uandishi Club
jiunge
Fanpop
New Post
Explore Fanpop
posted by vampiress015
I presuming we all joined this spot 'cos we upendo to write, right? If so then wewe all know what I'm talking about when I say that we all upendo our main characters and sometimes want to make them the best people in the world.

B-O-R-I-N-G

Yes, we want to make our main character gets the best out of the story, since it's their story. But if they're the best people in the world it doesn't really make them believable and then the reader just doesn't care about them (which is hard to understand cos we as the writer upendo em, but unfortunantley it's true)

So here is my step-by-step guide to make sure that your character isn't a Mary Sue, because trust me, when I first started to write there were Sue's all over my story- it was the worst story in the world. Most readers want to be able to see the characters fall then come back up again- it's zaidi entertaining.

Step-by-step guide: Mary Sue's

Okay so most of wewe must be asking who Mary Sue is? She's the prettist, most intelligent, gets all the boys kinda girl who saves the day, has no flaws and every other character in your story loves her. wewe hate her already, don't you? Why? Because wewe can't relate to her (/him, it can be a boy too). wewe don't want her in your story-unless its a parody about a Mary Sue, but thats another story- she'll make the reader puke with all the rainbows and vichimbakazi surrounding her. So here's how to make sure she doesn't creep in.

Think about your main character, and answer these questions.

1.What's her name? Did wewe spend a whole hour/day (please don't say week) picking it?
Did wewe choose it for the meaning?
2.Describe her.
3.Does she solve all the problems without any help at all? What does she get for solving these problems?
4.Does she have any enemies?

Okay.Done? Lets see what your majibu mean...

1. Her name? Why it's Princess. (sorry if this is someones name and they do have a genuine reason for picking it) But if wewe chose this name just because it means Princess, au wewe have another name that means Princess au loved one au anything that relates to what your character is like, then think about changing it-it's a bit vain/too much. If not and wewe answered no to the other two maswali then well done, that's one of the criteria out of the way.

Note: My first characters name was Sadie which means Princess- don't worry,we all fall into the same traps.

2. Does she look zaidi beautiful than a model, even without any make-up and even though she's just a normal human being? We all have flaws, even sparkely Wanyonya damu do-Rosalie anyone?

Like I alisema above about Rosalie, if your character does look like a model and it's not a side effect of being a vampire/werewolf/witch/wizard/any other mythical being, then wewe can usually balance them out kwa making them really mean, au stupid- but that only really works for minor characters most of them time. wewe want your main character to be relatable. Although that isn't always the case- take Blart: the boy who didn't want to save the world, he's ugly, stupid and mean, but nobody can relate to him that much. Saying that the book is a kinda parody about wizards being stupid and knights being far from noble. Anyway, I'm straying away from the point...

3. Everybody needs help, as nobody can be right all the time- it's part of being human, and if your character is relatable then she's going to have to make a mistake sometime au other.
And I hope they don't have everybody worshipping them for solving it- the villan at least is going to hate her.

4. Okay so a villan is an enemy. But I'm sure there are people in your life that don't like wewe (hate/enemy is a strong word). And if she is a Mary Sue, then in real life people are gonna dislike her for going out with a boy they like, au getting the highest marks in the test when she didn't revise at all. Everybody has people that upendo 'em and hate 'em, same for your character.

I think that if wewe try and fix these points your character should be zaidi believable- they worked for me. Of course your character could already be perfectly fine.

I'm not an expert at writing, and everybody's stories are different, so these points won't work for every character. But I just thought I'd pass on what I've learnt from other young writers cos they really help. I mean, can wewe name a Mary Sue in your life?

