[Everybody Loves Raymond] 116 - Diamonds #385
Marie: Oh I used to upendo Valentines Day!... then I met your father.
Frank: I used to upendo every day.
Contributed kwa funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 121 - Fascinating Debra #409
Debra: There's nothing funny about me to imitate y'know?
Ray: Oh, what are wewe talking about? Here I'll do you. "Ray, get off of me, it's not your birthday"
Contributed kwa funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 202 - Father Knows Least #380
Ray: Look, wewe have to do what Mommy says.
Ally: Why?
Ray: 'Cause I do.
Contributed kwa funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 207 - Anniversary #381
Marie: We almost got divorced.
Frank: There's a sad word��'- almost.
Contributed kwa funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 208 - The Children's Book #382
Ray: I was wondering-- are we still fighting?
Debra: What? Oh, no, no.
Ray: Okay, good. I almost bought flowers.
Contributed kwa funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 212 - All I Want For krisimasi #379
[about sex]
Debra: wewe know, it's not always me what about last week when I was in the mood and wewe weren't?
Raymond: When was that???
Debra: Wednesday. wewe were watching TV I asked wewe to give me a backrub. Yeah wewe gave me one of these one-handed deals.
Raymond: Wait wait a minute. wewe ask for a backrub, and that means Mr. Smith goes to Washington?
Contributed kwa funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 212 - All I Want For krisimasi #383
Ray: Not the flannel pajamas!
Debra: What?
Ray: When wewe come to kitanda wearing that silky thing I know I have a chance but the flannel pajamas? wewe might as well be wearing a porcupine suit!
Contributed kwa funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 217 - The Ride-Along #384
Debra: Ally, what are wewe doing?
Ally: Cutting Molly's hair.
Debra: Oh no, no, honey, wewe can't cut a doll's hair. It won't grow back-- only people hair grows back.
Ally: Oh. [pauses, calls for her baby brother] Geoffrey!
Debra: Oh, no, no, no, Ally, go ahead. Just cut the doll's hair. Hey, look, wewe missed a spot.
Contributed kwa funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 303 - The Sitter #398
Ray: [referring to messy house] wewe know what wewe need, wewe need some real help around here.
[Debra glares at Ray]
Ray: Keeping in mind I have a very busy schedule.
Debra: Oh yeah that's right gee isn't it time for your 9 o'clock butt scratch?
Ray: That's okay I don't do that anymore I'm on the patch.
Contributed kwa funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 305 - The Visit #399
[practising saying mom for Debra's mother]
Ray: Mom... mom... mom...
Marie: [walks through door] Hiii!
Ray: Wow, that... that is powerful... Let me try something: Xena warrior princess, Xena warrior princess...
Contributed kwa funnytvquotes.com





[Everybody Loves Raymond] 310 - No Fat #410
Ray: Hey.
Marie: Hi honey, want some eggs?
Frank: Don't listen to her, it's not eggs. It's got fake egg crap.
Marie: It tastes exactly the same.
Frank: Yes. Exactly like crap.
Contributed kwa funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 310 - No Fat #411
Ray: Why didn't wewe bring your dog, Robert?
Robert: I don't think Shamsky would eat this.
Ray: Yeah, but we could eat him.
Contributed kwa funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 413 - Bully On The Bus #343
Marie: I sense tension and anger.
Frank: Maybe you're picking up your own scent.
Contributed kwa Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 416 - The Tenth Anniversary #371
Raymond: Happy Anniversary. Hey, wewe know what I was thinking? Since this is our tenth anniversary, why don't we let the kids stay at grandmas and grandpas, all night, if wewe know what I mean?
Debra: Hey, hujambo we could watch our wedding video?
Raymond: I guess wewe don't know what I mean.
Contributed kwa funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 416 - The Tenth Anniversary #372
[after finding out ray taped over his wedding video]
Frank: hujambo good work Ray. Now when some broad starts yapping "you're never romantic!". Guys everywhere can say "Hey, wewe think I'm bad? At least I didn't pull a ray Barone.
Contributed kwa funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 416 - The Tenth Anniversary #373
Marie: Well I'll tell wewe what I would like if I were Debra...
Frank: I'd like it if wewe were Debra!
Contributed kwa funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 416 - The Tenth Anniversary #374
Robert: [referring to the wedding magazines] Where did wewe get these?
Ray: The newsstand, duka la magazeti -- it was so embarrassing. I had to buy some porn just to even it out.
Contributed kwa funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 418 - Debra Makes Something Good #375
Frank: First of all, if I have anything to say about your mother, I'm not afraid to say it right to her face... sekunde of all, those are not jokes.
Contributed kwa funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 418 - Debra Makes Something Good #402
Ray: I'm not going to make those jokes anymore.
Debra: Thank you.
Ray: Will wewe still cook for me?
Debra: Yes.
Ray: Will wewe take your clothes off?
Contributed kwa funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 421 - Someone's Cranky #376
Raymond: Maybe wewe should cut them some slack.
Robert: What?
Raymond: Yeah 'cause they mean well... y'know?... Well, mom means well, dad's just, mean.
Contributed kwa funnytvquotes.com





