm not gonna tell anyone. This is just between wewe guys and me. All I'm asking is to speak your mind.
Amber (whispering to Naya): Is it possible that she could be stalking?
Naya (whispering back): Her eyes sorta creep me out, so yeah.
(Anne asked the cast to leave the room so she could speak with Lea Michele first. Lea sat at the chair in front of Anne's desk.)
Anne: Okay, first question. How do wewe feel about playing the part of Rachel Berry?
Lea: Well, it's been going well, actually. I don't really understand how he manages to put me in all of these scenes, though.
Anne: How do wewe feel about your friendship with some cast members such as Cory Monteith and Dianna Agron?
Lea: They're wonderful. The only problem is that...well...okay, so I went to the bistra with Dianna, Amber, and Vanessa. We were talking about the lastest spring fashions and all that. So then, these three college students come up to us and ask, "Lea, so I'm a Faberry shipper. I would totally want to see a fight with Finn and Quinn before the season ends"--
Anne: Do wewe think Ryan Murphy will make that happen?
Lea: It's up to him. I mean, I would like for Dianna and I to have zaidi friendship scenes together, but...I don't know--would it be wrong if I wouldn't want to do it because it would make me gay?
(The interviewer gives no response, looking confused.)
Anne (to Cory 45 dakika later): Would wewe want to have zaidi scenes with Lea Michele?
Cory: Well...not that many, but still some. I would want scenes dealing with Finn Hudson and only Finn Hudson for a change.
Anne: How is your friendship with Chris Colfer?
(Silence.)
Cory: Um...it's going good.
Anne: wewe don't hang out with him that much anymore, do you?
Cory: It's not my fault. They won't write a damn Furt scene for us to interact in!
Anne: I'll take that as a yes.
(A few dakika later, Anne is speaking with Amber Riley.)
Anne: How would wewe describe Mercedes and where she is now?
Amber: Well, she knows what she wants and all. But like she stated in the disco episode, she doesn't specifically know how to get there. Thanks to Sam Evans, she has zaidi confidence on my end.
Anne: How would wewe respond to the kura za maoni on CelebrityDish.com saying that wewe sound like a baby being crushed kwa a moving truck?
Amber (enraged): Oh, f*ck this!
Anne (to Darren Criss 30 dakika later, smitten): Can I call you...?
Darren: Darren? Sure.
Anne: No...(She chuckles and imitates her on a cell phone, winking.) can I call you?
Darren: What?
Anne (clearing her throat): How would wewe respond to all of the mashabiki after finding out that wewe won Celebrity Dish's contest for sexiest male actor?
Darren (blushing): It's an honor, first of all. And the fact that I have so many mashabiki who admire me is amazing.
Anne: If wewe were running the show, would wewe want to have zaidi "sexy" scenes with Chris Colfer?
Darren: Well, maybe like a bedroom scene where they have a boyfriend-to-boyfriend conversation, but not too--
Anne: And do wewe plan to be shirtless for any of those scenes?
Darren (bewildered): No...honestly not.
Anne: It'll raise the ratings for Glee for sure.
Darren: Maybe, but there are other people who put their time and effort in--
Anne (fangirlish scream): Can I take a picture of wewe with your juu off?
Darren: Huh?
(An saa and 15 dakika later, Anne brought Chris Colfer into the room.)
Chris: Okay, before we begin, let me remind wewe that although I like working with Darren Criss, it's getting to be too much. I mean, Kurt never spends any time with Mercedes that much anymore. And what about Finn? They're freakin' brothers, for Christ's sake!
Anne: So what you're saying is that wewe want zaidi interaction with Cory Monteith and Amber Riley?
Chris (silent for 3 seconds): Was I stuttering?
Anne: Well, no--
Chris: Don't raise my blood pressure, lady. I'm still pissed off that Cory didn't come on the set to see my NYADA audition, which, kwa the way, Kurt has really put all of his time and effort into! He claims to be in the bathroom due to the diarrhea he had from eating that sh*tty burrito from taco Bell. Over my dead ass! Nothing's gonna make me speak to that man again!
