After wewe cut off a vehicle, give a "Thanks-for-letting-me-in" wave and nod to the other driver.
Always save your nose picking for when you're behind the wheel.
Drive closely behind speeding ambulances and moto trucks so wewe get ahead of everyone who pulls over to let them pass.
Drive with a pen and ATM envelope in your hand and write down everything a moron driver does.
If another driver honks at you, ignore it, continue to do exactly what wewe are doing, and give him a dirty look.
If another driver is courteous enough to let wewe in front of him/her, onyesha your appreciation kwa letting the entire world in front of you, including trekta trailers and construction vehicles.
If for some reason wewe had to pull over on the shoulder, wait until a car is approaching to pull back onto the road.
If the driver behind wewe is honking and flashing his headlights because he is in some sort of an emergency rush, do NOT pull over to let him pass.
If wewe are driving fast, stick one arm out the window, twist your hand back and forth, and pretend to be an airplane as the wind lifts your arm.
If wewe are on vacation and wewe see any sort of wildlife, stop in your lane to take a lot of pictures.
If wewe get Lost while driving, the best place to stop and get your bearings is at a green light.
If wewe have a car phone, use it as much as possible. If wewe have no one to call, hold the phone up to your ear and pretend.
If wewe need to stop to ask for directions, wait until there is a car behind wewe and stop in your lane to block traffic. Try to ask directions from either a 90 mwaka old local, a deaf person, an illegal alien, au a child.
If wewe see a vehicle getting in your lane directly behind you, hit your brake pedal. The closer the vehicle, the harder wewe should press.
If wewe see an emergency vehicle traveling on the opposite side of a concrete divider, stop abruptly.
If your vehicle is capable of spinning its tires on dry roads, take advantage of this. Make as much black smoke as possible.
Keep your brake light blinking kwa keeping one foot on the brake pedal at all times.
Maintain flex-time at work so that wewe can drive around leisurely when others are rushing to get to work on time.
Make sure wewe have at least one of the following bumper stickers:
"I may be slow but I'm ahead of you"
"If wewe don't like my driving, get off the sidewalk"
"If wewe can read this, you're too close"
"I'd rather be skiing"
"I brake for no apparent reason"
On multi-laned roads, always drive at the same speed as the vehicle inayofuata to you. Try to "box" in drivers behind you, who are attempting to pass.
Slow down drastically for every little bump in the road.
Swerve into the opposite lanes to avoid hitting roadside obstacles... like Styrofoam cups and Twinkie wrappers.
Use your driving time as an opportunity to have an intimate encounter with your significant other.
When approaching a curve in the road, slow down as if the road is ENDING.
When approaching a yield sign, either accelerate without looking au come to a full and complete stop.
When drivers ahead of wewe pull over to let emergency vehicles pass, accelerate so that they can not merge back into traffic.
When driving at a slower speed, stay in the left-most lane.
When driving in a lane that is going to end because of construction, ignore all the "LANE CLOSED - MERGE AHEAD" signs. Then wait until the last sekunde and cut off the other drivers that had the common sense to switch lanes earlier.
When driving in heavy bumper-to-bumper traffic, always drive with at least 10 car lengths in front of you.
When having another vehicle follow wewe to where ever wewe are going, and a third car merges between you, drive 5 miles an saa just to make sure that your followers (who are 2 cars behind) can see you.
When picking up a passenger during the early morning au late night, in a residential neighborhood, stop in front of the house and honk the horn. Either a series of long honks au in a melody of a song such as "Shave and a haircut" is appropriate.
When there's traffic behind you, always drive 8-20 MPH below the ilitumwa limit.
Whenever possible, cut off other drivers and slow down.
Whenever wewe see a police car, even parked, slam on the brakes and drive 15-20 MPH slower than the speed limit.
While listening to your inayopendelewa song, let other drivers on the road know that your listing to your inayopendelewa song. The best way to do this is, is to steer the car with your knee, pretend to be holding a pair of drum sticks, and start beating away at the steering wheel and rear-view mirror. While the whole time bobbing your head all over the place.
