Tom Foolery was now going to talk about dogs.

Tom: I upendo dat dog. I never met him before, but I know I upendo 'im.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: He's gonna be wonderful when I meet dat dog. *Sticks his tongue out, and pants like a dog*
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Lots of ponies have lots of doggies. And wewe don't even need to have a dog to know about 'em. Your friend could have a dog. He can be your friend's dog. That makes him your dog friend.
Crowd: *Chuckling*
Tom: wewe go there to visit, and the mbwa there, wewe go to pet him, and say Hi hello. How are you? You're wonderful Sneezy, and for that moment, he's your dog. So wewe can have somepony else's dog, wewe go like Hi, wow look at this dog, he likes me. Look at this doggy here.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Lots of things to know about them too. Lots of things you'll learn. wewe don't know where always, and wewe can't remember. For instance, can wewe remember that kwa scratching near the front leg, wewe can make one of the back legs songesha in a circle? *Moves one of his back legs like he's trying to scratch himself*
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: And wewe can also make it stop! When wewe stop.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: *Looks surprised* God damn! I'm in complete control of this dog.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: wewe can also make their head tilt from across the room just kwa making a funny noise. wewe sound like a deflated tire, and the dog goes. *Tilts his head* Whuuutt?!
Crowd: *Laughing, and clapping*
Tom: Oh look honey isn't he CUUUUUUUTE?!?!?!?!? Let's get his head fixed so it stays like that!!!
Crowd: *Cheering, and clapping*
Tom: Do wewe ever spell in front of your dog?
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Some of them are smart. wewe gotta spell. Honey do we have anymore..B-O-N-E-S? They know the sound of B alone. *Bouncing around the stage* Oh the bone, oh the bone. I can't wait for the bone.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Take it easy, take it easy. Then sooner au later, what's gonna happen with the little dog? Sooner au later, lying around the kitanda he's gonna create an incident. He's gonna make one of wewe turn around, and say, phew.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: *Sniffs the air, then waves his left front arm around while closing his eyes*
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Cindy did wewe fart? *Makes a farting noise while impersonating a mare* Now I did. *Makes another farting noise*
Crowd: *Laughing, and cheering*
Tom: Now I did! *Goes back to his normal voice* Okay, okay, so it wasn't you. And it wasn't me. I know! The dog farted!! Timmy, why did wewe fart?!?!
Crowd: *Laughing, and clapping*
Tom: Look at him, he knows he farted!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: I've seen his punda open up!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: I happened to be looking kwa chance. But wewe see, mbwa have nothing to do. There's no job description for a dog. They're forced to wait, for something to happen, that they can get in on. If wewe do something, they'll be glad to jiunge you.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: They'll rarely initiate any activity on their own. They're just waiting. Waiting, and waiting, and waiting.

A few crowd members laughed while Tom continued to speak.

Tom: Waiting to get in, waiting to get out. Waiting to eat, waiting to crap, waiting to wake up, waiting to sleep, waiting to go upstairs, waiting to go downstairs. Sometimes they're just waiting to wait.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: wewe ever see a dog just standing there? *Sticks his tongue out while looking at the ceiling*
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: He don't know what he's waiting for! But if it happens, he'll be ready.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Just waiting, and waiting.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Waiting for wewe to come home. They don't understand time. mbwa don't know the different between an saa and a half, and inayofuata week.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: He thinks you're gonna be gone foreva!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: That's the only time period mbwa really understand. Foreva!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: That's how long they think everything lasts. That's how long they think everything takes!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Foreva, and eva!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: wewe ever scratch your dog behind it's ears? They upendo that, they're like oh I upendo it. You're scratching your dog behind it's ears, and they're loving every sekunde of it. Then when wewe finally stop! They're like...

Tom looked up at the ceiling, which caused zaidi laughter from his audience.

Tom: They look at wewe like you're a criminal.
Crowd: *Laughing, and clapping*
Tom: He thought it was gonna go on, and on. Same thing when wewe feed 'em as soon as they're finished, they're like, hujambo where the fuck's THE FOOD?!?!?!
Crowd: *Laughing, cheering, and clapping*
Tom: They thought it was gonna last foreva. They must think we're gonna be gone forever, because why would they act the way they do when we finally get home? *Bouncing quickly* Oh boy oh boy!! Oh boy oh boy!! Oh boy!! Oh boy!! Oh boy oh boy!! Oh boy oh boy!!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: I thought wewe were never gonna get home! I waited and waited. I thought wewe were never gonna get home! I didn't know what to do! I didn't know how to operate the can opener!
Crowd: *Laughing, and whistling*
Tom: I didn't know what to do! Oh! *Pants like a dog*

A stallion could be seen closing his eyes while laughing with the other audience members. Others clapped.

Tom: Sometimes you'll forget your hat. Then wewe go back after 8 seconds. *Bouncing quickly* Oh boy oh boy!! Oh boy you're home!!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: I tried chasing a bird! I couldn't find the bird! I mean where the fuck's the bird?!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Will wewe stop that?! I was just HERE!!!!!!
Crowd: *Laughing, and cheering*
Tom: Dog don't care. He'll do whatever's next. He don't know what's next, but he'll do something. They'll do two things in a row that don't go together.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: wewe ever see a dog walking in a room, and then it stops to chew it's back for 18 minutes?
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: And then when he's finished chewing, as if it were scheduled for right then of course.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: And then when he's finished he doesn't even remember where he was gonna go!!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Where's he gonna go?! *Walks to the left*
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Oh shit, oh, I think I'm gonna go over here!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Oh, this is nice over here.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: I think I'll keep coming over here.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Then they give wewe that doggy look.

Tom stuck his tongue out once again to impersonate a dog which resulted in zaidi laughter.

Tom: Give wewe them eyes, wewe know they have such...a great expression, sometimes they even look like us ponies.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: They say, oh look, he looks almost like wewe Paul.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: They look like they know something about your mother!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: And not willing to mention it right away.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: There's that look where they look like they have something they can't quite solve. There's a sad look in their eyes. All the sadness in the world, is right in the eyes of a dog.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Look straight into your dog's eyes, and think of something very sad. And it looks like it's happening to your dog.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Strangest thing, they look at wewe like that. *Gives the audience a sad face*
Crowd: *Laughing*

In the inayofuata part, Tom will discuss cats.

2 B Continued