bila mpangilio Club
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posted by cute20k
1. Dial a bila mpangilio number and confuse the person who majibu kwa saying things like;
"Why did wewe call me?", "How's Billy Bob?", "Thank's for last night! (make kissy noises in phone", "I'm sorry to hear about your loss (hang up immediately)", "What happened to your mother is horrible! I'm so sorry she had to leave us on that note!", etc.

2. Look up bila mpangilio statements in foreign languages and recite the statements to those who speak the language.

3. Post a bila mpangilio makala like this.

4. At walmart au somewhere similar, go up to an obese woman, au a man for extra affect, and wish them good luck with their upcoming child while staring at their stomach in a serious tone.

5. Go sit in your front yard and wave to the people walking bye. Greet them with something like, "Hey Sally, how's the kids?"

6. Text everyone wewe know something like, "Happy international talk-like-a-viking-day!"

7. Write a comic book including yourself staring as a superhero along with your Marafiki as your sidekick au other superheros and make your arch nemisis some one wewe deeply despise.

8. Flirt with perverts on the web. (Best times are around 9-11 am in my time, in the south eastern area of the united states, sorry I don't know time zones!)

9. (girls, au cross-dressers....) Blind fold your Marafiki and yourself and give each other blind makeovers. (results may vary)

10. (girls au kuvuka, msalaba dressers..) First you'll need a half full/half empty au completely empty perfume au body mist bottle. Add smelly things and strange liquids while trying to maintain a believeable color and offer the original fragrance to either a friend as a joke au to an enemy.
1. Change the lyrics to a maarufu song to hilarious bila mpangilio lyrics.

12. Find a poster of a celeb. wewe hate au a picture of an enemy and use markers/cheap makeup to paint them into your point of view towards them.

13. Drive a riding lawnmower down the mitaani, mtaa casually.

14. Carry a kitanda down the mitaani, mtaa and see how long it takes until someone calls the police.

15. Try some of the Candy in the medicine cabinet.

16. Tell everyone how much wewe upendo them, including strangers.

17. (aimed at guys) Undress and meet me in the back with the jack at the juke box ;) (jk)

18. Take your pants off and run around your neighborhood screaming "MY PANTS ARE ON FIRE!"

19. Chat with strangers on the internet! That seems to be what most of us do.

20. Try a stage slide in shorts.

21. Complain to bila mpangilio strangers about a bruise on your buttox.

22. Give your mother a moyo attack and tell her your pregnant. (especially affective for guys but aimed at girls)

23. Shake up a soda can (while the hobos not looking) and politely offer the cold drink to a hobo seemingly obliviously.

24. Try to make your own soda. (ex. For machungwa, chungwa soda add machungwa, chungwa chakula coloring au machungwa, chungwa juisi to sprite) Now offer your creation to someone.
25. (girls... au cross-dressers) Hang upside down from a mti and give your friend a makeover.

26.Go streaking through town.

27. Go skinny dipping.

28. Write cuss words on the side walk with chalk in a neighborhood with small children.

29. Try playing baseball with tomatoes.

30. Go around town getting bila mpangilio people to sign your t-shirt.

31. Have a free hug day.

32. Have a cake/pie fight.

33. Ask for band name suggestions at a gay bar.(I've done this before. Hilarious outcomes.) *

34. Play midnight subway gari game (run from subway gari to subway gari before the doors close.)

35. Throw a themed party (ex. football bros and cheerleading hoes)

36. Water gun drive by.

37. Have a picnic on a roof!
38. Flour Bombing- it's really cheap and easy...
Buy a load of cheap tissues and flour.
Open a tissue up and put about a handful of flour inside.
Then screw the juu of the tissue up so that it is sealed, but not too tight.
Make as many of these as wewe like and mgawanyiko, baidisha them out evenly between your friends.
Find a large field au garden, put on some old clothes and go crazy throwing them at eachother (it's even better at night!)
Same rules apply as in paintballing!

39. Racing in shopping carts is major fun.

40. Push your friend in a baby stroller (let go) down the steepest kilima in your neighborhood (A 1st aid kit might come in handy.)

41.Take ketchup packets from McDonalds and leave them under car tires in a parking lot.

45. Do the same with eggs and rotten tomatoes.

46. Sit your younger brother/sister/cousin/something (If wewe don't have these subsitutions may include a close friend who's good at being annoying) on a kinyesi in wewe front yard and try to auction them off.