While traveling down residential streets, drive 2 MPH and look at all the houses and landscaping. In fact, look everywhere except out the front windshield.
Women are encouraged to put on their make-up while driving.
wewe always have the right of way.
Your car stereo should be blasting muziki at approximately 900,000 dB.
Always save your nose picking for when you're behind the wheel.
Drive closely behind speeding ambulances and moto trucks so wewe get ahead of everyone who pulls over to let them pass.
Drive with a pen and ATM envelope in your hand and write down everything a moron driver does.
If another driver honks at you, ignore it, continue to do exactly what wewe are doing, and give him a dirty look.
If another driver is courteous enough to let wewe in front of him/her, onyesha your appreciation kwa letting the entire world in front of you, including trekta trailers and construction vehicles.
If for some reason wewe had to pull over on the shoulder, wait until a car is approaching to pull back onto the road.
If the driver behind wewe is honking and flashing his headlights because he is in some sort of an emergency rush, do NOT pull over to let him pass.
If wewe are driving fast, stick one arm out the window, twist your hand back and forth, and pretend to be an airplane as the wind lifts your arm.
If wewe are on vacation and wewe see any sort of wildlife, stop in your lane to take a lot of pictures.
If wewe get Lost while driving, the best place to stop and get your bearings is at a green light.
If wewe have a car phone, use it as much as possible. If wewe have no one to call, hold the phone up to your ear and pretend.
If wewe need to stop to ask for directions, wait until there is a car behind wewe and stop in your lane to block traffic. Try to ask directions from either a 90 mwaka old local, a deaf person, an illegal alien, au a child.
If wewe see a vehicle getting in your lane directly behind you, hit your brake pedal. The closer the vehicle, the harder wewe should press.
If wewe see an emergency vehicle traveling on the opposite side of a concrete divider, stop abruptly.
If your vehicle is capable of spinning its tires on dry roads, take advantage of this. Make as much black smoke as possible.
Keep your brake light blinking kwa keeping one foot on the brake pedal at all times.
Maintain flex-time at work so that wewe can drive around leisurely when others are rushing to get to work on time.
Make sure wewe have at least one of the following bumper stickers:
"I may be slow but I'm ahead of you"
"If wewe don't like my driving, get off the sidewalk"
"If wewe can read this, you're too close"
"I'd rather be skiing"
"I brake for no apparent reason"
On multi-laned roads, always drive at the same speed as the vehicle inayofuata to you. Try to "box" in drivers behind you, who are attempting to pass.
Slow down drastically for every little bump in the road.
Swerve into the opposite lanes to avoid hitting roadside obstacles... like Styrofoam cups and Twinkie wrappers.
Use your driving time as an opportunity to have an intimate encounter with your significant other.
When approaching a curve in the road, slow down as if the road is ENDING.
When approaching a yield sign, either accelerate without looking au come to a full and complete stop.
When drivers ahead of wewe pull over to let emergency vehicles pass, accelerate so that they can not merge back into traffic.
When driving at a slower speed, stay in the left-most lane.
When driving in a lane that is going to end because of construction, ignore all the "LANE CLOSED - MERGE AHEAD" signs. Then wait until the last sekunde and cut off the other drivers that had the common sense to switch lanes earlier.
When driving in heavy bumper-to-bumper traffic, always drive with at least 10 car lengths in front of you.
When having another vehicle follow wewe to where ever wewe are going, and a third car merges between you, drive 5 miles an saa just to make sure that your followers (who are 2 cars behind) can see you.
When picking up a passenger during the early morning au late night, in a residential neighborhood, stop in front of the house and honk the horn. Either a series of long honks au in a melody of a song such as "Shave and a haircut" is appropriate.
When there's traffic behind you, always drive 8-20 MPH below the ilitumwa limit.
Whenever possible, cut off other drivers and slow down.
Whenever wewe see a police car, even parked, slam on the brakes and drive 15-20 MPH slower than the speed limit.
