When they arrived at Laramie, Hawkeye, and Pete got the freight train to the yards on time, and Pete went to a building nearby where he had to take his test. Before taking the test, he was talking to Hawkeye on the telephone.
Pete: Where are wewe now?
Hawkeye: Doing some yard work. When you're finished with the test, we have to take another freight train back to Cheyenne.
Pete: Okay. Wish me luck.
Hawkeye: Luck? For a test, wewe need intelligence. Luck is for gambling.
Pete: Then wish me luck when we start gambling back at Cheyenne. I wanna win money from you, and everypony else.
Hawkeye: Then, is it possible to wish yourself luck?
Pete: I think so.
Hawkeye: Good, because I'm wishing myself lots, and lots of luck.
Pete: Be careful what wewe wish for. *Checks clock* I gotta go take my test now. I'll see wewe soon. *Hangs up*
Hawkeye: *Puts phone away*
Engineer: Pierce, we need wewe over here right now.
Hawkeye: I'll be right there.
Meanwhile, in Cheyenne.
Stylo: How do wewe think Pete's doing with his test?
Orion: I don't know. As far as I'm concerned, I'm going to act like a gypsy to get fired.
Stylo: You'll have to do better then that if wewe want your behind out of here.
Orion: No, I've been doing a lot of research, and Pete hates gypsies. He literally despises them.
Gordon: *Arrives* What about gypsies?!
Orion: Our boss hates them.
Gordon: Good. Because if any of those were to onyesha up here, they'd be a disgrace to the Union Pacific, and everypony working for it.
Orion: You're definitely right about that. *Whispers to Stylo* not.
Stylo: *Smiles*
Back at Laramie, the test was over, and Hawkeye was waiting for Pete to arrive. He was in a small freight train, being pulled kwa a GP9.
Pete: *Climbs in engine*
Hawkeye: Welcome to the Hawkeye Express, where everypony on our trains are important.
Engineer: Pierce, wait! *Runs to engine* A little present for wewe helping us out here. *Gives case of bia to Hawkeye* Enjoy.
Hawkeye: Thanks. *Drives train* So, how'd wewe do?
Pete: I passed the test, and now they'll pay me $1,500 an hour.
Hawkeye: That's great.
Pete: Let me have some of that booze. *Takes bottle of beer, and takes a zip* That was good.
Hawkeye: To money. *Takes zip of beer*
Pete: To a life of luxury. *Takes zip of beer*
Hawkeye: To the Union Pacific.
Pete: That's a double.
Hawkeye: *Takes two zips of beer*
Pete: To railroading.
Hawkeye: That's a double.
Pete: *Takes two zips of beer*
Hawkeye: To getting drunk. Thaz a double right?
Pete: Right.
Hawkeye: *Takes two zips of beer* Hey. Is it illegal to driving a train when you're intoxicated?
Pete: I don't know. They didn't ask me that on my test. To drunk driving! *Takes zip of beer*
Further up the line, a group of ponies in the mafia were waiting for a train to arrive.
Mafia gppony, pony 64: Quick, get a grenade on those tracks.
Mafia gppony, pony 41: *Throws grenade at tracks*
Suddenly, an explosion occurred. The tracks were destroyed.
Pete: *Sees explosion* Whoa. What was that?
Hawkeye: I don't know, it looks like- *drives over damaged part of tracks, and gets derailed* Aw man. Are wewe okay?
Pete: Yeah, I'm fine.
Mafia gppony, pony 64: *Pointing Tommy gun at train*
Hawkeye: Mafia ponies. What do we do?
Pete: To that ditch over there!
Mafia gppony, pony 64: *Shooting train*
Hawkeye & Pete: *Running to ditch*
Mafia gppony, pony 41: *Shoots five bullets at Hawkeye, and Pete*
Eight other ponies arrived, and they were shooting at Hawkeye, and Pete. But they couldn't shoot them, and their bullets kept hitting the ground.
There's a website that plays the sound effects that the bullets are making when they hit the ground. Play the Cartoon Ricochet sound effects on this website: link
Pete: Well, this is great.
