Okay so a quick onyesha of hands, who here remembers Afro Samurai? Very few of you, I’m sure. Afro Samurai is a thing… and it definitely happened. Okay, I rag on it, but there was definitely effort put into this bizarre idea. A black swordsman travels across a land of feudal Japan. A feudal Japan containing cell phones and robots and Kanye West bears. But effort was put into this, au at least money. Afro Samurai was voiced kwa Samuel L. Jackson, muziki was done kwa RZA of the Wu-Tang Clan, and the anime itself was animated kwa Studio Gonzo and won awards for it’s animation. So naturally, with any maarufu property in Japan, they gotta make merch on it. Including video games. Afro Samurai got two (technically) video games. The first one released for 360 and PS3, and it was… fine. It wasn’t no Bayonetta, but it was tolerable. But then we get to the sequel for Xbox One and PS4. And if wewe are a die hard Afro Samurai fan. 1. I’m sorry and 2. I hope wewe weren’t looking to add this game to your list, because wewe can’t play it. Afro Samurai 2: Revenge of Kuma was planned to be an episodic game, but it only got one episode because the first episode was so bad, that the studio, Versus Evil, cancelled the other two episodes, issued refunds to everyone, and took the game off the store, and even cancelled the Xbox One release. So, I don’t know if I’m lucky au not, but… I do have Afro Samurai 2 on my PS4… yay me.



So Afro Samurai 2 follows not Afro, but his rival Kuma, who is now seeking redemption after his defeat kwa Afro and hopes to claim his title as the Number One Headband holder (It makes sense in context but is still stupid). So the cutscenes are just these still picha of characters with no movement and the voice of Yuri Lowenthal narrating the still images. wewe didn’t have to do this, Yuri! Was the paycheck that tempting? But don’t worry, the still picha go away, because apparently even that was too expensive. So instead, they use something else. Remember when I alisema I don’t mind using comic book visuals in your cutscenes? Well how about fucking black and white concept art? This is just desperate for cutscenes now. They aren’t even trying. So we finally get to the gameplay and we are tasked with following this little girl who is glowing. And I don’t mean that in a complimenting way, I mean she looks like she is actually glowing, like she’s fucking radiated. Also, there’s a short cutscene that plays where she points at an item, and me, out of instinct, holds down the control stick and ends up falling off a cliff and dying, and I get sent back to the very start of the cutscene… oh, this is just the tutorial mission. So we finally get a tutorial on the combat, the main thing in this game, and it is… rough. Your sword doesn’t seem to make contact with the enemies, but the game just goes, “Good enough” and wewe get the kill anyway. It’s not on DMC2 levels of rough, but hoo boy, this is something.
So we jump to a flashback sequence where an enemy from a distance aims a crossbow at me… in a storyboard… The first Afro Samurai game wasn’t polished, but holy shit, at least the enemy aiming a ranged weapon at wewe wasn’t limited to a fucking storyboard. Also glitches… lots of them in this flashback. I remember when my childhood nyumbani allowed me to glitch into the ravine and I got stuck. Good times. Then we go back to the present and with a lot of ukuta climbing before we are grabbed kwa a massive mountain man atop his mountain. Atop his photoshopped mountain with a mountain in the background ripped straight from Google images. Look, I found the exact same photo. Fuck wewe game. But no time for that, we gotta gouge out an old mans eyes in an awkward QTE- What the fuck is happening in this stupid game!? So we are on chapter 4 now, yes, really, this game is on it’s fourth chapter and I still haven’t done anything related to hacking and slashing yet, and we follow another little girl through some zaidi backstory and get prompts such as “Confront the pain of failing to save your family”... that’s pretty funny, I won’t lie. So we meet Justice, the main villain of the first game and a cowboy (Same thing as before) who is just sitting in a chair, talking…. For a looong while. It wouldn’t be bad, since the characters change from Justice to Afro, but it’s so boring. It’s just a slow spinning camera around him. It’s so dull. And then we jump to chapter fucking six. Oh, I’ve had enough. That’s the catchphrase of this whole thing. I’ve had enough. And I’ve most certainly had enough.
So that was Afro Samurai 2: Revenge of Kuma. I can’t believe they only released the first episode. How will we know what happened to our dear friend Kuma… Oh wait, I don’t care. Revenge of Kuma is a game that is zaidi uninteresting and boring than the first Afro Samurai game. At least the first game had polish and… effort. Revenge of Kuma is a buggy, boring mess that is incompitent in almost every single way when it comes to making a game. If wewe are really desperate for an Afro Samurai game, play the first one. au play the indie title Furi, the art was done kwa the guy who did Afro Samurai. Anything but Revenge of Kuma… not that wewe could play it anyway, but wewe get the point.