While listening to your inayopendelewa song, let other drivers on the road know that your listing to your inayopendelewa song. The best way to do this is, is to steer the car with your knee, pretend to be holding a pair of drum sticks, and start beating away at the steering wheel and rear-view mirror. While the whole time bobbing your head all over the place.
While traveling down residential streets, drive 2 MPH and look at all the houses and landscaping. In fact, look everywhere except out the front windshield.
Women are encouraged to put on their make-up while driving.
wewe always have the right of way.
Your car stereo should be blasting muziki at approximately 900,000 dB.
Ask everyone wewe meet, "Hot enough for you?"
Sing the "Barney" theme song as loud as wewe can.
If wewe see kids building a sand castle, say, "That's not a real castle!"
Every time when you're about to bata under the water, yell, "Down periscope!"
Go swimming in a full business suit. If people notice, act like they're the weirdos.
Put sea shell to your ear and announce to first person to pass by, "It's for you!" Repeat several times.
Throw jellyfish around.
Tune radio to all-news station and blast as loud as wewe can, then nod your head and snap your fingers like you're listening to some happenin' tunes.
Act like a sea gull.
Wear t-shirt that says, "I'm the coolest dude on this pathetic beach. No autographs please."
Sing the "Barney" theme song as loud as wewe can.
If wewe see kids building a sand castle, say, "That's not a real castle!"
Every time when you're about to bata under the water, yell, "Down periscope!"
Go swimming in a full business suit. If people notice, act like they're the weirdos.
Put sea shell to your ear and announce to first person to pass by, "It's for you!" Repeat several times.
Throw jellyfish around.
Tune radio to all-news station and blast as loud as wewe can, then nod your head and snap your fingers like you're listening to some happenin' tunes.
Act like a sea gull.
Wear t-shirt that says, "I'm the coolest dude on this pathetic beach. No autographs please."
Materials:
Petroleum Jelly
Eyeshadow,body shimmer, au pigments (for color)
small discardable and microwavable bowl
Discardable stirrer
lipgloss container with lids
Procedure:
1.Scoop some petroleum in the small bowl (more petroleum zaidi gloss!)
2.Microwave for 5 min au completely melted
3.Take out the petroleum and mix in the eyeshadow keep on putting zaidi till wewe reach your desired shade.
4.Mix well. Then pour in your mixture into the lipgloss container. Put in the freewer for 15-30 minutes.
Enjoy!!
Tip:to make flavored lip gloss add kool-aid instead (will stain lips).
Petroleum Jelly
Eyeshadow,body shimmer, au pigments (for color)
small discardable and microwavable bowl
Discardable stirrer
lipgloss container with lids
Procedure:
1.Scoop some petroleum in the small bowl (more petroleum zaidi gloss!)
2.Microwave for 5 min au completely melted
3.Take out the petroleum and mix in the eyeshadow keep on putting zaidi till wewe reach your desired shade.
4.Mix well. Then pour in your mixture into the lipgloss container. Put in the freewer for 15-30 minutes.
Enjoy!!
Tip:to make flavored lip gloss add kool-aid instead (will stain lips).
Okay, so I was sitting on the kitanda last night watching some rubbish televisheni onyesha and texting my boyfriend Liam. Anyway I think he'd had too much sugar that night cause he was all like 'I feel special when I wear my upinde wa mvua colored raincoat' and stuff. So then he text and was like 'I upendo wewe soooooo much' and so I was like 'I upendo wewe more' and he was like 'NO!' and I was like Yes! and he was like 'No cause... cause... cause well I'm getting wewe a birthday present! And so I'm like 'I'm getting wewe one first' (cause his birthday is before mine) and then like ten dakika later he's like damn. And so I'm like 'I win'.
THE END
THE END
A little motavational poem I found link. Enjoy. ;P
At age 4, success is...not peeing in your pants.
