Dating Version 2.0: Modern Dating

Some of the old ways of dating could be use an upgrade. Welcome 2014 with these new and improved rules!

For most of us, the best--and usually our first--source of our dating advice is our family. We rely on the experiences and wise words of Mom, Sister, and in some cases even Grandmother, for the do's and don'ts of boys and relationships. But as years pass by, it might be time to rule out some of Mom's and Grandma's old (and old-fashioned) rules on dating and come up with reasonable guidelines that appeal to zaidi modern minds.

The Old Way:
~Date only boys who belong to your mduara, duara of friends.
The New Way:
~While there is some comfort in going out with guys you've known since grade school, remember that the whole point is dating is to get to know new people. The spirit of the new decade is overcoming boundaries, and a great way to take part in it is kwa dating outside your usual "type" au group. For instance, just because you're a computer geek, it doesn't mean that wewe can't go out with a cute mpira wa kikapu player. All it takes is a little confident. If Troy and Gabriella from High School Musical au Rachel and Finn from Glee were able to do it, why can't you?

The Old Way:
~Wait kwa the phone for him to call to ask wewe out.
The New Way:
~The old saying, "Never call a boy first", may have been right during your grandmother's time, but with all the ways of communication available now, it seems silly not to drop him any hints that you're interested. Text him, chat him over Yahoo Messenger, leave a message on his Facebook Wall, au mention him on Twitter. wewe don't have to ask him out straight up if you're not comfortable with it, but it's okay to remind him that you're around if he wants to hang out.

The Old Way:
~Ask him to pick wewe up from your house.
The New Way:
~Sure, there's still some merit to having a guy onyesha up at your doorstep, then drop wewe off after the tarehe for a possible Hollywood-style goodnight kiss. But there's also no reason why wewe can't meet him at a public place, like the restaurant where wewe plan to have chajio, chakula cha jioni au the bowling alley where wewe intended to hang out. Arriving and leaving on your own saves time---and it helps wewe avoid an awkward drive nyumbani if the tarehe goes sour.

The Old Way:
~Just have a chajio, chakula cha jioni and watch movie.
The New Way:
~It's not the 50's anymore---dating doesn't have to mean chajio, chakula cha jioni and movie all the time. Though it's great to share a meal and see a cool flick, there are tons of other fun activities wewe can do together without spending too much like playing at the park, bowling, ice skating and many more. wewe can even bring some mutual Marafiki along to avoid any uncomfortable first-date experience moments. wrap, upangaji pamoja up the siku (or night) at a quiet coffee duka so wewe can grab a bite, talk about your adventures together, and get to know each other in peace.

The Old Way:
~Sit pretty and let him make all the decisions.
The New Way:
~The days when girls were not much zaidi than decoration for the chajio, chakula cha jioni meza, jedwali are long gone. Most of the guys like girls who think for themselves, and who can churn out zaidi than just, "Anywhere wewe want, it's up to you" in response to the question, "So, where do wewe want to go?" Feel free to suggest a restaurant wewe upendo au an activity wewe find interesting. Your tarehe will appreciate your sharing the pressure of decision-making and will respect wewe zaidi for it.

The Old Way:
~Turn away all his compliments so wewe won't seem too eager au mayabang.
The New Way:
~One of the most common compliments among guys is that girl's can't seem to take a compliment. There's no need for wewe to bring yourself down au tell him, "You're just saying that." Accept his praise with grace! Nine times out of 10, he's telling the truth and wewe know it. A simple "Thank you" will onyesha that you're confident and comfortable with your self---plus, he'll appreciate being thanked for noticing how nice wewe look in your dress au how much pretty wewe are.

The Old Way:
~Introduce your tarehe to your parents first.
The New Way:
~While your parents' opinions definitely matter, putting your guy in the hot kiti, kiti cha too soon exerts unnecessary pressure on the relationship. A guy who doesn't know wewe that well may not yet be ready for your Mom's loaded statements and your Dad's underhanded threats. It's best to wait for things to become serious before bringing him nyumbani to your family. It also helps wewe avoid all the awkward maswali when things end before they can truly begin.

The Old Way:
~Expect fireworks and romance on a one-on-one date.
The New Way:
~These days, there's a huge difference between a friendly date and a date-date. A guy won't break out the flowers, chocolates, and sweet gestures right away. Chances are, he'll call it "hanging out" and fall a few notches sort of The Perfect Gentleman In Your Head. The modern girl knows not to expect too much from a single date---and knows that chemistry and attraction can never be forced.




The Classics:

While some rules evolved overtime, there are still etched in the stone.

1.Be your self:
~Put your best foot forward, but make sure wewe stay true to who wewe are. Never lie to impress.

2.Be on time:
~We know wewe want to be fashionably late, but keeping him waiting any longer than 15 dakika is just a plain rude.

3.Wear an appropriate amount of makeup:
~It's a date, not a Halloween party! Simplicity is the key.

4.Don't spend the tarehe texting, tweeting, au Facebooking:
~Focus your attention on your tarehe and leave the social networking for later!

5.Avoid talking about other boys:
~He especially doesn't want to hear about how much wewe misses your ex au how cute au handsome your classmate au neighbor is.

6.Be a good listener:
~It's okay to talk about yourself, but make sure to ask him maswali and listen to his stories as well.

7.Don't nag:
~He'll appreciate if wewe call au text a few days after the tarehe to thank him and say wewe had fun, but don't harass him the inayofuata week au panic if he doesn't respond immediately.

8.Don't lead him on:
~If wewe realize you're not as interested in him as wewe thought, politely let him know when he asks wewe out again. It may upset him at first, but he'll surely appreciate your honestly in the long run.