Anne (looking at her notebook): Cory told me in his interview session that he would start a petition for zaidi Furt scenes if he had the opportunity. How would wewe respond to that?
Chris: Hmm...I'll buy it. (He mumbles to the side.) I'm still mad at him.
Anne (to Dianna Agron 25 dakika later): So, Miss Beauty Queen, your birthday has passed and wewe had a wonderful party. How do wewe feel?
Dianna: Pretty good.
Anne: So, how do wewe think Quinn Fabray is doing so far as opposed to trying to get to her future?
Dianna: Fine. It would've been better if Ryan Murphy didn't try to f*ck with her character, though.
Anne: How do wewe feel about all the bad things Quinn has gone through?
Dianna: I'm gonna say it again. Ryan keeps trying to f*ck with her.
Anne: So, this means you're still kinda mad, right?
Dianna: wewe don't know what it's like. Quinn's a smart and phenomenal girl. I don't understand how Ryan keeps on changing her every passing episode. Oh, and for the record, the whole thing about making me disappear every episode...it's so freakin' stupid. It's like that damn leprechaun dude comes to pull me over and f*ck me off set au something!
Anne: Okay, so...you don't like your character...well, to be f*cked with all the time?
Dianna: Um, yes.
Anne: So if he were to put wewe in a love-triangle situation with wheelchair-bound Artie Abrams and previously homeschooled Christian Joe Hart, how would wewe feel?
Dianna: Are wewe kidding me? Sure, Samuel's character been considerate and taking Quinn to therapy, but Kevin's character coming around to spit out trash talk at another new character? Still, both actors are amazing. I really don't know whose end she'll get at.
Anne: Say if Quinn were to be paired with an old flame like Puck au Sam. How would you--
Dianna: Hell no.
(Thirty dakika later, the interviewer spoke with Naya Rivera.)
Naya: I'm sorry, but can I ask why wewe have so much makeup on? wewe literally scared my great aunt to death.
Anne (rolling her eyes): Okay...so how do wewe like Brittana getting zaidi screentime this season?
Naya: Awesome. The only two problems, though, are the fact that zaidi spotlight is put on Mr. Marc Jacobs Fanatic and his sex toy, and the fact that they're making Brittany not having anything to say about this relationship. I mean, we know she cares, but...I don't know.
Anne: Speaking of Brittany, where's the sex tape that was going around between wewe two?
Naya: Uh, that wasn't a real sex tape. That was--
Anne: So the sex between wewe and Heather is mostly private?
Naya: I never had sex with Heather!
Heather (in the hallway): Naya, can wewe help me get this wedgie out of my butt? I can't figure out how to do this!
(Silence.)
Naya (to Anne, irritated): Can we songesha on?
(Anne brought in Harry and Jenna next. She looked at them, confused.)
Jenna: wewe don't know who we are?
Anne: Are you...Sunshine and Matt?
Harry: No, Mike and Tina.
Anne: I've never seen you.
Jenna: They always give us limited screentime.
Anne: Tell me about your characters and where they are now.
Harry: Well, Mike had dealt with the issue with his dad--
Anne: And you...Jared?
Jenna: Jenna. And...well, I'm pretty sure Tina's gonna have some feelings--
Anne: Okay, we're done here.
(Kevin McHale, Damian McGinty, and Samuel Larsen were brought in the room next.)
Anne: So fellas, how do wewe enjoy working together so far?
Kevin: Well, I didn't work with Samuel and his character that much. But Artie pretty much had big competition with Rory Flanagan. I think Ryan Murphy sorta forgot about that, but--
Damian: Good. Rory deserves Sugar. wewe might as well give up.
Kevin (to Damian): Are we really gonna start this again?
Anne (to Kevin): And how are wewe and Samuel enjoying each other's company.
Samuel: It could be better.
Kevin: You're just mad because every kura ya maoni wewe see, the majority doesn't want to see wewe with Dianna Agron. Admit it.
Samuel: I'm not mad, I'm a little let down.
Kevin (scoffs, folds his arms): Sure.
