hujambo there, and welcome to part 2 of this dumb idea that I had. Obscure 80s slasher films. None of the maarufu stuff. If wewe haven’t seen me talk about the first sixteen sinema yet, go check that makala out, cause there’s comparisons wewe might miss au something. Anyway, let’s get on with the final fifteen

#15: Nightmares in a Damaged Brain (1981)



Okay, first things first. Yes, I know the advertising name for this film is Nightmares. However, that name is super generic and I don’t care, so we’re going kwa it’s alternate name. Secondly, this is another one of those video nasty movies. Boy, the British really hated low budget slasher films. Only this one was demanded to be censored and the director refused to do it. He was so damn determined not to hariri the movie, that he was arrested kwa the UK government and sent to 18 months in prison. This movie is also known for saying that legendary horror special effects artist Tom Savini did the effects for this movie, but Savini has denied that. He was on set and oversaw the production of the effects, but didn’t work on it. So we got yet another video nasty movie on our hands. Yes, just like Night of the Demon. Also Madman, for some reason, even though I don’t remember jack shit from that movie. I was expecting this movie to be so absurd that it was entertaining like Night of the Demon was. But no, man, Nightmares in a Damaged Brain is legit. It does have a lot of issues to it, especially with how dumb the characters can be at times. How did the psychologist let himself ignore the fact that the killer was put into the hospital for killing a woman and then just let him go thinking he was not dangerous? Stupid. What kind of investigator shows a child a dead body, even under suspicion that the kid did it, and then immediately starts to grill him for info? Stupid. But I think the dumbest character award goes to the babysitter when she sees the killer. Now it’s normal for all killers to make every survivor in a ten foot radius get dumber at the sight of them, but this woman is Queen stupid. Yes, the kid she babysits is a notorious prankster. That said, when she sees this adult man approaching her with a hammer, her first thought is to assume it is a little kid. How the fuck does that even corolate? Not even her boyfriend who was just in the room before and killed in another room. To be fair, I’m sure critics would use that one scene to call this entire film a Halloween rip off if they did do that, but still. Stupid. The movie has other issues too. The horror stingers that play excessively can be laughable at times, the adult uigizaji ranges from genuine to pretty damn corny, and the child actors are what wewe would expect. It’s actually shocking how much I just laughed at it rather than got annoyed. Okay, with the negatives out of the way, everything else in this movie is fucking amazing. The way it cuts between our killer, George Tatum, to what he is living through and what he is remembering, as well as the insane muziki in the background to go with it, it really feels like wewe are experiencing some horrid vision along with him. This whole movie is sporadic and demented, but in a good way. One moment George is just hanging around outside his family home, the inayofuata he is having a seizure, foaming at the mouth as he remembers a woman’s head being brutally cut off. Also the gore in this movie is juu notch. It got a video nasty for a reason. The kills are so bloody and chunky and it just looks really gruesome. They really got some good detail. Good job with the not-effects, Tom Savini. I assume this movie was banned for the dead kid. Speaking of which, this movie also features Mik Cribben, who was in Beware! Children at Play, that movie wewe most likely know for the mass child murder scene at the end… fuck, I should have put Beware! Children at Play on my watch list, goddamnit. But despite the B movie tier acting, the film can get really uncomfortable with the family, but in a good way. This is a dysfunctional family through and through, the mother screaming at her kids, blaming her screw ups on them, the son messing with everyone in really fucked up morbid ways. When wewe get down to it, this film is just a full on dysfunctional family dispute at the end of it. It just happens to result in murder. And also the kid, no shit, not having any hesitation, whipping out a revolver and taking pot shots at the killer like Dirty Harry. And when that runs outta ammo, he grabs the fucking shotgun. Kids with Guns, am I right? This movie is disturbing in a lot of different ways. Be it a bunch of the psychological imagery, the very detailed gore, au the very, very uncomfortable family issues that might hit a little too close to nyumbani for some people. Nah, fuck the critical convention, I’m giving Nightmares in the Damaged Brain a high score. It’s not as good as Intruders… but it’s close.
8/10: Nightmares is still a dumb name though and I refuse to ever call it that.

#14: Amsterdamned (1988)



Okay, so let me start off kwa saying that this movie barely qualifies as a slasher film. Yes, it does have the slasher motif of a masked killer going about killing people in creative, gory fashion, but man does this movie not have the slasher movie feel. There’s suspense, there’s creative kills, and there is a masked nameless killer out to get revenge on the city of Amsterdam for their tragic past, but this movie is a lot zaidi of a crime thriller and cop movie than it is a genuine slasher flick. The gore is pretty minimal and the killer doesn’t even get a name. The credits labeled him as The Maniak. And the major focus is on detective Visser and his relationship as a single father getting with a woman while trying to solve the crime for himself to keep the city salama rather than to keep the town looking bad for the mayor. And the kills, while they can be pretty nasty, are mostly tame compared to what we’ve seen. Okay, with that out of the way, yeah, this movie was incredible. Hey, I can enjoy a well made, creative and thought provoking crime thriller almost as much as a schlocky, cheesy slasher film. I upendo the dynamic that Visser has with just about anyone. He’s disrespected kwa mostly everyone that isn’t his partner au girlfriend. Hell, even his daughter is busting his balls at times. But damn it, he tries to stay confident and charismatic throughout. And while the kills are pretty tame, the build up and the way the killer manages to get his targets to him is interesting. Sure, wewe may think you're salama on a mashua with a cabin. That is until he smashes holes in it and makes it sink. And if you’re at a distance, he’ll just shoot wewe with a harpoon gun. The movie is good at setting up a lot of suspense, a set number of people for who it could be and it’s always keeping wewe guessing. You’d think it would be Vessier’s friend au girlfriend, since they’re both divers. And are they? Well… watch the movie and find out, fucker. And in case wewe wanted to see just how much of an action cop thriller this movie is, it’s even got car chases. And a mashua chase in there too for good measure. And yeah, they’re silly, and the fact that the killer was able to escape a fucking explosion is really silly, but whatever. And the muziki in this movie is actually juu notch. It sounds like something out of a PS1 adventure game, I upendo it. muziki was done kwa this movie's director, Dick Maas… yes, really. He also directed De Lift, and some episodes of The Twilight Zone, so he’s no slouch, that’s for sure. And this movie even has its own corny punda theme song, YES!!! Still no Killer Klowns from Outer Space, but, ya know, the theme kwa Loïs Lane is still good. There’s not really zaidi I can say without spoiling the movie for others. Amsterdamned is just a really competently made film from Holland and is easily the best ujumla, jumla movie on this orodha thus far. Actually plan on checking this one again to see if I can spot the hints that were left throughout in the movie toward the killer. Is Amsterdamned a good slasher movie? Well…. I mean it’s better than Phantom of the Mall, that’s for sure. But it is a good ujumla, jumla film. It’s well shot, it’s well paced, it’s just ujumla, jumla enjoyable, and if wewe want a thriller rather than a full on slasher, then Amsterdamned is the movie for you.
9/10: I upendo me some Dick Maas

