“ Killing someone with a spoon is not bad, but I prefer the chainsaw it's faster.”
~ Serial Killer on spoons

wewe found out wewe hate someone. No, not just hate. wewe FUCKING hate them. No, not just FUCKING hate them, wewe wanna strangle them until their head pops off then shove it down the loo but then it'll go into the sewers and then the police/the fuzz/cops/pigs/gorillas will be like, all, "omfg wutt iz goin on why iz der a hed in me toilet" and then they'll find you're fingerprint on them and be all "haha we fund woo it was it was [insert name here] and then wewe be like "omgomgomg" and then wewe get into prison and then rot there and turn into a ghost and the only thing wewe can do is go onto Uncyclopedia and look up how to kill people with Spoons.

Not that I would know, of course.

But wewe upendo Spoons. Spoons are sexy. Someone is not. Someone out there is NOT sexy. Whether that's you, yourself, au maybe perhaps YOU, That someone shall be your victim. And your victim Shall die... kwa SPOON.

STEP ONE

1) First, wewe need a good Spoon...like a big supu Spoon. 2) Find the person wewe hate / au someone that wewe want to kill with the Spoon! 3) Make sure wewe take them somewhere secret where no-one can hear them screaming. 4) Duct tape their mouth and hands together, but don't forget to duct tape their legs together in case they try to run! 5) start threatening them that your gonna hurt their kitten!

STEP TWO

Learn the ancient art of Tai-Spong.

For many thousands of years, Buddhist monks in the Shaolin temple had denied their existence. They will always say "There is no Spoon", but this was a diversion to hide the terrible truth, of the deadly art of Tai-Spong. Of course, Tai-Spong doesn't actually matter, only whether wewe hate that someone au not. But wewe do hate them. That's why wewe are killing them...with a Spoon.

STEP THREE

Know your victim:

* How much do they weigh?
* Is he/she physically fit?
* Is it Tuesday?
* Do wewe own a kitten?
* Do wewe like honey?
* How far away are wewe from the moon?
* Do they have a family?
* Do wewe have a family?
* Why don't wewe have a family?

Of course, none of these maswali actually matter, only whether wewe hate that someone au not. But wewe do hate them. That's why wewe are killing them...with a Spoon.

STEP FOUR

wewe need to choose your weapon (see step 1) and practice with it (ask the hospitals for a free corpse to train on au just find a daycare, and use a sleeping child). wewe need to sneak up on your victim (when he is masturbating au taking a bath au something like that) And of course:Atttaaaaackkk!!!