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posted by Seanthehedgehog
The captain Pinkie Pie was talking about soon arrived in a blue muscle car. That car was a 1969 Chevrolet Corvette.

upinde wa mvua Dash: Is it really?
Sean: Hello everypony.
Bonbon: That's the captain?
Lyra: He's a hedgehog.
Sean: When I was told about this treasure hunt I had to get involved, and Pinkie Pie allowed me to be captain.
upinde wa mvua Dash: Well at least Pinkie was right about the "Can get us out of every situation" part.
Tourists: Ok lets get on. We will see some ponies reenact a crew that got money off an island.
upinde wa mvua Dash: ?
Pinkie Pie: Now that our entire crew is here. Let us set sail.

The mashua then leaves Manehattan docks, heading for the island 30 miles away. Pinkie then decided to have every gppony, pony sing a song.

Lyra & bonbon: When the course is laid, and the anchors weighed. A sailor's blood begins racing.
Twilight: With our hearts unbound, and our flag unfurled.
Jade: We're on our way and off to see the world.
Everypony: On our way and off to see the world. hujambo ho, we'll go anywhere the wind is blowing.
Vinyl Scratch: Tough ponies are we!
Everypony: Sailing for adventure on the deep blue sea.
upinde wa mvua Dash: Isn't there any place I can go without any gppony, pony singing? *flies away*
Snips & Snails: Danger walks the deck we say what the heck. We laugh at the perils we're facing.
Rarity: Every storm we ride is it's own reward
Applejack: And people die from falling overboard.
Everypony: People die from falling overboard. hujambo ho, we'll go anywhere the wind is blowing. Hoist the sails & sing!
Fluttershy: Sailing for adventure on something blue.
upinde wa mvua Dash: really? I upendo to see them cry when they walk the plank.
Derpy: I prefer to cut a throat.
Octavia: I upendo to hang them high and watch their little hooves try to walk in the air while their faces turn blue.
upinde wa mvua Dash: >:(
Octavia: Just kidding. It's a good life on a boat.
CMC: There are distant lands with burning sands. That call across the ocean.
Tourists: There are bingo games every fun filled day. With margaritas at the midnight buffet
Everypony: Margaritas at the midnight buffet. hujambo ho we'll go anywhere the wind is blowing.
upinde wa mvua Dash: Should have never gone!
Everypony: Sailing for adventure on the bounding main.
Pinkie Pie: The salty breezes whisper. Who knows what lies ahead? I just know I will find a lot, for me & all my friends.
Sean: The stars will be our compass. Wherever we may roam. And our mates will always be just like a family. And though we may put into port the sea is always home.
Derpy: I really like this song don't wewe Dr. Whooves?
Dr. Whooves: Yeah it's cool.
Everypony: We'll chase our dreams standing on our own Over the horizon to the great unknown. hujambo ho we'll go anywhere the wind is blowing bold and brave and free!! Sailing for adventure
Applejack: It's so nauseating
Everypony: Sailing for adventure
Rarity: So exhilarating
Everypony: Sailing for adventure
Tourists: We are celebrating!
Everypony: On the deep blue sea!

The song ended, and Pinkie was going over roll call.

Pinkie: Applejack?
Applejack: Aye aye.
Pinkie: Fluttershy?
Fluttershy: uuh. *raises hoof*
Pinkie: Derpy Hooves?
Derpy Hooves: Derp.
Pinkie: Dinky Hooves?
Dinky: derp.
Pinkie: Dead Dinky?
Derpy: *holds skeleton* Derp.
Sean: ?
Pinkie Pie: Vinyl Scratch?
Vinyl: Aye.
Pinkie Pie: Headless George?
headless pony: *raises hoof*
Sean: !!
Pinkie Pie: Big fat ugly mtoto, foal eating mare?
Huge stallion: Aye.
Pinkie Pie: Green hay?
Shredder: *plays guitar*
Pinkie Pie: Octavia?
Octavia: *glances at Shredder* aye aye.
Sean: Ok. Can I see every gppony, pony in my quarters?