#13: The Undertaker (1988)



Now this movie actually has a lot of history behind it. It was made back in 1988, but it had a hard time trying to get a decent release. It had scenes removed, scenes with stock footage put into it, and limited releases of the full feature to keep it together. The only full version of the original movie that was known to exist belonged to the nyota of the movie, the late Joe Pisello. In fact, this movie would be the last movie Pisello would nyota in before his death. With how the film is structured and as well as being the last role to one of the guys in The Godfather, one of the most important films ever, it’s salama to say that The Undertaker is a little interesting piece of film history. It’s kinda cool… Its just a shame the movie fucking sucks, though. Yeah, The Undertaker is a total mess. There are so many scenes that are just baffling in it’s stupidity. The character Nick is an idiot, which thank god my name has no C so I can’t relate. He hears that his uncle is talking to the corpses in his morgue and suspects him of murder and… oh boy, necrophilia. Yep, back to the good old Nekromantik days with this one. Anyway, he suspects he’s a murderer, so he goes to his professor and tells her. He says, “I got something I need to onyesha you”, and she takes it as him hitting on her. And he never explains it until later. He just says this without explaining himself. And then he breaks up with his girlfriend in a rage afterward because of it. And then he goes to the morgue to find something and gets chased out kwa his aunt. And then he gets murderded. I hate this fucking idiot. Everyone in this sinema a fucking idiot. Even Joe Pisello’s character is an idiot. Uncle Roscoe, the undertaker, is the worst killer I’ve ever seen. Evil may have been incompetent, but I think he didn’t really care about getting caught after a certain point. But Roscoe, if anyone else in the movie was remotely smart, he would have been caught. He goes to a movie theater every night and watches the same movie to find a woman who dies the inayofuata day, one of the theater workers already suspecting him. He leaves blood and guts all over the place which people find. He talks out loud to the corpses in a house with people who live in it. He may as well paint a giant target on his back with the words “I did it”. Also, Joe Pisello is barely trying in this movie. He’s doing better than the other actors, that much is for sure, but he just sounds tired here. Like he was just waiting for that check to fall in his hand so he could get out. The movie has some neat moments. The gore and the kills are pretty neat. I assume they had to be if the movie was going to get cut because of them. The scenes where Roscoe is talking to the bodies can be a little unnerving. And that scene with the old man slipping on guts and screaming “Oh my god” was legit the funniest thing I’ve seen in this marathon. That said, yeah, I do not recommend this movie. It’s good moments are few and far between and even then they are just okay at best. The Undertaker is not the worst movie I’ve seen and the sheer amount of how shit it can be kept me going, but… yeah, this one is worth a skip.
4/10: Joe Pisello had it better in Maniac

#12: Shocker (1989)



Okay… Shocker is a mess in so many ways, and is such a poorly written mess of a plot… But I kind of upendo it. Not genuinely, of course not. The movie is insanely flawed in so many ways. It’s a movie kwa Wes Craven made during the craze of Nightmare on Elm Street, so I guess he wanted to make something different from the Freddy Kruger movies. And here we have this mess of a story that has a villain that wants so badly to be like Freddy and fails so badly but is still a better movie than the Nightmare on Elm mitaani, mtaa remake. So at least it has that going for it. This movie has so many different powers and Supernatural stuff in it that is either poorly explained au not explained at all. The killer, Horace Pinker, is apparently into satanic sacrifice and the occult and that allows him to survive his execution. He is apparently the father of the main character who is a foster child. Horace cna possess the bodies of people and can jump between bodies on contact. The main character’s girlfriend is a spirit now that has holy powers to stop the ghost Horace. The main character has dreams that allow him to see the killer's killings and after Horace turns into a ghost, these dream visions are rarely seen again. The killer can jump into electricity and cable and travel through the TV for some reason, which I think stems from some sort of commentary on TV and how we are attached to it too much au something, I don’t know. This movie is so all over the place and it’s kind of a mess, but it’s so entertaining. wewe can’t not laugh at Horace possessing the body of a child, making the kid scream fuck and then trying to run over our protagonist with a bulldozer while children just play in the background and ignore all the carnage near them. Something about that is just hilarious. And Horace, for the most part, is just disgusting. How he gleefully mocks the families of people he kills and just fucks with our hero and does it with a sickening smile on his face is so nasty. After having so many silent voiceless killers, having this raw sick freak as a killer is entertaining. At least until he gets his powers then he becomes a Freddy Kruger wannabe with none of the charm and is just kind of a dork. For fucks sake, the guy has a limp in his human body, but when he takes over the bodies of others, he still limps. wewe are in a new body, why are wewe limping? It shouldn’t be psychological. That said, when Horace and our hero fights, they fucking fight. They use weapons on each other, they kick each other in the nuts, wewe see our hero give Horace a fucking drop kick on the roof. This is what I came to see! If this was any other horror movie protagonist, they’d run the opposite way. Not in Shocker, no. Just dropkick the motherfucker. And the channel surfing montage at the end where Horace and the protagonist fight through different channels and overreact. It’s dumb, it’s stupid, it’s nonsensical as fuck, it makes Horace look like some fucking goober villain when he’s so hellbent on killing the hero, but it had to be on purpose. This is some Looney Tunes shit that we see on display. The kills are pretty lackluster though. For a guy who has a lot of electrical possession TV jumping powers, I expected more. Maybe electrocuting a guy au possessing some work equipment au something. For a guy who made some of the most creative and shocking kills with Nightmare on Elm Street, Wes Craven sure had a pretty disappointing bodycount with this movie. But who cares when the movie is this stupid and entertaining. Shocker is not a good movie, not even remotely, it’s very flawed. But it’s a mess I am here for. And no, I’m not just saying that because Shocker has its own amazingly cheesy theme song… I mean, it helps, but still. Very dumb, kinda bad, but entertaining all the way through.
7/10: Horace is the biggest goofy goober of all time.

