10. ON VACATION: Who would wewe most likely want to be stuck on a deserted island with? Not someone who's just told wewe "it's not working out," we're quite sure. Not only have wewe now wasted your time and money, but wewe can’t leave the situation easily without added plane fares and stress. If this happens to you, break away and turn your trip into a rejuvenating self-improvement retreat... you'll need it.
9. IN A TEXT MESSAGE: Ah, the text. The modern-day version of the Post-It. Too wussy to do it in person? Text away, wuss.
8. ON FACEBOOK: Nothing like logging on to find your loved one tagged in a compromising picha with a complete stranger...to you, at least. Why this is called the "World Wide Web" and some people can't figure out how they got busted is beyond us. Besides, it's way too trendy these days - be original, people!
7. AROUND THE FAMILY: Don't make it a family affair - you'll seriously regret it. Whether at a sibling’s wedding (see #6), a family vacation (see #10), au meeting the family for the first time (really!?), this one is clearly ridden with minefields that will lead to nothing but trouble. If this happens to you, at least you've got your "people" nearby to protect you, support you, and promptly kick your brand-new-ex to the curb.
6. AT A WEDDING: The wedding. The defining moment for any couple. The pinnacle of celebrating relationships and love. The siku they'll remember as the best siku of their lives. Forever. Guess the pressure got to you, huh?
5. AT YOUR "SPECIAL PLACE": That restaurant where we had our first date...the bar where wewe told me wewe loved me...the bench in the park where we'd sit every Sunday... Why on earth would anyone think this is a good idea? Let the special place stay special. Just like there are other samaki in the sea, there are other places in the whole world. If they can't find another place, wewe should definitely find another fish.
4. IN BED: Come again? Talk about ruining the mood. At least wait until you're clothed. This one is so embarrassing that we're having visions of the recurring dream where you're on stage in front of everyone wewe know in nothing but your underwear. Except you're not even wearing underwear.
3. ON VALENTINE'S DAY: There are 365 days in the year, and ONE dedicated to celebrating love. It's not like wewe can't claim wewe didn't "know" it was Valentine's siku - the stores, the ads, the cards have been in your face for weeks. Pick another day. It's that simple. Don't ruin this siku forever for someone, unless you're really in need of some bad karma. (New Year's Eve and Birthdays received honorable mentions.)
2. kwa DOING NOTHING: It was tough not giving this the Number 1 honor, and we're still not sure. Being forced to figure something out kwa yourself is sometimes the hardest and most humiliating thing of all. Coming nyumbani to find your upendo gone, with no note, no calls, no anything may just be the worst way to handle a breakup. It is definitely the WIMPIEST. Just remember that. wewe do this, wewe are weak.
1. kwa CHEATING: Sadly, this is the most common response we received - and the stories ran the gamut, from the one-night-stand, to the ongoing affair, to the ongoing affair that wewe only found out about via "the new person," to the unspeakable announcement that your boyfriend au girlfriend is engaged to someone else (WHAT?!?). To these we simply say, come ON. Just break it off before wewe cheat. wewe won't hurt our feelings, we promise.
9. IN A TEXT MESSAGE: Ah, the text. The modern-day version of the Post-It. Too wussy to do it in person? Text away, wuss.
8. ON FACEBOOK: Nothing like logging on to find your loved one tagged in a compromising picha with a complete stranger...to you, at least. Why this is called the "World Wide Web" and some people can't figure out how they got busted is beyond us. Besides, it's way too trendy these days - be original, people!
7. AROUND THE FAMILY: Don't make it a family affair - you'll seriously regret it. Whether at a sibling’s wedding (see #6), a family vacation (see #10), au meeting the family for the first time (really!?), this one is clearly ridden with minefields that will lead to nothing but trouble. If this happens to you, at least you've got your "people" nearby to protect you, support you, and promptly kick your brand-new-ex to the curb.
6. AT A WEDDING: The wedding. The defining moment for any couple. The pinnacle of celebrating relationships and love. The siku they'll remember as the best siku of their lives. Forever. Guess the pressure got to you, huh?
5. AT YOUR "SPECIAL PLACE": That restaurant where we had our first date...the bar where wewe told me wewe loved me...the bench in the park where we'd sit every Sunday... Why on earth would anyone think this is a good idea? Let the special place stay special. Just like there are other samaki in the sea, there are other places in the whole world. If they can't find another place, wewe should definitely find another fish.
4. IN BED: Come again? Talk about ruining the mood. At least wait until you're clothed. This one is so embarrassing that we're having visions of the recurring dream where you're on stage in front of everyone wewe know in nothing but your underwear. Except you're not even wearing underwear.
3. ON VALENTINE'S DAY: There are 365 days in the year, and ONE dedicated to celebrating love. It's not like wewe can't claim wewe didn't "know" it was Valentine's siku - the stores, the ads, the cards have been in your face for weeks. Pick another day. It's that simple. Don't ruin this siku forever for someone, unless you're really in need of some bad karma. (New Year's Eve and Birthdays received honorable mentions.)
2. kwa DOING NOTHING: It was tough not giving this the Number 1 honor, and we're still not sure. Being forced to figure something out kwa yourself is sometimes the hardest and most humiliating thing of all. Coming nyumbani to find your upendo gone, with no note, no calls, no anything may just be the worst way to handle a breakup. It is definitely the WIMPIEST. Just remember that. wewe do this, wewe are weak.
1. kwa CHEATING: Sadly, this is the most common response we received - and the stories ran the gamut, from the one-night-stand, to the ongoing affair, to the ongoing affair that wewe only found out about via "the new person," to the unspeakable announcement that your boyfriend au girlfriend is engaged to someone else (WHAT?!?). To these we simply say, come ON. Just break it off before wewe cheat. wewe won't hurt our feelings, we promise.