Hawkeye: Great? How is this great?! We're being shot at for no reason, and we're drunk!
Pete: Well, luckily for us, I have a gun of my own. *Pulls out .44 magnum* Smith & Wesson's newest gun.
Hawkeye: Oh, no we're not shooting them.
Pete: Oh yes we are. We're taking turns, and I'm not letting those gangsters take me to some warehouse, and make me sleep with the fishes. *Stands up, and shoots six bullets*
Four of the six bullets each hit a different pony.
Hawkeye: wewe missed a few.
Pete: Well, at least they stopped shooting at us.
But they started shooting again, and kept missing.
Pete: *Reloading gun* Okay, now it's your turn. *Gives gun to Hawkeye*
Hawkeye: Oh, no no no no no. I'm not shooting at them.
Pete: Pierce, it's us, au them. Who do wewe want to end up dead?
Hawkeye: Listen Peter, After I killed those three ponies in '47, I felt awful, and I promised myself I would never do anything like that again.
Pete: But that's how wewe got your nickname.
Hawkeye: No it isn't. My last name is how I got my nick name, and I will do anything for those ponies trying to kill us. I will let them ride on any train they want. I will let them have discounts for the tickets they buy, I'll even let them take what they want from the freight trains, but I will not kill them!
Pete: Pierce, I'm your boss, and I want wewe to moto that weapon!
Hawkeye: Okay. *Looks at gun* You're fired. *Drops gun* I did it as lightly as I could.
Pete: wewe won't even protect yourself from those gangsters?
Hawkeye: I hate guns that much.
Pete: Well, don't think of it as a gun. Think of it as a loud noise maker.
Hawkeye: Okay, it's a loud noise maker. *Pointing gun at the sky* Reach for the sky wewe wise guys! *Shoots bullet* HERE'S FOR VICTORY! *Shoots bullet* FOR JUSTICE *Shoots bullet* FOR THE UNION PACIFIC *Shoots bullet* FOR FREEDOM *Shoots bullet* AND NO zaidi VIOLENCE!! *Shoots bullet*
Pete: wewe really scared those fuckers.
Hawkeye: Yeah, I hope so. Wait a minute. Do wewe hear that?
Pete: I don't hear anything.
Hawkeye: Exactly. They stopped shooting at us. *Gets out of ditch*
Police Ponies: *Arresting mafia ponies*
Police Captain: Are wewe fellas alright?
Hawkeye: Yes, and we wanna thank wewe for your help.
Police Captain: Yeah. wewe might wanna get a crane to lift your train back on the rails.
Hawkeye: Don't worry. We're on it. Come on out Pete. The coast is clear.
Pete: *Comes out of ditch* Ah, Laramie's finest. And I thought only Cheyenne was crawling with gangsters on our line.
Police Captain: There's a lot of other places then just Cheyenne wewe know.
Pete: Right. Well, thanks for your help.
And with that, the police ponies got in their police cars, and took off with the gangsters.
A few hours later, Pete was back in his office, signing papers.
Orion: *Arrives in office, and is dressed as a gypsy* Mr. Reimer, good to see wewe again.
Pete: What in the name of Thomas Jefferson are wewe doing?
Orion: I'm a gypsy, and I heard wewe hated my kind, so wewe have to moto me.
Pete: wewe can't fool me Orion, now get back to work.
Orion: *Sighs* Yes sir. *Leaves office*
Gordon: *Arrives* Sir, I just wanna congratulate wewe on your promotion.
Pete: It wasn't a promotion Gordon, it was a raise.
Gordon: Oh, well anyway, I need to tell wewe something important.
Pete: What is it?
Gordon: Pierce, and Stylo did six things they weren't supposed to do. One of them, was inaonyesha a picture of the middle finger!
Pete: I don't need to hear the other five, I'll do the necessary thing any good boss would do.
Gordon: And what might that be sir?
Pete: Continue with zaidi important work. Now, get out of here.
Gordon: But sir-
Pete: *Shows Gordon a picture of the middle finger* Now let me continue with my paper work!