#11: Hello Mary Lou: Prom Night II (1987)



That’s right, everyone, we’re doing a sequel on this list. Well, kind. I say kinda because Hello Mary Lou was never intended to be a sequel to Prom Night. Prom Night was a story about a common guy who kills those that wronged him out of revenge while Hello Mary Lou is about an evil vengeful spirit possessing the body of a high schooler and uses her to relive prom night and exact her revenge on those that killed her thirty years ago. They say that the movie takes place in the same school as the first one, but nah, fuck you, that’s a different school entierly. I refuse to believe otherwise. So the movie was meant to be its own thing, but due to the… success?? Of Prom Night, they made this into Prom Night II. And as a follow up to the first Prom Night, it’s pretty weird. Makes very little sense and has no connections. I’m all for anthology sinema that tell different stories, though, so I don’t mind. And as a stand alone film, it’s really good. The start of the movie is a little slow, with only one kill for a good forty minutes. I mean at least Mary Lou got to work faster than the killer from the first movie, but if a slow build up isn’t much of your style, then this is good. Sadly, the kills are pretty spaced out in this film too. But what it lacks in a high body count, it makes up for in being genuinely fucking disturbing. Hello Mary Lou is a genuine horror film and I’m here for it. The other sinema on here, even the good ones, were not scary. They could be creepy, but not scary. And at times, with the nightmare sequences, Hello Mary Lou falls into a sort of Halloweeen decoration scenario complete with cobwebs and cockroaches. But when it goes all out with the nightmares, like the fucking rocking horse coming to life and laughing, the disgustingly creative monster ubunifu of the ghost of Mary Lou in all her charred glory and some really unsettling scenes, the movie can become legit disturbing. Wendy Lyons, the lead in this film, is able to bounce between being this innocent girl to the possessed victim of Mary Lou with ease. How she become so void of care and just murders people to a jolly tune, while also trying to fuck all the old men and yes, including her dad, is really, really fucking uncomfortable. This movie is really good at unnerving wewe at times. And the kills with the ghost powers are way zaidi creative and freaky, from the lockers smashing a girl to death to the computer frying some guy. Like this movie has so much in it and none of it ever feels boring. The movie can be a slow start, and I have been told that all the ideas in this film are labeled as unoriginal. Sure, I can see the Carrie influence. Not even with the prom scene, but also the over religious mother. But when wewe already have a genre that is so oversaturated, it’s fine to get some inspiration. As long as wewe do it well. au ya know, take a bunch of ideas and throw them together to make something new. Then I guess that’s okay too. Hello Mary Lou is easily the best Prom Night movie so far, and just the scariest film on here. It’s not perfect, the characters can be really dumb, Craig in particular. I mean, he’s better than Craig from Intruder kwa a whole lot, but still. But if wewe want a good slasher film that may leave wewe unsettled, then this is for you.
8/10: All my 50s logic stems from Fallout, so uh… Ain’t that a kick in the dick

#10: The Zero Boys (1986)



Ya know, I really came into this movie with high expectations… Okay, not that high, but I came in with the notion that this film would be so absurd and so stupid that it would be fun. And it started out promising. A paintball tournament where everyone is uigizaji out like it’s an action movie complete with soldiers, cowboys, and an actual Nazi. The Zero Boys themselves seemed like a cast of enjoyable protagonists. And the setting being some guys who have guns being targeted kwa a skilled hunter serial killer. That sounds like it has a ton of potential for good ideas… but sadly, most of the film is build up. Build up to the killer and even after he kidnaps one of them and then sends them back to the group mildly upset, it’s still the killer just messing with them. It’s like Luther the Geek. I’m going to fuck with you, but not actually kill you, and it won’t be scary. Mostly cause the tone of the film has The Zero Boys joking around a lot, having some sex, hearing and seeing the killer who breathes heavy like he’s out of breathe. And apparently, this movie has a group of hunter killers. And they can set up traps. And wewe don’t do anything with that? I mean, they do, but as soon as they start fighting back, the film has like twenty five dakika left, the traps are barely utilized and kwa this point, wewe know that the teams gotta gun them down fast. And even then, the body count for the Zero Boys is like… one? And it’s not even with the traps, it’s with a crossbow. Like come on, I wanted to see some The Most Dangerous Game kind of shit. I want to see everyone doing their best to go up against the killer group and see how these guys with guns do well against killers who know the woods. I mean come on, even when wewe have the guns, you’re at a disadvantage. This should have been perfect. Yeah, I genuinely have very little to say about The Zero Boys. It doesn’t do enough to upset me and yet it doesn’t do enough to entertain me. It’s a very average film that I will most likely forget about in the coming days.
5/10: Monster Squad was a better horror team.

#9: Pieces (1982)



