Here are some funny New Year's resolutions for 2012...
I will think of a nenosiri other than "password" au "hello".
I will not tell the same story at every get together.
I won't worry so much.
I will cut my hair.
I will grow my hair.
I will stop considering other people's feelings when they so obviously don't consider mine - if that unwashed fellow sits inayofuata to me again, I'll tell him he stinks!
I will be zaidi imaginative.
I will not bore my boss kwa with the same excuse for taking leaves. I will think of some zaidi excuses.
I will do less laundry and use zaidi deodorant.
I will avoid taking a bath whenever possible and conserve zaidi water.
Assure my lawyer that I will never again onyesha up drunk at a custody hearing.
I will give up chocolates totally. 100%. Completely. Honestly....
I will try to figure out why I *really* need nine e-mail addresses.
I will stop sending e-mails to my wife (husband).
I resolve to work with neglected children -- my own.
I will stop sending e-mail, ICQ, Instant Messages and be on the phone at the same time with the same person.
I will spend less than one saa a siku on the Internet. This, of course, will be hard to estimate since I'm not a clock watcher.
I will read the manual... just as soon as I can find it.
I will not hang around girls - they think wewe upendo them and that sucks.
I will not ring the stewardess button on airplanes just to get her phone number.
I resolve to work with neglected children. (my own).
I will answer my konokono mail with the same enthusiasm with which I answer my e-mail.
When I hear a funny joke I will not reply, "LOL... LOL!"
I will not ring the stewardess button on airplanes just to get her phone number.
I will balance my checkbook. (on my nose).
I will find out why the correspondence course on "Mail Fraud" that I purchased never showed up.
Start buying lottery tickets at a luckier store.
Remember to brush teeth with bristly end of toothbrush.
Don't eat medicine just because it looks like candy.
Always replace the gas nozzle before driving away from the pump.
I will always "check for paper" when leaving the restroom.
I will try to drive closer to the speed limit.
I will keep an extra salama distance when driving behind police cars.
Really Funny New mwaka Resolutions for 2010
I will be zaidi imaginative.
I will not wet the kitanda and blame it on my younger brother.
I promise to clean my room once a week even though I haven't cleaned it zaidi than once in the last year.
I will always replace the gas nozzle before driving away from the pump.
I will always "check for paper" before and after leaving a public restroom.
I will try to drive closer to the speed limit.
I will always wear clean underwear, "just in case".
I will keep an extra salama distance when driving behind police cars.
Never again will I try to diffuse an explosive device with a known practical joker.
Read less books. A little learning is a dangerous thing. Too much of it can really wreck your head.
Gain weight, at least 40 pounds. Didn't your mom always say wewe were bit skinny.
Cut down on exercise. Too much is bad for your health, it can even kill you.
Watch zaidi TV. It's very educational. Catch up on all those programs wewe missed down the years.
Draw up a orodha of people who were nasty to wewe in the past year, get your own back on them in the inayofuata year!
Drink more. Wasn't it Benjamin Franklin who said, bia is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. So be happy.
Eat zaidi nice things like candy, Big Macs, popcorn and ice cream. Eat less crap like fresh fruit, vegetables and soy nuts.
Work less. Take it easy. All work and no play can make wewe a dull boy au girl.
Play zaidi computer games. Scientists say they're good for wewe and improve your visual skills. But wewe always knew that.
Take up some worthwhile new habit, like smoking - it helps keep tobacco workers in jobs.
I will drink less beer, last mwaka I drank enough bia to have kept the Titanic afloat.
I will spend less money on buying useless stuff like this new DVD Rewinder I had ordered for christmas.
I will drive zaidi carefully, people are starting to notice the dozens of dents in my car.
I will treat my girlfriend better, I won't make her carry all the groceries the inayofuata time we go to the market.
I promise to be nice to my dog. I won't starve him to death zaidi than 10 times.... in a month.
I will no longer interfere in a game.
I will not hang around girls - they think wewe upendo them and that sucks.
zaidi Funny New Year's Resolutions for 2011
I will leave my brain at nyumbani while going to watch a supposedly scary sinema like Scary Movie 1, 2, 3 & 4!