___At age 12, success is...having friends.
____At age 16, success is...having a driver's license.
_______At age 20, success is...having sex.
________At age 35, success is...having money.
________At age 50, success is...having money.
_______At age 60, success is...having sex.
_____At age 70, success is...having a driver's license.
___At age 75, success is...having friends.
At age 90, success is...not peeing in your pants.
At age 4, success is...not peeing in your pants.
___At age 12, success is...having friends.
____At age 16, success is...having a driver's license.
_______At age 20, success is...having sex.
________At age 35, success is...having money.
________At age 50, success is...having money.
_______At age 60, success is...having sex.
_____At age 70, success is...having a driver's license.
___At age 75, success is...having friends.
At age 90, success is...not peeing in your pants.
The European Union recently expanded to include a total of 25 member states. Some people are concerned,however,that problems will arise with anemployment,and that high influx of immigrants from the former Eastern block countries will cause difficulties for the the other member states. What are the positive and negative consequences of including former Eastern block countries in the EU? Which do wewe think are greater,the advantages au disadvantages,for the newly expanded,25-member EU?
^^PLEASE someone help me :'(
^^PLEASE someone help me :'(
THE BOYFRIEND GUIDE
1) She walks away from wewe mad *follow her*
2) She stares at your lips *kiss her*
3) When she pushes wewe au hits wewe *grab her and don't let go*
4) When she brushes your hand *grab hers*
5) If she's cold *give her your jacket...or hold her*
6) If she don't talk to wewe first *go talk to her*
7) When she goes to her Marafiki house *prank call her*
THE GIRLFRIEND GUIDE
1) If he pokes wewe *get closer*
2) If he want's a guys night out *don't complain*
3) If he doesn't text back *don't jump to conclusions*
4) If he doesn't say anything *don't think he doesn't care*
5) If he's ticklish *he's a keeper*
6) If he lets wewe wear his clothing *he likes wewe in his stuff*
7) If wewe are tired of waiting for him to make the first songesha *make it yourself*
1) She walks away from wewe mad *follow her*
2) She stares at your lips *kiss her*
3) When she pushes wewe au hits wewe *grab her and don't let go*
4) When she brushes your hand *grab hers*
5) If she's cold *give her your jacket...or hold her*
6) If she don't talk to wewe first *go talk to her*
7) When she goes to her Marafiki house *prank call her*
THE GIRLFRIEND GUIDE
1) If he pokes wewe *get closer*
2) If he want's a guys night out *don't complain*
3) If he doesn't text back *don't jump to conclusions*
4) If he doesn't say anything *don't think he doesn't care*
5) If he's ticklish *he's a keeper*
6) If he lets wewe wear his clothing *he likes wewe in his stuff*
7) If wewe are tired of waiting for him to make the first songesha *make it yourself*
So, it's been five years since wewe passed. I wanted to take a few dakika to remind people of how wonderful wewe were and how much wewe impacted my life. Honestly, even now, I miss talking to you. I miss your upendo heshima on my ukuta and I miss just being able to talk to someone and being to say the things that I can't to anyone else.
Do wewe remember when wewe told me I was ten feet tall and bulletproof? It was almost amusing, but I remember just being pissed off at pumpkinqueen and wanting to throttle her. I also remember that wewe calmed me down and I took a step back and decided not to say anything too stupid.
I wish we'd had zaidi time to be Marafiki and hang out together. I really do. wewe were a wonderful and kind person, with plenty of smarts. And I appreciated every moment of being able to talk to wewe and have someone I could rely on when I needed it.
Thank wewe so much.
R.I.P BLW.
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Do wewe remember when wewe told me I was ten feet tall and bulletproof? It was almost amusing, but I remember just being pissed off at pumpkinqueen and wanting to throttle her. I also remember that wewe calmed me down and I took a step back and decided not to say anything too stupid.
I wish we'd had zaidi time to be Marafiki and hang out together. I really do. wewe were a wonderful and kind person, with plenty of smarts. And I appreciated every moment of being able to talk to wewe and have someone I could rely on when I needed it.
Thank wewe so much.
R.I.P BLW.
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