Postal is an interesting video game franchise. The first game being a janky murder simulator that’s far too edgy for my tastes, and then there’s Postal II, a satiracl sand-box first person game that deals with doing meneal chores while being attacked kwa protestors and rednecks and terrorists. It was foul, juvenile, crass, violent, disgusting, and insanely fun. Running With Scissors, the developers of Postal, have this self-aware humor that makes Postal II just a fun experience, glitches and all. But then wewe get to Postal III, the game nobody wants to talk about. But oddly, this was not really developed kwa Running With Scissors. They helped, but it was mostly worked on kwa Russian studio, Akella. Postal III is a game so bad and so hated, that Running With Scissors themselves beg their mashabiki not to buy it. It can’t be that bad, right? No… It’s worse.
So the game starts with the main character, The Postal Dude, leaving the city from the sekunde game after it’s destruction to find new disasters. Now the game starts off with the worst thing imaginable. wewe are getting shot at and to avoid being shot, wewe have to bata behind cover. What was the fun of Postal II? The sheer chaos wewe could cause to people. But putting the fun behind a cover system… yeah, this isn’t a good start. Well, I say there’s a cover system, but it barely works. Even if wewe do, wewe still get shot. It’s some Kane and Lynch 2 bullshit. So there’s zombies for some reason. I never played any of the expansions for Postal II, just the base game, so let me know how wrong I am. There’s this issue where Postal Dude will be at one bila mpangilio part in a cutscene, but be at a completely different part, which is just disorientating. It’s hard to explain, you’d have to see it yourself to know what I mean. But it’s weird and I hate it. Everything that Postal II did right, Postal III screws up. The kick has a delay, gasoline doesn’t have distance like it used to. And the first weapon wewe get is pepper spray, which stuns the enemies. Remember in Postal II, when wewe could get an assault bunduki in mere sekunde of the first level. Dear god, this is all in the tutorial. Well at least I have plenty to work with here.
So a million obnoxious gameplay quirks and badly lengthed jokes later, we finally get to the city, Catharsis, and can I just say I hate the ubunifu of this town so much. I hate the disgusting mongoloid radiated freakazoids they call citizens and I hate the boring town layout. It just irritates me. Maybe it’s the fact that this isn’t an open world game, just a linear game… a boring one. Anyway, wewe get another mission, to clean up the porn store with a vacuum until protestors come and wewe gotta scare them away kwa blowing back the… material wewe cleaned up. Okay, first off, the crosshair is garbage. I aim it at the protestors and it doesn’t hit them. wewe gotta aim with the tip of the vacuum, otherwise, wewe ain’t hitting jack shit. Second, this is a non-violent weapon. Remember when protestors in Postal II would do things like shoot up a video game studio for making violent video games au lit a maktaba on fire. Again, it’s crass, but the options wewe had were fun. But instead, just run around with a broken aiming system and shoot the protestors with a non-violent jizz gun. Are we having yet? After that, wewe gotta use cat nip to stop rabid cats, and if they grab you, wewe gotta mash left and right click in a quick time event scenario to get them off. And it was around this point I stopped. I could be playing Postal II. I could be trying to pull off my hangnail. Anything would be better than playing this dull tour through a garbage game.
I heard the game gets much worse the zaidi wewe play. And I assure you, I ain’t playing anymore of this game to get there. I’ve seen just how boring and broken this game is in the first thirty dakika of game time. I don’t want to play anymore, and Running With Scissors doesn’t want me to play anymore. I heard they are working on Postal 4 and they even got John St. John to be the new Postal Dude, the voice of Duke Nukem, so maybe it will be good. One things for certain, it’ll be better than this shit.
So the game starts with the main character, The Postal Dude, leaving the city from the sekunde game after it’s destruction to find new disasters. Now the game starts off with the worst thing imaginable. wewe are getting shot at and to avoid being shot, wewe have to bata behind cover. What was the fun of Postal II? The sheer chaos wewe could cause to people. But putting the fun behind a cover system… yeah, this isn’t a good start. Well, I say there’s a cover system, but it barely works. Even if wewe do, wewe still get shot. It’s some Kane and Lynch 2 bullshit. So there’s zombies for some reason. I never played any of the expansions for Postal II, just the base game, so let me know how wrong I am. There’s this issue where Postal Dude will be at one bila mpangilio part in a cutscene, but be at a completely different part, which is just disorientating. It’s hard to explain, you’d have to see it yourself to know what I mean. But it’s weird and I hate it. Everything that Postal II did right, Postal III screws up. The kick has a delay, gasoline doesn’t have distance like it used to. And the first weapon wewe get is pepper spray, which stuns the enemies. Remember in Postal II, when wewe could get an assault bunduki in mere sekunde of the first level. Dear god, this is all in the tutorial. Well at least I have plenty to work with here.
So a million obnoxious gameplay quirks and badly lengthed jokes later, we finally get to the city, Catharsis, and can I just say I hate the ubunifu of this town so much. I hate the disgusting mongoloid radiated freakazoids they call citizens and I hate the boring town layout. It just irritates me. Maybe it’s the fact that this isn’t an open world game, just a linear game… a boring one. Anyway, wewe get another mission, to clean up the porn store with a vacuum until protestors come and wewe gotta scare them away kwa blowing back the… material wewe cleaned up. Okay, first off, the crosshair is garbage. I aim it at the protestors and it doesn’t hit them. wewe gotta aim with the tip of the vacuum, otherwise, wewe ain’t hitting jack shit. Second, this is a non-violent weapon. Remember when protestors in Postal II would do things like shoot up a video game studio for making violent video games au lit a maktaba on fire. Again, it’s crass, but the options wewe had were fun. But instead, just run around with a broken aiming system and shoot the protestors with a non-violent jizz gun. Are we having yet? After that, wewe gotta use cat nip to stop rabid cats, and if they grab you, wewe gotta mash left and right click in a quick time event scenario to get them off. And it was around this point I stopped. I could be playing Postal II. I could be trying to pull off my hangnail. Anything would be better than playing this dull tour through a garbage game.
I heard the game gets much worse the zaidi wewe play. And I assure you, I ain’t playing anymore of this game to get there. I’ve seen just how boring and broken this game is in the first thirty dakika of game time. I don’t want to play anymore, and Running With Scissors doesn’t want me to play anymore. I heard they are working on Postal 4 and they even got John St. John to be the new Postal Dude, the voice of Duke Nukem, so maybe it will be good. One things for certain, it’ll be better than this shit.
