Im sorry if this has been ilitumwa before
If not, do not give me credit
1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."
3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with Marafiki in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."
5. If wewe have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
6. Amuse yourself for endless hours kwa hooking a camcorder, kamkoda to your TV and then pointing it at the screen.
7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.
8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
9. Start each meal kwa conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub".
10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.
11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
12. Sniffle incessantly.
13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
14. Name your dog "Dog."
15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
16. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what wewe think."
17. Claim that wewe must always wear a bicycle kofia, chapeo as part of your "astronaut training."
18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace".
19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."
20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.
21. Practice making fax and modem noises.
22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.
23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors wewe are a "spider person."
26. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with the prophesy."
27. Wear a special hip holster for your
remote control.
28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying zaidi any moment.
29. Signal that a conversation is over kwa clamping your hands over your ears.
30. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge, katriji ya across the room.
31. Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.
32. Holler bila mpangilio numbers while someone is counting.
33. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that wewe "like it that way."
34. Drum on every available surface.
35. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
36. Ask 1-800 operators for dates.
37. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.
38. Sew anti-theft detector strips
into peoples backpacks.
39. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
40. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
41. Set alarms for bila mpangilio times.
42. Order a side of pork scratchings with your filet mignon.
43. Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train inayofuata Thanksgiving.
44. Publicly investigate just how slowly wewe can make a "croaking" noise.
45. Honk and wave to strangers.
46. Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.
47. Change channels five dakika before the end of every show.
48. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.
49. Wear your pants backwards.
50. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints kwa the cash register.
51. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
52. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
53. only type in lowercase.
54. dont use any punctuation either
55. Buy a large quantity of machungwa, chungwa traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
56. Pay for your chajio, chakula cha jioni with pennies.
57. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
58. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
59. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in bila mpangilio spots on all of someone's roadmaps.
60. Inform everyone wewe meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ O.J Simpson conspiracy theories.
61. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do wewe hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, its gone now."
62. Light road flares on a birthday cake.
63. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
64. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
65. Demand that everyone address wewe as "Conquistador."
66. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
67. When krisimasi caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.
68. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."
69. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
70. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
71. Pretend your computer's panya, kipanya is a CB radio, and talk to it.
72. Try playing the William Tell Overture kwa tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
73. Drive half a block.
74. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
75. Ask people what gender they are.
76. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back.
77. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl.
78. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that wewe don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".
79. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies "Sugar" au the Mr. Rogers theme song.
80. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head. Like a parakeet.
81. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
82. Leave your krisimasi lights up and lit until September.
83. Change your name to "AaJohn Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."
84. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
85. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
86. Wear a LOT of cologne.
87. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."
88. Sing along at the opera.
89. Mow your lawn with scissors.
90. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"
91. Ask the waitress for an extra kiti, kiti cha for your "imaginary friend."
92. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
93. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their majibu in a notebook. Mutter something
about "psychological profiles."
94. Stare at static on the TV and claim wewe can see a "magic picture."
95. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
96. Never make eye contact.
97. Never break eye contact.
98. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
99. Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.
100. Make appointments for the 31st of February.
101. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
If not, do not give me credit
1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."
3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with Marafiki in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."
5. If wewe have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
6. Amuse yourself for endless hours kwa hooking a camcorder, kamkoda to your TV and then pointing it at the screen.
7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.
8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
9. Start each meal kwa conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub".
10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.
11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
12. Sniffle incessantly.
13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
14. Name your dog "Dog."
15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
16. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what wewe think."
17. Claim that wewe must always wear a bicycle kofia, chapeo as part of your "astronaut training."
18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace".
19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."
20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.
21. Practice making fax and modem noises.
22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.
23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors wewe are a "spider person."
26. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with the prophesy."
27. Wear a special hip holster for your
remote control.
28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying zaidi any moment.
29. Signal that a conversation is over kwa clamping your hands over your ears.
30. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge, katriji ya across the room.
31. Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.
32. Holler bila mpangilio numbers while someone is counting.
33. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that wewe "like it that way."
34. Drum on every available surface.
35. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
36. Ask 1-800 operators for dates.
37. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.
38. Sew anti-theft detector strips
into peoples backpacks.
39. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
40. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
41. Set alarms for bila mpangilio times.
42. Order a side of pork scratchings with your filet mignon.
43. Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train inayofuata Thanksgiving.
44. Publicly investigate just how slowly wewe can make a "croaking" noise.
45. Honk and wave to strangers.
46. Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.
47. Change channels five dakika before the end of every show.
48. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.