47. Leave a hamburger on juu of someone's car and wait in a car nearby and watch their reaction..

48. Tell some little kids your having an Easter Egg Hunt au something ( But don't hide anything!!) And watch as they look and look.

49.Jump Trucking (jump on the back of a truck/van and see where it takes you)
50. WalMart au Super Store Frogging(basically means wewe plan to sneak a sleepover, they stay open for 24 hours so hide and wait til everyones gone)

51. T-P someone's house

52. Cow tipping!!

53. Wait until its dark and when a neighbor au family comes home. Hide in the bushes and as they walk by, spray them with something like silly string au washable spray paint.

54. Go chakula Sampling (like trick au treating, instead of door to door wewe go store to store and collect bila mpangilio chakula samples--the mall chakula court is a good place to start. At the end of the day, dump all your collectibles on a plate and have lunch/dinner together)

55. Mute Dialogue a Movie au a TV onyesha (bring down the sound au mute it and make up what they're saying lol)

56. Night time Glow PaintBall shooting/Water Balloon Fighting (fill guns with glow in the dark paint au fill water balloons and make a game of it at night...Remember the zaidi wewe get hit the easier it is to find wewe and target wewe again. Play til wewe run out)

57. Ride Railing of an escalator (run up a down escalator, run down an up escalator...Warning: the inexperienced WILL get hurt---or thrown out lol)

58. inayofuata time wewe go eat fast chakula go thru the drive thru without a car and demand service!

59. Fast chakula Hopping. Grab Mcdonalds fries, Burger King Whoppers, Wendy's Frosty, Arby's mozzarella Sticks, KFC nuggets, Subway drink (or switch it around, then sit down outside a fancy restaurant and have a nice but cheap meal and do some people watching especially as they come out of the restaurant with empty wallets)
60. Do some karaoke with Marafiki au better yet go caroling hot hits door to door (if they complain say you're observing a religious holiday, it's even funnier to say after wewe finished imba Baby Got Back. Make sure to ask for any requests and try to beatbox even if you're terrible at it)

61. When the phone rings and its a sells call, say you're not buying but then try to sell them the competitors product.

62. Call a pizza place. Tell them you're new and town and your neighbors asked wewe to order pizza for a party but since you're new round here you're not really sure what this pizza thing is and ask them to explain it to you. When they say "Bread with meat and cheese on it." Ask them something like "What kind of bread? Like a sandwich? With meat? Well, what kind of meat? Couldn't I just put some turkey & cheese on a sandwich?" For best outcomes, call a place where it is against the rules for an employee to hang up on a customer who calls. (In my town there's a place called "Hungry Howie's where these rules apply. My brother's friend is expert at this kind of stuff and did this --He made the call last almost an hour!

62. Eat something that is bad for you, then bathe in pepto-bismal.

63. Tie yourself to the back of a car then jump off while its moving and have someone videotape wewe getting extremely bad road-rash at the speeds of 50 to 70mph...

64. Run around town and lick every shops window .

65. Bring a wireless microphone into town and sing beside someone playing a guitar, gitaa etc.

66. Sit on your roof and throw water baloons at pedestrians.

67. Follow bila mpangilio people around and pretend wewe know them kwa trying to make conversation.

68. Run around in your underwear with a wand and a harry potter outfit and yell spells at people.
69. Go to Wal-Mart and when the announcer comes on Say this Its those voices again!!! Scream that in an isle!!

70. Go into a bila mpangilio store with a lot of people and screamI WON THE LOTTERY!!!

71.When wewe are in class lightly bob your head to a light tune and then think of a really heavy metal tune and just whip out the air guitar, gitaa and everything! Thrash your head around too!!!

72. Get whipped cream in a bottle and spray randoms!!

73. Have a hugging contest!

74. Try on old people clothes clothes at the mall and pakia them onto your fanpop/myspace/facebook au another account!

75. Knock and run on peoples houses(teaches, mates, old people)

76. Put karanga siagi on the handle of bila mpangilio cars

77. follow a bila mpangilio car nyumbani to mess with them

78. fast chakula football (have someone run through and grab your bag of chakula as the people are handing it to you;; wewe get another bag of chakula free)

79. dress up as the oppostie sex and go into public.