Oh boy, gamers, here we go. Another video nasty film. These ones usually turn out great. Night of the Demon, Nightmare in a Damaged Brain. Also Madman was there too. Video Nasty had some of the best films on this orodha all tucked away, and Madman. With cheesy good fun and total insanity…. And Madman. That said, this one was not prosecuted. It was confiscated kwa police, but never prosecuted in court. Which is hilarious, cause of all the films on this orodha of the video nasty category, Pieces is the most fucking vile. This movie shows some of the most fucked up violence on this list. And yes, even zaidi than Intruder. Intruder wewe could at least see the absurdity in the kills and go, “Oh, sawing a head in half on a meat grinder, that’s gruesome but practical.” Nah, Pieces shows wewe shots and shots of these women getting chopped up with a chainsaw. On screen too. Getting decapitated, getting their arms chopped off, getting sliced in half. This movie is kind of nasty. I have heard that this film has been called out for being sexist for it’s violence towards women as well as the nudity, and while that is not my place to say au judge… a man gets his cock ripped off in this film. Crushed too. That evens it out, I think. Maybe. And the sights of the bodies afterward are just as repulsive. They onyesha wewe so much of the blood and the gore and the bodies all hacked to pieces. And it all leads to a plan that is… kinda fucked up when wewe see it. Yeah, it’s dumb, but in the moment, it’s kind of disturbing. And when the film isn’t being a bloody exploitation film, it’s also got some good cinematography. It’s alisema to be shot like a giallo film, thrillers in Italy with their own way of shooting and lighting. And yeah, I can see that. The dark room is lit kwa a door frame with the killer’s silhouette in it. A single lit up window as the only way to see a character in it. Close ups, long shots and tracking shots displayed in this sort of twisted way. Yeah, it’s all good shit. It’s shot well, the kills are well done, and the plot is… well, it’s kind of fluff. I do like these hard boiled detectives being just so done and so tired kwa the end of the movie. Yeah, I can relate to that. Well, from a work perspective, not in a I am so tired of seeing all these chopped up bodies on the force perspective. And what kind of detective would allow any civilian, let alone a college kid, oin in the investigation. I wouldn’t mind if the guy was doing his own thing, but to get full support from the police is just baffling. But whatever, the movie is still very entertaining. It’s gross, it’s deprived, and it’s just great. Yeah, Texas Chainsaw Massacre was way zaidi subtle and had zaidi build up with its horror, but I came here to be unnerved, unsettled and disgusted. I came for schlock, dammit. And Pieces is schlock goodness. This is the kind of cult shit I came to see, baby! This is what I’m talking about. I very much plan on checking this film out again sometime in the future. Is it wrong to put this movie in the same league as Amsterdamned? Perhaps… but fuck it.
9/10: Finally, some good chainsaw representation in these slasher films.

#8: Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984)



Okay, so when we talk about the controversy for this film, it goes far beyond the typical video nasty. Even in America, this film was faced with a load of backlash. The events that transpired for this was that it had posters all around cities and had commercials on TV during Little House of the Prairie, and a lot of kids got scared shitless at the sight of this crazy axe wielding killer as Santa Clause. This pissed off a lot of parents, who would protest at theaters inaonyesha the movie. Thankfully, nothing aggressive. This isn’t a situation where smoke bombs were let off in a theater. But protests were had nonetheless. The UK, of course, was very hesitant with this movie. They didn’t even release it’s sequel until 2009, over twenty years later. And it seemed that despite the controversy and the PR stunt, the film did well. Like super well. Probably the most well off film on this list. It’s developed a huge cult following as one of the better Christmas-related horror films, it has not one, not two, but five sequels, it had a loose remake in 2012 and is currently having a reboot made in 2022. Oh boy, a horror movie reboot in the modern era. That sounds like a disaster. I can’t wait. So yeah, a slasher film controversial amidst the slasher craze of the 80s and developed a cult status. wewe bet this one had me excited. And hey, I know this is a krisimasi theme one, but if my local stores can start putting up krisimasi decorations before Halloween is over, wewe best believe I’m gonna do the same. And yeah, this one was pretty good, actually. For starters, the first half of this film starts out as a psychological thriller. We know the genre, we know where this is all gonna lead. But we don’t know when. Billy goes through a lot of trauma. He sees his parents killed kwa a criminal dressed as Santa, he gets ostracized kwa the other kids in the orphanage, he gets beaten and abused kwa his caretaker and has to partake in the krisimasi festivities that traumatized him every year. But he doesn’t snap. Not yet. We know it will happen. We’re just left wondering when. When will Billy just fucking snap and take his anger and trauma out on the people of the town. And wewe can hear it in the music, how these krisimasi songs and the bells get zaidi and zaidi twisted as Billy’s psyche starts to go. Plus, I think anyone would lose their goddamn mind if they were a mall santa. I would. That said, this movie is a sort of Nightmare in the Damaged Brain problem. Everyone in this movie who you’d think is in the right is an idiot. Why does grandpa at the start of the movie just sit there all comatose until he’s left with the kid? Is he just fucking with everyone au something? And Mother Superior has the worst ways of dealing with trauma. Ignoring the beatings and tying kids to their beds, if wewe know that the kid is afraid and hates Christmas, why the fuck would wewe force him on Santa’s lap. And the cops in this movie opening moto on a man who is dressed as Santa, on krisimasi day, a time when there’s like a thousand Santa’s going to orphanages, and proceeding to open fire, into a crowd of children no less. That’s... very topical. There’s a lot of jokes I could make, but they’re all too easy. And the kills are pretty comical, but get the job done. There’s the classic sled scene where Billy cuts off a kid's head and his body sleds down the mountain. But my inayopendelewa is when he impales the woman on a mounted deer head. It’s impractical and shit, but it’s fun. And hey, someone in this movie had the novel idea of taking the killer's weapon. Wow, what a concept. I came to this movie expecting schlock garbage, and instead of being gifted mediocrity, I was aliyopewa a pretty good movie. I still think Black krisimasi is the best krisimasi slasher flick, but I can see the appeal for Silent Night, Deadly Night and why it has a cult following. It’s build up is slow, but worthwhile. It builds up the suspense of when Billy is going to go from a troubled but well meaning kid into a full blown killer and I think it does it well. And let’s be real, when aren’t we stressed the hell out working retail during the holiday season.
7/10: I can’t believe the local PD just blew Old Saint Nick away.

