bila mpangilio Club
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1. wewe can do whatever wewe damn well please.

2. Shave your legs and the razor is never dull from his face.

3. Not only is your razor not dull, who needs to shave at all now?

4. wewe can leave bra and other unmentionables in view.

5. wewe can slump around the house in any old thing.

6. wewe don't having to think about birth control, calendars au ovulation. Mother Nature can visit whenever she likes.

7. wewe can go out and flirt as much as your moyo desires, without a worry in the world.

8. The toilet kiti, kiti cha issue -- need I say more?

9. Free drinks at bars! Men seem to know when you're single and tend to be very generous.

10. wewe can have male Marafiki without having to defend yourself and explain that nothing else is going on.

11. wewe can finally see all the good video -- the romantic, cheesy films. (Get some ideas girly video in our Chick Flicks area.)

12. No one grossing out over Tampax wrappers being anywhere in the house.

13. wewe don't have to wear thong panties unless wewe want to wear them.

14. wewe can have sexual gratification at any time, not just when the sports games are over.

15. wewe don't have to deal with anyone's grumpy, moody personalities.

16.You can get the juice/cheese/toilet paper/videos/CDs/take-out that wewe want.

17. wewe can spend as much time as wewe want with your family and nobody's lip will drag the ground

18. There is no one putting wewe on a tiny pedestal that wewe can fall off of at any moment, unless wewe are focusing on your balance all siku long.

19. wewe don't have to stroke the fragile male ego, and other things.

20. No needless exposure to foulness, burping, gas and so on.

21. Never worry if the maziwa carton had been directly drunken out of.

22. wewe are free at a party au bar to talk to who wewe please, and wewe don't always have to turn to and say 'Hon, let's go over and talk to so and so.

23. "You can watch Oprah, Rosie, figure skating, and cooking/decorating shows without having to defend yourself.

24. wewe can buy what wewe want at the grocery store. So what if wewe want to have spaghetti, tambi four nights in a row?

25. wewe can talk to your girlfriends for hours on the phone without getting dirty, exasperated looks.

26. No 'buddies' coming over for 'a couple of beers' then staying and commenting on Pamela Anderson all night (like any of them have a chance).

27. No zaidi checking with someone to see if 'it's okay' to tell someone yes au no to an invitation. wewe can accept on the spot.

28. wewe don't have to do laundry because he has no clean socks.

29. wewe can fill the fridge with fresh matunda and veggies, bottled water, one-percent maziwa and applesauce instead of cold cuts, bia and Velveeta."

30. No zaidi Cinemax, American Flyers, Steven Seagal au Jackie Chan. wewe are free to watch Emeril and Ming Tsai three times a siku if wewe want.

31. wewe no longer have to reassure him that he does indeed look like Bruce Willis.

32. wewe can be happy with who wewe are, not who he wants wewe to be."

33. Your dryer is no longer a fifth dresser drawer.

34. If wewe are depressed au mad at the world for a few minutes, wewe don't have to worry about having your 'outlook on life' analyzed.

35. wewe can buy something for yourself (a new dress, CD, shoes, au whatever) without being asked, 'What do wewe need that for?'

36. wewe can eat garlic au onions without a sekunde thought about breath mints.

37. wewe don't have to give yourself lame excuses for not devoting time to yourself.

38. No one is going to get insulted when wewe spend the siku at the beach, pwani checking out the lifeguards.

39. wewe can have eight hours of undisturbed sleep with the covers all to yourself.

40. wewe can go to kitanda in flannel and plaid rather than Frederick's and Victoria

41. The TV Guide crossword puzzle is YOURS, ALL YOURS.

42. If wewe tidy up your apartment, it will STAY neat until wewe mess it up again!

43. wewe can spend your paycheck on what wewe want.

44. Your Marafiki can sleep over and no sleazy 'Can I jiunge in?' maoni are made.

45. wewe don't have to worry if he will au won't call.

46. No zaidi arguments about things wewe can't explain.

47. wewe can have a clean bathroom with the toilet kiti, kiti cha where wewe want it.