I will never again take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
I will never again eat a jack matunda before going to a public function.
I resolve to hold my breath and pull in my paunch when I kuvuka, msalaba my young secretary.
I will stop saying," Ooh, that feels nice" whenever the security guys frisk me at airports.
I resolve not to see any serial au movie in which any dead character is brought alive.
I resolve not to call any phone number of any TV contest as they are always kept off the hook.
I resolve not to swim in any swimming pool without water.
I resolve to stop poisoning my family with my cooking.
My New mwaka resolution is: 1024 kwa 968 pixels!
Learn what the hell "resolution" means.
I promise to stick to these resolutions for zaidi than a week (even though I never do).
I will think of a nenosiri other than "password" au "hello".
I will not tell the same story at every get together.
I won't worry so much.
I will cut my hair.
I will grow my hair.
I will stop considering other people's feelings when they so obviously don't consider mine - if that unwashed fellow sits inayofuata to me again, I'll tell him he stinks!
I will be zaidi imaginative.
I will not bore my boss kwa with the same excuse for taking leaves. I will think of some zaidi excuses.
I will do less laundry and use zaidi deodorant.
I will avoid taking a bath whenever possible and conserve zaidi water.
Assure my lawyer that I will never again onyesha up drunk at a custody hearing.
I will give up chocolates totally. 100%. Completely. Honestly....
I will try to figure out why I *really* need nine e-mail addresses.
I will stop sending e-mails to my wife (husband).
I resolve to work with neglected children -- my own.
I will stop sending e-mail, ICQ, Instant Messages and be on the phone at the same time with the same person.
I will spend less than one saa a siku on the Internet. This, of course, will be hard to estimate since I'm not a clock watcher.
I will read the manual... just as soon as I can find it.
I will not hang around girls - they think wewe upendo them and that sucks.
I will not ring the stewardess button on airplanes just to get her phone number.
I resolve to work with neglected children. (my own).
I will answer my konokono mail with the same enthusiasm with which I answer my e-mail.
When I hear a funny joke I will not reply, "LOL... LOL!"
I will not ring the stewardess button on airplanes just to get her phone number.
I will balance my checkbook. (on my nose).
I will find out why the correspondence course on "Mail Fraud" that I purchased never showed up.
Start buying lottery tickets at a luckier store.
Remember to brush teeth with bristly end of toothbrush.
Don't eat medicine just because it looks like candy.
Always replace the gas nozzle before driving away from the pump.
I will always "check for paper" when leaving the restroom.
I will try to drive closer to the speed limit.
I will keep an extra salama distance when driving behind police cars.
Really Funny New mwaka Resolutions for 2010
I will be zaidi imaginative.
I will not wet the kitanda and blame it on my younger brother.
I promise to clean my room once a week even though I haven't cleaned it zaidi than once in the last year.
I will always replace the gas nozzle before driving away from the pump.
I will always "check for paper" before and after leaving a public restroom.
I will try to drive closer to the speed limit.
I will always wear clean underwear, "just in case".
I will keep an extra salama distance when driving behind police cars.
Never again will I try to diffuse an explosive device with a known practical joker.
Read less books. A little learning is a dangerous thing. Too much of it can really wreck your head.
Gain weight, at least 40 pounds. Didn't your mom always say wewe were bit skinny.
Cut down on exercise. Too much is bad for your health, it can even kill you.
Watch zaidi TV. It's very educational. Catch up on all those programs wewe missed down the years.
Draw up a orodha of people who were nasty to wewe in the past year, get your own back on them in the inayofuata year!
Drink more. Wasn't it Benjamin Franklin who said, bia is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. So be happy.
Eat zaidi nice things like candy, Big Macs, popcorn and ice cream. Eat less crap like fresh fruit, vegetables and soy nuts.
Work less. Take it easy. All work and no play can make wewe a dull boy au girl.
Play zaidi computer games. Scientists say they're good for wewe and improve your visual skills. But wewe always knew that.
Take up some worthwhile new habit, like smoking - it helps keep tobacco workers in jobs.