What happens next? IDK just read the inayofuata part.
posted by TimberHumphrey
so here are a few theories i got for this show:

Theory #1: since Hasbro and DHX never even bothered to give Cozy Glow any semblance of a backstory, my theory is that she's actually a fully-grown adult gppony, pony stuck inside a filly's body. she was born with a condition that never let her physically age after filly-hood.

Theory #2: while we do know Sunset used to be Celestia's juu student, i always thought there was something zaidi to it than just a teacher-student relationship. and since we never get to see if Sunset had parents at some point in time, my theory is that she's Celestia's adopted daughter. remember how worried Celestia was about Sunset at the end of the first EqG movie? yeah, something tells me they're zaidi than just teacher and ex-student.

Theory #3: at one point in time, King Sombra used to be a great and loved king, before he became corrupted kwa his desire for power that forced Celestia and Luna to banish him into the abyss.
posted by Seanthehedgehog
The final part of Tom Foolery's onyesha is here.

Tom: Now, most of wewe probably don't know this, but we all have several things in common. I'll give wewe an example. We're all here together, in the greatest city in Maressouri.
Crowd: *Clapping*
Tom: I have some even funnier ones. When you're in your car, and wewe stop at a red light. Do wewe ever try to songesha an extra inch au two?
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: But when wewe see other cars in front of you, you're in no rush to get as close to the other guy as possible. wewe just coast to the red light.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Coast to the red light, then all of a sudden...
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posted by Seanthehedgehog
Tom was now making fun of the modern movie industry.

Tom: As much as I enjoy being an actor, when I'm not entertaining wewe with jokes.
Crowd: *Quietly laughing*
Tom: I always want to make sure the movie I'm in is good. They're not all comedies, my most hivi karibuni film, Suicide was actually quite dark. Yet for some reason, comedians feel like it's a great way to improve their career. Correct me if I'm wrong, but being in a dramatic R-rated film will not improve your comedy career.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: That's why no one knows who Jim Carrey is anymore.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: His hivi karibuni role as Dr. Robotnik...
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posted by Seanthehedgehog
Tom continued insulting politicians, much to the delight of his audience.

Tom: Presidential candidates are always a good target for comedians to make fun of, but wewe know what another maarufu target is? Black Lives Matter.
Crowd: *Cheering*
Tom: Many black ponies are accusing millions of ponies of the Caucasian race, for something only one police officer did in the Midwest!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Who's the racist now wewe assholes?!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: And do wewe really think that every single Caucasian hates blacks?! When did we time travel back to the 18th Century?!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Even the...
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posted by Seanthehedgehog
What's a comedy onyesha without politics? Tom is going to make fun of the presidential election.

Tom: I don't know what's worse, this covid pandemic, au the presidential election.
Crowd: Yeah!!!
Tom: I don't trust either Trump, au Biden so I'm not going to vote. *Talks like a filly* But Tom, it's important for the economy!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Losing jobs, and spending money on taxes is not good for the economy!
Crowd: *Cheering*
Tom: I don't give a fuck what ponies tell me. I don't trust the president, I don't trust the princess, I don't trust anyone that works for the Equestrian government! Why?...
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posted by Seanthehedgehog
After mentioning things wewe should only do alone, Tom had another segment for his audience to enjoy.

Tom: wewe know one thing I like to do when I'm alone? Rewatch some episodes of On The Block.
Crowd: *Cheering*
Tom: Not only do I enjoy comedy, but I also enjoy being an actor. It's the only job where wewe can get away with murder.
Crowd: *Quietly laughing*
Tom: Unless you're Robert Deniro, and the main protagonist is Al Pacino.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Seeing those two together was a lot of fun, but what really surprised me was seeing Pacino as a cop. He's normally the criminal, but I still got a kick...
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posted by Seanthehedgehog
 Robotnik: Snooping as usual I see! *Talks faster* Snooping as usual *Slows down* I see!
Robotnik: Snooping as usual I see! *Talks faster* Snooping as usual *Slows down* I see!


St. Foalis Maressouri, 6 PM.

