NAME: Greg Bulmash

SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.

DESIRED POSITION: Company's President au Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a mwaka plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

SALARY: Less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO wewe HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a zaidi intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

DO wewe HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT wewe FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?

DO wewe HAVE A CAR?: I think the zaidi appropriate swali here would be "Do wewe have a car that runs?"

HAVE wewe RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS au RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.

DO wewe SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.

WHAT WOULD wewe LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

DO wewe CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.

SIGN HERE: Aries