80. hide behind things at the mall and throw eggs/water balloons at people walking kwa

81. Get a whole basket of food, wait till its all checked out, and say wewe forgot your wallet

82. drive through the mcdonalds drive-thru backwards

83. Get kicked out of wal-mart84. Rent golfcarts and race your Marafiki on them

85. Honk going through a neighborhood early in the morning au late at night and wake people up.

86. onyesha up at the wrong house, pretend its your Marafiki house (that you've never been to) and just go right in and pretend everythings normal.

87. Rearrange your entire house before your parents come nyumbani

88.get a bald cap, go to school and pretend like wewe shaved your head.

89. Walk in public with your pants off casually

90. Climb a mti and drop eggs on cars.

91. Mess with the scale at a doctor's office so everyone thinks they're really fat.


93. Video yourself doing a silly dance to a song then watch it after and laugh.

94. Text every contact saying your pregnant/getting married/diagnosed with autism/etc.

95. Black mail your teacher.

96.Pile up all your stuffed toys in the middle of a room then jump in them.

97. Open your window and yell out of it, "You'll never take me alive coppers!"

98. Type in 'Things to do when you're bored' on youtube.
99. On the computer, make a fake advertisement for a Gardener and put it out in the porch. Later, find out if your parents think it is real!

100. Put a sign up outside your house saying 'Brother/siter for sale'

101. Draw a banana.

102. Slap yourself until wewe get hurt.

103. Pretend to look around your room as if it has just turned into Narnia.

104. try to balance as many spoons on your face as wewe can.

105. Pretend wewe are running away from yourself.

106. Try to break a CD (one that wewe don't use anymore).

107. Make a mixture of all the liquids in your bathroom then put it in a bottle and name it (your name)'s secret bath lotion.

108. Post a video onto Youtube of wewe doing the most bila mpangilio things ever.

109. Walk around your room without walking on the floor.

110. Make a sale of the most bila mpangilio things ever outside your house.

111. orodha all the swear words wewe know and mail the note to a bila mpangilio adress.

112. Make up a video called,''What to do when you're bored
113.You grab a stuff animal(has to be small) and wewe run up and the side walk yelling pussy come back. wewe get some crazy looks and its really funny.

114. Go do something that would make the world a little bit better- Protest for chickens who like to kuvuka, msalaba the road's questioned authorities.

115. Sit on your roof with your friends, and if someone gives wewe a weird look from the street, yell "We are waiting to board the mothership!"
116. Play Sweet & sour, wamekula with some friends. Stand on a mitaani, mtaa corner and wave at every car that passes. If they wave back au smile, yell "Sweet." If they ignore wewe au give wewe a dirty look, yell "SOUR!" and chase them as long as wewe would like.

117. Go to Wal-Mart and just sit in the middle of an isle with your friends. See how long it takes for someone to make wewe move.

118. Go to a store like target and play phone tag (if wewe have a picture cell phone) --- like walk through the store and the game is to try to get pics of your Marafiki w/o them seeing wewe and w/o them taking pictures of you!

119. Go teepeeing go through a drive thru and order bila mpangilio **** and mess with the pe

120. Stay a couple nights in a hotle with about 20 people in the same room (got kicked out.

121. Go to a store and pretend your blind.

123. Dress up like Santa & go to walmart & wish people a merry Christmas! (no matter if it's krisimasi au not!)

124. Run really fast and slide on a carpet then count how many rug burns wewe get
125. Find a number wewe like (preferably 47) and become obsessed with it.
Don’t worry; I’ve listed some interesting examples of ‘obsessive behaviour’ to start wewe off:
Buy all the t-shirts and items of clothing wewe can with that number on it, or, if that fails, go to a t-shirt printers and get some made. If wewe prefer, there is always the option of buying an age badge of your number from any good card/gift shop. If they have sold out of your number, make your badge out of paper plates and cocktail sticks.
Every time wewe spot your number (whether on your own au in public) point to it and scream “Oooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!” as loud as wewe can.
When wewe go out nightclubbing, steal a girl friend’s eyeliner pencil and draw that number on your forehead. (Don’t use your own pencil, if wewe have one – such extensive use will shorten the life of wewe eye-liner for sure.) People may stare at wewe – don’t be alarmed if this happens. They are simply amazed kwa how cool wewe look.
Get the DJs of any pubs wewe visit (don’t bother with club DJs – they won’t take wewe seriously) to announce your preferred number over the PA system as often as wewe can. Don’t be disheartened if continuous harassment of the DJ gets wewe thrown out of your local – remember the power of your number, and have faith that the pub landlord will come round eventually.
Make an occasion of Halloween. Get a pumpkin, carve out the shape of your sacred number, and take it with wewe when wewe go out. Remember, wewe can’t throw away the carved out pumpkin, boga number! Best keep it in your freezer for all eternity so it’s always there to protect wewe from evil.
Sometimes a nonsensical word, for instance ‘Toyspens’, can be used in conjunction with your chosen number for added effect. However, be very careful when deciding on your word au wewe may end up accidentally summoning the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse again.
If someone asks wewe “Why??” laugh hysterically and then ignore them for a few days. They’ll soon realise their mistake.