Samuel: And wewe won't be able to have Quinn Fabray, either. At least Joe is faithful when it comes to girls. Every time Artie has gotten with a girl, he screwed over.
Kevin: Name three incidents.
Samuel: Artie kept playing that damn Halo game over the summer instead of spending time with Tina. He also called Brittany stupid and made her upset.
Kevin: It's the truth, though.
Samuel: And wewe broke Becky Jackson's feelings. Remember that?
Damian: He's right, lad. Artie may need relationship advice.
Samuel (laughing): Bogus and true, Damian.
(Silence. Kevin gets annoyed.)
Kevin: Shut up!
(During all of the interviews, Anne Parker asked one similar swali to every cast member.)
Anne: What are your thoughts on RIB's progress on the show?
Lea: Hmm...okay, I guess.
Cory: Dumb asses.
Amber: They think they're doing something good with all of this. Really, it's nothing good at all.
Darren: I hate imba so much. I only got one storyline other than the ones with Kurt. I'm wasting my breath here.
Chris: They're uigizaji like Furt is over with. So how do wewe think I feel?
Dianna: They f*ck around too much.
Naya: I can do better with one eye, arm, and my ears plugged with cotton balls.
Kevin: I've seen better in the first season than this one.
Damian: They're really unfair! How dare they do that to Vanessa and I?
Samuel: They need professional help.
Chord (snoring, waking up): Where am I?
Harry: Uh--
Jenna: This sucks.
(About a week later, all of the interviews are present to Ryan Murphy, who gets very mad at the results. The cast sits in the lounge room, listening to his shouts of anger.)
Dianna: I told wewe all that this was a bad idea.
Well, what did wewe think? I hope wewe liked it. :)
Anne: Welcome Glee cast!
All: hujambo there.
Anne: As wewe know already, I'm Anne Parker. I'm the interviewer for the TV onyesha "The Spill on the Stars".
Heather: Does this mean that Brittany has competition for "Fondue for Two" au something? I don't know why we're here.
(Silence.)
Anne: No, dear. I invited wewe all here to ask wewe some maswali about it's all going with wewe guys on the set of Glee.
Lea (grinning): Excellent. It's a pleasure to hear from an amazing person like yourself.
Dianna: One question: Is...well, you-know-who gonna find out about this?
Chris: Yeah, he's been sort of a b*tch lately.
Cory: Stealing words from me again, Chris?
Chris: Yeah, it happens.
Anne: Trust me. I'm not gonna tell anyone. This is just between wewe guys and me. All I'm asking is to speak your mind.
Amber (whispering to Naya): Is it possible that she could be stalking?
Naya (whispering back): Her eyes sorta creep me out, so yeah.
(Anne asked the cast to leave the room so she could speak with Lea Michele first. Lea sat at the chair in front of Anne's desk.)
Anne: Okay, first question. How do wewe feel about playing the part of Rachel Berry?
Lea: Well, it's been going well, actually. I don't really understand how he manages to put me in all of these scenes, though.
Anne: How do wewe feel about your friendship with some cast members such as Cory Monteith and Dianna Agron?
Lea: They're wonderful. The only problem is that...well...okay, so I went to the bistra with Dianna, Amber, and Vanessa. We were talking about the lastest spring fashions and all that. So then, these three college students come up to us and ask, "Lea, so I'm a Faberry shipper. I would totally want to see a fight with Finn and Quinn before the season ends"--
Anne: Do wewe think Ryan Murphy will make that happen?
Lea: It's up to him. I mean, I would like for Dianna and I to have zaidi friendship scenes together, but...I don't know--would it be wrong if I wouldn't want to do it because it would make me gay?
(The interviewer gives no response, looking confused.)
Anne (to Cory 45 dakika later): Would wewe want to have zaidi scenes with Lea Michele?
Cory: Well...not that many, but still some. I would want scenes dealing with Finn Hudson and only Finn Hudson for a change.
Anne: How is your friendship with Chris Colfer?
(Silence.)
Cory: Um...it's going good.
Anne: wewe don't hang out with him that much anymore, do you?