I will drink less beer, last mwaka I drank enough bia to have kept the Titanic afloat.
I will spend less money on buying useless stuff like this new DVD Rewinder I had ordered for christmas.
I will drive zaidi carefully, people are starting to notice the dozens of dents in my car.
I will treat my girlfriend better, I won't make her carry all the groceries the inayofuata time we go to the market.
I promise to be nice to my dog. I won't starve him to death zaidi than 10 times.... in a month.
I will no longer interfere in a game.
I will not hang around girls - they think wewe upendo them and that sucks.
zaidi Funny New Year's Resolutions for 2011
I will leave my brain at nyumbani while going to watch a supposedly scary sinema like Scary Movie 1, 2, 3 & 4!
I will never again take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
I will never again eat a jack matunda before going to a public function.
I resolve to hold my breath and pull in my paunch when I kuvuka, msalaba my young secretary.
I will stop saying," Ooh, that feels nice" whenever the security guys frisk me at airports.
I resolve not to see any serial au movie in which any dead character is brought alive.
I resolve not to call any phone number of any TV contest as they are always kept off the hook.
I resolve not to swim in any swimming pool without water.
I resolve to stop poisoning my family with my cooking.
My New mwaka resolution is: 1024 kwa 968 pixels!
Learn what the hell "resolution" means.
I promise to stick to these resolutions for zaidi than a week (even though I never do).
I upendo this show, and for the parent freaking out over it being "inappropriate" they have a time on Disney channel for kids it goes to noon. Shouldn't be that hard to avoid a onyesha that airs late, and its not obscene, and she wasn't "making out" with anyone It was a peck like everything else on Disney. Do yourself a favor and switch to Disney.
Anyway I upendo this show! So no I guess its not only children that watch the Disney channel. I upendo the characters. It's interesting and funny, I upendo that its not a typical Disney comedy and I upendo that there's no annoying laughter in the background! Anyway I recommend it :)
Million has 6 zeros
Billion has 9 zeros
Trillion has 12 zeros
Quadrillion has 15 zeros
Quintillion has 18 zeros
Sextillion has 21 zeros
Septillion has 24 zeros
Octillion has 27 zeros
Nonillion has 30 zeros
Decillion has 33 zeros
Undecillion has 36 zeros
Duodecillion has 39 zeros
Tredecillion has 42 zeros
Quattuordecillion has 45 zeros
Quindecillion has 48 zeros
Sexdecillion has 51 zeros
Septendecillion has 54 zeros
Octodecillion has 57 zeros
Novemdecillion has 60 zeros
Vigintillion has 63 zeros
Googol has 100 zeros.
Centillion has 303 zeros (except in Britain, where it has 600 zeros)
Googolplex has a googol of zeros
Gazillion has 86430 zeros
---------------------------
Billion has 9 zeros
Trillion has 12 zeros
Quadrillion has 15 zeros
Quintillion has 18 zeros
Sextillion has 21 zeros
Septillion has 24 zeros
Octillion has 27 zeros
Nonillion has 30 zeros
Decillion has 33 zeros
Undecillion has 36 zeros
Duodecillion has 39 zeros
Tredecillion has 42 zeros
Quattuordecillion has 45 zeros
Quindecillion has 48 zeros
Sexdecillion has 51 zeros
Septendecillion has 54 zeros
Octodecillion has 57 zeros
Novemdecillion has 60 zeros
Vigintillion has 63 zeros
Googol has 100 zeros.
Centillion has 303 zeros (except in Britain, where it has 600 zeros)
Googolplex has a googol of zeros
Gazillion has 86430 zeros
---------------------------
Chuck Norris can make onions cry.
Chuck Norris can futa the Recycling Bin.
Ghosts are actually caused kwa Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.
Chuck Norris can strangle wewe with a cordless phone.
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
Chuck Norris once had a moyo attack; his moyo lost.
Chuck Norris doesn't turn the light on; he turns the dark off.
The last digit of pi is Chuck Norris. He is the end of all things.
Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd. No one fools Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror, the mirror shatters; not even a mirror is stupid enough to get between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris's tears can cure aids, too bad he never cries. (silvaze9)