If this didn't help wewe can always take a Mary Sue litmus test. I recommend link
posted by cutiegirl01
I was sitting on the sand down kwa the beach, pwani listening to my cousin Lora babble on about why she had believed in something I can’t remember. I was just staring at the clouds that had rain coming out of it. I was watching how every time I looked at them they seemed to get darker each time.
    Then I felt someone push me onto my back and I heard Lora say, “You’re not listening to me.”
    “Of coarse I am Lora the last thing wewe alisema was that wewe think that they are horrible things that shouldn’t be alive.” I guessed “Lucky guess. Don’t look...
continue reading...
posted by juicyjossy9
Think
See
Remember

If we compare the world with a village of 100 inhabitants, taking into account all components, the village would look like this:

♥ 57 Asians – 21 Europeans
♥ 14 Americans – 8 Africans
♥ 52 women – 48 men
♥ 70 coloured people – 30 white
♥ 70 non-Christians – 30 Christians
♥ 89 straights – 11 homosexuals
♥ 6 people would possess 59% of the total global wealth
♥ 6 people would have U.S. citizenship
♥ 80 would be homeless
♥ 70 would be illiterate
♥ 50 would be dependent on someone else
♥ 1 would be dying
♥ 2 would be born
♥ 1 would have a PC
♥ 1 would...
continue reading...
posted by hannah_vampire
Thanks for the maoni plz keep kusoma and commenting :)

Nothing zaidi then a visual whisper, like a ghost, slipping past not to be seen.I stood still feet planted on the ground and hoping I would be as peacefully As I could and not be scared of what may lie ahead. I could see the fierce moto dieing in peoples eyes and I was hoping that the moto would not fully die in mine.

I walked through the forest as I stopped to see the most beautiful animal before me A real mbwa mwitu fully black with a white nyota shape on its right front paw and it was so Sleek and beautiful. I saw a girl running towards me...
continue reading...
THE LEGEND OF THE VAMPIRE PRINCESS:
THE LEGEND COMES TO LIFE
PREFACE:

The grand ball of the anniversery of the vampire royal family the vampire royal family,the Reasmussens rule was beautifull with chandeliers of a thousand crystals hanging from the ceiling as the many guests below twirled along to mezmerising muziki on the dance floor,the ladys with their spectacular ball gowns and the gentlemen in there dashing suits.Although these were not just any guests these guests were made up of Vampires,Shapeshifters and Witches.

The Resmussens had a baby girl they called nyota because of her unbelievable...
continue reading...
posted by Charlieminster
 left front clockwise: Charlie,Alice,Hollie,Connor and Jon
left front clockwise: Charlie,Alice,Hollie,Connor and Jon
Charlie walked over to the in front Mrs. Dale's dawati and sat down.
"Charlotte,you haven't got anything to worry about this isn't for anything bad." alisema Mrs.Dale
"okay" alisema Charlie "What is it about then?"
"Your father,sister and myself recived a phone call today from a lady called Miss. Fairchild who is from the school of special skills and she believe that this school would help wewe contorl your power." Mrs.Dale explained "The school is in Index, Washington state. There are six kids your age going and they all have special power as well. The semester begins this week end. Do wewe want to go...
continue reading...
posted by harrypotterbest
The newspaper I my hand was already rolled in a tight ball. I biked as fast as I could toward my best friend Maisi’s house. I had already told her I was coming, but not why.
The reason I was going was infuriating, mysterious, and suspicious. How and why someone would do such a thing was a mystery. As Maisi’s house came into view, I hopped of my bike and put it in their bike chain. I ran up the steps and rang the doorbell continuously. Maisi opened it and ushered me inside. We both went up to her room.
She shut the door. ‘Okay,’ she said. ‘Out with it. What’s the matter? wewe look...
continue reading...
posted by sexiitreysongz
CHAPTER 1
10 years zamani I Lost both my parents in a car crash. I've been living on my own for about 8 years, I lived with my grandmother for a while untill I got a job and found an apartment for real cheep. I never realized what it was like to lose your parents and feel this bad. I never knew my self would be in this postion. Alone, no true family, a baby on the way. How do these girls deal with kind of stuff. They act like everything is so easy,and they have nothing to worry about. Maybe becasue they have moms and grandmothers to help them out. I have no body. My grandmother kicked me out after...
continue reading...
posted by booklover13
Heres the summary the novel I recently finished writing. I'm not great at uandishi summaries, but i tried :) Please comment!!!