126. Get a group of Marafiki and climb into the window in a store and pretend to be manicans kwa standing as still as possible and posing. See how many people wewe can fool.

127. Hang out on someone's roof and talk.

128. CLIFF JUMPING! wewe ALWAYS WALK AWAY WITH A CUT au SOMETHING! ITS A GREAT TIME BRING A VIDEO CAMERA129. Throw on some Mexican wrestling masks and sit in the trees drinking scotch...and scare the hell out of early morning joggers.

130. well, wewe know those people who get their deer heads mounted? Anyway, take it & ride around in the car with it. Occasionally stick it's head out the window sometimes.

131. Go around during an election season collecting the signs for one candidate and making note of what house we took it from, then go and switch those signs with people who were promoting the other candidate.

132. Try slamming a revolving door.
added by Tamar20
added by Tamar20
added by teamsalvatore98
Source: Google picha
added by UnKnownSpy
Source: The Sign =)
added by x_-emily-_x
added by zanhar1
added by zanesaaomgfan
Source: Windows 7 Vista
posted by penguin7710
User: I'm a unicorn.


Cleverbot: My boyfriend is a dragon.


User: So you're a girl?


Cleverbot: Yes.


User: Cool. So am I.


Cleverbot: And what do wewe play?

User: Unicorn games.

Cleverbot: Like twilight sparkle?

User: Sure.

Cleverbot: Do wewe know israel?

User: Do wewe like singing.

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: We should sing.

Cleverbot: Ok, where?

User: F is for Marafiki who do stuff together.

Cleverbot: B is for basket to put stuff in.

User: A is for apes to kill rapist.

Cleverbot: Apples.

User: Bannanas.

Cleverbot: apple not bananas.

User: Carrots.

Cleverbot: Pineaples.

User: For a robot wewe don't know how to spell.

Cleverbot:...
continue reading...
1.SpongeBob SqaurePants
2.The Legend of Korra
3.Aaahh!!!Real Monsters
4.The Ren and Stimpy Show
5.(Impractical)Jokers
6.Resturant:Impossible
7.Family Guy
8.Pranked!
9.Tanked
10.Max and Ruby(Just to make fun of it)
11.Adventure Time
12.Regular Show
13.MAD
14.Scrubs
15.Everybody Hates Chris
16.That 70s' Show
17.All That
18.Kenan and Kel
19.My Cat From Hell
20.Dogs101
21.Ellen
22.Law and Order
23.Judge Judy
24.Judge Mathis
25.Judge Ross
26.The Wonder Years
27.My Little Pony:Friendship is Magic
28.Rocko's Modern Life
29.Phineis and Ferb
30.Hey,Arnold!

NOTE:Listed in no particular order.
posted by koolamelia
1. Specify that your drive-thru order is "to go."

2. If wewe have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

3. Start each meal kwa conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub."

4. Name your dog "Dog."

5. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."

6. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what wewe think."

7. Claim that wewe must always wear a bicycle kofia, chapeo as part of your "astronaut training."

8. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything...
continue reading...
1.where wewe keep yOUR diary!!
2.if u r on your peroid au nawt!!
3.Who wewe talk 2 on the phone
4.THat wewe are super jelous au other girls (or boys)
5.That wewe hate most of his family.
6.THat when a crisi comes up wewe will run to him
7.What yuor style is!!
8.That like to watch scary movies(LOL)
9.That wewe have an internet profile.
10.AND the last your cell number!! OMG they practliy break the phone!!!
11.How smart wewe are at fixing things.


