Lol this is something that would have been perfect month's zamani but i just thought of it now. Plus Zanhar1's hilarious song fics inspired me to try one of my own.

Pan arrogantly stepped to the crowd of the frozen towns people in front of him. He turned to Belle and his grandson Bealfire ( au "IT'S NEAL!") as he claimed "You both look so adorable it's hard to tell which one to kill first" . He reached for his dagger and heard the cry of "You not going to touch any of them!" Rumple came running out of the duka "Ah come to protect your woved one's" Pan chided "Oh believe me i am" "Please tell me this isn't the plan wewe came up with as a kid to stab me and in a weird unexplained way we both have to die for no apparent reason". Rumple hid the dagger behind him "Ummm....no. I actually came up with a better plan this time" "You mean like pretending your not going to kill me then doing it when i'm in jail after lying to Aurora over here?" "That's not until the sekunde half of this season! and no dad it's time wewe paid for what wewe did" "Oh i'd upendo to see that" Pan drawled sarcastically. Rumple smiled "Do wewe remember Felix?" "You mean the kid who i told to bully Henry?" "No" "Was that the name of your son au something?" "YOUR ASSISTANT DAD! your assistant the one wewe had to kill to wewe know enact the curse" "Oh yeah him....he's dead what about it?" "You can bring someone back from the dead for a short period of time needing two things: the murder weapon...and the murderer" "But doesn't that require some complicated spell i'm definitely not going to participate in?" "NOT IN THIS ARC!" Rumple smiled chanting frantically then the image of a hooded boy appeared. Pan recognized it "You were the weirdo i killed to enact the curse right?". Felix rolled his eyes "Yes Pan it was me Felix? remember? we only spent like 100 years on the same freaking island as the leaders of it!" "Doesn't ring a kengele now Francisco i have to deal with my son go away" "It's Felix" he alisema through gritted teeth and i'm going to make sure wewe pay for what wewe did to me" "I don't know what your talking about Fredrick" "FELIX! god why was i so loyal to you?" "The hell i know? because wewe had a traumatizing past I saved wewe from? shouldn't wewe have gotten a chance to be redeemed? i'm not sure it was never explained because the writers cared jack about wewe apparently". That did it! with a cruel smile Felix alisema "Pan i have one swali for you?" "And what is that?"
"Who do wewe think think wewe aaaaareee going around leaving scccaaarrrs"
"Oh god please not THAT song" Pan winced
"Collecting your jar of hearts...."
"I don't even do that Cora and Regina do"
"And tearing upendo apart"
"You have serious issues kid"
"Yeah dad like your one to talk" Rumple mumbled smirking to himself fully enjoying his father's torment.
"Your gonna catch a cold from the ice inside your sooouul"
"Okay....what?"
"Don't come back for me, don't come back at all"
"I didn't WANT wewe to come back!"
"Who do wewe think wewe are?"
"How many times are wewe going to keep asking that?"
Finally the idiot stopped imba "You see the power i have now dad?" "To bring someone back from the dead to sing pop music? yes Rumple that's such an accomplishment"
Rumple smiled "See for yourself" What?". Pan turned around to see his freezing spell had been broken and everyone was staring at him angrily "Oh my god....singing pop songs that will drive wewe up the ukuta undoes magic and protects wewe seriously? that was true Justin Beiber would....." "Why do wewe think he's salama from all the fangirls dad?"
Felix then laughed "Time for round two!"
"AND WHO DO wewe THINK wewe ARE RUNNING AROUND LEAVING SCAAARS?" Henry shouted and he and Felix sang together "Collecting your jar of hearts and tearing upendo apart".
"Your gonna catch a cold from the ice inside your soooullll!" Regina sang
"Don't come back for me!" Neal and Belle sang
"Who do wewe think wewe are?!!!" Hook and Tink shouted.
With each verse Pan was destroyed slowly into a vaporizing light "This is seriously the most insane deus ex machina crap way of solving a problem i have ever seen!" he hissed "Wait till wewe see how we get everyone back to Storybrooke inayofuata season" Rumple smiled and Pan dissolved completely. "Soooo" Emma alisema "Wasn't' he supposed to turn back into his old self?" "What? no! who wants t see that? wasn't it bad we had to see that once?" "True" Emma agreed. Regina turned to Rumple after making sure Henry as okay "So what about the curse" "Huh? oh yeah: Problem solving powers!!!" Rumple yelled causing the curse to go away. "Well that was easy" Hook noted "Yeah...let's go to Grannys!" "No! haven't wewe people noticed whenever we go to Granny's to celebrate something bad always happens?" Rumple asked "Oh please when had that ever...." Regina started "When wewe had the party in season 2 Archie got kidnapped and Cora came to town" "Okay but..." "Or yesterday when he got back from Neverland....." "I see where your coming from...." "Oh if we went to Oz and defeated Zelena we would have a party before Elsa came in" "Wow....we seriously need to stop going to your place" Emma alisema to Granny who shrugged. "I guess let's all just...go nyumbani then" Charming said"Wait what about me?" ghost Felix sad "You did your apart my boy now go away your dead to the plot now" Rumple snapped his fingers and Felix evaporated and everyone headed down main mitaani, mtaa ready to enjoy there day. Regina stopped dead in her tracks "Wait a second....." he looked confused "Who the hell is Zelena?"
In the Enchanted forest:
Zelean stood with her minion flying monkey Walsh in her ngome pissed as usual "Okay seriously where are they? the curse was supposed to bring them here! WHERE THE HELL IS EVERYOOONNNEEE?"
The end.
Lol i hope wewe enjoyed this was seriously silly but i couldn't' help myself. I don't own ouat au Christina Perris jar of hearts (I actually like this song just so wewe know XD)