[Everybody Loves Raymond] 421 - Someone's Cranky #377
Robert: Apparently if wewe leave maziwa out for twelve weeks, it goes bad and then explodes. [holds a candle] However, this is lavender bouquet.
Raymond: Can we use it to light the apartment on fire?
Debra: Robert, do wewe have any zaidi candles?
Frank: au an old sneaker I can bury my face in?
Contributed kwa funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 422 - Bad Moon Rising #378
Raymond: People! Shut up all of wewe guys. Debra's not feeling well, bio... hormonally.
Frank: Oh! Got it. The enemy within.
Contributed kwa funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 422 - Bad Moon Rising #400
Debra: Oh, would wewe STOP? I'm not crying because of the way I sound! I'm crying because I'm married to an insensitive derfwad, who instead of trying to make life easier for his wife, tape-records her so he has proof she's a terrible person!
Ray: What's a derfwad?
Contributed kwa funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 508 - Young Girl #388
Ray: Let me tell wewe something Robert, there's two Debras. That's right. There's the Debra wewe see that doesn't have a problem with it. Then, when everybody leaves, there's the Debra that I see: Darth Debra.
Contributed kwa funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 515 - Silent Partners #391
Ray: If one was asked to read a book called Devilwood, one would be correct in assuming that the book was scary, au exciting au had something devil-y in it, wouldn't one?
Robert: One would.
Ray: Well then one would be wrong!
Robert: What's going on Raymond?
Ray: Debra wants me to read this so we have stuff in common. But I swear this sucker's like a horse tranquilizer.
Here, listen to this first line. "Imagine a rain so beautiful it must never have existed" what does that mean? What does that mean?? Tell me right now what does that mean???
Contributed kwa funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 515 - Silent Partners #392
Debra: Have wewe read any of that book?
Ray: I read a lot.
Debra: Yeah? What's it about?
Ray: It's, it's about a rain that's so beautiful, I can't even believe it existed.
Debra: That's the first line, you've read ONE LINE!
Ray: And I was gonna read the inayofuata line when I came out of my COMA!
Contributed kwa funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 515 - Silent Partners #393
Ray: This siagi is the perfect temperature slash density.
Contributed kwa funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 522 - Say Uncle #304
Frank: Marie, what the hell? One sekunde wewe were making me pancakes, the inayofuata sekunde you're gone... which would be great if there were pancakes.
Contributed kwa funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 612 - Season's Greetings #313
[about the krisimasi letter from ten years prior]
Frank: I remember this. I had all the stuff I was gonna do when I retire on it.
Marie: Was "be nicer to your wife" on there?
Frank: Might as well have been, it's all ridiculous crap!
Contributed kwa evilcheese



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 618 - The Breakup Tape #315
Ray: So I have to live in a museum of your erotic past.
Debra: It's not a museum.
Ray: So wewe admit... it was erotic!
Contributed kwa funnytvquotes.com


[Everybody Loves Raymond] 619 - Talk To Your Daughter #316
Frank: Let me tell wewe about life.
Ray: Great. We're gonna hear the meaning of life from a man who once threw his shoe at a swan.
Frank: That's called "Protecting your sandwich".
Contributed kwa funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 619 - Talk To Your Daughter #317
Ray: What, wewe don't think I can do it? I'll do it, I'll have the sex talk with her.
Debra: I'll tell wewe what, Ray. wewe can be there, and I'll explain it to the both of you.
Contributed kwa evilcheese



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 620 - A Vote For Debra #318
Debra: wewe were stuffing your pants with food!
Ray: I'm your husband, you're supposed to support me no matter what's in my pants!
Contributed kwa funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 625 - The First Time #319
Debra: Oh, honey, honey, not tonight, okay? How about tomorrow?
Ray: How about we start tonight and go til tomorrow?
Debra: We'd have to start at 11:59, then.
Contributed kwa funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 705 - Who Am I? #320
Ray: Are wewe having an affair with the bookstore guy?
Debra: Right. He's 60 years old, got one eye, and he smells of the jungle.
Ray: Yeah, that's how wewe like it.
Contributed kwa funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 712 - Grandpa Steals #321
Robert: Your daughter, your problem.
Ray: You're stupid, you're ugly.
Contributed kwa funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 714 - Just A Formality #322
Debra: wewe listen to me Robert. This is between wewe and Amy. Her parents
are just going to have to get used to the idea. But it's your life. wewe do what wewe want to do.
Ray: Until wewe get married. Then wewe do what she wants to do.
Contributed kwa evilcheese



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 715 - The Disciplinarian #323
Ray: Come on. You've seen me lay down the law, right?
Frank: I've seen wewe lay down.
Contributed kwa evilcheese