A crowd of thousands of ponies gathered at the Gateway Arch to experience a comedy onyesha that was being filmed live in 4k. The comedian? Tom Foolery.

Crowd: *Clapping, and chanting* Tom! Tom! Tom! Tom! Tom! Tom! Tom!
Tom: *Arrives at a temporary stage under the Gateway Arch*
Crowd: *Cheering, as they continue to clap*
Tom: Thank wewe everypony.
Crowd: *Continuing to cheer and clap*
Tom: Thank wewe very much.
Crowd: *Continuing to cheer and clap*
Tom: And shut up.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom:...
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posted by Seanthehedgehog


Jerry: Sorry, but I got nothing.
Vito: I don't feel like dying. That's the reason we left the family in the first place.
Harlan: *Hears a car* What's that? *Looks out the window*
Vito: What is it?
Harlan: A cop.

The three stallions started to panic, but Vito had a plan.

Vito: I think I know what to do. Go upstairs and let me handle this.
Police Pony: *Rings the doorbell*
Vito: *Opens the door* How can I help wewe officer?
Police Pony: We got a complaint a while ago. Apparently this morning, some ponies had a gunfight just in front of your house. wewe know anything about this?
Vito: No. I was riding...
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posted by Seanthehedgehog
What to expect in this episode.

Twilight Sparkle: *In a black convertible, kubadilishwa with two Royal Guards. A bullet hits the door of the convertible, kubadilishwa they're in*
Royal Guard: Princess, get down!

---

Captain Jefferson: Someone tried to assassinate the princess as she entered our town.

---

Twilight: Why would somepony want me dead?
Toby: That's what we're trying to find out.

---

Tim: *Gets punched three times kwa a blue unicorn. He gets punched one zaidi time, and his glasses break*

Intro
Song: link

Julia: *Driving her police car on the round freeway*
Tim: *Sitting inayofuata to her*

Gran Turismo

Starring Larry Wilcox as Tim...
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posted by Seanthehedgehog
What to expect in this week's episode.

Tim: You're splitting us up?
Captain Jefferson: Just until Saturday. Someone's gotta teach the new guys what to do.

---

Pony: *Driving a sports car* Turn on the nitrous.
Pony 2: *Turns on the nitrous*
Pony: *Going faster*

---

Captain Jefferson: These two guys are wanted kwa the State Troopers, both in this state, and in Pennsylvania.
Tim: *Driving after the bad guys*
Captain Jefferson: We gotta be on our game.
Tim: *Hits another car, and goes on two wheels*

Song: link

Julia: *Driving her police car on the round freeway*
Tim: *Sitting inayofuata to her*

Gran Turismo

Starring...
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posted by Seanthehedgehog
When Saten Twist returned to Los Angeles in the Super Chief, he saw Jake looking at him.

Jake: *Angry*
Saten: *Sweating* Why is he giving me that look? *Stops the train*
Jake: *Tapping his left front hoof on the ground, waiting for Saten Twist*
Saten: *Climbs down from the engine's cab* Why are wewe angry at me?
Jake: wewe owe me an apology for the way wewe talked to me yesterday.
Saten: John-
Jake: IT'S JAKE!!!!
Saten: Why are wewe getting angry at me all of a sudden?
Jake: Your lecture towards me made me lose my job, and now I can't find work anywhere else.
Saten: wewe quit?
Jake: Yeah. I'm still waiting...
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posted by Seanthehedgehog
 Robotnik: Snooping as usual I see! *Talks faster* Snooping as usual *Slows down* I see!
Robotnik: Snooping as usual I see! *Talks faster* Snooping as usual *Slows down* I see!