Gordon: Aw, fine! *Leaves office*
The End
On the inayofuata episode of Ponies On The Rails
Gordon, and Coffee Crème continue to argue.
Pete: Where are wewe now?
Hawkeye: Doing some yard work. When you're finished with the test, we have to take another freight train back to Cheyenne.
Pete: Okay. Wish me luck.
Hawkeye: Luck? For a test, wewe need intelligence. Luck is for gambling.
Pete: Then wish me luck when we start gambling back at Cheyenne. I wanna win money from you, and everypony else.
Hawkeye: Then, is it possible to wish yourself luck?
Pete: I think so.
Hawkeye: Good, because I'm wishing myself lots, and lots of luck.
Pete: Be careful what wewe wish for. *Checks clock* I gotta go take my test now. I'll see wewe soon. *Hangs up*
Hawkeye: *Puts phone away*
Engineer: Pierce, we need wewe over here right now.
Hawkeye: I'll be right there.
Meanwhile, in Cheyenne.
Stylo: How do wewe think Pete's doing with his test?
Orion: I don't know. As far as I'm concerned, I'm going to act like a gypsy to get fired.
Stylo: You'll have to do better then that if wewe want your behind out of here.
Orion: No, I've been doing a lot of research, and Pete hates gypsies. He literally despises them.
Gordon: *Arrives* What about gypsies?!
Orion: Our boss hates them.
Gordon: Good. Because if any of those were to onyesha up here, they'd be a disgrace to the Union Pacific, and everypony working for it.
Orion: You're definitely right about that. *Whispers to Stylo* not.
Stylo: *Smiles*
Back at Laramie, the test was over, and Hawkeye was waiting for Pete to arrive. He was in a small freight train, being pulled kwa a GP9.
Pete: *Climbs in engine*
Hawkeye: Welcome to the Hawkeye Express, where everypony on our trains are important.
Engineer: Pierce, wait! *Runs to engine* A little present for wewe helping us out here. *Gives case of bia to Hawkeye* Enjoy.
Hawkeye: Thanks. *Drives train* So, how'd wewe do?
Pete: I passed the test, and now they'll pay me $1,500 an hour.
Hawkeye: That's great.
Pete: Let me have some of that booze. *Takes bottle of beer, and takes a zip* That was good.
Hawkeye: To money. *Takes zip of beer*
Pete: To a life of luxury. *Takes zip of beer*
Hawkeye: To the Union Pacific.
Pete: That's a double.
Hawkeye: *Takes two zips of beer*
Pete: To railroading.
Hawkeye: That's a double.
Pete: *Takes two zips of beer*
Hawkeye: To getting drunk. Thaz a double right?
Pete: Right.
Hawkeye: *Takes two zips of beer* Hey. Is it illegal to driving a train when you're intoxicated?
Pete: I don't know. They didn't ask me that on my test. To drunk driving! *Takes zip of beer*
Further up the line, a group of ponies in the mafia were waiting for a train to arrive.
Mafia gppony, pony 64: Quick, get a grenade on those tracks.
Mafia gppony, pony 41: *Throws grenade at tracks*
Suddenly, an explosion occurred. The tracks were destroyed.
Pete: *Sees explosion* Whoa. What was that?
Hawkeye: I don't know, it looks like- *drives over damaged part of tracks, and gets derailed* Aw man. Are wewe okay?
Pete: Yeah, I'm fine.
Mafia gppony, pony 64: *Pointing Tommy gun at train*
Hawkeye: Mafia ponies. What do we do?
Pete: To that ditch over there!
Mafia gppony, pony 64: *Shooting train*
Hawkeye & Pete: *Running to ditch*
Mafia gppony, pony 41: *Shoots five bullets at Hawkeye, and Pete*
Eight other ponies arrived, and they were shooting at Hawkeye, and Pete. But they couldn't shoot them, and their bullets kept hitting the ground.
There's a website that plays the sound effects that the bullets are making when they hit the ground. Play the Cartoon Ricochet sound effects on this website: link
Pete: Well, this is great.
Hawkeye: Great? How is this great?! We're being shot at for no reason, and we're drunk!