Cory: It's not my fault. They won't write a damn Furt scene for us to interact in!
Anne: I'll take that as a yes.
(A few dakika later, Anne is speaking with Amber Riley.)
Anne: How would wewe describe Mercedes and where she is now?
Amber: Well, she knows what she wants and all. But like she stated in the disco episode, she doesn't specifically know how to get there. Thanks to Sam Evans, she has zaidi confidence on my end.
Anne: How would wewe respond to the kura za maoni on CelebrityDish.com saying that wewe sound like a baby being crushed kwa a moving truck?
Amber (enraged): Oh, f*ck this!
Anne (to Darren Criss 30 dakika later, smitten): Can I call you...?
Darren: Darren? Sure.
Anne: No...(She chuckles and imitates her on a cell phone, winking.) can I call you?
Darren: What?
Anne (clearing her throat): How would wewe respond to all of the mashabiki after finding out that wewe won Celebrity Dish's contest for sexiest male actor?
Darren (blushing): It's an honor, first of all. And the fact that I have so many mashabiki who admire me is amazing.
Anne: If wewe were running the show, would wewe want to have zaidi "sexy" scenes with Chris Colfer?
Darren: Well, maybe like a bedroom scene where they have a boyfriend-to-boyfriend conversation, but not too--
Anne: And do wewe plan to be shirtless for any of those scenes?
Darren (bewildered): No...honestly not.
Anne: It'll raise the ratings for Glee for sure.
Darren: Maybe, but there are other people who put their time and effort in--
Anne (fangirlish scream): Can I take a picture of wewe with your juu off?
Darren: Huh?
(An saa and 15 dakika later, Anne brought Chris Colfer into the room.)
Chris: Okay, before we begin, let me remind wewe that although I like working with Darren Criss, it's getting to be too much. I mean, Kurt never spends any time with Mercedes that much anymore. And what about Finn? They're freakin' brothers, for Christ's sake!
Anne: So what you're saying is that wewe want zaidi interaction with Cory Monteith and Amber Riley?
Chris (silent for 3 seconds): Was I stuttering?
Anne: Well, no--
Chris: Don't raise my blood pressure, lady. I'm still pissed off that Cory didn't come on the set to see my NYADA audition, which, kwa the way, Kurt has really put all of his time and effort into! He claims to be in the bathroom due to the diarrhea he had from eating that sh*tty burrito from taco Bell. Over my dead ass! Nothing's gonna make me speak to that man again!
Anne (looking at her notebook): Cory told me in his interview session that he would start a petition for zaidi Furt scenes if he had the opportunity. How would wewe respond to that?
Chris: Hmm...I'll buy it. (He mumbles to the side.) I'm still mad at him.
Anne (to Dianna Agron 25 dakika later): So, Miss Beauty Queen, your birthday has passed and wewe had a wonderful party. How do wewe feel?
Dianna: Pretty good.
Anne: So, how do wewe think Quinn Fabray is doing so far as opposed to trying to get to her future?
Dianna: Fine. It would've been better if Ryan Murphy didn't try to f*ck with her character, though.
Anne: How do wewe feel about all the bad things Quinn has gone through?
Dianna: I'm gonna say it again. Ryan keeps trying to f*ck with her.
Anne: So, this means you're still kinda mad, right?
Dianna: wewe don't know what it's like. Quinn's a smart and phenomenal girl. I don't understand how Ryan keeps on changing her every passing episode. Oh, and for the record, the whole thing about making me disappear every episode...it's so freakin' stupid. It's like that damn leprechaun dude comes to pull me over and f*ck me off set au something!
Anne: Okay, so...you don't like your character...well, to be f*cked with all the time?
Dianna: Um, yes.
Anne: So if he were to put wewe in a love-triangle situation with wheelchair-bound Artie Abrams and previously homeschooled Christian Joe Hart, how would wewe feel?
Dianna: Are wewe kidding me? Sure, Samuel's character been considerate and taking Quinn to therapy, but Kevin's character coming around to spit out trash talk at another new character? Still, both actors are amazing. I really don't know whose end she'll get at.