Its placed in older times, with magic and stuff like that, just fyi!




Ash and Anna are two ordinary girls, living two seperate lives in a world where magic is abundant. But when their prophecy brings the twin sisters together, and they learn that they have a long-lost triplet brother, kidnapped at birth, their worlds are turned upside-down, and every choice they make will affect the fate of the entire world.

When the two girls learn of their exceptional magical ablities,...
continue reading...
posted by Hime666
This is a story of SAW and in this story Billy (AKA Jigsaw) is a human^^

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As Billy was walking in the abonded house.He sighs as he realises how long he had been alone.He walks in the room where John was right now making plans for new traps. "Hey John?"He asked and walked up to him. "Yes,Billy?"John asks. "Is there...Anyone who have came in here?"Billy asks hopefully. "no sorry.."Joh says and continues making the trap plans. "Oh...I didnt have anything else to say..."Billy says and walks out of John's...
continue reading...
posted by starwarsfangirl
This is another piece of a story I've been writing...
If you've read the other part, this has absolutely nothing to do with Drew. NOTHING.
This takes place in a mythical and magical country known as Dragomria.
Please review!

Light hadn’t even graced the towers of the palace in the capitol city of Dragomria as the scribe rushed through the grand corridors. He burst into the kiti cha enzi room.
“Your Majesties! Prince Berthold has chosen a bride!” He said, gasping for air. Queen Callidora stood, her bright red hair cascading down to her waist, her brilliant green eyes cutting like a kisu through...
continue reading...
posted by hannah_vampire
Sorry that this took so long I hope wewe like it, I was busy so sorry :)

Dear diary,

I wish that I was someone else, All the drama was giving me a headache and
I can’t think on what was important. I need some where to go, Blair was still
In the hospital and I guess I could go there I mean with no distractions.
Bye


I couldn’t open the front door, I ran around to the back door and I was lucky
That the key was still hidden in the crack of the bricks. I sat on my kitanda and closed
My eyes, finally some peace and I can think straight now.

I heard the creak of my door and opened my eyes, ‘Do wewe ever...
continue reading...
*Note; This is a variation of RachelGal97’s Endless Pain. Same names; just a different plot. Please maoni and tell me if wewe like and what’s your inayopendelewa part*

Endless Pain: Chapter Four

“Selena!” Taylor shouted. She stood up and waved to Selena who stood across from her in the cafeteria. “Over here!”

“Sit down, Taylor!” Demi said, tugging on Taylor’s shirt. “You weird enough as it is.”

“Sorry.” Taylor sat down and crossed her arms.

“Hey guys,” Selena said. She set her tray down and started eating.

Demi and Taylor exchanged glances.

“What’s going on?”

“Nothing.”...
continue reading...
posted by MileySelena982
*Note; This is a variation of RachelGal97’s Endless Pain. Same names; just a different plot. Please maoni and tell me if wewe like and what’s your inayopendelewa part*

Endless Pain: Chapter Three

“Are wewe sure it was David?” Mom asked as she comforted Selena on the couch.

“I’m positive.” Selena replied. “I’d know that face from anywhere. And… if I was never his girlfriend, he never would have gone to that jewelry store, and he never would have died!”