#7: Silent Rage (1982)



Ya know, I honestly don’t know what I was expecting from a movie like this, but I still came away from it unsure of what I watched. Especially since this film is advertised as a science fiction crime neo noir action slasher film starring Chuck Norris. Remember Chuck Norris everyone? Remember when that was a meme and shit? But yeah, this was allegedly one of his less favorable roles and this film was panned pretty hard on release. I thought that anyway, but found that it had a reviewer score of 80% on Rotten Tomatoes. Now normally, I don’t give a fuck about what Rotten Tomatoes au what other review sites say to justify my points, but this was aliyopewa high praise from five reviewers on Rotten Tomatoes, but scores everywhere else hated this movie. That’s what confused me. Was this film actually really smart au was this movie a pile of shit? And after watching the movie, I can confirm. Yes… just yes, yes is my answer. Let me explain. This movie is all over the place with how weird it is. wewe got this mentally unwell guy who gets arrested and shot kwa police and so scientists in a local institute just inject him with an enhancing formula that makes him a strong monster that can heal in ten seconds. But giving it to a man with a violent past? I mean I know the guy was going to die regardless, but.. Really, wewe don’t want to give that to anyone else? Not that it matters cause it apparently renders the guy completely mute for some reason. But ignore that entire plot for a good hour, cause we gotta see Chuck Norris beat on a bar of thugs for some reason and have a biker woman flash her tits at the deputy and then Chuck Norris goes and has a sex montage with his girlfriend. It’s so weird. I came for a slasher film and yet it is playing some really, REALLY cheesy upendo ballad, cheesy even kwa upendo ballad standards and some bila mpangilio fights that don’t matter much in the long run. But when we get back to John Kirby, our movie's unstoppable monster, I gotta say, the actor Brian Libby did a good job portraying John as this unstoppable force. It’s no Jason, but how he acts in a fight with Chuck Norris, uigizaji like some cornered animal ready to strike, it’s at least something interesting. Though seeing him just walk all the time. You’re mute, John, you’re not slowed down. For a genetically enhancing formula, it sure has a fuck ton of downsides. The kills are also pretty tame. Like extremely tame. John, being inspired kwa Frankenstein’s monster, mostly kills with brute force. But man, there are few kills that are interesting in this film. Some ukuta slams, neck breakers, back breakers, all kind of tame on gore. Except the first kill of the movie where John gives this guy a upendo tap on the head with an axe like someone smacking someone with a newspaper. It’s really funny how that little tap makes his head pour with blood. But yeah, I really hope that you’re not here for the kills. This is mostly about Chuck Norris’ character just hanging with his girl while we wait for the moment where John attacks. And it all culminates in a fight scene that has no muziki and it feels kinda awkward without it. Even the ngumi, punch sounds are pretty lackluster. Come on, I want the ngumi, punch sound effects to really pop. But, whatever. I think I like this movie. Not genuinely. It’s very badly paced and it’s nonsensical as all hell. It’s badly entertaining moments are fewer than say Shocker au Night of the Demon, but what is here is still a joy to see. I’d give it a try if wewe want something weird. It may surprise you, it may upset you. That really depends on you, pal.
6/10: Probably would have been a different score altogether if Steven Segull was the star.

#6: Prom Night III: The Last Kiss (1989)



Okay, I have to confess to wewe all. I originally had no plans of watching the Prom Night series in this article. I thought the sinema were just too well liked and respected and thought that it would never work. The sequels, maybe, but Prom Night 1 was, from what I thought, considered a classic. Then I saw the cover of Prom Night III: The Last Kiss. This cover of this biker guy on a flaming motorcycle with a ghost woman riding with him. This cover sold me alone. This entire franchise was sold to me on the fact that I had to see how bad Prom Night III was. I thought this film would be a mess… It’s the best Prom Night of the bunch. Now this one takes a completely different approach and instead goes for a comedy spoof of the Prom Night series rather than a full on horror. And I think that works great. If wewe came for people to be zaidi serious and genuine scares, you’ll hate Prom Night III. But holy shit, the comedy in this film is actually pretty good. wewe got the characters uigizaji so nonchalant to all of the murders. Since the main character, Alex, is dating the awali movie's villain, Mary Lou, he has to deal with her killing people to get him to like her. And every murder is like the two getting into a mild argument. This is a high school romantic comedy that just happens to be set during a slasher film. This is the kind of shit I came for. wewe even got some good dry wit in this film with all the teachers just being these miserable fucks who openly hate their students, principals who care zaidi about the status of the school than actual corpses found in the lot, the dad who has a massive gun collection and a short temper, and how everyone couldn’t care less about the death of the guidance counselor simply because she was a guidance counselor. And it’s not even an incompetently shot film. Long angels, good effects with the ghost magic and the gore, wewe got degree turns on the camera, good mood lightning when the protagonist has to hide the bodies, replacing objects between shots. This movie should have been poorly shot trash, but this is filmed like a real damn movie. This director, Ron Oliver, started as a writer for the sekunde Prom Night and has worked on a few episodes of Are wewe Afraid of the Dark and Goosebumps. For a guy whose work is limited to cult films and direct to DVD stuff, he's not without talent. Also, yes, direct to DVD. Where sinema go to die. Prom Night III had theatrical releases in Canada, but in America it was straight to the bargain bin. This movie can be scary when it wants to as well, though. Not all the time. In fact, it’s rare. But when it happens, it sets the mood just right. Until the police comically shoot up Alex’s living room, then it’s silly again. But that silly dark tone works in the film's favor, as the climax takes Alex and Mary Lou to hell, where she has set up her own nightmarish prom night. Complete with all her victims locked in there as zombies, a horrid ball room in an abandoned building, and a murderous living jukebox that shoots bladed records that is killed with a flamethrower. This finale is pure insanity and reminds me of the afterlife in Beetlejuice kinda. The finale is easily the best part just for how crazy it goes. And it just goes and goes until the end. And Mary Lou herself has easily become a inayopendelewa of mine when it comes to slasher villains. With Freddy Kruger, he is way too maarufu and oversaturated that I can never see him as scary. Not ever. Mary Lou, she rides that perfect line of being so unsettling and disturbing while also being comedically enjoyable. Major heshima to Lisa Scharge in Prom Night II for giving an unnerving performance with Courtney Taylor giving the performance in this one. So weird, Prom Night II was the scariest film on here and Prom Night III was the funniest, like genuinely funny. This movie? This is the best Prom Night. Almost the best film on the list. I came here expecting a shit show, but what I got was near perfection. Prom Night would go on to get one zaidi sequel and would actually do that anthology thing with a new killer entirely. It would then die for eighteen years, get a terrible remake, then die for good. It’s a shame too. But, as far as I know, we ended this series with glory. Prom Night III: Yeah, this is good. Forget Prom Night 1 though, I guess. This series apparently did.
9/10: I came looking for failure. Instead, it was the biggest touchdown of all. Well, kinda.

