1) Follow him around and keep asking the same stupid swali no matter what answer he gives.

2) Follow him around chanting, “Who aliiba the cookie from the cookie jar? Remus aliiba the cookie from the cookie jar!"

3) Give him nicknames that are unrelated to his real name. Ex: Paul. Joe. Han Solo. Teddy Bear. Freddie.

4) Ask loudly where babies come from. Keep asking him even if he claims he won’t tell you.

5) On the off chance he gets frustrated enough to tell wewe where babies come from (previously mentioned on number 4), look offended and claim he’s not taking wewe seriously.

6) Whenever he’s done saying something snigger and say, “Yeah, like well ever believe that!” very sarcastically.

7) Poke him at bila mpangilio moments, and don’t give him a straight answer as to why wewe are doing it, either.

8) Laugh at any and all plans he comes up with.

9) Follow him around and tell people that he learned everything he knows from you.

10) Whenever anyone asks wewe about him say proudly, “Were all very proud of him- all of us in the insanity response unit, that is- we just got him potty trained, too.”

11) Tell Kingsley that Remus has a crush on him. Claim that there is hidden poetry in his room if he looks hard enough. Make sure Remus hears these claims. His reaction to this news will certainly start quite a few new rumours.

12) Go over to his house at the full moon and eat his entire hoard of chokoleti in front of him.

13) Try to get him to sing girls just want to have fun kwa Cyndi Lauper

14) Point and laugh at him whenever he passes you.

15) Say bad things about him before he passes out of earshot.

16) Try to get him to start a conga line

17) Clearly in view, smack yourself on the head with something hard, then throw it kwa Remus and claim loudly that he has wounded you.

18) Kick him in the shins at bila mpangilio moments when he is not looking; then run away.

19) Tell Tonks that wewe heard him say that he expected her to be prettier when he found out she was a metamorphagus.

20) Wake him up early in the early hours of the morning with a bucket of water. Cold water.

21) Put his hand in warm water while he’s sleeping.

22) Cut his hair while he’s sleeping.

23) Take his stuff and hide it.

24) Go up to him and tell him you’ve done something to something in his room. See how long it takes him to work up the nerve to brush his teeth again (in fear you’ve dipped his toothbrush in the toilet).

25) Walk up to him and say, “Man, it feels good to be a hamster,” and walk away with no explanation.

26) Laugh at him in general.

27) Dye his hair upinde wa mvua colours kwa any means possible. See if he screams.

28) Make a maoni about how he’s putting on a little poundage and see if he still continues to eat regularly.
29) Get him a puppy for Christmas. Claim that since he’s always wanted one, wewe finally raised the bar, from a hamster to a dog.

30) Get him a chihuahua as the aforementioned puppy.

31) Spread outlandish rumours about him. (Ex: Yeah, I’ve heard he’s even dated a death eater. Or: I heard that to get out of a muggle prison once, the guards made him dress up as a girl and pout.)

32) onyesha up in his room before he goes to kitanda with warm maziwa and a lullaby in mind to help him sleep.

33) Mimic him in an especially childish way whenever he speaks.

34) Continue to ask why he isn’t as cool au good-looking as Sirius.

35) See how many rounds of ‘100 Bottles of bia on the Wall’ he can take before he swears and draws his wand.

36) Claim 35 was wewe testing his mental endurance. Claim he failed spectacularly.

37) Whenever wewe discuss Remus' strange behaviour around wewe with others, always refer to him as she.

38) Replace all his clothes with dresses (or any other clothes that are obviously intended for a woman).

39) Replace all his weapons with hand made replicas wewe made with construction paper and glue, maybe even with tape (to give it a shinier look!).

40) Scream the name, “FRODO!” at him and then look disappointed when he doesn’t react. When he asks what a Frodo is, refuse to tell him because he didn’t recognize his Sam.

41) Tell him, “The cat crows at dawn and the horse screams at noon,” and see how he reacts to this little bit of randomness.

42) After you’ve finished telling him something, wewe must add (no matter what!) But it’s just a rumour. (Ex: Kingsley told me to tell wewe that wewe guys are leaving tomorrow, but it’s just a rumour.)

43) Tell him you’re leaving to see if he cries out of sheer joy.

44) See if he attempts to be polite about wewe saying you’re leaving (43-above) and tries to say something like too bad, or, I’ll miss you, or, wewe simply must write, or, Send me a postcard!

45) Make up his own theme song and sing it whenever he enters the room, au triumphs, au walks, au eats, au something, anything at all.

46) (In relation to 45) When he threatens to cut out your tongue if wewe continue to sing his theme song, smile say, “Oh all right,” and begin to hum it.

47) Offer him gum from one of those trick packs (you know, the ones that shock wewe au snap your fingers with a mini mousetrap).

48) Play knock and run at his bedroom door. When he inevitably refuses to answer, open the door, step in and holler “Honey! I’m hooomme!”

49) Scream, “You dropped your pocket!” whenever he’s duelling on the practice courts.

50) (In relation to 49) Give him your best, plastic-fake, commercial, poster-boy smile and say, “Great job wewe did on the practice courts today, even though wewe got hit on the head twice. Oh, kwa the way, wewe dropped your pocket.”

51) (In relation to everything on this list) When he tries to attack wewe and must be forcefully restrained, sigh and say, “I always alisema he was insane. I’ve known it for years,” even if you’ve only met him last month.