This is another chain mail I found, but this one is probably my favourite ever! I can laugh for hours, so enjoy =D
"These are from a book called Disorder in the American courts, and are
things people actually alisema in court, word for word, taken down and published kwa court reporters. Just goes to onyesha how bad the law profession has gotten.
ATTORNEY: Are wewe sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were wewe in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: wewe forget? Can wewe give us an example of something wewe forgot?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband alisema to wewe that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do wewe know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: wewe do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, he doesn't know about it until the inayofuata morning?
WITNESS: Did wewe actually pass the bar exam?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were wewe present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are wewe shittin' me?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the tarehe of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were wewe doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh... I was getting laid.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are wewe for real? Your Honour, I think I need a different
attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: kwa death.
ATTORNEY: And kwa whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do wewe suppose terminated it?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can wewe describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male au a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have wewe performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would wewe like to rephrase that?
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did wewe go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do wewe recall the time that wewe examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the meza, jedwali wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are wewe qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh....are wewe qualified to ask that question?
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before wewe performed the autopsy, did wewe check for a
pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did wewe check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did wewe check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when wewe began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can wewe be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my dawati in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law."
"These are from a book called Disorder in the American courts, and are
things people actually alisema in court, word for word, taken down and published kwa court reporters. Just goes to onyesha how bad the law profession has gotten.
ATTORNEY: Are wewe sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were wewe in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: wewe forget? Can wewe give us an example of something wewe forgot?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband alisema to wewe that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do wewe know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: wewe do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, he doesn't know about it until the inayofuata morning?
WITNESS: Did wewe actually pass the bar exam?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were wewe present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are wewe shittin' me?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the tarehe of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were wewe doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh... I was getting laid.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are wewe for real? Your Honour, I think I need a different
attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: kwa death.
ATTORNEY: And kwa whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do wewe suppose terminated it?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can wewe describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male au a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have wewe performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would wewe like to rephrase that?
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did wewe go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do wewe recall the time that wewe examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the meza, jedwali wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are wewe qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh....are wewe qualified to ask that question?
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before wewe performed the autopsy, did wewe check for a
pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did wewe check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did wewe check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when wewe began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can wewe be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my dawati in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law."