#5: My Bloody Valentine (1981)



Ya know, I had a lot of expectations for this movie. This one was getting a lot of shit talking about it. It was a big cult film that people are in upendo with, even one Tarantino, who says this is his inayopendelewa slasher film and that’s not even including the trash remake. And also that Canadian fucker who I talk with says this movie is pretty good. But… uh… not gonna lie I was pretty disappointed with My Bloody Valentine. Now don’t get me wrong, I still enjoyed it, but the movie has a lot of issues that other slasher films are hated for and everyone was telling me, “Nah, My Bloody Valentine is different, man”. The premise of a killer dressed in gear from years zamani coming back when a party is held for the first time in mwaka since a tragic murder and leaves a calling card at each murder is neat, but I got problems. First off, the kills in this movie are so pathetic. And that is no fault of the film itself. This is due to the North American version being cut apart because at the time of its release, the film was going to get an X rating, a rating that would render the film unadvertised and would never be seen kwa the public. Nine whole dakika of the movie were cut and now all we get are these fucking awkward cuts in the base film. wewe wanna talk about who got cut up the worst in My Bloody Valentine, it was My Bloody Valentine itself. Efforts were made to restore the original version of the film, but only three of the nine dakika were made. These aren’t Lost either. They still have the footage. They can be put back in, but no publication rights have decided to. So yeah, make sure if wewe watch My Bloody Valentine, make sure it’s the uncut version. All these really good kill effects gone to fucking waste. So yeah, I can’t fault the film for that. I Can't fault it for other issues though. Like Paul Kelman. They really thought this guy was going to be the nyota of the movie. Nah, fam, this dude is laughably bad. Nothing against the guy himself, but man, he is so awkward and bland in this role. He sounds like a Canadian version of Tommy Wiesau but without the ironi charm. And ya know, for a movie that was alisema to go against the conventions of other slasher movies, it really doesn’t. Oh, it doesn’t have horny college students going to party in the woods. Oh, no, it just has horny working class twenty mwaka olds going to their place of work to party. I don’t care if there’s like a five mwaka age difference from other movies, they’re still pointless fluff for the killer to hack up kwa the movie's end. And those fucking fake out jump scares. It’s so goddamn excessive in this movie. It’s exhausting. For a movie that tries to be different, it sure loves to be predictable as fuck with it’s fucking fake out jump scares. Am I being mean? Am I taking this a step too far? I really don’t mean to be but I really expected better from this movie. And I don’t even hate it. I swear I don’t. It has great things about it. I upendo the setting of the town and having all these holiday decorations. That’s always a cozy feeling for me. I upendo how Harry Warden is this mysterious urban legend that the town speaks about in fear. I love, and I mean love, everything with actor Don Francks who plays the town sheriff. Seeing the scene where he gets a box of chocolates and opens it up to find it was from the first victim of the movie, that shit was heartbreaking. And the atmosphere in this film is just right, with night lit towns and streets. This is so close to nyumbani for me as someone who lives in small towns and goes on walks regularly. It’s just the sekunde they go into the mine, I start to lose interest with the film. The movie is good. The movie is great. I want to make it very clear that My Bloody Valentine is a good movie. It’s just that I really expected something incredible. I was expecting something as good as Amsterdamned, and I mean, it’s still a 8/10 film for me, maybe even a 9/10. But damn, man, I really expected more. If wewe go in with high hopes for this film, wewe will be let down. But please note, disappointment does not mean bad. I mean, that should go without saying, but uh… The internet kinda has this thing called ‘being retarded’, so that’s a no go. It’s still a classic film in the genre and I can understand the cult following. But please, just watch the uncut version. Avoid the original release at all cost.
8/10: All these holiday slasher films makes me wonder when we’ll get the Arbor siku slasher film

#4: The Prowler (1981)



Well here we have another cult classic film from the early 80s, one I heard less about than the fabled My Bloody Valentine. The Prowler follow the story of a killer dressed in gear from years zamani coming back when a party is held for the first time in mwaka since a tragic murder and leaves a calling card at each murder… hey… hujambo wait a minute. This is just like the plot of My Bloody Valentine. Well, there’s no interesting story here. This is all just a big series of coincidences. But the movie does it’s own stuff well. While My Bloody Valentine had the better lighting and the zaidi interesting killer because of his impact on the little town, The Prowler has the zaidi interesting build up and, obviously, superior kills. No, I’m not just saying that because of the cut kills from My Bloody Valentine. Though it’s still not fair because The Prowler had work done kwa the legend himself, Tom Savini. Of course it’s not fair. wewe can’t compete with that. And this film shows it in all its glory. These kills are bloody and chunky and brutal. No kills are clean. They are squirting blood all over the place, the victims are struggling. The worst one is the guy who gets a kisu in his skull, from the juu of the head to under his chin, and he is struggling the whole time. And then his eyes roll into the back of his head as blood spurts out. It’s fucking grotesque, I upendo it. The kills are few and far between, but what we get is so good that it zaidi than makes up for it. wewe learn to appreciate the special effects when they appear. The movie also has its share of good cinematography. It has these shots of the killer and the leading lady getting dressed and cuts back to back between the two. There’s this build up to the house where the killer might be, giving wewe all these shots of the group exploring. This goes on for ten minutes. Some people might get impatient, but I upendo it. It sets up a mood. That said, these kinds of things can work against it, like the phone call with the cabin, kibanda place where the sheriff might be. How the guy just ignores him. It’s funny at first, but it goes on for like two minutes. At least make it a background thing. And hey, just like My Bloody Valentine, the climax of the film is… kinda lackluster, in my opinion. It’s not as bad. I prefer it in a house than a mineshaft, but when it’s just the killer and the woman, wewe know there isn’t going to be a lot of kills. And plus, we also get our twist killer. But while it made sense in My Bloody Valentine, to an extent, and we got to know the guy. Here, it’s… some guy. No one special. It’s special to the protagonist, since she’s asking why he did it, but I don’t even know this guy. I think he was at the start of the film and never again, but it’s just whatever. I do like the house though. Actual real place. Emlen Physick House in New Jersey. It’s a museum now. But I would say this film was enjoyable. Good even. And since it’s so comparable to My Bloody Valentine, I think it can fit nice and snuggly inayofuata to it’s friend. Bonded kwa fate, these two movies.
8/10: Am I really going to put fucking Prom Night III over both The Prowler and My Bloody Valentine?.... Of course I am!

