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posted by karpach_13
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a solar powered calculator?
A: The blonde works in the dark!

Q: How can wewe tell if a blonde has been using the computer?
A: The joystick, kifimbocheza is wet.

Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her zaidi attractive?
A: Her ankles.

Q: What do wewe say to a Blonde that won't give in?
A: "Have another beer."

Q: What do Blondes say after sex?
A1: Thanks Guys.
A2: Are wewe boys all in the same band?
A3: Do wewe guys all play for the Green bay Packers?

Q: How do wewe make a blonde's eyes twinkle?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.

Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
A: The zaidi wewe bang it the looser it gets.

Q: What does a blond and a bia bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.

Q: What do blonds and spaghetti, tambi have in common?
A: They both wriggle when wewe eat them.

Q: Why was the blondes' belly button sore ?
A: Because her boyfriend was blonde too.

Q: How do wewe get a blond out of a tree?
A: Wave

Q: What do peroxide blonds and black men have in common?
A: They both have black roots.

Q: What does a blonde owl say?
A: What, what?

Q: What do wewe call a zit on a blonde's ass?
A: A brain tumor.

Q: What do wewe get when wewe turn 3 blondes upside-down?
A: Two brunettes.

Q: What's the Blonde's cheer?
A: " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well.. I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."

Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side.

Q: Why did the blonde fail at being a prostitute?
A: Because she gave blow-jobs literally.

Q: Why did the blonde smile when she walked the marriage aisle?
A: She realized she gave her last blowjob.

Q: Why do blondes give such good blowjobs?
A: Because that's what they train for all their lives.

Q: Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach?
A: So her male would get delivered to the right box.

Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A: From crawling across the mitaani, mtaa when the sign alisema "DON'T WALK".

Q: Why did the blonde keep a kanzu, koti hanger in her back seat?
A: In case she locks the keys in her car.

Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.

Q: Why did the deaf blonde sit on a newspaper?
A: So she could lip read.

Q: Why did God create blondes?
A: Because kondoo can't bring bia from the fridge.
Q: Why did God create brunettes?
A: Neither could the blondes.

Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
A: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.

Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
A: To turn the blinker off.

Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.

Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window kiti, kiti cha on the plane?
A: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.

Q: Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
A: Because it kept falling out.

Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it alisema From 2-4 years.

Q: How do wewe confuse a blonde?
A: Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.
Q: Why does it work?
A: "Does 3 come before E au does it go between M and W?"

Q: Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
A: She wanted to know how to cook chakula stamps!

Q: What is the blonde's inayopendelewa potato chip?
A: Free-to-lay (Frito-Lay).

Q: What is blond, brunette, blond, brunette, ....?
A: A blond doing cartwheels.

Q: What is the connection between a blonde and a halogen headlamp?
A: They both get screwed on the front of a Ford Escort.

Q: Did wewe hear about the blond skydiver?
A: She missed the Earth!

Q: Did wewe hear about the blond who had two chances to get pregnant?
A: She blew it both times!

Q: What do a moped and a blond have in common?
A: They're both fun to ride until a friend sees wewe on one.

Q: How do wewe know when a blond's been in your frige?
A: Lipstick on the cucumbers!

Q: What do a blonde and an instant lottery ticket have in common?
A: All wewe have to do is scratch the box to win.

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and an inflatable doll?
A: About 2 cans of hair spray

Q: What's the quickest way to get into a blondes pants?
A: Pick them up off the floor.

Q: Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
A: The vegetable garden.

Q: How many blondes does it take to play tag?
A: One.

Q: What do wewe call four Blondes in a Volkswagon?
A: Far-from-thinkin

Q: Why don't they let Blondes swim in the ocean?
A: Because they can't get the smell out of the tuna.

Q: What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
A: She slipped off and fell down the drain.

Q: What is the irritating part around a blonde's vagina?
A1: The Blonde!
A2: The other guys waiting their turn.

Q: What did the blonde say when asked if she'd ever been picked up kwa 'the fuzz'?
A: 'No. But I've been swung around kwa the tits.'

Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!"

Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
A: Spot.

Q: What's a blonds' favourite rock group?
A: Air Supply.

Q: Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling?
A: A blond electrician.

Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
A: So brunettes can remember them.

Q: Why are blondes like cornflakes ?
A: Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.

Q: Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
A: They keep breaking them with the hammers.

Q: What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?
A: Perri-air

Q: Did wewe hear about the blonde coyote?
A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.

Q: When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?
A: When wewe have a tire pampu to reinflate it!

Q: What is a blonde's inayopendelewa part of a gas station?
A: The Air Pump!

Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?
A: Because she got an F in sex.

Q: Did wewe here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?
A: She missed.

Q: Why can't blondes be cattle ranchers?
A: They can't keep their calves together!

Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain?
A: After a dye job.

Q: What's a blonde's inayopendelewa nursery rhyme?
A: Humpme Dumpme.

Q: What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her nametag) ?
A: "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did wewe name the other one ?"

Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?
A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.

Q: Why are there lip stick stains on the steering wheel after a blonde drives a car?
A: Because she blows the horn!

Q: Why is a blonde like a door knob?
A: Because everybody gets a turn.

Q: Why is a blonde like railroad tracks?
A: Because she's been laid all over the country.

Q: Did wewe hear about the blonde lesbian?
A: She kept having affairs with men!

Q: What does a blonde do if she is not in kitanda kwa 10?
A: She picks up her mfuko wa fedha, mfuko and goes home.

Q: To a blonde, what is long and hard?
A: Grade 4.

Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance?
A: 144 blondes.

Q: Why is 68 the maximum speed for blonds?
A: Because at 69 they blow a rod...

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a refrigerator?
A: A refrigerator doesn't fart when wewe pull your meat out of it.

Q: Did wewe hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".

Q: What is the definition of the perfect woman?
A: A deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose father owns a pub.

Q: Why is a blonde like an old washing machine?
A: They both drip when they're fucked.

Q: How would a blond punctuate the following?: "Fun fun fun worry worry worry"
A: Fun period fun period fun NO PERIOD worry worry worry!

Q: Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea, njegere in the morning?
A: It swells at night.

Q: A blonde is walking down the mitaani, mtaa with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks "Where did wewe get that?"
A: The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"

Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six au twelve pieces.
A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

Q: What's a blonde's idea of salama sex?
A: Locking the car door.

Q: Why did the blonde keep failing her driver's test?
A: Because every time the door opened, she jumped into the back seat.

Q: What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?
A: She moved.

Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A: A blonde parade.

Q: Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold?
A: They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.

Q: Did wewe hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car?
A: She burned her lips on the tailpipe.
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Source: RaNdOm, random, picture, funny, cute, beauty, animals, art
I KNEW wewe WERE IN TROUBLE kwa Taylor Swift

{I Knew wewe Were Trouble}

Once upon a time, a few mistakes ago
I was in your sights, wewe got me alone
You found me, wewe found me, wewe found me…
I guess wewe didn't care and I guess I liked that
And when I fell hard, wewe took a step back
Without me, without me, without me…
And he's long gone when he's inayofuata to me
And I realize the blame is on me.

CHORUS
Cause I knew wewe were trouble when wewe walked in
So shame on me now
I flew me to places I’d never been
so wewe put me down oh,
I knew wewe were trouble when wewe walked in
So shame on me now
I flew me to places I’d...
continue reading...
posted by nmdis
ROAR
I used to bite my tongue and hold my breath
Scared to rock the mashua and make a mess
So I sit quietly, agreed politely
I guess that I forgot I had a choice
I let wewe push me past the breaking point
I stood for nothing, so I fell for everything

You held me down, but I got up
Already brushing off the dust
You hear my voice, your hear that sound
Like thunder, gonna shake the ground
You held me down, but I got up
Get ready cause I’ve had enough
I see it all, I see it now

Chorus:
I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the moto
Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me...
continue reading...
posted by nmdis
SLOW DOWN

Now that I have captured your attention
I want to steal wewe for a rhythm intervention
Mr. T, wewe say I'm ready for inspection
Show me how wewe make a first impression

Oh, oh
Can we take it nice and slow, slow
Break it down and drop it low, low
Cause I just wanna party all night in the neon lights 'til wewe can't let me go

I just wanna feel your body right inayofuata to mine
All night long
Baby, slow down the song
And when it's coming closer to the end hit rewind
All night long
Baby, slow down the song

If wewe want me I'm accepting applications
So long as we keep this record on rotation
You know I'm good...
continue reading...
posted by animelol
Mary asks everyone to guess her age. Thanks to the amazing effects of two safe, at-home anti-aging creams, her skin defies time, looking 20 years younger than it once did.

As a mom to two children in Hightstown, New Jersey, Mary leads the typical average American lifestyle. After working hard to provide for her family in this struggling economy, Mary can't afford to throw money at the newest beauty products, hoping they will work when all others have not lived up to their hype. Unhappy with the wrinkles and age spots on her face, not to mention the sagging skin on her neck, Mary strived to find...
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Ooooohhh
Ooh, yeah
You, wewe got a nasty reputation
We're in a sticky situation, it's down to me and you
So tell me, is it true, they say there ain't nobody better
Well now that we're together
Show me what wewe can do

You're under the gun
Out on the run
Gonna set the night on fire
Out on the run
Under the gun
Playin' to win

Raise your hands
When wewe want to let it go
Raise your hands
And wewe want to let a feeling show
Raise your hands
New York to Chicago
Raise your hands
From New Jersey to Tokyo
Whoa-whoa
Raise your hands

I, I've been out on the front line
Where you'll go down if wewe waste time
They'll walk all over...
continue reading...
Once upon a time
Not so long ago
Tommy used to work on the docks
Union's been on strike, he's down on his luck
It's tough, so tough

Gina works the diner all day
Working for her man, she brings nyumbani her pay
For love, mmm, for love

She says we got to hold on to what we've got
It doesn't make a difference if we make it au not
We got each other and that's a lot
For upendo we'll give it a shot

Oh we're half way there
Whoa-oh livin' on a prayer
Take my hand, we'll make it I swear
Whoa-oh, livin' on a prayer

Tommy's got his six string in hock
Now he's holding in when he used to make it talk
So tough, mmm, it's tough

Gina...
continue reading...
Whoa
Whoa
Whoa
Whoa

The weekend comes to this town
Seven days too soon
For the ones who have to make up
What we break up of their rules

Well I saw Captain Kidd on Sunset
Tell his boys they're in command
While chino danced a tango
With a broomstick in his hand
He said, it's alright (Alright) if wewe have a good time
It's alright (alright) if wewe want to kuvuka, msalaba that line
Break on through to the other side

Let it rock (Let it rock), let it go (Let it go)
You can't stop a moto burning out of control
Let it rock (Let it rock), let it go (Let it go)
With the night we’re on the loose, huh
Got to let it rock
Whoa
Whoa

We...
continue reading...