49. Wear your pants backwards.
50. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints kwa the cash register.
51. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
52. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
53. only type in lowercase.
54. dont use any punctuation either
55. Buy a large quantity of machungwa, chungwa traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
56. Pay for your chajio, chakula cha jioni with pennies.
57. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
58. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
59. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in bila mpangilio spots on all of someone's roadmaps.
60. Inform everyone wewe meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ O.J Simpson conspiracy theories.
61. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do wewe hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, its gone now."
62. Light road flares on a birthday cake.
63. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
64. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
65. Demand that everyone address wewe as "Conquistador."
66. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
67. When krisimasi caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.
68. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."
69. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
70. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
71. Pretend your computer's panya, kipanya is a CB radio, and talk to it.
72. Try playing the William Tell Overture kwa tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
73. Drive half a block.
74. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
75. Ask people what gender they are.
76. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back.
77. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl.
78. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that wewe don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".
79. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies "Sugar" au the Mr. Rogers theme song.
80. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head. Like a parakeet.
81. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
82. Leave your krisimasi lights up and lit until September.
83. Change your name to "AaJohn Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."
84. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
85. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
86. Wear a LOT of cologne.
87. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."
88. Sing along at the opera.
89. Mow your lawn with scissors.
90. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"
91. Ask the waitress for an extra kiti, kiti cha for your "imaginary friend."
92. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
93. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their majibu in a notebook. Mutter something
about "psychological profiles."
94. Stare at static on the TV and claim wewe can see a "magic picture."
95. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
96. Never make eye contact.
97. Never break eye contact.
98. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
99. Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.
100. Make appointments for the 31st of February.
101. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
The sky turned as dark as the eerie path in an endless cave as I walked briskly up the pathway of my new house. I finally reached the door and the strong, cold wind howled in my ears and tore away the last of autumn's golden leaves. I took a deep breath, opened the door and cautiously stepped inside. I was greeted kwa a grand entrance hall and the greatest flight of stairs I've ever seen! I decided to take a tour around this magnificent mansion. "Am I dead au am I alive?" I'd whisper, absolutely stunned. I opened the door of my new bedroom. I felt a buzz of excitement erupt in me. There was a portrait that hung over the king size bed. It was of a girl with long, wavy ginger hair. she wore a navy ball kanzu, gown and her eyes shone like sapphires. I unpacked my bags, got into my PJs and read a chapter of my book.
Could This be The Proof of Life We've Been Looking For?
curiosity rover
“You can’t!” I screeched, griping the thick nyasi beneath my paws.
“The whole forest will belong to the Pack of Shadows!” the dark mbwa mwitu exclaimed enthusiastically, his fur, manyoya flickering like shadows, “No mbwa mwitu will stop us!”
I have to do something! I couldn’t let it end like this! Not with the alpha in this state! Not with the pack mgawanyiko, baidisha in four!
“Out of my way pup!” he tossed me aside like a tiny mouse.
“No!” I leaped at him, biting and clawing with all my strength.
“This is pointless! wewe cannot defeat me she-wolf!” I felt him bite me and fling me away again. I was too tired to songesha now, after traveling this far without resting, I can no longer breathe enough to live.
I’m over; this is the end of the Pack of Ice! I lay winded and defeated, awaiting death’s arrival patiently.
1. Leaving holes in the backstory.
As learned from Marty Chan, the human imagination is not only the most beautiful place in the world, it can also be the most horrific. If a person leaves some space empty (ex: "Tara disappeared after the encounter and was never heard from again....") , your mind will immediately fill it in, your imagination coming up with the most grisly scenario possible....
2. Waiting a REALLY long time for the killer/ monster to onyesha up.
The person becomes bored and even slightly drowsy, which makes them zaidi vulnerable to fear. If the antagonist pops up about halfway through (especially out of nowhere, and at night) they'll jump up as though just awaken from a nightmare. A little humor will definitely help if you're planning on doing this.
As learned from Marty Chan, the human imagination is not only the most beautiful place in the world, it can also be the most horrific. If a person leaves some space empty (ex: "Tara disappeared after the encounter and was never heard from again....") , your mind will immediately fill it in, your imagination coming up with the most grisly scenario possible....
2. Waiting a REALLY long time for the killer/ monster to onyesha up.
The person becomes bored and even slightly drowsy, which makes them zaidi vulnerable to fear. If the antagonist pops up about halfway through (especially out of nowhere, and at night) they'll jump up as though just awaken from a nightmare. A little humor will definitely help if you're planning on doing this.