48. Not only are your dinners free when wewe go out on those first dates, but they take wewe out to nice places.

49. No snoring!"

50. The best reason for being single is: Vibrators don't talk back, wewe can turn them off and on, and they don't stop until they are through serving their purpose.
posted by MJlover101
-New York City has 11 letters.

-Afghanistan has 11 letters.

-Ramsin Yuseb (the terrorist who threatened to destroy the Twin Towers in 1993) has 11 letters.

-George W kichaka has 11 letters.

-The Twin Towers make an "11",

-New York is the 11th state.

-The first plane that crashed into the Twin Towers was flight number 11.

-Flight 11 was carrying 92 passengers. (9+2=11)

-Flight 77 which also hit the Twin Towers was carrying 65 passengers. (6+5=11)

-The tradegy was September 11, au 9/11. (9+1+1=11)

-The total number of victims inside the planes was 254. (2+4+5=11)

-September 11 is the 254th siku of the year....
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Note:I wrote that only for fun! i don't even believe if the world is going to end in 2012 cause God only knows when! so don't put stupid maoni please!


-How to Survive:

1-Make sure that you've got a back pack full of chakula and drink

2-Build a room under the ground make sure,that it's ready to use.

3-Sell your Home

4-If your mum au dad is a Doctor ask him/her to teach wewe some stuff about nursing

5-go to the room wewe built under the ground and put some chakula and drinks there!

6-When the siku comes! go to the room wewe built under the ground at 4:00 am before the sun comes!


How to get Ready:(2 Days before...
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do this stuff if u dare but it would be funny 2 c
something like this happen i also made this up myself

1. start caramelldansen in the middle of the store

2. go up 2 a bila mpangilio person and hand them a paper
that says death on it when u hand it 2 them say
wakarimasen (i don't understand) in a really weird
voice then run away

3. sing a really annoying song at the juu of your lungs repeatedly

4. follow bila mpangilio people all over the store au where ever they go except the bathroom (that would just be
creepy)

5. say there u r i was looking all over 4 u and glomp (hug some 1 really tight) a bila mpangilio person

6. go up...
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posted by Ninjacupcake
Hate is everywhere. It can be because of race, gender au if someone is gay/lesbian/bi. Sadly, a lot of us have to live with it. What I want to speak about are the hatings of people with different sexual orientations.

Most of wewe have heard Born This Way kwa Lady Gaga. I want to say that everyone IS beautiful in their way cause God makes no mistakes. Even though I'm straight, that does NOT mean that I hate others. I upendo everyone. It makes me mad, but also sad, because that's a human being wewe are hating. They have red blood when they bleed, need chakula when they are hungry, and DANG, their poop...
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posted by iluvsmj
"I'm hungry." = I'm hungry.

"I'm sleepy." = I'm sleepy.

"I'm tired." = I'm tired.

"Do wewe want to go to a movie?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

"Can I take wewe out to dinner?" = Same as Above

"Can I call wewe sometime?" = Same as Above

"Nice dress!" = Nice cleavage!

"You look tense, let me give wewe a massage." = I want to feel your bare skin

"What's wrong?" = I don't see why wewe are making such a big deal out of this.

"What's wrong?" = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are wewe going through now?

"I upendo you, too." = Okay, I alisema it...we'd better have sex now!

"Yes, I...
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this is something that was in the news box on yahoo.



New term: mom-zilla. We know all about temporary bridal insanity, and the underreported groom version, but in some families, it’s the parents who are seized kwa irrational wedding meltdowns.

Last month, 60-year-old British florist and total mom-zilla, Carolyn Bourne attacked. After her stepson’s bride-to-be, Heidi Withers, was a guest in her house she had a thing au two to teach her before she entered the Bourne family.