Mom didn’t reply. She knew her daughter was feeling guilty, and nothing could help it. Instead she said, “But, sweetie, he loved...
continue reading...
posted by Sylar-Gray
From the Mind of a Raven


Irene

I shoved the rusty key into the ancient looking lock. I turned it a hard left and the giant door creaked opened. The realtor was going on about the history of the house. But I already knew all that. As the door open a chill went through me, as if warning me of something in the house. I walked in, leaving the key in the lock, and had a look around the parlor. It was huge, with a high ceiling with grates in it. I saw something black songesha behind the grate and jumped back.
“Is there any history of rats in this house?”
“Uh…no. but as I was saying...”
“I know....
continue reading...
I wondered if my dad knew where I was. I wondered if he cared. A father should care if his daughter spends the night at some guys house, shouldn't he? A father should do a lot of things that mine doesn't do. On the upside, he's probably out buying Cleetus a big old bone. Woohoo.
I looked up into Ethan's eyes and tried to meet his gaze. The way the shimmered made me feel like my eyes were the dullest thing on earth. Annabella liked this guy and I knew I was wrong to be this close to him. I promised her I would not get too close to him, but I almost kissed him. Almost, the key word.
I stayed...
continue reading...
posted by inexplicable
It was my turn re-one time far too late.
The dress rehearsal already had started a quarter saa zamani and I arrived panting and completely breathless in the test room.
yes, wewe are, finite since Daniela, our rehearsing leader, shouted to me, ".
> > excuse me, I could not get away from the musicschool earlier<<, I answered still struggling for breath.

Yes, if there was something I really loved, then it was the theater and the music.
Unfortunately, I did not manage to get both things under a hat here so that I paint,
it was late there. The dress rehearsal proceeded despite my late arrival...
continue reading...
Chapter 1
Negative stranger


“Have a backbone . . . wait, your an arthropod.”

    


The sun was burning my eyes as the world spun around me. When I opened them, my eyes burned and then i thought I heard a sizzle, which, of course, was my imagination. I could feel the burning sensation on my upper arm from the shot last night. Crazy. The sunny burn kept burning my pupils until I opened my eyes fully. Then I notice that it’s just my light in my room.
Bummer.
    I sat up and rubbed the sore spot on my upper arm area. Shots hurt zaidi than wewe think. When...
continue reading...
Thanks to all those who read the last chapter, oh, and please be apart of the War of Hearts Rp!!! It's really fun to do!:D




~2. New and Mysterious

S
uddenly, a great light shone before me in the dark. And the Key responded to it, so - as if on instinct - I lifted the magic Key and pointed it right at the light. I heard a sound, like a door opening, and suddenly I was engulfed in the pleasant warmth of light.

Very slowly, I opened my eyes and blinked a few times until my vision cleared. I immediately saw tall town-like buildings, a white stoned ground (the ground I was sitting on), and clear, open...
continue reading...
posted by Annacrombie
This is writen in the point of view of Kara
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


Kara stood in apartment and stared out of thr window, just a few moments zamani someone stopped her from jumping off her flat roof.

"Kara..."the voice said, it was the same voice of the man who saved her.

Kara looked at the time, it was 11.48. She yawned and went into her bedroom.After getting changed she slipped into her bed.That voice ringed through her ears."Kara....".She closed her eyes and almost fell asleep when she herd someone call her name "Kara...."

There was a knock on the front door, Kara grabbed her dressing kanzu, gown and put on her slippers. She walked over to the door and opened it. There was a piece of paper on the floor with wriing on it. I was a note, on the note was written in 7 days all will be alright

Kara awoke from her bed, had it all been a dream? Kara noticed that she had the note in her hand.She read the note over and over again. What did it mean?
Okay, so.... hi! My name is Serenna and I'm a huge shabiki of Kingdom Hearts! ^_^ I've been uandishi for years now and I've made lots of different KH fanfics so here's one of'em! Hope wewe all like it!:)

Summary: In Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories, after Riku defeated Ansem, he alisema he would someday return. And now he's back. But what is Ansem after? And who is this new, mysterious, strong girl?

~1. The Run

I jumped a good ten feet in the air, arriving softly in the dense forestry. I looked behind me, checking to make sure the shadows weren't following me anymore. I'd been running non-stop for a good...
continue reading...