Pete: Well, luckily for us, I have a gun of my own. *Pulls out .44 magnum* Smith & Wesson's newest gun.
Hawkeye: Oh, no we're not shooting them.
Pete: Oh yes we are. We're taking turns, and I'm not letting those gangsters take me to some warehouse, and make me sleep with the fishes. *Stands up, and shoots six bullets*
Four of the six bullets each hit a different pony.
Hawkeye: wewe missed a few.
Pete: Well, at least they stopped shooting at us.
But they started shooting again, and kept missing.
Pete: *Reloading gun* Okay, now it's your turn. *Gives gun to Hawkeye*
Hawkeye: Oh, no no no no no. I'm not shooting at them.
Pete: Pierce, it's us, au them. Who do wewe want to end up dead?
Hawkeye: Listen Peter, After I killed those three ponies in '47, I felt awful, and I promised myself I would never do anything like that again.
Pete: But that's how wewe got your nickname.
Hawkeye: No it isn't. My last name is how I got my nick name, and I will do anything for those ponies trying to kill us. I will let them ride on any train they want. I will let them have discounts for the tickets they buy, I'll even let them take what they want from the freight trains, but I will not kill them!
Pete: Pierce, I'm your boss, and I want wewe to moto that weapon!
Hawkeye: Okay. *Looks at gun* You're fired. *Drops gun* I did it as lightly as I could.
Pete: wewe won't even protect yourself from those gangsters?
Hawkeye: I hate guns that much.
Pete: Well, don't think of it as a gun. Think of it as a loud noise maker.
Hawkeye: Okay, it's a loud noise maker. *Pointing gun at the sky* Reach for the sky wewe wise guys! *Shoots bullet* HERE'S FOR VICTORY! *Shoots bullet* FOR JUSTICE *Shoots bullet* FOR THE UNION PACIFIC *Shoots bullet* FOR FREEDOM *Shoots bullet* AND NO zaidi VIOLENCE!! *Shoots bullet*
Pete: wewe really scared those fuckers.
Hawkeye: Yeah, I hope so. Wait a minute. Do wewe hear that?
Pete: I don't hear anything.
Hawkeye: Exactly. They stopped shooting at us. *Gets out of ditch*
Police Ponies: *Arresting mafia ponies*
Police Captain: Are wewe fellas alright?
Hawkeye: Yes, and we wanna thank wewe for your help.
Police Captain: Yeah. wewe might wanna get a crane to lift your train back on the rails.
Hawkeye: Don't worry. We're on it. Come on out Pete. The coast is clear.
Pete: *Comes out of ditch* Ah, Laramie's finest. And I thought only Cheyenne was crawling with gangsters on our line.
Police Captain: There's a lot of other places then just Cheyenne wewe know.
Pete: Right. Well, thanks for your help.
And with that, the police ponies got in their police cars, and took off with the gangsters.
A few hours later, Pete was back in his office, signing papers.
Orion: *Arrives in office, and is dressed as a gypsy* Mr. Reimer, good to see wewe again.
Pete: What in the name of Thomas Jefferson are wewe doing?
Orion: I'm a gypsy, and I heard wewe hated my kind, so wewe have to moto me.
Pete: wewe can't fool me Orion, now get back to work.
Orion: *Sighs* Yes sir. *Leaves office*
Gordon: *Arrives* Sir, I just wanna congratulate wewe on your promotion.
Pete: It wasn't a promotion Gordon, it was a raise.
Gordon: Oh, well anyway, I need to tell wewe something important.
Pete: What is it?
Gordon: Pierce, and Stylo did six things they weren't supposed to do. One of them, was inaonyesha a picture of the middle finger!
Pete: I don't need to hear the other five, I'll do the necessary thing any good boss would do.
Gordon: And what might that be sir?
Pete: Continue with zaidi important work. Now, get out of here.
Gordon: But sir-
Pete: *Shows Gordon a picture of the middle finger* Now let me continue with my paper work!
Gordon: Aw, fine! *Leaves office*
The End
On the inayofuata episode of Ponies On The Rails
Gordon, and Coffee Crème continue to argue.
