Warning: This is just my ndoto coming through. And some information to you; the story plays before Bella became a Vampire and there is no Nessie in sight. So its just for our little Jacob's sake, he needs some luving.

When your world crashes, what can wewe do?
Twenty days had passed, twenty long days and there wasnt a change. Not for her, not for me and not for the Cullens. I was sitting in front of the kitanda of my love, holding her hand that yet felt so much colder. She was breathing, looking like she did sleep, but we all knew that wasnt the case. My sleeping beauty. I was about slapping myself for thinking that, cause she wasnt sleeping. Kristine hadnt just laid down in our kitanda going for a peaceful sleep, someone was doing her harm. That someone was the one person that should always try and take care of her, her mother. A female that was a real beauty, but filled with jealousy and dark magic. Someone that wouldnt return to the so called light. At the end of the siku i told myself it wasnt my fault, but i knew it better. Me, Jacob Black, had yet managed to destroy another persons life, again. The bitterness about this was so strong, i was able to feel it with my senses. She was the purest thing i had ever seen, someone wewe had to protect without sekunde thought. I was holding her tiny hand in mine a little longer as i heard steps outside our room, it was the Doc. I didnt have to turn around to see him, the moment the door got opened quietly and he appeared inayofuata to me. Carlisle was coming sekunde place when it came to the best people i had ever met, and the fact he was a vampire didnt matter to me anymore. This was something so different. kwa now my life would have found an end, if it wasnt for the Cullens.
''No change?'', he asked but knowing the answer already.
I looked up to him, shaking my head tempted to scream. Not cause he made me angry, simply cause i felt helpless. And there were three things i couldnt stand, being rejected, being alone and most important being useless.
''I will go and see my brothers today, we need to do something...'', he didnt let me finish, which i found was rude and new to me. The Doc never was rude, but i saw on his face that this was important for the whole family. And Kristine was family to them.
''We had that subject and we voted against you, so end of the story.''
He was definatley pressing the wrong buttons now, i jumped up my chair falling behind. He was maybe a vampire but i was huge, and my temper had always been some kind of problem.
''You voted against me? I didnt know that i asked for permission in the first place. Its one thing if it doesnt bother wewe seeing her like this, but she is my life so wont sit around waiting...'', i yelled, knowing quite well that the whole Cullen family heard me.
I stormed out of the room running down the stairs, just to see Emmett and Jasper looking at me suprised. I ran out before anyone could say a thing as i felt yet again a hand on my shoulder, but this time it wasnt a friendly feeling. What happened inayofuata was nothing that happened on purpose, but in an instant i had changed into my wolfform a deep growl coming from my throat. It was Edward, ready to fight but not not too happy about it. I didnt wanted to fight either so i decided with all the anger inside to just run outside, probably destroying one au two things in Esme's garden. The last thing i heard was Carlisle's voice that told Edward to let me go. Smart idea, bloodsucker.

Too much upendo can kill you.
I had run as far as my feet would bring me, feeling sorry for what i did, being ashamed of what i thought. I was well aware that Edward heard my last thought, and it was not fair on them. Sure it was in my nature to hate them, but the truth was i never had felt nyumbani like that before. Ignoring the little mocking Rosalie gave me, it was a great place to me. And none than less they couldnt cure the pain i was feeling, the couldnt stop me from being reckless. It was about the only thing i really wanted, it was about my Kristine. My moyo was beating faster the moment i came closer to LaPush, it had been too long. The moment i came to the backyard of our house, i saw Embry on the outside. I didnt expect his reaction of seeing me, but he honestly jumped mbele to hug me. We had been best friends, till i left my pack. Like an old habit i hugged him back but only for a moment, then stepped back looking at him.
''Where is my father?'', it was strange to hear my own voice, the past days i didnt talk too much.
''We wanted to tell you... .''
''Telling me what?''
''Twenty days ago, he had an accident. It doesnt look good, we... .''
I wasnt hearing anything else, again twenty days ago. Was this what Edward wanted to tell me? And never got the chance to? My mind was competly blank, it was impossible to have one thought connected to the other. I ignored my brother compleetly getting inside the house to the bedroom where my father was lying in bed, he looked awful. Full with bruises, black and blue all over. I slowly made my way to his bed, kneeling on the floor grabbing his hand.
''I am so sorry, dad... .''
He had his eyes open, they werent looking at me angry. It was something different, maybe releif but i couldnt tell. He rubbed the back of my hand softly, like he used to when i was a kid. Whenever he tried to protect me from something.
''Nothing to be sorry about Jacob, wewe followed your moyo and thats always where wewe should go. This is not your fault, dont think so. This is magic we both cant imagine, not even our Eldest can'', his voice was not as strong as it used to be. This wasnt my father, just a person that looked like him. I wanted to say something but he was talking again, so instead i was just looking down on the floor listening.
''I know what happened to Kristine, and we have been thinking about ways to wake her from this sleep. But the outcome might not make wewe happy.''
I looked up, and for the first i had something like hope in my heart, for Kris and myself.
''There is a way to wake her, does it have to do with her mother?''
''Not really. The Eldest found in some scripts that her magic indeed works on ShapeShifters, Lycans, and all other living creatures. But not on Vampires, since they are not living an earthly life anymore... .''
The rest of his speech i didnt hear anymore, cause i know where he was going. That couldnt be, not that. I would have taken hell for her, but i wouldnt damn her to that. He couldnt be really serious considering this, he was my father, knowing me better than that. I was letting his hand go, standing up all the colour leaving my face. I felt my face burning though, and a single tear rolling down my cheek. I couldnt breath anymore, all my emotions compelty mixed and unstable. His look was still on me, still peaceful and loving. Did he even know what he asked of me? How much would i have aliyopewa if that information would have stood with him, for the chance not knowing. But the world didnt turn for me, i turned for the world. And although it was breaking my heard, my mouth opened and i asked what i didnt wanted to know.
''You mean if she got changed into a Vampire she would live?''
''When wewe can call it a life, she wouldnt be your Kristine wewe know that. But she would be alive. Its up to wewe now Jacob, no one from LaPush will tell what could salama her, its for wewe to use that knowledge au dont. I know wewe upendo her and i am sure we would have too.''
That was zaidi au less the end of the conversation, and once again Jacob Black felt like running away. But where to? What for? She was my sun, my moon and my stars and now they wanted me to give all that up? I was often enough selfish, and that part of me was still existing. I didnt look back walking outside, neither did i take notice of Embry standing there. Instead i was walking to the beach, looking at the waves crashing.