#3: Tightrope (1984)



So I want to make it very clear that what I was going to watch this mwaka was stuff that was mostly just straight up slasher films. Maybe we’d get a spoof one in there, but all of them were mainly focused on being slashers. Trust me, there was a LOT of stuff that got cut for not being fully fledged slasher material. Stepfather was zaidi of a psychological thriller than a slasher. Stepfather 2 was, but I already had the Prom Night series and one franchise was enough. I was super fucking ready to watch Cobra, until I was informed that’s zaidi of an action movie. So why is Tightrope on here? Well, I think a murder mystery is a bit zaidi slasher like than say a psychological thriller related to killings au a movie staring Sylvester Stallone. I wanted to get at least one good movie in here that breaks the mold. Because I can only watch so many sinema about evil killers. And let’s be real here…. Most of these sinema kinda suck. Entertaining, for sure, but most of them, even the ones rated high with entertainment, are pretty bad. I’m sorry Night of the Demon. I upendo you. But it’s not because you’re amazing. It’s not an “I upendo wewe despite your flaws” situation. No, I upendo wewe because wewe are so fucking flawed. So I thought Tightrope might be good. Also, a slasher film staring fucking Clint Eastwood. Yeah, no, fuck the rules, I’m watching this. I mean, really, Amsterdamned as a crime thriller cop drama as much as it was a slasher film, so fuck it. I’m ready! And yeah, as a slasher film, the kills are pretty weak. All are strangulations and I think the most blood wewe see is a severed arm at the end of the movie. And it looks really bad. Like I mean even for this marathon, it just looks like plastic. When it moves, that’s cool, but the moment the arm comes off, it’s pathetic. But what it lacks in gory kills, it makes up for in atmosphere, tension and mood. The kills are lame, but the killer makes up for that in building up the suspense. We know that when a character other than Clint Eastwood is alone at nyumbani au on the street, they are not going to get out alive. We just don’t know when the killer will strike. And the movie doesn’t add any loud stingers au sudden jump scares. It just cuts to this man in a mask, and then cuts away. wewe already know what’s going to happen. And some of these places, with the warehouse with giant mascots to the dimly lit New Orleans streets, seeing where the killer is with all these different masks patrolling the place, it gives this movie a good sense of atmosphere. And also, we get a movie where Clint Eastwood is not a badass. You’d think as a cop, he’d be ready to gun down this killer and rapist, but no. He’s clueless, his family life is kind of a mess, and he’s kind of a sex crazed freak who wants to fuck all the time and doesn’t like getting seriously involved in relationships until it happens kwa chance. This is a movie where Clint Eastwood is really vulnerable and at the mercy of the killer. He follows him around, knows what his inayofuata songesha is, taunts him with a hint who he is going to kill right before he does it, and then invades his home. wewe know he’s vulnerable cause this is the only movie I can think of where we get to see Clint Eastwood’s bare naked ass… wasn’t expecting that, but there it is. It isn’t till the third act of the film where the killer is slowly revealed does this movie become a full on horror. How the killer fucks with Clint Eastwood emotionally and psychologically, targets his life, and then manages to sneak up and kill two police officers simply out of nothing but hatred for the protagonist. How far this man will go to get revenge. It’s disturbing and gross and yeah, I wanted to see this guy get killed the moment he killed those three dogs. That’s just a rule. Don’t kill the dog. Never kill the dog. Is it wrong to say it’s the best movie? It certainly is. It’s the most well shot, well written and well acted. I can see it as being really slow, especially if wewe came for a slasher film and instead got this psychological thriller about a man trying to get closer to a woman when all he cares about is hardcore sex, but I still had a good time with it. Tightrope…. Yeah, this wasn’t scary though. I kinda don’t know why I watched it in the marathon. Good movie. Great movie, in fact. Not really fitting the theme.
9/10: I’d say this is the best of the old man era of Eastwood, but Gran Torino exists

#2: Dark Night of the Scarecrow (1981)



So if direct-to-dvd is where sinema go to die, then made-for-TV sinema is where sinema go to be aborted. Killed before they get a chance. wewe may remember Pumpkinhead, a pretty cool film, before he was banished to the purgatory known as made for TV. Yeah, this is a fate much worse than the bargain bin. Least it got somewhere there. And yet, despite that, Dark Night of the Scarecrow is another of those cult films. It was written kwa a man who wrote books, the late Frank De Felitta. I’ve never read his work au vitabu in general, but I hear that this film started the whole scary living scarecrow craze. A very specific genre, but a trailblazer it is. And needless to say, I was mildly interested. I thought this film would be some cheesy punda cheese fest that would probably get a few laughs out of me… It’s the best film in this entire marathon. I really mean that. Okay, maybe it’s not better than say Amsterdamned au Tightrope, but I upendo it the best. A group of four men take justice into their own hands when they assume a slow man named Bubba killed a girl and shoots him as he hides as a scarecrow. But now they are under paranoia, stress, and guilt, realizing the girl is alive, and they are in full panic when one of them dies and the others follow suit. This is not your typical slasher film. For starters, there is no gore, no blood, none of that. People die, but there’s no bloody violence. It was made for TV, so I doubt you’d see it. But it makes up for it in tension and the build up to the slipping of the characters minds. This is not a slasher movie, at least in the traditional sense. This is a psychological thriller where the characters start to doubt if they did the right thing and die mysteriously. Is the town being haunted kwa a vengeful scarecrow spirit of the man they killed au is it just their own minds slipping resulting in their demise? Well, watch the movie yourself, fucker. And wewe can see the mentality slipping, especially in the postman, the worst piece of shit in the movie. He starts calling his Marafiki crazy, but starts slipping into thinking it was the mothers fault and even that of a kid just to give himself closure. And when he starts becoming the very thing he wanted to protect the town from, he really starts to go off the deep end. He goes from reasonable to pure insane as the movie goes on. wewe almost feel sorry for him. Almost. wewe still want this guy to suffer fucking big time. He is the worst. And I gotta say, while we don’t see the title scarecrow much in the movie, the way it stands there in the fields is so damn unnerving. This film really did a lot on such a small TV movie budget. And all these midnight country sides, forests, small towns, cornfields, the moonlit fucking cornfields, my man. I grew up around small towns with farms in between, so this is really, REALLY homey. I get all nice and cozy looking at this film. It’s just the perfect Halloween mood. It’s not the scariest film, but it’s the spookiest, if that makes sense. Yeah, this movie rocks. I completely understand the cult following. It may not please the gorehounds out there, but as a genuine horror film that makes wewe think and engages you, it’s the best. And it’s easily my inayopendelewa film on this marathon. So I could wrap, upangaji pamoja things up here… But we got one zaidi film to talk about. And I think I saved something special for last.
10/10: If only Pumpkinhead could meet with the heights of the Scarecrow