GIRLS STAY KEWL,BEAUTYFUL, and if any guys try to break tht BREAK THEYRE FACe!!!!
 I cartooned myself and this is wat i got!!!
I cartooned myself and this is wat i got!!!
posted by j-bfan7
Edward pulled two tickets out of his kanzu, koti pocket with an unusually questionable grin on his face. I hadn’t seen this expression before. His eyes were bigger than normal, and black. I could see that he needed to hunt. His head tilted slightly downwards, and while one side of his lips curled up, somehow the other side seemed to curl down. Edward looked as though he didn’t know if he wanted to smile, au frown.

“Are those plane tickets?” It sounded zaidi eager out loud than it did in my head.

Edward shifted his dark gaze down at the two tickets he held between his long, porcelain-like fingers,...
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1. Cause it felt like it.

2. mayb it wanted 2. EVR THINK OF THAT!!!!!????

3. It wanted 2 make chiken soup

4. it wanted some chiken soup.

5. it needed 2 get to the other side

6. it saw Justin Bieber (all chickens r mashabiki of him u no)

7. on the other side of the road was a KFC

8. the ppl on his side kept asken Y did the chicken kuvuka, msalaba the road

9. he had reasons 2

10. he was lost

11. he wanted to make this joke

12. he wanted 2 bcome famous with this joke.

P.S. i coodnt member the rest of the original joke!lol
posted by yoshifan1976
Once there was a black Yoshi named Bob. He was new to town and didn't have any friends. He was a kind and caring Yoshi who had the power to heal. He went to school and saw a group of Yoshis. Bob asked the other Yoshis if he could play with them. The other Yoshis laughed and scoffed at him. He didn't get angry. He just walked away with his head to the ground. Then suddenly, a human was very very sick. She was taken to the hospital. The doctors couldn't admit her. There was nothing they could do. "Yoshi", he said. It meant let me heal her. Then out of the blue, Bob laid his hand on her chest and there was a light shining. Then the human was cured!!! "Thank you", she said. "Yoshi". (Which means you're welcome). The other Yoshis saw what was going on and they apologized to Bob in Yoshi. He forgave them and then they played tag. Then no one ever teased Bob again. He had new Marafiki and they lived happily ever after.
posted by Shelly_McShelly
Bill, Jim, and Scott were at a convention together and were sharing a large suite on the juu of a 75 story sky scraper. After a long siku of meetings they were shocked to hear that the elevators in their hotel were broken and they would have to climb 75 flights of stairs to get to their room. Bill alisema to Jim and Scott, let's break the monotony of this unpleasant task kwa concentrating on something interesting. I'll tell jokes for 25 flights, and Jim can sing songs for 25 flights, and Scott can tell sad stories the rest of the way. At the 26th floor Bill stopped telling jokes and Jim began to sing. At the 51st floor Jim stopped imba and Scott began to tell sad stories. "I will tell my saddest story first," he said. "I left the room key in the car!"
Almost every week, BBC publishes 10 things we learn every week. Here are the facts from this week.

1. iPhones are not yet sold in China.

2. Margaret Thatcher suffered one Parliamentary defeat as Prime Minister - on Sunday trading laws.

3. English holidaymakers drink an average of eight alcoholic drinks a day.

4. The UK population grew in zaidi 2008 than at any time since 1962.

5. Meanwhile, Germany's population is shrinking.

6. West Ham's stadium is really called the Boleyn Ground, not Upton Park.

7. The smell of cut nyasi makes people happy.

8. A pint glass lasts an average of only three months.

9. An Englishman sailed to the "New World" only two years after the first European is thought to have landed in Newfoundland.

10. Men in China cannot marry until they are 22.

Hopefully there will be zaidi inayofuata week.
added by LovableXNerd
Source: Google
posted by Seanthehedgehog
Holiday Inn, Charlestown South Carolina

Three women arrived in a Chevrolet Cruze. Two were sitting up front, while one was in the back seat.

Cara: *Gets out of the car with Edith* We'll be right back. We need to get something important.
Edith: Leave the engine running.
Charlotte: *Nods. She watches the women walk into the hotel, then picks up her phone to talk to her mother*
Mom: Hello?
Charlotte: Hi Mom, charlotte here.
Mom: How are wewe doing?
Charlotte: Good. I made a couple of new friends, and I just became a member of this group called Social Justice Warriors.
Mom: Congratulations darling. I need...
continue reading...
added by GDragon612