Song: link
 Celestia: *Runs from the left. She jumps up, her wings spreading wide, then her face gets into the triangle*
Celestia: *Runs from the left. She jumps up, her wings spreading wide, then her face gets into the triangle*


Albuquerque, New Mexicolt. July 19th, 1958

Saten Twist: *Walking towards the Super Chief*
Stallion 16: Here to take this train all the way to Los Angeles?
Saten Twist: *Nods, and climbs into the cab*
Conductor: All aboard!!
Saten Twist: *Blows the horn twice, and makes the train go forward*
 This is the train Saten Twist is driving, called the Super Chief. A luxury train for ponies.
This is the train Saten Twist is driving, called the Super Chief. A luxury train for ponies....
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Oh shit, BT's not making fun of someone this time around? (well in an indirect way I might be but let's see where this goes)

Yeah, I don't care if anyone reads this, I just want to get this off of my chest, because I'm gonna try and be real with this site for once and it's 1 AM in the morning.

One thing I've noticed in the time that i've been a part of this club (since like, 2012 au something, idk), is that this club has Lost its backbone. The hivi karibuni year, now, I've been shitposting like mad, pissing in everyone's cornflakes. I have admittedly been the worst kind of person, for NO good reason....
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added by NocturnalMirage
Source: facebook, EQD
posted by SomeoneButNoone
My name? Alonzo Langusa. Age when I started operating? 23.


Act II

Vengeance...

Living was hard. I had to hide my name. I had to find a good job yet there was not enough money. Life was rough and it was because of these man. Vincent Galar, Apollo Monetto and Angelo Vertezio. I was taught kwa ma'am Crossroad not to kill. Yet I wanted to. I wanted vengeance. At age of 15 I started smoking and further drinking at age of 17 until at age of 23 I was kicked from my apartment. I went to Canterlot to find my good old friend her name was Clara. When I came she was shocked. I still remember it.


"Who are you?"...
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posted by SomeoneButNoone
It was a cold night like this one when my father smoked his last cigarette in our family house. The night so cold even me myself did not want to go out. The time? As a kid wewe don't care about that. It was dark, and it was winter. krisimasi day. After Equestrian economical fall and industrial boom, everyone changed, the dirty mafias started to leak. My father was part of one of these. A high up. One of important people in Vertezio familia. Still on that night...

Act I

That Night...

"So how was your siku outside" Father asked me with a smile. "Good" was all I answered. I was 11 what could I say....
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added by NocturnalMirage
Source: Facebook
posted by SomeoneButNoone
Darkness - *burst into room* Bad news! Void was kidnapped!
Dan - What?!
Snowflake - Void...


----
Location - ???
---

Void - *wakes up strapped to some meza, jedwali covered with bandages* What the...
Nyx - Good siku VOID. I never thought wewe will be the first to feel truth.
Void - What are you- *looks at him and see big machine behind him*
Nyx - Ah wewe see this. My project. matunda of my reschearch. The best weapon ever. wewe know - cores are great aren't they. They stay alive for 20 years. But wewe know what is better in them. Their power. A sheer power that may songesha body au stimulate brain. And this sekunde thing...
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posted by Seanthehedgehog
Tim, and Julia returned to the police station.

Captain Jefferson: Tim Miller, and Julia Rose.
Tim: Hello Captain.
Captain Jefferson: I heard about your heroic act on Monday Avenue. Well done.
Julia: Don't give us all of the credit Captain. There were other officers as well.
Captain Jefferson: I understand. When I see them, I'll give them their congrats as well.
Tim: We still on stakeout tomorrow Captain?
Captain Jefferson: That's right. You're on stakeout until further notice.

Next day.

Tim: *Driving his fira, viper passing Local Consideration*
Julia: Let's check out The Highway.
Tim: *Turns right on Byer Lane*...
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posted by SomeoneButNoone
Epilouge.
----------------
5 Years later.
----
Canterlot
13th May
---
Sandman - 13th of may...
Mare - A really fearful siku huh?
Sandman - Damn right. I saw this city burn. I saw it die slowly.
Mare - It's okay. It's not rebuilded fully but it has buty it had before.
Sandman - Maybe but Eiffla tower won't be fixed. New York statue the same.
Mare - You're right on that...
---
Ice - Damn it's hot this may.
Fire - Yeah. It was quiet hot that siku too.
Ice - Damn right.

----
Colt - Dad tell me about the war!
Damien - Well your dad fought for city we live in - Canterlot. wewe know it was hard but your daddy wanted to...
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