How do wewe know people don't like your friend? Oh, I don't know, how about the fact that...
1. Your mom can never remember your friend's name. She even guesses. "Oh, is your friend... uh... Tasha coming over?" Your friend's name is not Tasha. It's Kate.
2. Your Dad always seems to disappear when Kate comes over. "Well, I should go paint the karakana door now." "Now?" "Yep, no time to waste. Just have to pick up a Kate of paint... I mean, a can of paint from the store."
3. Your little brother rolls his eyes at her name. "Kate's coming over? Does she have to?"
4. Your mom defends Kate to your little brother—halfheartedly. "Now, now, Kate is a perfectly... unique person."
5. Your brother continues to whine: "But she's so weird. And I think she aliiba the TV remote."
6. The only siku Uncle Greg doesn't stop kwa is when Kate is over.
7. Your grandmother refers to Kate only as, "That girl." When wewe ask which girl, she mumbles something about a "tongue-stud" and, "Back in my day..."
8. Your guidance counselor keeps saying, "You know, wewe could be Marafiki with lots of people, not just Rita." "Kate." "Right, Kate. I mean, have wewe considered joining a club? Meet some new folks? People who aren't Kate?"
9. Your boyfriend, who was laughing a sekunde ago, darkens at the sight of Kate and says, "Okay, well, I should go to Calculus. I'm a hurry. I just upendo higher math. Higher...higher..." Then he bolts down the hall.
10. Somebody writes "Kate Sux" in Sharpie on your locker door.
11. Your history teacher asks to see wewe after class. He rambles about how "life is full of options" and "sometimes our Marafiki aren't really our friends." wewe ask what he means. He pushes his glasses up his nose, takes a breath, and says, "Your friend Kate is a horrible, horrible person. Please, dump her."
12. Kate's own twin sister, Phoebe, has an eerily similar conversation with you.
13. At the local diner, your waitress, a woman who has never met Kate in her life, is all smiles until Kate arrives at your table. Now she looks quiet and miserable. "Coffee?" she murmurs, glaring at Kate. "Yes, please," Kate says. "I wasn't asking you," the waitress snaps.
14. At the card shop, the cashier follows Kate around the store, eying her suspiciously. Then he meanders toward wewe and slips wewe a card that says, "Roses are red, violets are blue, I'd get better friends, if I happened to be you."
15. A panhandler asks wewe for change. Then he sees Kate and changes his mind. "Actually, I'm good," he says, giving Kate the side eye and staggering away.
16. People always offer to drive wewe nyumbani until they realize you're with Kate. Then, a suspicious number of flat tires suddenly come up.
17. Your neighbors' mbwa snarl as she passes.
18. Your cat hisses and claws at her.
19. Kate goes out of town for a weekend. Suddenly, your phone starts ringing off the hook.
Do wewe have a Kate?