I wanna hide myself from the world
I dont know for how long i was sitting there being angry at the world, being angry at the Wanyonya damu (for nothing) and being at myself. That wasnt fair, but then again life hardly was. The moment i had found her, i had Lost her again the time we had together was just not enough. Was i really willing and able to let her go, just to make sure she was alive? And safe? What about me, i asked myself again and again. The waves kwa now had calmed down, it looked like a peaceful painting from another time and place. I still had a little hope that she probably wouldnt be like a typical vampire, maybe she was calm and able to control her instincts. I had to laugh at that thought, cause that was far from reality. Wanyonya damu in their first few years never were stronger than their hunger, she probably would kill me with a grin on her face. My moyo hurted, my stomache was weak i couldnt take anymore. I wanted to go on feeling sorry for myself, as i heard my fathers voice again: I know wewe upendo her. And it was that upendo that made me get up, returning to the Cullen residence. I didnt notice anything around me, and my mind was blank so i doubted that Edward was able to read my mind now. For a long time i was just standing on the outside, not able to enter the garden au anything. I heard them on the inside, right now it was Alice the pixie like Vampire sitting at Kristines bed. She spoke to her very quietly, for sure stroking her hair. I saw the picture in front of my innner eye, it made me smile. She was not in this thing alone, even when i... . Stop thinking it. I had my eyes just closed for a moment, as i opened them again it was Bella in front of me. She didnt say a word, instead of that she just wrapped her arms around me as good as possible. And without trying to fight it i allowed myself being weak, letting my best friend taking care of me.
''Who is with her?'', i asked allthough i already knew.
''She was never alone since wewe have been gone, first it was Jasper then Rose and now Alice. Where have wewe been Jake?'', her bambi like brown eyes looked at me deeply.
''I had to think, i need to get inside. I need to see her.''
I pushed Bella lightly off, not to hurt her, but i had to go back. All the time walking through the house passing the Vampires, i made sure to stay calm and my mind empty. I knocked on the door, hearing a high 'Come In', from Alice. She looked at me, for a Vampire she looked extremly human at this moment. Worried and upset. Without another word she got up leaving me alone, and for the sekunde time today i kneeled down in front of someones bed, but this time it was like the end of the world. I took her hand in mine, kissing it lightly then zaidi speaking to myself than to her.
''I never believed it, i never wanted to believe it. There comes a time in life when wewe dont matter anymore, when wewe wanna give it all up cause of this one person. wewe are that one person for me, i cant imagine a world without you. It would be like the sun never shining again, and we could never see a new moon anymore. wewe gave me your upendo and i would follow wewe wherever wewe have to go. wewe have touched my soul, and my moyo will be only listening to your rythm till the end of time. Its not the time for bravery now Kristine, its the time to forget all the wrong and rights for the first. wewe will be the light of my eternal darkness, even if i never see it shine anymore.''
I didnt think about those words, they just came out of my mouth. I felt strong now, i felt like the world would fall back in place, i just wouldnt be there to see it. I got up from my knees again, standing over the girl that i loved zaidi than i ever thought i could. Slowly i leaned over her, kissing her forhead gently, before laying her hand back on the bed. I wasnt sure if she heard me, but that didnt matter anymore.
''I upendo you'', i whispered into her ear, then turned around leaving the room. Again my stomache was weak, but i had to believe that i made the right decision. Walking down the stairs again, this time seeing all the Cullens in the living room. Their golden eyes looking at me, their palse faces looking worried. And there i stood at the end of the stairs only one step from colapsing looking at them, trying to find my voice.
''We have to talk... '', i alisema with all the strenght i had left.

[End of Chapter Nine]