1. Offer him karanga siagi fudge that wewe cooked yourself, and tell him that wewe named it Cornelius fudge because it’s "nutty." Make sure it’s sticky and overdone.

2. Tell him that chokaa green isn’t really his color, and that he’s really zaidi of a winter.

3. Offer to take him to the mall to buy him some new clothes in different, zaidi flattering colors.

4. Try to get him to jiunge a conga line with wewe and Voldemort and look very hurt if he refuses.

5. Tell him that "Scrimgeour always seemed like so much zaidi of an authoritative figure."

6. Make up a theme song for him to the tune of "The Brady Bunch" and sing it wherever he goes.

7. Make up flyers containing the printed version of the theme song and hand it out to important Ministry officials.

8. Try to get him to jiunge S.P.E.W., because "elves are people too!"

9. Paint a scar on your forehead and hop around singing, "We were telling the truth! We were telling the truth!" in an annoying, high pitched voice.

10. Give his bowler hat to the giant squid. If he gets mad at you, tell him that wewe were just trying to onyesha your care for all species. Make sure to stare at him with big, puppy eyes.