So Bourne sent the 29-year-old a soul-crushing email. The subject line: “Your lack of manners.” The bullet points...
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1.You abuse our upendo wewe lose it.
2.When we find the right guy we upendo him and NEVER want to lose him.
3.Our upendo is a privlige NOT a right.
4.Our hearts are delicate items, so when we do give them to the guy we upendo be careful with it.
5.Drinking will NOT impress us in any way shape au form.
6.Guys wewe should respect our feelings.
7.In our relationship with wewe (the guy) We have dominance to.
8.We're as good at listening as we are at talking.
9.When it comes to the guy we truly upendo we will devote A LOT of our time to only you.
10.When wewe (the guy we love) break our hearts, you've pretty much killed us until we heal.
Just kusoma some of the Terminator nukuu through again... and actually found a hint on what happened between Arnold and the maid. Enjoy my version!


Maid: Nice night for a walk, eh?
Arnold Schwarzenegger: Nice night for a walk.
Maid #2: Wash siku tomorrow? Nothing clean, right?
Arnold Schwarzenegger: Nothing clean. Right.
Maid: Hey, I think this guy's a couple cans short of a six-pack.
Arnold Schwarzenegger: Your clothes... give them to me, now.
Maid: Fuck you, asshole!
Arnold nods.


I know there are a lot of people making fun of Arnold Schwarzenegger since he admitted to his wife that he's not only a cheater but a liar as well. wewe might get annoyed kwa it and think "Oh poor Arnie". But honestly? This guy just ASKED for it. It takes a big jerk to have a child with another woman, an even bigger one to keep it a secret for 14 years and the biggest one to only reveal it to his wife after he quit his job so there'd be no damage to his position.
posted by iamagagamonster
~ In my opinion! alright! wewe can think what ever wewe can think about the heros on here ~

5. Batman: The majority of people upendo batman, I go for Superman. Batman dosn't even have super powers he only has gadjets [spelling?] and gizmos. One siku he's gona be in deep danger and then he won't be able to reach his "special" button. Without the help of his sidekick, which brings me to my inayofuata hero

4. Robin: Robin is a superhero named after a migratory songbird that wewe can find in your backyard and feed bird seed to. Can someone tell me why they would name Batman’s sidekick after a songbird? What...
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How to Tell if a Guy likes You
How to Know that a Guy Likes You

Here are the 500 ways to tell if a guy likes You....

01. He smiles at wewe a lot.

02. He likes talking to you.

03. He compliments wewe a lot.

04. He always agrees with you.

05. He asks if wewe are single.

06. He asks wewe out for lunch.

07. He asks wewe out on a date.

08. He knows your zodiac sign.

09. He never burps around you.

10. He really cares about you.

11. He treats wewe like a lady.

12. He walks wewe to your door.

13. He wants to see wewe often.

14. He always wants to hug you.

15. He tells wewe he likes you.

16. His Marafiki know...
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posted by sierradawn9
Ok, so I'm a redhead. I have freckles and light skin. So I'm considered ginger. Until a few weeks ago, I didn't even know what that term meant.
 I learned what it meant when I was on the bus and this guy took something from me. He alisema he wouldn't give it back until I admitted I was a ginger. So I alisema "I'm a ginger...?", and he yelled "You have no soooouuul!"
 That got me mad, sad, and confused.
 Seriously guys. Really? Just because some (and I do mean some) redheads have attitudes and act bitchy, that does NOT give wewe the right to make a stereotype out of the rest of us redheads.
 I'm not...
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10. When being pulled over kwa a cop and he au she says, "Sir(/)Ma'am, wewe have been caught speeding, how much do wewe think wewe were going?" Don't say, "Well wewe must've gone AT LEAST 90 to catch up with me."

9. When your teacher asks where your homework is when wewe haven't handed it in don't say, "My dog ate my homework." That's the oldest excuse in the book. Plus, nobody ever buys it unless they are a complete moron au born yesterday.

8. When your older sister is having her period au PMS-ing don't say, "Hey sis, have wewe been putting on a little weight?" It's a bitch, kahaba slap waiting to happen.

7....
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posted by greenstergirl
1. I asked God for a bike. But I know God doesn't work that way. So I aliiba a bike and asked for forgiveness.

2. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag wewe down and beat wewe with experience.

3. Going to church doesn't make wewe Christian even zaidi then standing in a karakana makes wewe a car.

4. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. Its still on the orodha though.

5. war does not determine who is right- only who is left.

6. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, please notify....." I put DOCTOR.

7.Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at nyumbani even if...
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posted by JoannaVonDoom
Im sorry if this has been ilitumwa before
If not, do not give me credit


1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.

2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."

3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with Marafiki in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."

5. If wewe have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

6. Amuse yourself for endless hours kwa hooking a camcorder, kamkoda to your TV and then pointing it at the screen.

7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.

8. Push all the flat...
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Intro :

yea mmhm i know these have been ilitumwa alot but i am both insane and depressed and i can help depending on your personality au sumthin like tht. But anyways, just read on. I hope wewe like!!! This was written kwa me! Not taken off anyone else. Thanks for your time kusoma my into ;) ~~ XxemolovexX (prefer not to say my real name)

How to cure boredom :


If you're an artist :
Draw! drawing will always help wewe feel better. And who knows, over time wewe might be able to draw amazingly.

If you're an mwandishi :
Free write! Its always fun to. Write something according to your taste in books.

If wewe love...
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posted by rayban00
This link is made of very simple,The lens is dark yellow, the color is predominant. And retro-style frame has a bright spot in the whole spectacle. General wear this retro style link, zaidi au less a link with the United States. If wewe look carefully, there is a small screw, so rayban sunglasses zaidi firmly. ray Ban prices affordable, cheap.

It seems that Hollywood stars are always so charming?, They not only well dressed but never appear without makeup au sweat the makeup to stains.All dressed themseves perfect even without the light.

Cheap rayban Sunglasses are their common decration,because...
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posted by TVD_rocks
from the internet :)

(1) Tell him that he looked better bald.
(2) Put purple dye in his shampoo.
(3) When he goes to get his hair trimed, tell the barber that he would get 100 dollars to cut all his hair off.
(4) Ask what it was like to have Ke$ha babysit him.
(5) Tell him he reminds wewe of the Ken doll.
(6) Ask if Selena is his Barbie girl.
(7) Change his ringtone to 'Whip my Hair'.
(8) Call him while he's doing a talk show.
(9) Ask why he keeps making songs about relationships.
(10) Ask if he wants to dump Selena because he keeps making those songs.
(11) Give his fangirls his nyumbani adress
(12) Finally, ask why he goes for older women instead of 16-year olds. When he majibu he thinks they're cute tell him that your telling Selena that she's too young for him
posted by TeamSongz4eva
**again i got this from the internet**


These are from by-gone days when we actually had little computer machines that would answer the telephone for us. They were called "answering machines," intuitively enough. Roughly akin to voice mail today, but when they came out, they were quite novel. Thus, the were the chanzo of much amusement.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"If wewe are a burglar, then we're probably at nyumbani cleaning our weapons
right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't home
and it's salama to leave us a message."...
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posted by EllentheStrange
I am anti emo,because I don't the idea of them

mutilating themselves for no reason.I mean

sure,you have bullies at school and your mom

hates you,but I have those same problems.But I

don't cut,or dink,or do drugs.Emo Kids are just

pissing their life away cutting and killing

themselves over their little problems.You live in

a small town,nobody feels sorry for you.get a

haircut.There's no point to get

yourself.Everybody has problems.Deal with

them,but don't cut.Write au draw.Listen to music.

Do something else besides cut.And the posers are

even worst so I dislike them even more.They think

it will...
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1.Make race car noises when anyone gets on au off.

2.Blow your nose and offer to onyesha the contents of your kleenex to other passengers.

3.Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: Shut up, dammit, all of wewe just shut UP!

4.Whistle the first seven notes of It's a Small World incessantly.

5.Sell Girl Scout cookies.

6.On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.

7.Shave.

8.Crack open your briefcase, mkoba au purse, and while peering inside ask: Got enough air in there?

9.Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.

10.Stand silent...
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