#1: Sleepaway Camp (1983)



Now normally, with these big marathon lists, I try to finish with the best. And I was really thinking that Sleepaway Camp would be the best, aliyopewa the cult following. But then Dark Night of the Scarecrow came along and fixed that. No, I saved this one for last because of how much it gets my brain going. And I think wewe all know what that reason is. But I’ll save that for later. So Sleepaway Camp starts as your standard slasher fare. wewe got your young adults going to a camp as counselors and then people start winding up dead. Only this time, it’s someone in the camp, someone we know. And as the movie goes on, wewe are looking at these campers, and wewe are thinking, “I fucking hate everyone”. The campers are dicks cause they bully these two kids, and they bully fucking relentlessly. No holding back. The camp leaders are dicks because they don’t care about the dead kids on their campsite, just how this will affect the reputation of the camp. The camp’s chef is a literal pedophile. Can’t get much worse than that. Even the little kids are fucking dicks. Yeah, I called kids dicks, wewe gonna tell me I’m wrong when wewe watch this movie? The movie can get pretty slow at times. You’d think you’re watching a different movie if wewe didn’t know what this was and saw some screenshots with the campers. But when the kills start, they get fucking gruesome. Sometimes unnecessarily so. Like the kills with the bees nest. Like did the guy have an allergy to bees? Even still, it wasn’t a big nest. I hear at least 1000 stings are required to be lethal to a human, and the average hive contains around 20000 to 80000 bees. But I dunno, that hive was looking kinda malnourished. And does it leave a person that bloody? Some of these kills can get brutal as fuck though. Especially in the climax of the film where the killer goes ham and starts killing without hesitation. Tying down the main bully and jamming a curling iron into her vagina. I don’t even have female genitalia and that made me cringe. And there’s no mercy. Not even for the children. They get hacked to pieces. And this is where the movie leads to it’s… most talked about moment. I try to avoid spoilers on here for forty mwaka old movies, but this one I have to talk about. One, cause it’s Sleepaway Camp and wewe gotta talk about the ending at this point and Two, cause I think it’s important to give the modern subtext. So SPOILERS AHEAD from here on. 3, 2, 1, Angela was the killer. Throughout the movie, it was building up the fear of Angela for hiding from the other girls and not wanting to have sex with her boyfriend. And it isn’t until the last scene where we see why. Where Angela was actually born a boy and was forced to transition to a woman kwa her mentally abusive mother who would dress her up as a girl and force her to act as a girl. Now there is a lot of things to say about this scene. Like how it is transphobic because of how it uses the reveal for shock value, au how it’s zaidi about the psychological trauma of forced transitioning. Yes, any amount of psychological trauma done unto a child kwa their parents can lead to depression and even violent outbursts as proven kwa real life killings, but the reveal can be considered that. I’ve heard theories that the film is also meant to be incredibly gay empowering in a way, as the father of the kids left his wife cause he was a closet homoseuxal and how it focuses zaidi on the sexuality of men rather than women like wewe see in slasher films at the time, but this is all for wewe to decide. This makala is about horror sinema and what they offer to the medium. I am not here to tell wewe if this movie is transphobic and offensive to the LGBTQ community au that this film is perfectly fine and people should not be sensitive. I am not trans. It is not my place to just watch the film on those merits. I am here to judge it as a film, as horror and how it works. And in the moment, seeing Angela standing there, naked, covered in the blood of her boyfriend with his decapitated head, with that animal like stare as she looks down the campers, is horrifying. That scene is zaidi than just a shock ending. It’s haunting. It’s a scene that will be burned into your memory, one way au another. And it was building up to this scene for the whole film. I can see the following Sleepaway Camp had, at least in the last few minutes. It’s fun on repeat watches, that’s for sure, but I can understand this film not going over well with some people. It really all depends on you.
8/10: Um… The sequels suck, amirite?

Alright, there we have it. All 31 of the slasher films that I planned to watch for this marathon. Some were good, some were terrible, most were meh. I did enjoy this, though and it did introduce me to some films that I fell in upendo with over the course of this marathon. I was not expecting it to get pretty samey though, so it’s nice that a few nuggets of intrigue were found within all the mediocrity. I’ll most likely do something again for Halloween inayofuata year. wewe know me. Sorry I didn’t watch A Serbian Film, Ranty. I don’t wanna. That isn’t even horror, at least in the literary sense. Canada, I better see a 12 Days of Adam Sandler marathon for Christmas. This is a challenge. wewe back out, you’re a coward. And to all of wewe kusoma this, thank wewe for enduring this dumb idea I started. Maybe I’ll do 90s slashers inayofuata year- No. No, no zaidi slasher marathons. I’m good on slashers for a while. I will think of a genre to watch for inayofuata year, don’t wewe worry. Until then, have a nice Hallow’s Eve, have a great rest of the year, and Phantom of the Mall is the worst movie I think I’ve ever seen period, imagine that.

Final Results (Best to Worst)
Dark Night of the Scarecrow
Amsterdamned
Tightrope
Prom Night III: The Last Kiss
Pieces
Intruder
The Prowler
My Bloody Valentine
Sleepaway Camp
Nightmare in a Damaged Brain
Night of the Demon
Hello Mary Lou: Prom Night II
April Fool’s Day
Silent Night, Deadly Night
Terror Train
Shocker
Death Spa
Prom Night
New Year’s Evil
The Carpenter
Silent Rage
Slaughterhouse
MoonStalker
Luther the Geek
The Zero Boys
The Forest
Madman
The Undertaker
The Ghost Dance
He Knows You’re Alone
Phantom of the Mall: Eric’s Revenge