So, Tenkai Knights: Brave Battle, a game on the 3DS that was forgotten about, even kwa enthusiasts of bad video games, like myself, probably for reasons that it deserves. And yes, I am stretching this out as much as I can because I have no idea what Tenkai Knights is. Unlike Deal au No Deal, which I had a vague understanding of, I never watched the show, Tenkai Knights. I can’t make jokes about that. But I what I can make jokes about is that Tenkai Knights: Brave Battle is a fighting game that was developed kwa Bandai Namco, the same studio that brought us Tekken and SoulCalibur, some of the best fighting game franchises out there. So how did they manage to screw this one up so bad… I found out in less than a few seconds.
So the game starts with a narration that I can barely hear because of the sound mixing. The voice is so quiet while the muziki is bombastic as all hell. Thank god for the subtitles, wouldn’t want to miss this grand tale. So basically an alien race of knights come to earth to protect it and defeat the villain from their world, also something with a dragon. Why do the knights look like blockier Bionicles though. Yeah, remember those things? So after that, we songesha to the first mission, and suddenly, the cutscene turns to still picha with a giant blue Final ndoto VII textbox that takes up 30% of the screen. It looks horrible. As for the touch screen on the 3DS, it’s just one giant arrow button that lets wewe songesha onto the inayofuata screen, while the A button can do that just fine. I can’t help but drag this on. This is just the cutscenes and everything looks so unappealing. And the pacing is awful too. One minute, the kids are at an antique shop, then in a basement with alien technology, now the planet is square for some reason and we meet the Tenkai Knights, all within two minutes.
So after all that, we can finally songesha to the first fight in the game. And that being said, this is one of the worst fighting games I’ve ever played. Yes, zaidi so than Fighter Within. It takes a sort of Smash Bros. approach with it’s large arena, but the enemies never songesha from their one platform. When wewe jump, wewe gotta hold the direction button first before wewe jump, otherwise wewe will jump in place with no direction of where wewe are going. No matter which enemy wewe go to first, no matter where wewe approach, it seems they are always waiting for wewe and they will always knock your punda out of the sky and fall back to the platform below. It is less of a fight of skill and zaidi of wewe fighting to keep yourself in the sky before wewe get knocked down again. That is until I realized I was trying way too hard. If wewe kill an enemy and then just wait, they will respawn, and if wewe strike them, they will die and wewe will reach your goal. The goal is usually to kill four enemies au eight enemies, but they die in one hit. So wewe can either play fair and get annoyed like hell au play smart and be bored out of your mind. And unlike Fighter Within, I got no Marafiki to play this with, because of fucking course I don’t. Who would have Tenkai Knights on 3DS… On sekunde thought, who in 2019 would have a 3DS?
I can’t say for sure if this truly is the worst fighting game I’ve ever played. It’s a fighting game, and fighting games are competitive first. But from a single player perspective, looking at all the janky battle and the bad controls, it’s not looking so hot right now. And now I have an all new disgust towards Tenkai Knights. I mean, it was anime so it was always meant to be trash, but still. Fuck you, Brave Battle
So the game starts with a narration that I can barely hear because of the sound mixing. The voice is so quiet while the muziki is bombastic as all hell. Thank god for the subtitles, wouldn’t want to miss this grand tale. So basically an alien race of knights come to earth to protect it and defeat the villain from their world, also something with a dragon. Why do the knights look like blockier Bionicles though. Yeah, remember those things? So after that, we songesha to the first mission, and suddenly, the cutscene turns to still picha with a giant blue Final ndoto VII textbox that takes up 30% of the screen. It looks horrible. As for the touch screen on the 3DS, it’s just one giant arrow button that lets wewe songesha onto the inayofuata screen, while the A button can do that just fine. I can’t help but drag this on. This is just the cutscenes and everything looks so unappealing. And the pacing is awful too. One minute, the kids are at an antique shop, then in a basement with alien technology, now the planet is square for some reason and we meet the Tenkai Knights, all within two minutes.
So after all that, we can finally songesha to the first fight in the game. And that being said, this is one of the worst fighting games I’ve ever played. Yes, zaidi so than Fighter Within. It takes a sort of Smash Bros. approach with it’s large arena, but the enemies never songesha from their one platform. When wewe jump, wewe gotta hold the direction button first before wewe jump, otherwise wewe will jump in place with no direction of where wewe are going. No matter which enemy wewe go to first, no matter where wewe approach, it seems they are always waiting for wewe and they will always knock your punda out of the sky and fall back to the platform below. It is less of a fight of skill and zaidi of wewe fighting to keep yourself in the sky before wewe get knocked down again. That is until I realized I was trying way too hard. If wewe kill an enemy and then just wait, they will respawn, and if wewe strike them, they will die and wewe will reach your goal. The goal is usually to kill four enemies au eight enemies, but they die in one hit. So wewe can either play fair and get annoyed like hell au play smart and be bored out of your mind. And unlike Fighter Within, I got no Marafiki to play this with, because of fucking course I don’t. Who would have Tenkai Knights on 3DS… On sekunde thought, who in 2019 would have a 3DS?
I can’t say for sure if this truly is the worst fighting game I’ve ever played. It’s a fighting game, and fighting games are competitive first. But from a single player perspective, looking at all the janky battle and the bad controls, it’s not looking so hot right now. And now I have an all new disgust towards Tenkai Knights. I mean, it was anime so it was always meant to be trash, but still. Fuck you, Brave Battle
The Best Town in the World Has a Fall Festival
Every mwaka my town, Ashley ville hosts the Fall Festival of pumpkin, boga pies. It's a really fun time. Everyone comes to the Simon Baker Park to play games, eat delicious food, see all the animals, and talk in the last of the silly weather. My inayopendelewa booth is the one that serves fried chairs on a stick!
This year, the Festival was extra special because there was a surprise guest; Katy Perry came to play on the Ashley ville Stage! It was the best tamasha ever. While Katy Perry played, 13 geese sang along. But that wasn't half as amazing as the fact that the geese sang better than Katy Perry. At the awards ceremony that evening, all of the geese won blue ribbons for their singing. It was the best Fall Festival ever!
Every mwaka my town, Ashley ville hosts the Fall Festival of pumpkin, boga pies. It's a really fun time. Everyone comes to the Simon Baker Park to play games, eat delicious food, see all the animals, and talk in the last of the silly weather. My inayopendelewa booth is the one that serves fried chairs on a stick!
This year, the Festival was extra special because there was a surprise guest; Katy Perry came to play on the Ashley ville Stage! It was the best tamasha ever. While Katy Perry played, 13 geese sang along. But that wasn't half as amazing as the fact that the geese sang better than Katy Perry. At the awards ceremony that evening, all of the geese won blue ribbons for their singing. It was the best Fall Festival ever!