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 717 - Meeting The Parents #324
Frank: Dear Lord, please keep this in-law family the hell away from me!
Hank: And wewe can stay the heck away from us, too.
Frank: wewe can say "heck" all wewe want, He knows wewe mean "Hell"!
Contributed kwa Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 718 - The Plan #403
[After Robert messes up the wedding invitations]
Amy: And what's this? 'Attire optional?' It's supposed to be 'black tie optional.' 'Attire optional' means 'maybe naked'! There's going to be nude people... at the church... on a Wednesday!
Contributed kwa funnytvquotes.com





[Everybody Loves Raymond] 720 - Who's Next? #325
Marie: wewe stay away from my husband!
Frank: Marie, we were just talking.
Marie: wewe weren't just talking, wewe were picturing her naked.
Frank: Get out of my head, Woman!
Contributed kwa Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 722 - Baggage #401
Debra: I have to do everything around here! I swear, if I don't do it, then it doesn't get done!
Frank: Well, that's because...now, take it easy...-that's how it's supposed to be.
Contributed kwa funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 803 - nyumbani From School #326
Michael: I don't have any homework!
Ray: Woahwoahwoawoa... who do wewe think you're dealing with here huh? I may seem stupid, but that's just to get your mother to not ask me to do stuff, okay?... I know all the angles pal, I know all the excuses. If my dog Shamsky had eaten as much homework as I alisema he woulda pooped the encyclopedia britannica.
Contributed kwa Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 803 - nyumbani From School #327
Michael: I went up to the teacher to ask her a question, and I accidentally alisema "Mommy."
Ray: wewe called the teacher "Mommy?" Why? Was the teacher yelling?
Contributed kwa Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 804 - Misery Loves Company #311
Robert: You're so closed off. Holding your wife's hand could be pleasurable for you. And zaidi importantly, it might allow her to feel wanted and loved kwa you.
Raymond: How does that get me out of laundry?
Robert: If wewe could connect with your wife emotionally, then perhaps wewe wouldn't see doing laundry as a chore. wewe might do it willingly, for her, as a gesture of love.
Raymond: wewe are an idiot wrapped in a moron.
Contributed kwa funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 814 - Lateness #328
Debra: wewe used to think I was worth waiting for.
Ray: wewe were worth waiting for, but after fifteen years, wewe should be here kwa now!
Contributed kwa Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 816 - Security #329
Marie: Since when is there a law against me expressing my feelings?
Frank: I've been trying to pass that legislation for years.
Contributed kwa Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 821 - The Model #330
Marie: I always thought Robert was a looker.
Frank: I always thought he was zaidi of a "look at that."
Contributed kwa Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 905 - Ally's F #331
Debra: Look at all the scribbles on this notebook! "Tommy and Ally Forever," "Ally Hearts Tommy," "Ally Sanders."
Ray: Oh, look. wewe see? That's not even Ally's notebook.
Contributed kwa Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 905 - Ally's F #332
Amy: wewe know, Deb, every child goes through this rebellious phase. I did. One time, in Church choir, we were all supposed to sing "What a Friend We Have In Jesus," and my Marafiki and I sang "What a Friend We Have in Cheeses!"
Contributed kwa Courtney E


[Everybody Loves Raymond] 905 - Ally's F #333
Robert: What about when I was 13 years old, and my mpira wa kikapu coach called me "The Useless Giraffe?"
Frank: wewe were six foot five. wewe couldn't grab a couple of rebounds?
Contributed kwa Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 905 - Ally's F #334
Ray: If x equals lame, that guy is 4 times x!
Contributed kwa Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 906 - Boys' Therapy #335
[Frank is kusoma a paper on the track horses]
Frank: we gotta bet this horse. It's unbeatable! It's unstoppable.
Robert: Marie's Mouth
Ray: This is a sign!
Contributed kwa Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 911 - The Faux Pas #336
Debra: I want to assure wewe that Marie does not speak for all of us.
Frank: No, she just speaks zaidi than all of us.
Contributed kwa funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 912 - Tasteless Frank #337
Frank: Hey, could wewe pass the salt?
Marie: What did wewe say?
Frank: I want to put some salt on this.
Marie: In 47 years of marriage, you've never salted my lasagna!
Frank: Marie, it's bad enough it needs it. wewe gotta remind me how long we've been married?
Contributed kwa evilcheese



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 912 - Tasteless Frank #338
Robert: wewe know, Dad, I have to say, I'm surprised that wewe can't appreciate the interplay of these flavors--the smokiness of the ham, delicately contrasting with the sweetness of the egg custard.
Frank: Why don't wewe put on a dress and do a dance?
Contributed kwa evilcheese



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 913 - Sister-In-Law #339
Amy: I should've realized guys just want to watch TV and be left alone.
Frank: Amy, will wewe marry me?
Contributed kwa Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 914 - The Power Of No #340
Robert: Yeah, I always know when Amy's in the mood, cause she gives me this little sly smile.
Ray: Yeah... I think she's saying hurry up and get it over with.
Contributed kwa Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 914 - The Power Of No #341
Ray: It's like the zaidi I turn her down, the zaidi she wants it. She's like a guy!
Contributed kwa Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 914 - The Power Of No #342
Robert: I'm going to help Amy pick out drapes.
Ray: If there's any material left over, maybe wewe can make yourself a little skirt.
Contributed kwa Courtney E