Anne: Say if Quinn were to be paired with an old flame like Puck au Sam. How would you--
Dianna: Hell no.
(Thirty dakika later, the interviewer spoke with Naya Rivera.)
Naya: I'm sorry, but can I ask why wewe have so much makeup on? wewe literally scared my great aunt to death.
Anne (rolling her eyes): Okay...so how do wewe like Brittana getting zaidi screentime this season?
Naya: Awesome. The only two problems, though, are the fact that zaidi spotlight is put on Mr. Marc Jacobs Fanatic and his sex toy, and the fact that they're making Brittany not having anything to say about this relationship. I mean, we know she cares, but...I don't know.
Anne: Speaking of Brittany, where's the sex tape that was going around between wewe two?
Naya: Uh, that wasn't a real sex tape. That was--
Anne: So the sex between wewe and Heather is mostly private?
Naya: I never had sex with Heather!
Heather (in the hallway): Naya, can wewe help me get this wedgie out of my butt? I can't figure out how to do this!
(Silence.)
Naya (to Anne, irritated): Can we songesha on?
(Anne brought in Harry and Jenna next. She looked at them, confused.)
Jenna: wewe don't know who we are?
Anne: Are you...Sunshine and Matt?
Harry: No, Mike and Tina.
Anne: I've never seen you.
Jenna: They always give us limited screentime.
Anne: Tell me about your characters and where they are now.
Harry: Well, Mike had dealt with the issue with his dad--
Anne: And you...Jared?
Jenna: Jenna. And...well, I'm pretty sure Tina's gonna have some feelings--
Anne: Okay, we're done here.
(Kevin McHale, Damian McGinty, and Samuel Larsen were brought in the room next.)
Anne: So fellas, how do wewe enjoy working together so far?
Kevin: Well, I didn't work with Samuel and his character that much. But Artie pretty much had big competition with Rory Flanagan. I think Ryan Murphy sorta forgot about that, but--
Damian: Good. Rory deserves Sugar. wewe might as well give up.
Kevin (to Damian): Are we really gonna start this again?
Anne (to Kevin): And how are wewe and Samuel enjoying each other's company.
Samuel: It could be better.
Kevin: You're just mad because every kura ya maoni wewe see, the majority doesn't want to see wewe with Dianna Agron. Admit it.
Samuel: I'm not mad, I'm a little let down.
Kevin (scoffs, folds his arms): Sure.
Samuel: And wewe won't be able to have Quinn Fabray, either. At least Joe is faithful when it comes to girls. Every time Artie has gotten with a girl, he screwed over.
Kevin: Name three incidents.
Samuel: Artie kept playing that damn Halo game over the summer instead of spending time with Tina. He also called Brittany stupid and made her upset.
Kevin: It's the truth, though.
Samuel: And wewe broke Becky Jackson's feelings. Remember that?
Damian: He's right, lad. Artie may need relationship advice.
Samuel (laughing): Bogus and true, Damian.
(Silence. Kevin gets annoyed.)
Kevin: Shut up!
(During all of the interviews, Anne Parker asked one similar swali to every cast member.)
Anne: What are your thoughts on RIB's progress on the show?
Lea: Hmm...okay, I guess.
Cory: Dumb asses.
Amber: They think they're doing something good with all of this. Really, it's nothing good at all.
Darren: I hate imba so much. I only got one storyline other than the ones with Kurt. I'm wasting my breath here.
Chris: They're uigizaji like Furt is over with. So how do wewe think I feel?
Dianna: They f*ck around too much.
Naya: I can do better with one eye, arm, and my ears plugged with cotton balls.
Kevin: I've seen better in the first season than this one.
Damian: They're really unfair! How dare they do that to Vanessa and I?
Samuel: They need professional help.
Chord (snoring, waking up): Where am I?
Harry: Uh--
Jenna: This sucks.
(About a week later, all of the interviews are present to Ryan Murphy, who gets very mad at the results. The cast sits in the lounge room, listening to his shouts of anger.)
Dianna: I told wewe all that this was a bad idea.
Well, what did wewe think? I hope wewe liked it. :)