THESE ARE ENTRIES TO A WASHINGTON POST COMPETITION ASKING FOR A TWO-LINE RHYME WITH THE MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE, BUT THE LEAST ROMANTIC sekunde LINE:
My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying wewe screwed up my life.
I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.
Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything wewe are not.
upendo may be beautiful, upendo may be bliss,
But I only slept with wewe 'cause I was pissed.
I thought that I could upendo no other --
That is until I met your brother.
Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty, and so is your head.
I want to feel your sweet embrace;
But don't take that paper bag off your face.
I upendo your smile, your face, and your eyes –
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!
My love, wewe take my breath away.
What have wewe stepped in to smell this way?
My feelings for wewe no words can tell,
Except for maybe 'Go to hell.'
What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.
